Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

That's mainly because gorillas are not monkeys, although this ape – who is definitely holding it right – must have an opinion on the iPhone. We want to know what that is, and in the process give you a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive. The black drive Western Digital has a range of drives aimed at the desktop market and …

[Zippy's Sausage Factory]

"Installing iOS 9 beta 3? How? Oh come on... I just wanted to play Candy Crush.

"I bet it doesn't work with 9 anyway, none of the good games do..."

[Ginolard]

I really shouldn't have given up playing drums.

[Omgwtfbbqtime]

Siri where's my banana? No don't open Maps, No, I said...dammit.

[Buzzword]

But why is it called Gorilla Glass?

[Martin Summers]

Cos he can probably see himself reflected in it :-)

[AbelSoul]

Nice 'phone but everyone seems to be ignoring the gorilla in the room.

[Caff]

Food

I can't eat this?

[Cardinal]

"Wot's this crap!!! - I bloody TOLD 'em I wanted the Silverback version!"

[damager]

Hey Bro, you can call me Space Grey from now on.

[Ben Smith]

Ooh...look who's e-mail address *I've* found on the Ashley Madison database. I always knew that one in the next enclosure was a cheetah...

[Andy Non]

Caught out monkeying around.

Oh crap! The Mrs has found out about my Ashley Madison account.

(Edit: Ha, Ben, great minds think alike, or simian anyway.)

[Mr Humbug]

So this is what successful gorilla marketing looks like

[Josh Cain]

Apple Genius in training.

[Chris 171]

Refreshed for the 20th time...

I thought getting a ticket for Dismaland would be easier than this.

[Groaning Ninny]

He hoped he'd finally tracked down the only remaining copy of the Ashey Madison data dump

[Andy Non]

Huh, more spam, no I don't want any hair tonic.

[djstardust]

iOS ..... perfect for 3 year olds and pensioners but a bit crappy for someone of my intelligence .....

[Andy Non]

I've just been friended on facebook by King Kong.

[janusz]

Love, Baby, see you on Alpha Centauri!

[AbelSoul]

Honey, some Nigerian prince wants to give me FOURTEEN MEEEEEEELION U.S. DOLLARS!

[Andy Non]

Email:

Your uncle in Nigeria has died and left you three tons of bananas, please contact Mr Umbongo to arrange delivery. You will need to pay a small export charge.

[Swarthy]

"Full of bugs" those liars! I can't find a single termite in this thing.

Just shows you can't believe everything on the internet.

[Steve Mann]

"Apple Radio?" What the fuck happened to my Bonzo Dog Do-Dah Band albums?"

[RIBrsiq]

About time you lot invented this!

Now, if you would just kindly get on with it and discover Slood already, we can end the longest-running experiment in the history of creation...

[Richard Taylor 2]

Oh gawd, I hope the Missus doesn't check my Ashley Maddison account

[Anonymous Coward]

What ?

What ? I don't even HAVE an Ashley Madison account !

[Jango]

Simian OS - looks like it's still the best for mobes

[Leeroy]

Wtf, I'm going down for 10 years for sharing gorillas in the mist on bit torrent ?

[Andy Non]

I don't Tweet, I ROAR.

[Andy Non]

I told her I don't believe in witchcraft, then...

[Necronomnomnomicon]

Remember when the Apple logo was the same colours as a Mandrill's backside?

[Andy Non]

I've got to do everything myself today, the monkeys are on strike, they don't like being paid peanuts.

[Andy Non]

Why do I keep seeing adverts for flea powder?

[Andy Non]

I'm all thumbs today.

[Necronomnomnomicon]

So, will this still get me signal at the top of the Empire State Building?

[Mage]

If only I'd learnt to read.

[Cris E]

The downside to escaping from the zoo: no bars.

[Richard 120]

Facebook feed

Suggested Video - The Flash trips and crashes into garbage truck

Grodd Likes This

[Annihilator]

Dr Cornelius had heard about "2 chimps, 1 cup" but regretted googling it immediately

[kryptonaut]

Let's see now...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/... <click>

caption competition... <click>

...

...

Well, this is weird...

[John G Imrie]

Friend

Hay, someone called Ann Darrow wants to friend me

[Silviu C.]

"I'm so bad at Flappy Bird"

[Andy Non]

Facebook status update

... and then the zoo keeper fell head first into the penguin enclosure.

[Andy Non]

It's so hard finding gorilla porn.

[Paul Herber]

NSA who?

I'm being tracked by who? NSA? National Simian Association? Notional Security for Apes? Naughty and Slutty Anthropoids? Ok, go for it.

[The Dude]

Now THAT'S a selfie!

[Terje]

Finding a USB charger in the jungle is just slightly easier then finding a banana powered one.

[Martin Summers]

How else am I meant to hold it?

[Eddy Ito]

What?! A selfie with Kim and Kanye? That's it no more banana daiquiris.

