back to article Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

That's mainly because gorillas are not monkeys, although this ape – who is definitely holding it right – must have an opinion on the iPhone. We want to know what that is, and in the process give you a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive. The black drive Western Digital has a range of drives aimed at the desktop market and …

  1. Zippy's Sausage Factory

    "Installing iOS 9 beta 3? How? Oh come on... I just wanted to play Candy Crush.

    "I bet it doesn't work with 9 anyway, none of the good games do..."

  2. Ginolard

    I really shouldn't have given up playing drums.

  3. Omgwtfbbqtime

    Siri where's my banana? No don't open Maps, No, I said...dammit.

  4. Buzzword

    But why is it called Gorilla Glass?

    1. Martin Summers

      Cos he can probably see himself reflected in it :-)

  5. AbelSoul

    Nice 'phone but everyone seems to be ignoring the gorilla in the room.

  6. Caff


    I can't eat this?

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  7. Cardinal

    "Wot's this crap!!! - I bloody TOLD 'em I wanted the Silverback version!"

  8. damager

    Hey Bro, you can call me Space Grey from now on.

  9. Ben Smith

    Ooh...look who's e-mail address *I've* found on the Ashley Madison database. I always knew that one in the next enclosure was a cheetah...

  10. Andy Non Silver badge

    Caught out monkeying around.

    Oh crap! The Mrs has found out about my Ashley Madison account.

    (Edit: Ha, Ben, great minds think alike, or simian anyway.)

  11. Mr Humbug

    So this is what successful gorilla marketing looks like

  12. Josh Cain

    Apple Genius in training.

  13. Chris 171

    Refreshed for the 20th time...

    I thought getting a ticket for Dismaland would be easier than this.

  14. Groaning Ninny

    He hoped he'd finally tracked down the only remaining copy of the Ashey Madison data dump

  15. Andy Non Silver badge

    Huh, more spam, no I don't want any hair tonic.

  16. djstardust

    iOS ..... perfect for 3 year olds and pensioners but a bit crappy for someone of my intelligence .....

  17. Andy Non Silver badge

    I've just been friended on facebook by King Kong.

  18. janusz

    Love, Baby, see you on Alpha Centauri!

  19. AbelSoul

    Honey, some Nigerian prince wants to give me FOURTEEN MEEEEEEELION U.S. DOLLARS!

  20. Andy Non Silver badge


    Your uncle in Nigeria has died and left you three tons of bananas, please contact Mr Umbongo to arrange delivery. You will need to pay a small export charge.

  21. Swarthy

    "Full of bugs" those liars! I can't find a single termite in this thing.

    Just shows you can't believe everything on the internet.

  22. Steve Mann

    "Apple Radio?" What the fuck happened to my Bonzo Dog Do-Dah Band albums?"

  23. RIBrsiq

    About time you lot invented this!

    Now, if you would just kindly get on with it and discover Slood already, we can end the longest-running experiment in the history of creation...

  24. Richard Taylor 2

    Oh gawd, I hope the Missus doesn't check my Ashley Maddison account

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What ?

    What ? I don't even HAVE an Ashley Madison account !

  26. Jango

    Simian OS - looks like it's still the best for mobes

  27. Leeroy

    Wtf, I'm going down for 10 years for sharing gorillas in the mist on bit torrent ?

  28. Andy Non Silver badge

    I don't Tweet, I ROAR.

  29. Andy Non Silver badge

    I told her I don't believe in witchcraft, then...

  30. Necronomnomnomicon

    Remember when the Apple logo was the same colours as a Mandrill's backside?

  31. Andy Non Silver badge

    I've got to do everything myself today, the monkeys are on strike, they don't like being paid peanuts.

  32. Andy Non Silver badge

    Why do I keep seeing adverts for flea powder?

  33. Andy Non Silver badge

    I'm all thumbs today.

  34. Necronomnomnomicon

    So, will this still get me signal at the top of the Empire State Building?

  35. Mage Silver badge

    If only I'd learnt to read.

  36. Cris E

    The downside to escaping from the zoo: no bars.

  37. Richard 120
    Thumb Up

    Facebook feed

    Suggested Video - The Flash trips and crashes into garbage truck

    Grodd Likes This

  38. Annihilator

    Dr Cornelius had heard about "2 chimps, 1 cup" but regretted googling it immediately

  39. kryptonaut

    Let's see now... <click>

    caption competition... <click>



    Well, this is weird...