[Mystic Megabyte]

can I haz drive pleez?

.....so anyway, I'm up in a tree and I look down and see this rat creeping up on an elephant. Apparently he had some fantasy about getting off with one. So this cow is drinking at the water hole and kinda dozy in the midday sun when this rat shimmies up her leg and starts humping her. I'm kinda thinking wtf! so I chuck a coconut at her to warn her. She lets out a yell and you'll never guess what that randy rat says. "Am I hurting you darling?"

[Anonymous Coward]

Bananas

I said I wanted a banana - not a b****y apple!

[sgp]

600 quid to watch Planet of the Apes in 240p? Sigh, humans...

[Andy Non]

I'll be late returning the costume, someone at the party put superglue on the zip.

[Teiwaz]

That picture I got sent on the train, I'm still not sure it's a banana.

[connermac725]

Damn

hello cortana

[Andy Non]

I've got a complaint to make about your hair restorer.

[Anonymous Coward]

"Beam me up,,,"

"... there's no intelligent ape-like lifeform on this planet as we believed!"

[Citizens untied]

"I said I wanted it ZOO broken!"

[Anonymous Coward]

Shh,

there is some clown behind me, says his name is Attenborough. If he doesn't shut up in a minute i'll get the rest of the flange to rush him.....

[PleebSmash]

drammed dirty ape

Millions of years of simian evolution and still only 1 GB of RAM?

[Andy Non]

I'm not convinced this SMS thing will replace a good howling and chest thumping.

[RockBurner]

"awww, iflscience has a downer on humans, poor humans"

[Andy Non]

iPhone, faster than the grapevine.

[emmanuel goldstein]

And the watch is just the right proportion for my wrist.

[JakeMS]

Damn.. It's not jail-broken and it's locked to this network with no signal! Now what do I do?

[Kit-Fox]

So long Earth & thanks for all the Bananas

[chivo243]

Confound this damn thing

"It must be held together with Gorilla Glue."

[Andy Non]

Hello doctor, I'm starting to have a few reservations about my treatment with this radical new gene therapy.

[Salts]

Having a bit of trouble...

with the finger print reader, apart from that ...

[Andy Non]

Can I get jungle music on this?

[Steve Davies 3]

Siri! What do you mean 'I can't allow this Dave!'

'I only wanted to look at my Spotify playlist'

"Besides, how many times do I have to tell you that my name is 'Guy'!

{you have to be of a certain age to remember 'Guy'}

[Anonymous Coward]

Jane Goodall keeps liking all the pictures I put up. *sigh*

[MrChud]

"Liam Neeson..??"

[MrChud]

"Liam Neeson??"

[Craig 31]

Damn, this gorilla glass is strong.

[John Smith 3]

If you look closely, you really can see the gorilla glass.

[Stax]

Well that's not what I expected when I asked to see dirty apes. Who's that dude in the sand???

[dragonfriend]

Huh?

I said I wanted Andriod, not an Apple!! Guess I can throw this like the piece of poo it is!!

[Hamstringer]

"Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!"

I've seen it all now, a talking hard drive

[frangio]

How can they be so incredibly primitive as to think this is a good idea?

[johnfbw]

iphone 7 - so simple almost anyone can use

[frangio]

How can they be so incredibly primitive as to think this is a pretty neat idea?

[JSW]

Gorilla glass my ass! Just look at that scratch!!!

[barank]

Huh?

Does this support Android 10.0 Banana OS?

[td0s]

still no upvotes, what's a silver surfer to do

[td0s]

Still no upvotes, AND there's no scotch in here. Whats a silver surfer to do,

[Lumacor]

An Apple?.. I'd rather hoped it was going to be a banana...

[ServerSauna]

No, Spotify, I am not a monkey's uncle.

[crankcaller]

What do you mean I'm "holding it wrong"?

[Orange Skydiver]

Do my opposable thumbs look big in this?

[sk3wif]

Gorilla - “Siri, where has my habitat gone?”

Siri - “ook”

Gorilla - “I see…”

[maci234]

just checking my Tesco food order

[maci234]

win a western digital hard drive

just checking my Tesco food order delivery slot

[joeschmo2015]

Apple?

Umm... what kind of an apple is this?

[innumerus]

Hmmmm

Another borked iOS update.... I should have gone Windows Phone!

[JSW]

Siri, where can I find growth enhancing serum and how do I get to the Empire state building?

[edwardbr]

I want that banana!

Now how do I get into that room?

[Anonymous Coward]

No monkey business going on here, gorillas are the way forward.

[frangio]

How can they be so incredibly primitive as to still think this is a pretty neat idea?

[Jim4251]

WTF?!? It makes me look really fat.

[Wolife]

"Cripes Apple, how do I block this number? Who IS Dian Fossey anyway, and WHY won't she stop texting me?!"

[ldm]

My god, it's full of star's... leaked nude selfies.

[ldouglas]

Win a WD Black 6TB Drive

Siri, call Jane Goodall.

[quattroprorocked]

Come on Tinder, there must be a match closer than 2000 miles.

[Tribs]

Hrmm, according to Wikipedia, we evolved from middle management.

[8t9pqgh9pg8h8g90]

Why did I trade 10,000 perfectly good bananas for one rotten apple?

[Tribs]

So I said, the display is fine but a bit slow to respond when there's too many apps running, and you can't use it to remove fleas and ticks, but he said that's just nitpicking...

[StuartFawcett]

Its been 2 days, will she txt or should I?

[vvpvijay]

Looks like there isnt a single empress on Tinder :( maybe I should try my luck on Ashley Madison

[Citizens untied]

600$ and I still can't get "Jungle Boogie" for my ring tone.

[Citizens untied]

If you Tarzan, she Jane, and iPhone, who's calling me!

[Erlang Lacod]

"wild ? I was livid"

[David Webb]

Monkey Porn.

Damn, after watching it, I can see what that Chimp got addicted to........

[Innocent-Bystander*]

"I'M THE ONE directing the Windows 10 mobile convergence strategy around here!"

[sjsmoto]

I've flung better things than this.

[ajdc]

Monoliths were far more impressive in 2001.

[jgarry]

Just a little to the left and I can buzzcut that Guard

[Mr D Spenser]

*sigh* Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet.

[devoncatt]

I told the sales person that he was "trying to make a monkey out of me when he suggested a Blackberry. I decide to ape him and sell him a banana!

[Velv]

"I remember back in 2001 these things were huge monolithic slabs"

[Anonymous Coward]

What do you mean "I'm holding it wrong."?

[Trigonoceps occipitalis]

SHUTTER SOUND

Suck on this selfie Getty Images!

[psychonaut]

what? what is this? wheres my note 4? this is enough to make anyone go ape shit

[Anonymous Coward]

I LIVE in a walled garden; why would I want that on my phone?

[Chris G]

If this is an Apple; How the hell do I peel it?

[Alistair]

"This is so sad, Cecil was such a good friend............"

[Primus Secundus Tertius]

Frighten them

This will frighten the dinosaurs. I do not think.

[Paratrooping Parrot]

Is this how a gorilla takes a data dump in the woods?

[Anonymous Coward]

All I do is type 'Gorilla' and Google Maps takes me to a big house that looks lovely.

[Joe User]

Let's see, how do I change my ringtone to the Tarzan yell....

[Joe User]

"Take your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"

Siri, was that a nice thing to say?

[Darryl]

"Why does it keep changing that to 'duck'?"

[Joe User]

If this interface is user-friendly, then I'm a monkey's uncle!

Oh, wait....

[Mark York 3]

but in deference to a million years of evolution, he will not attempt to pick fleas off him

"OOK OOK OOOK OOOOOK!"

Google translates as "Hmm still no Facebook requests or messages"......sigh... "Why can't my descendants just accept & be proud of me or just for once invite me ‘round to dinner".

[Michael Thibault]

Great Caesar! World domination is within my grasp!

[Tromos]

Wow! I've got 10,000 followers on Gibber!

[StevesWeb]

Seeing somebody else? What, some big ape?

[KnightGarion]

1) "But is it simple enough for Humans?"

2) "My calls just drop when I hold it this way!"

3) "How come I don't get texts from the wife?"

4) "Look at the hairy back on her!"

5) "I just like to watch the battery run down."

[Sulivan1977]

Nan-Tick-Tick turned out to hate his first uber client.

[mrsthelens]

where is the ape date hotline

[Mikebs]

Now how do I FaceTime David Attenborough?

[Anonymous Coward]

Just accepted the new Spotify privacy terms, it now knows I'm facebook friends with a Giraffe, a Chimpanzee, an Elephant, a Rhino and a Cheetah - its recommending Jungle music constantly.

[i steal your leccy]

"Got-hang-of-keyboard-now"

D-A-V-I-D A-T-T-E-N-B-O-R-O-U-G-H N-U-D-E <SEND>

[i steal your leccy]

Hmm

Wonder-if-i-can-get-Linux-working-on-this?

[sjsmoto]

Heh. "Darwin" is trending.

[i steal your leccy]

Oh-No-Not-Ashley-Madison!

Hope-missus-don't-find-out-that-i'm-the-king-of-the-swingers!

[Cardinal]

Now then, let's see - "Enter password into keypad" - WITH THESE FINGERS???

[i steal your leccy]

APP!

You-mean-APE, surely?

[N2]

OK

Earth to Microsoft... This ones big enough.

[Old Painless]

Hello,is that NHS direct? Can i Facetime you my arse?I slipped in the shower and landed on a cucumber....

[i steal your leccy]

I-want-contract-not-pay-as-you-go.