  40. John G Imrie


    Hay, someone called Ann Darrow wants to friend me

  41. Silviu C.

    "I'm so bad at Flappy Bird"

  42. Andy Non Silver badge

    Facebook status update

    ... and then the zoo keeper fell head first into the penguin enclosure.

  43. Andy Non Silver badge

    It's so hard finding gorilla porn.

  44. Paul Herber Silver badge

    NSA who?

    I'm being tracked by who? NSA? National Simian Association? Notional Security for Apes? Naughty and Slutty Anthropoids? Ok, go for it.

  45. The Dude

    Now THAT'S a selfie!

  46. Terje

    Finding a USB charger in the jungle is just slightly easier then finding a banana powered one.

  47. Martin Summers

    How else am I meant to hold it?

  48. Eddy Ito

    What?! A selfie with Kim and Kanye? That's it no more banana daiquiris.

  49. Mystic Megabyte

    can I haz drive pleez? anyway, I'm up in a tree and I look down and see this rat creeping up on an elephant. Apparently he had some fantasy about getting off with one. So this cow is drinking at the water hole and kinda dozy in the midday sun when this rat shimmies up her leg and starts humping her. I'm kinda thinking wtf! so I chuck a coconut at her to warn her. She lets out a yell and you'll never guess what that randy rat says. "Am I hurting you darling?"

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I said I wanted a banana - not a b****y apple!

  51. sgp

    600 quid to watch Planet of the Apes in 240p? Sigh, humans...

  52. Andy Non Silver badge

    I'll be late returning the costume, someone at the party put superglue on the zip.

  53. Teiwaz

    That picture I got sent on the train, I'm still not sure it's a banana.

  54. connermac725


    hello cortana

  55. Andy Non Silver badge

    I've got a complaint to make about your hair restorer.

  56. Anonymous Coward

    "Beam me up,,,"

    "... there's no intelligent ape-like lifeform on this planet as we believed!"

  57. Citizens untied

    "I said I wanted it ZOO broken!"

  58. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    there is some clown behind me, says his name is Attenborough. If he doesn't shut up in a minute i'll get the rest of the flange to rush him.....

  59. PleebSmash

    drammed dirty ape

    Millions of years of simian evolution and still only 1 GB of RAM?

  60. Andy Non Silver badge

    I'm not convinced this SMS thing will replace a good howling and chest thumping.

  61. RockBurner

    "awww, iflscience has a downer on humans, poor humans"

  62. Andy Non Silver badge

    iPhone, faster than the grapevine.

  63. emmanuel goldstein

    And the watch is just the right proportion for my wrist.

  64. JakeMS

    Damn.. It's not jail-broken and it's locked to this network with no signal! Now what do I do?

  65. Kit-Fox

    So long Earth & thanks for all the Bananas

  66. chivo243 Silver badge

    Confound this damn thing

    "It must be held together with Gorilla Glue."

  67. Andy Non Silver badge

    Hello doctor, I'm starting to have a few reservations about my treatment with this radical new gene therapy.

  68. Salts

    Having a bit of trouble...

    with the finger print reader, apart from that ...

  69. Andy Non Silver badge

    Can I get jungle music on this?

  70. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Siri! What do you mean 'I can't allow this Dave!'

    'I only wanted to look at my Spotify playlist'

    "Besides, how many times do I have to tell you that my name is 'Guy'!

    {you have to be of a certain age to remember 'Guy'}

  71. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jane Goodall keeps liking all the pictures I put up. *sigh*

  72. MrChud

    "Liam Neeson..??"

  73. MrChud

    "Liam Neeson??"

  74. Craig 31

    Damn, this gorilla glass is strong.

  75. John Smith 3

    If you look closely, you really can see the gorilla glass.

  76. Stax

    Well that's not what I expected when I asked to see dirty apes. Who's that dude in the sand???

  77. dragonfriend


    I said I wanted Andriod, not an Apple!! Guess I can throw this like the piece of poo it is!!

  78. Hamstringer

    "Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!"

    I've seen it all now, a talking hard drive

  79. frangio

    How can they be so incredibly primitive as to think this is a good idea?

  80. johnfbw

    iphone 7 - so simple almost anyone can use

  81. frangio

    How can they be so incredibly primitive as to think this is a pretty neat idea?