[i steal your leccy]

WASSUP!!!

[Shane8]

"Hello welcome to your apple genius for today, my name is Dave, how may i assist you?"

[i steal your leccy]

What-you-doing-mate?

Yeah!-I'm-sat-in-a-tree-as-well!

[i steal your leccy]

Hello! i-would-like-taxi-to-Empire-State-Building-please.

[i steal your leccy]

Who-changed-my-ringtone?

[i steal your leccy]

Donkey-Kong-is-well-racist!

[i steal your leccy]

David-Attenborough---Unfriend

[i steal your leccy]

Hmm, The-Register-or-The-Verge......Verge-it-is.

[skeptical i]

Sa- Saf- Safari?

*sigh* This doesn't end well, does it.

[Mad Chaz]

An email about a two-day workshop in effective leadership techniques. Could be useful for the next the professional goal-setting meeting.

[i steal your leccy]

Oh-no....Not-a-BlackBerry!

[i steal your leccy]

Want-to-hear-Gorilla-joke?

Hear-no-evil-Speak-no-evil-See-no-evil and their-cousin-GOOGLE......Do-No-Evil.

[stringyfloppy]

The Dusk of Man

[Anonymous Coward]

Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!

Sent from my iPhone

[Vector]

And you say they sell millions of these things?

[i steal your leccy]

If-i'd-known-you-can't-get-mobile-signal-in-jungle, then-i-wouldn't have bought-the-chuffing-thing!......where-receipt?

[Anonymous Coward]

Hello, this is PC Jenkins

I've managed to infiltrate the animal rights activists - and they've elected me as treasurer!

[Anonymous Coward]

Microsoft tech support?

I want to complain about your word processing software. No matter what I type, it comes out as the complete works of Shakespeare.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hello, this is PC Jenkins again

I know you said get close to Assange - but I draw the line at French kissing

[Anonymous Coward]

Is that Whipsnade Zoo?

We have one of your gorillas.

Leave a plane ticket to Belize and 10 tons of unmarked bananas in a plain brown envelope behind the monkey house or you'll never see him again.

Oh yeah, and a signed photo of the Duchess of York.

And a unicycle.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hello, Editor?

I'm fed up of ghost-writing Worstall's columns. I want my own byline.

[Alex Wilson]

And they came down from the trees for these?

[Vlad The Impatient]

Mmm, I finally found a StableTrac to that pile of bananas!

Finally! A StableTrac to that huge pile of bananas!

[John 110]

Who says I'm holding it wrong?

[hplasm]

Yes, I know I don't look like my profile picture. I don't have a wide-angle lens on the front of this phone.

You look like a hippo on yours.

Yes, I know you are a hippo. Just sayin' - MySpace angle...

[ehume]

I read all 162+ of those submissions. More now.

[i steal your leccy]

Hello-Susan, can-you-cancel-my-3 o'clock-with-Accounting, yes-i-have-important-nose-picking-to-do

[Slef]

Looks like apple are claiming that they have invented Gorillas!!

[i steal your leccy]

Is-this-room-service? I-want-to-complain-about-my-room, its-like-a-jungle-up-here!

[Mitoo Bobsworth]

This isn't food!

[i steal your leccy]

Hello.....is-it-me-you're-looking-for?

[Kit-Fox]

Now if you look closely you will see in its natural habitat, the lesser spotted iphone, clearly this plucky young member of the tribe has decided to strike out on his own and attempt to create a friendship with the gorilla pack that rules these hills.

Without the other iphone fauna to help keep an eye on this youngling however I fear this attempt is doomed to failure as it would appear that in his rush to make his mark he has forgotten to bring with him either an extended battery or a charge cable & so will be unlikely to make it throughout the night

tune in tomorrow to see just how this plays out & if the plucky young iphone can manage to survive

[i steal your leccy]

Hello......what-am-i-wearing??

[i steal your leccy]

You-can-stop-with-the-heavy-breathing, i-know-its-you-Mr-Serkis!

[stucs201]

The new iPhone just doesn't control body hair as effectively as the old Razr did.

[Mark McNeill]

<whispers> "...and here... we are so lucky to witness... this magnificent creature... googling a potential mate... A dance as old... as Life itself..."

[Nash]

"Ring, ring,ring,ring, ring......BANANA PHONE!"

[I Like Heckling]

Sigh.... no one ever swipes right.

[TWB]

Following over-production of smartphones, manufacturers are desperate to find any buyers who do not have one.

[Kev99]

Now I know why I have opposable thumbs.

[Anonymous Coward]

Kong says ...

Holding it wrong my ass. I'm going to go ape on them ...

[Knewbie]

What do you mean..

Fingerprint ? Which foot ?!?

[Knewbie]

Oook !!!

(This Librarian is pissed ! I asked for an L phone !!! )

[Knewbie]

Darn grandkids !