  82. JSW

    Gorilla glass my ass! Just look at that scratch!!!

  83. barank


    Does this support Android 10.0 Banana OS?

  84. td0s

    still no upvotes, what's a silver surfer to do

  85. td0s

    Still no upvotes, AND there's no scotch in here. Whats a silver surfer to do,

  86. Lumacor

    An Apple?.. I'd rather hoped it was going to be a banana...

  87. ServerSauna

    No, Spotify, I am not a monkey's uncle.

  88. crankcaller

    What do you mean I'm "holding it wrong"?

  89. Orange Skydiver

    Do my opposable thumbs look big in this?

  90. sk3wif

    Gorilla - “Siri, where has my habitat gone?”

    Siri - “ook”

    Gorilla - “I see…”

  91. maci234

    just checking my Tesco food order

  92. maci234

    win a western digital hard drive

    just checking my Tesco food order delivery slot

  93. joeschmo2015


    Umm... what kind of an apple is this?

  94. innumerus


    Another borked iOS update.... I should have gone Windows Phone!

  95. JSW

    Siri, where can I find growth enhancing serum and how do I get to the Empire state building?

  96. edwardbr

    I want that banana!

    Now how do I get into that room?

  97. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No monkey business going on here, gorillas are the way forward.

  98. frangio

    How can they be so incredibly primitive as to still think this is a pretty neat idea?

  99. Jim4251

    WTF?!? It makes me look really fat.

  100. Wolife

    "Cripes Apple, how do I block this number? Who IS Dian Fossey anyway, and WHY won't she stop texting me?!"

  101. ldm

    My god, it's full of star's... leaked nude selfies.

  102. ldouglas

    Win a WD Black 6TB Drive

    Siri, call Jane Goodall.

  103. quattroprorocked

    Come on Tinder, there must be a match closer than 2000 miles.

  104. Tribs

    Hrmm, according to Wikipedia, we evolved from middle management.

  105. 8t9pqgh9pg8h8g90

    Why did I trade 10,000 perfectly good bananas for one rotten apple?

  106. Tribs

    So I said, the display is fine but a bit slow to respond when there's too many apps running, and you can't use it to remove fleas and ticks, but he said that's just nitpicking...

  107. StuartFawcett

    Its been 2 days, will she txt or should I?

  108. vvpvijay

    Looks like there isnt a single empress on Tinder :( maybe I should try my luck on Ashley Madison

  109. Citizens untied

    600$ and I still can't get "Jungle Boogie" for my ring tone.

  110. Citizens untied

    If you Tarzan, she Jane, and iPhone, who's calling me!

  111. Erlang Lacod

    "wild ? I was livid"

  112. David Webb

    Monkey Porn.

    Damn, after watching it, I can see what that Chimp got addicted to........

  113. Innocent-Bystander*

    "I'M THE ONE directing the Windows 10 mobile convergence strategy around here!"

  114. sjsmoto

    I've flung better things than this.

  115. ajdc

    Monoliths were far more impressive in 2001.

  116. jgarry

    Just a little to the left and I can buzzcut that Guard

  117. Mr D Spenser

    *sigh* Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet.

  118. devoncatt

    I told the sales person that he was "trying to make a monkey out of me when he suggested a Blackberry. I decide to ape him and sell him a banana!

  119. Velv

    "I remember back in 2001 these things were huge monolithic slabs"

  120. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What do you mean "I'm holding it wrong."?

  121. Trigonoceps occipitalis


    Suck on this selfie Getty Images!

  122. psychonaut

    what? what is this? wheres my note 4? this is enough to make anyone go ape shit

  123. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I LIVE in a walled garden; why would I want that on my phone?

  124. Chris G

    If this is an Apple; How the hell do I peel it?

  125. Alistair

    "This is so sad, Cecil was such a good friend............"

  126. Primus Secundus Tertius

    Frighten them

    This will frighten the dinosaurs. I do not think.

  127. Paratrooping Parrot

    Is this how a gorilla takes a data dump in the woods?

  128. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All I do is type 'Gorilla' and Google Maps takes me to a big house that looks lovely.

  129. Joe User

    Let's see, how do I change my ringtone to the Tarzan yell....

  130. Joe User

    "Take your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"

    Siri, was that a nice thing to say?

  131. Darryl

    "Why does it keep changing that to 'duck'?"

  132. Joe User

    If this interface is user-friendly, then I'm a monkey's uncle!

    Oh, wait....

  133. Mark York 3 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    but in deference to a million years of evolution, he will not attempt to pick fleas off him


    Google translates as "Hmm still no Facebook requests or messages"......sigh... "Why can't my descendants just accept & be proud of me or just for once invite me ‘round to dinner".

  134. Michael Thibault

    Great Caesar! World domination is within my grasp!

  135. Tromos

    Wow! I've got 10,000 followers on Gibber!

  136. StevesWeb

    Seeing somebody else? What, some big ape?

  137. KnightGarion

    1) "But is it simple enough for Humans?"

    2) "My calls just drop when I hold it this way!"

    3) "How come I don't get texts from the wife?"

    4) "Look at the hairy back on her!"

    5) "I just like to watch the battery run down."

  138. Sulivan1977

    Nan-Tick-Tick turned out to hate his first uber client.

  139. mrsthelens

    where is the ape date hotline

  140. Mikebs

    Now how do I FaceTime David Attenborough?

  141. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just accepted the new Spotify privacy terms, it now knows I'm facebook friends with a Giraffe, a Chimpanzee, an Elephant, a Rhino and a Cheetah - its recommending Jungle music constantly.

  142. i steal your leccy


    D-A-V-I-D A-T-T-E-N-B-O-R-O-U-G-H N-U-D-E <SEND>

  143. i steal your leccy



  144. sjsmoto

    Heh. "Darwin" is trending.

  145. i steal your leccy



  146. Cardinal

    Now then, let's see - "Enter password into keypad" - WITH THESE FINGERS???

  147. i steal your leccy


    You-mean-APE, surely?

  148. N2


    Earth to Microsoft... This ones big enough.

  149. Old Painless

    Hello,is that NHS direct? Can i Facetime you my arse?I slipped in the shower and landed on a cucumber....

  150. i steal your leccy


  151. i steal your leccy


  152. This post has been deleted by its author

  153. Shane8

    "Hello welcome to your apple genius for today, my name is Dave, how may i assist you?"

  154. i steal your leccy



  155. i steal your leccy

    Hello! i-would-like-taxi-to-Empire-State-Building-please.

  156. i steal your leccy


  157. i steal your leccy


  158. i steal your leccy


  159. i steal your leccy

    Hmm, The-Register-or-The-Verge......Verge-it-is.

  160. skeptical i

    Sa- Saf- Safari?

    *sigh* This doesn't end well, does it.

  161. Mad Chaz

    An email about a two-day workshop in effective leadership techniques. Could be useful for the next the professional goal-setting meeting.

  162. i steal your leccy


  163. i steal your leccy


    Hear-no-evil-Speak-no-evil-See-no-evil and their-cousin-GOOGLE......Do-No-Evil.

  164. stringyfloppy

    The Dusk of Man

  165. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!

    Sent from my iPhone

  166. This post has been deleted by its author

  167. Vector

    And you say they sell millions of these things?

  168. i steal your leccy

    If-i'd-known-you-can't-get-mobile-signal-in-jungle, then-i-wouldn't have bought-the-chuffing-thing!......where-receipt?

  169. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hello, this is PC Jenkins

    I've managed to infiltrate the animal rights activists - and they've elected me as treasurer!

  170. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Microsoft tech support?

    I want to complain about your word processing software. No matter what I type, it comes out as the complete works of Shakespeare.

  171. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hello, this is PC Jenkins again

    I know you said get close to Assange - but I draw the line at French kissing

  172. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is that Whipsnade Zoo?

    We have one of your gorillas.

    Leave a plane ticket to Belize and 10 tons of unmarked bananas in a plain brown envelope behind the monkey house or you'll never see him again.

    Oh yeah, and a signed photo of the Duchess of York.

    And a unicycle.

  173. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hello, Editor?

    I'm fed up of ghost-writing Worstall's columns. I want my own byline.

  174. Alex Wilson

    And they came down from the trees for these?

  175. Vlad The Impatient

    Mmm, I finally found a StableTrac to that pile of bananas!

    Finally! A StableTrac to that huge pile of bananas!

  176. John 110

    Who says I'm holding it wrong?

  177. hplasm

    Yes, I know I don't look like my profile picture. I don't have a wide-angle lens on the front of this phone.