490 000 years. Still no signal :(

[Knewbie]

So ...

I heard there's this Donkey Kong thing where I could make some bananas... ?

[Anonymous Coward]

"If there's one thing opposable thumbs are good for, it's playing Candy Crush!"

[Knewbie]

Almost 7 billion gran'kids

You would think at least one would call ?!?...

[Knewbie]

699.99 for a 16g iBanana 2 ?

Pull the other one...

[Knewbie]

(Sorry...too hard to resist...)

That Kardashian girl looks hot.

A shame she shaves...

(As per the house rules, mine is the one with the banana in the pocket)

[Sloppy Crapmonster]

contest whore

"Dafuq did I just read? How do you combine logical sectors to create a physical sector?"

[Blue Pumpkin]

You must provide both a title and a message

B*stards - this is not thé iPhone 6 upgrade I was promised ....

[gelo]

Targeted Marketing

"Vacation timeshares in the bucolic Belgian Congo? Why yes, tell me more."

[vdj]

And what do we have here; next panel breaks it open over a stone...

[Nixinkome]

Ape?

[thekitten63]

Hmmm....

I'm sure I said give me an apple!!!!!

[-hg-]

My God...it's full of stars!

[bdm00]

Hello, Ace Ventura.............this is nature calling.........

[chunky-champion]

Music App...View Apple ID...Subscriptions...Manage...Automatic Renewal...OFF

[Billyboychrisd]

What! An apple!? I ordered a banana...

[DarthFrog]

W00t! Jane Goodall's phone has Bigfoot's phone number.

[msharp42]

OK, Google.

[turthalion]

"Not another flippin' U2 album! Why not The Monkees?"

[Anonymous Coward]

Hi Mr Darwin, I think I've just found a downside to having opposable thumbs...

[Arthur Mind]

I made one call

Only 4% battery left?!? What the......

[bcoxhead]

Cilla Bl - who the hell is Cilla Black?

[9erHater]

Can you hear me now?

[Anonymous Coward]

"Welcome to the Genius bar; let me fix that for you."

"Do I fling poo with it, or at it?"

[PhilK]

Hungry and sad

What am I supposed to do with this? I thought you were giving me an apple...

[AdamG57]

2001 as remade today....

When Kubrick told me to throw the stick in the air, I expected a trip to the Moon to the tune of the Blue Danube Waltz, but it came back as this crummy iPhone playing the Crazy Frog Ringtone!

[stucs201]

Re: 2001 as remade today....

Don't be silly - that's the new pocket-sized monolith...

[oceanhippie]

you're holding it wrong!

Oh great a picture of my former habitat... thank you I'm touched.

[Jamie Jones]

This is supposed to be evolution?

[Anonymous Coward]

'No Appointments today'...and I was so happy when Elephants Everywhere told me I'd get a maximum 5 bars, when I moved here.

[ecofeco]

"Of course I'm not driving and texting. What do you think I am, some kind of damn dirty human?"

[tempemeaty]

What my little brain believes the Gorilla is saying...

Gorilla: "It's an elegant design with a tasty name but it's still not a Bananaphone"

[Furbian]

Alas Poor Cecil..

.... I knew him well.

[Ketlan]

My go.

"Who the hell is Ashley Madison?"

[JeffyPoooh]

"Oh shit! My Ashley Madison account has been leaked."

[JeffyPoooh]

"Why would a Nigerian prince need my help moving his money?"

[JeffyPoooh]

"It says, 'There are some problems with your post.' and 'The post is required, and must contain letters.' Why does everything need to be so complicated?"

[Aaron 10]

"I knew I should have gotten the iPhone 6+. I can't type at all on this small screen."

[JeffyPoooh]

"A bloody 5C? I don't want a bloody 5C. I want an iPhone 6 Plus."

[emmanuel goldstein]

i know I'm a vegetarian, but this is ridiculous.

[DvorakUser]

"They said that miniaturization was the way of the future... Why's this one so much larger than my last one?"

[Duffy Moon]

The last laugh...

"I bet those people taking photos are going to stick me in a caption competition. What they don't know is that Apple are paying me a hand of 'nanas for each caption posted."

[Adam 1]

Spotify wants me to agree to what!?

[AlgernonFlowers4]

Ok Siri

Ok Siri, what is the secret of man's red fire?

[Winkypop]

Thinks...

So this is why humans run around in suits and worry so much. They must be bananas.

[itzman]

A mill;ion years of evolution...

.. to .an opposable thumb, for this?

[Anonymous Coward]

Have you any toilet paper? I forgot to check if there was some before I shat...

We have all been there

[MR J]

This is not the Apple I wanted.

[Anonymous Coward]

I luvs lolcats, but where are the naughty teen-rilla pics?

[JonP]

That other monolith was much more impressive.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey, there's an Ape for that!

[Steve Kelly]

"Taxi required for two young girls from Clapham to Soho"

Hmmmmmm - Uber delivers again ...

[Fun Fun]

Caption:

Favorite pass time at the Ecuadorian embassy zoo.

[Fun Fun]

Caption #2:

I should have kept dating Lucy back then...

[Fun Fun]

Caption #3:

A custom kernel !

[VinceH]

"Beam me up, Cornelius"

[Vince Lewis 1]

We're been testing these things with primative apes for years,

Though this is our first non-human tester.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hello ... Trch support ...

Does this come with Human Glass 3 .... Or Human Glass 4?

[ACcc]

What do you mean I'm holding it wrong?

[Bryn Evans]

At Last !

Someone sees me as a Good Guy.

[Doctor Syntax]

I own copyright on this selfie and any lawyer that thinks different can take it up with me personally.

[Soap Distant]

Gah!

Gah PPI again...

[GrumpyWorld]

designed to work together

God designed the body, God designed the brain.

The body works perfectly with the brain to crush this piece of crap.

[Fink-Nottle]

* newsflash *

An eyewitness provided a description of the iPhone thief. Police are inquiring into the whereabouts of known Chelsea supporters and expect an arrest imminently.

[Oliver 7]

What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun? Sir.

What do you call a gorilla with an iPhone? Siri.

[Doctor Syntax]

Steve Bong checks some of his 5,000 daily texts. Although he's given up shaving his hipster beard isn't coming on as well as he hoped.

[Hollerith 1]

[ THUMP here ]

[choleric]

Aping everyone else, or thinking different?

[Rol]

"?"

"So, this is the new improved version? You are kidding, right?"

"Its bigger than my old one, and just where am I supposed to put it, for heavens sake!"

"Until you come up with something a bit less invasive, I refused to be tracked,"

[Oliver 7]

Not the Nine O'Clock News

Hello, Timothy? Gerald here, I'm still livid!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Not the Nine O'Clock News

<thread merge>

It's a woop, Professor, a woop of security vulnerabilities. It's a flange of baboons, for God's sake...

(With apologies to NTNON)

[picturethis]

Rounded corners I get, but damn,

I just can't get these gestures to work worth at all. I'm all thumbs I guess.

[thx1138v2]

Mom! Your monolith from 2001 A Space Odyssey finally came in the post!

[thx1138v2]

Hominid: Half way through Hamlet they take my typewriter away and give me this?

Siri: No 9000, uh, Apple, computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.

[Allan George Dyer]

"Why, thank you, that's so kind. A lovely gift." (I did so want the 6+)

[Allan George Dyer]

Sigh, another website that ignores my browser's language preference and uses English because I happen to be in Whipsnade Zoo. Whaddya mean, 'go' isn't the ISO639 code for Gorilla?

[Mpeler]

WD Black rocks

Once you go black, you'll never go back...

[stilespj]

WTF

No reception ... I must be holding it wrong.

[Skribblez]

If I take this selfie, will I get jumped too?

[Spamthroat]

Sueball

Powerful, stylish and black, think I have the patent on that!

[DeBru]

funny looking apple

[phill 8]

Apple? I wanted a banana!

[phill 8]

Answer your phone you dam dirty ape!

[AlCro]

Dr. Zira, I must caution you. Experimental brain surgery on these creatures is one thing, and I'm all in favour of it. But your behaviour studies are another matter. To suggest that we can learn anything about the simian nature from a study of man is sheer nonsense. Why, man is a nuisance. He eats up his food supply in the forest, then migrates to our green belts and ravages our crops. The sooner he is exterminated, the better. It's a question of simian survival.

[Will Godfrey]

No.

I'm not eating that. The last one tasted horrible!

[Doctor Syntax]

Oobee doo I wanna get O2

[Doctor Syntax]

The PFY's latest acne cream has striking side effects.

[Doctor Syntax]

The cattle prod has hair-raising effects.

[Doctor Syntax]

Select ringtone music:

Also sprach Zarathustra

The Blue Danube

[Doctor Syntax]

It's not working. I'll stick a handful of shit on it and hand it back.

[RoninRodent]

All these hot singles near me are so... hairless :(

[Doctor Syntax]

I--a-m--a-^H-t-h-e--n-^h-N-i-g-e-r-i-a-n--F-i-n

[Big_Ted]

If you breath on it you cant see anything through the mist

[TeeCee]

He's obviously saying:

"If I hold my hand like this, some arsehole will probably photoshop an iPhone onto it."

[Fun Fun]

Caption #4

... and that was the day when zoos became a boring place to visit.

[Fun Fun]

Another caption

Boobs? I just don't get it.

[Fun Fun]

Caption

Boffinry succeeded in changing the interface of the user.

[Fun Fun]

Caption again

But how do I include anything more than myself into a selfie?