    You look like a hippo on yours.

    Yes, I know you are a hippo. Just sayin' - MySpace angle...

  178. ehume

    I read all 162+ of those submissions. More now.

  179. i steal your leccy

    Hello-Susan, can-you-cancel-my-3 o'clock-with-Accounting, yes-i-have-important-nose-picking-to-do

  180. Slef

    Looks like apple are claiming that they have invented Gorillas!!

  181. i steal your leccy

    Is-this-room-service? I-want-to-complain-about-my-room, its-like-a-jungle-up-here!

  182. Mitoo Bobsworth

    This isn't food!

  183. i steal your leccy're-looking-for?

  184. Kit-Fox

    Now if you look closely you will see in its natural habitat, the lesser spotted iphone, clearly this plucky young member of the tribe has decided to strike out on his own and attempt to create a friendship with the gorilla pack that rules these hills.

    Without the other iphone fauna to help keep an eye on this youngling however I fear this attempt is doomed to failure as it would appear that in his rush to make his mark he has forgotten to bring with him either an extended battery or a charge cable & so will be unlikely to make it throughout the night

    tune in tomorrow to see just how this plays out & if the plucky young iphone can manage to survive

  185. i steal your leccy


  186. i steal your leccy

    You-can-stop-with-the-heavy-breathing, i-know-its-you-Mr-Serkis!

  187. stucs201

    The new iPhone just doesn't control body hair as effectively as the old Razr did.

  188. Mark McNeill

    <whispers> "...and here... we are so lucky to witness... this magnificent creature... googling a potential mate... A dance as old... as Life itself..."

  189. Nash

    "Ring, ring,ring,ring, ring......BANANA PHONE!"

  190. I Like Heckling Silver badge

    Sigh.... no one ever swipes right.

  191. TWB

    Following over-production of smartphones, manufacturers are desperate to find any buyers who do not have one.

  192. Kev99 Silver badge

    Now I know why I have opposable thumbs.

  193. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kong says ...

    Holding it wrong my ass. I'm going to go ape on them ...

  194. Knewbie

    What do you mean..

    Fingerprint ? Which foot ?!?

  195. Knewbie

    Oook !!!

    (This Librarian is pissed ! I asked for an L phone !!! )

  196. Knewbie

    Darn grandkids !

    490 000 years. Still no signal :(

  197. Knewbie

    So ...

    I heard there's this Donkey Kong thing where I could make some bananas... ?

  198. Anonymous Coward

    "If there's one thing opposable thumbs are good for, it's playing Candy Crush!"

  199. Knewbie

    Almost 7 billion gran'kids

    You would think at least one would call ?!?...

  200. Knewbie

    699.99 for a 16g iBanana 2 ?

    Pull the other one...

  201. Knewbie

    (Sorry...too hard to resist...)

    That Kardashian girl looks hot.

    A shame she shaves...

    (As per the house rules, mine is the one with the banana in the pocket)

  202. Sloppy Crapmonster

    contest whore

    "Dafuq did I just read? How do you combine logical sectors to create a physical sector?"

  203. Blue Pumpkin

    You must provide both a title and a message

    B*stards - this is not thé iPhone 6 upgrade I was promised ....

  204. gelo

    Targeted Marketing

    "Vacation timeshares in the bucolic Belgian Congo? Why yes, tell me more."

  205. vdj

    And what do we have here; next panel breaks it open over a stone...

  206. Nixinkome
  207. thekitten63


    I'm sure I said give me an apple!!!!!

  208. -hg-

    My's full of stars!

  209. bdm00

    Hello, Ace Ventura.............this is nature calling.........

  210. chunky-champion

    Music App...View Apple ID...Subscriptions...Manage...Automatic Renewal...OFF

  211. Billyboychrisd

    What! An apple!? I ordered a banana...

  212. DarthFrog

    W00t! Jane Goodall's phone has Bigfoot's phone number.

  213. msharp42

    OK, Google.

  214. turthalion

    "Not another flippin' U2 album! Why not The Monkees?"

  215. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hi Mr Darwin, I think I've just found a downside to having opposable thumbs...

  216. Arthur Mind

    I made one call

    Only 4% battery left?!? What the......

  217. bcoxhead

    Cilla Bl - who the hell is Cilla Black?

  218. 9erHater

    Can you hear me now?

  219. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Welcome to the Genius bar; let me fix that for you."