[Fun Fun]

Caption #57

At Grauniad Soulmates: "I am a woman looking for an out-doorly-kind-of-guy who walks his own path. A muscular habitus and a fit look a must have". A match made in heaven.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hmm, 5 simple iPhone tricks that zookeepers hate...

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm spending a year as a gorilla for tax purposes.

[goldfish]

Famous Phil Collins TV ad

Are you SURE this isn't a bar of chocolate ???

[Donchik]

guyPhone 8.1 you say?

[jonathan keith]

Amazing!

This gorilla finds an iPhone - you won't BELIEVE what happens next!

[Fun Fun]

Caption

A rainbow needs the color brown.

[Fun Fun]

Caption

Beyond a certain point outsourcing just is not reasonable.

[Fun Fun]

Caption

It these things keep developing, we will not be the only primate species to become extinct.

[krza]

Smells like gorilla *ass*, if you ask me.

[Neoc]

What do you mean "I'm not holding it right"?

[Linker3000]

Get it from the Ape Store

Sure, I'm delighted with the next-day banana delivery service from Amazon Primate.

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

Sir

"They destroyed my home to build...this?"

[ChubbyBehemoth]

Apple goes bananas! Sues simian aping patented users!

Apple Inc has reportedly thrown a sue ball at the WNF for infringing on its user base. A statement read ; "We are not objecting to simians using our devices, but copying their dumb expression is something our users have a patent on and as such we felt it was enough to sue the WNF. We hold the reply of the WNF lawyer that their simian expresses superior intelligence in comparison with our patented users and their refusal to settle on a FRAND basis enough cause to take this to a court of our choosing in the USA, where a jury of their peers can decide on the matter."

[longboy]

Something something fling this turd right now.

look, it's been a long night.

[mthomp3798]

Malcolm Thompson

Speak to me Baby!

[Comments Over The Wire]

Damn technologists & their guerrilla marketing

(errr -- that's it)

[skswales]

How long do I need to keep banging the rocks together before I get a network connection?

[headsy12]

I sill love her but I am damned if I am going to climb up the Empire State Building again.

[greenfinger5]

' these buttons are too small Sigourney, you have the same problem don't you?'

[Shambles]

He he he he

I see I'm not in the Ahsley Madison dump - that's because I used chimpmail.

[xyz123]

Oh God!, someone's hacked all the subscriber info for Pri-Mating.com :(

[Gruntled]

Zero bars, dammit!

That fu****ng salesman PROMISED me that Sprint had 4G coverage here! This image (http://s3files.core77.com/blog/images/sh-oldnew.jpg) is taking FOREVER to load.

[ap011013]

MY GOD, It's full of stars! - King Kong meets A Space Odyssey

Okay - throw me a bone..... movie stars, most likely!

[zipeone]

I can see myself and I'm beautiful

Gee - these new iPhines make great make-up mirrors

[Sylveri]

If you dont swap it for a decent phone, I will publish a book of Selfies!!

[MAF]

Speech recognition strikes again!

No Google - I said I want to be an Urban Guerilla not an urbane gorrilla!

[Just because]

On with the show?

Yes, Scotty, the life is not intelligent. BEAM ME UP!

[undernourished]

caption

"Gorilla Glass"? That's so hurtful.

[Angus Bell]

Taking a dump in the woods is much more pleasant on 4G; the motion is steady with far fewer drops outs and no spluttering. Watching my mate Sir David on iPlayer crouching here with my grand-dad back in the day moves me to tears.

No naked flames in the jungle!

[Tony Quinn]

So tell me again, exactly which bit of the gorilla does the glass come from?

[RDRDRD]

So Siri you like the muscular hairy type huh?

[RDRDRD]

Siri I wanted hot Apes not Apps!

[Craig 31]

New OS

That's Silverback Version 4 installed, lets check it out.

[rprior2008]

"Dave hung up on me, I only asked if he'd join me for a banana after work."

[must be me then]

Nothing - it's a gorilla.

[Plaestik]

Whaaat...is...up...my...nose?

[7zark7]

After ending up at London Zoo , Dr Zauis realised that using Siri to find his nearest Go Ape was not the brightest idea he had ever had.

[pravinkprince]

Gorilla is challenging iPhone. He just want a proof that new corning gorilla glass has much strength as the gorilla itself.

[schifreen]

There's an ape for that.

[schifreen]

Anyone know why I can't connect to the ape store?

[jcooney]

silver back "up" gorilla

What do you mean "no more storage"

[justcw]

No, YouPhone, iGorilla.

[Nickgorrell]

"I Love you .... Sniffle"

[deskdrone485]

But this new version looks just like the old one? I don't know about this whole "evolution" thing.

[Jediben]

Steve Ballmer reflects on what could have been.

[Simon B]

Gorilla: B A N A N A

Siri: Here are the results we have found for Minions.

Gorilla: Nooooooooooooo!!!!

[Jame_s]

why does the ceo always seem to email me when i just got home?

[AlgernonFlowers4]

How am I meant to use my big dictaphone with this?

[gilesey]

Wut!? How did the PPI claims dialler get this number?

[tclicot]

Good Evening Ladies and Germs...

Is that a banana in your pocket or...

Let's all hold hands and contact the Living...

Hello...Hello...

[haxel]

Met him once in the jungle and now David Attenborough texts me every day...

[Makeshift]

Taking Advantage of Unlimited Data!

"Five years ago I would have never believed I could be watching porn literally anywhere..."

[wizard_of_odds]

Caesar? Caesar? I can't find this Rise of the Apes flashmob on the map!!

[estaban delsur]

calm down heston

take your stinking paws of my iphone, you damned dirty ape!

[PhilTB54]

Hard drive comp

This is ALL I get for giving Sigourney Weaver her big break in my film.

[long-in-tooth]

caption

Why do hairless apes stand in front of my cage and then look at their own reflection??

[Marty-SNGC]

Phone Aper

Hello madam I am from your bank and unfortunately a banana has gone into your account

[MarkET]

Really must change my profile picture...

[Setchp]

Why a front facing camera?...Oooh, who's a pretty boy then?

[rivergarden]

"Hey Siri, download the construction plans for the zoo..."

[rivergarden]

"I love watching nature documentaries."

[rivergarden]

"Humans use their opposable thumbs for this...?"

[MartinBZM]

*sniff*

*lick*

*crunch*

Yeach!

[haxel]

Met him once in the jungle, told him about the iphone and now David Attenborough texts me every day - it's too user friendly for my liking.

[arfan_ali]

"Hey your're right! The glass is made out of Gorillas...I can see one dam handsome one too!"

[tumtum101]

Nothing beats the gentle touch and discerning eye of a Gorilla, glass inspector. (comma optional)

[Snadowitz]

...anonymous my arse.

[djmika]

FACEbook? Am I allowed?

[Stephen Keane]

Siri, if I don't get a sensible answer in the next 5 minutes I'm going to throw this handset all the way to the moon.

[kcmjr]

Dang it... cracked another one!

[pmrs88]

Brian the gorilla couldn't understand why he'd been given an apple. Everyone knows he likes bananas.

[cooperlizzy4]

Once george was certain that he was alone, he opened siri... "google image baboon buttocks!"

[channel extended]

Hmmm? Did I turn the iron off?

[AlgernonFlowers4]

Ok Watson, why can't hedgehogs just share the hedge?

[Anonymous Coward]

This is a weather warning! There's a heavy mist coming in, this is from the gorilla in it!!

[ckeen]

"12 minutes by car, through this jungle? No way!"

[King of Pain]

In an alternate universe...

Hey Fred, I'm just picking up some banana chips and a few beers for the movie tonight. We're watching Planet of the Humans 7.

[tfettuk]

I cant keep my hands off this new Whatsape app!

[Kaz66]

How am I supposed to work a thing like this with my chunky fingers!

[raglan]

Mr david hann

So all I said was, "Mr Collins, when I grow up I too want to be a Drummer" and Phil replied " No son, you can't do both!"

[howsmiff]

Bad day at office

Hell. No credit! Its going to be another interesting day!

[frothyman]

txt from the Librarian

What does he mean 'oook, ooook'?

[justinbyrne]

No Siri, I said BANDANNA. why do you assume that I am obsessed with bananas?

[davidmarsden]

signal isn't very good,i think its all this mist !!!

[Illya Vaes]

Apes, Apes, Apes

The iPhone has more Apes than any other mobile phone platform.

[Mk4]

Bloody humans. Who the hell am I supposed to call?

[Robbedoes]

Beam me up, Scotty !

[red_baron]

What?! No Angry Birds? It'll be Angry Gorillas in a minute!

[thegeorge]

GOFH

'This plan was brilliant. No one would expect the Bastard to hide in a ZOO in a gorilla costume after faking his own death because of that big mess with the fake off-site server thing. All it takes is a couple of taps on this iPhone I swiped from some idiot... And the local gorilla populace will have to get used to a diet of lager and onion bhajis! Can't wait to get my teeth into 'em. That reminds me - I wonder how the PFY fares in his alligator enclosure?'

[Jaykrone]

Fingers too big for the soft keys....Where'd I put my BlackBerry?

[DeeEmBee]

How did Siri get in there?

[sammilmcs]

Why would they make something so important and valuable, and then cover it in glass that smashes so easily!? I only dropped it once!

[Balveda]

Dumb-ass humans, at least your phones are smart.

[Rage2001]

I'm sad they're making Prometheus II before the next Alien movie too.

[MajorBlunder]

"How am I supposed to "Swype" with these thumbs!".

[Doctor Syntax]

Combining gymnastics with the obstacle race. Will it make it to the Olympics?

[collinssc]

Who - So that's what "Spank the monkey" means!