    "Do I fling poo with it, or at it?"

  220. PhilK

    Hungry and sad

    What am I supposed to do with this? I thought you were giving me an apple...

  221. AdamG57

    2001 as remade today....

    When Kubrick told me to throw the stick in the air, I expected a trip to the Moon to the tune of the Blue Danube Waltz, but it came back as this crummy iPhone playing the Crazy Frog Ringtone!

    1. stucs201

      Re: 2001 as remade today....

      Don't be silly - that's the new pocket-sized monolith...

  222. oceanhippie

    you're holding it wrong!

    Oh great a picture of my former habitat... thank you I'm touched.

  223. Jamie Jones Silver badge

    This is supposed to be evolution?

  224. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    'No Appointments today'...and I was so happy when Elephants Everywhere told me I'd get a maximum 5 bars, when I moved here.

  225. ecofeco Silver badge

    "Of course I'm not driving and texting. What do you think I am, some kind of damn dirty human?"

  226. tempemeaty

    What my little brain believes the Gorilla is saying...

    Gorilla: "It's an elegant design with a tasty name but it's still not a Bananaphone"

  227. Furbian

    Alas Poor Cecil..

    .... I knew him well.

  228. Ketlan

    My go.

    "Who the hell is Ashley Madison?"

  229. JeffyPoooh

    "Oh shit! My Ashley Madison account has been leaked."

  230. JeffyPoooh

    "Why would a Nigerian prince need my help moving his money?"

  231. JeffyPoooh

    "It says, 'There are some problems with your post.' and 'The post is required, and must contain letters.' Why does everything need to be so complicated?"

  232. Aaron 10

    "I knew I should have gotten the iPhone 6+. I can't type at all on this small screen."

  233. JeffyPoooh

    "A bloody 5C? I don't want a bloody 5C. I want an iPhone 6 Plus."

  234. emmanuel goldstein

    i know I'm a vegetarian, but this is ridiculous.

  235. DvorakUser

    "They said that miniaturization was the way of the future... Why's this one so much larger than my last one?"

  236. Duffy Moon

    The last laugh...

    "I bet those people taking photos are going to stick me in a caption competition. What they don't know is that Apple are paying me a hand of 'nanas for each caption posted."

  237. Adam 1

    Spotify wants me to agree to what!?

  238. AlgernonFlowers4

    Ok Siri

    Ok Siri, what is the secret of man's red fire?

  239. Winkypop Silver badge


    So this is why humans run around in suits and worry so much. They must be bananas.

  240. itzman
    Paris Hilton

    A mill;ion years of evolution...

    .. to .an opposable thumb, for this?

  241. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Have you any toilet paper? I forgot to check if there was some before I shat...

    We have all been there

  242. MR J

    This is not the Apple I wanted.

  243. This post has been deleted by its author

  244. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I luvs lolcats, but where are the naughty teen-rilla pics?

  245. JonP

    That other monolith was much more impressive.

  246. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hey, there's an Ape for that!

  247. Steve Kelly

    "Taxi required for two young girls from Clapham to Soho"

    Hmmmmmm - Uber delivers again ...

  248. Fun Fun


    Favorite pass time at the Ecuadorian embassy zoo.

  249. Fun Fun

    Caption #2:

    I should have kept dating Lucy back then...

  250. Fun Fun

    Caption #3:

    A custom kernel !

  251. VinceH

    "Beam me up, Cornelius"

  252. Vince Lewis 1

    We're been testing these things with primative apes for years,

    Though this is our first non-human tester.

  253. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hello ... Trch support ...

    Does this come with Human Glass 3 .... Or Human Glass 4?

  254. ACcc

    What do you mean I'm holding it wrong?

  255. Bryn Evans

    At Last !

    Someone sees me as a Good Guy.

  256. This post has been deleted by its author

  257. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I own copyright on this selfie and any lawyer that thinks different can take it up with me personally.

  258. Soap Distant


    Gah PPI again...

  259. GrumpyWorld

    designed to work together

    God designed the body, God designed the brain.

    The body works perfectly with the brain to crush this piece of crap.

  260. This post has been deleted by its author

  261. Fink-Nottle

    * newsflash *

    An eyewitness provided a description of the iPhone thief. Police are inquiring into the whereabouts of known Chelsea supporters and expect an arrest imminently.

  262. Oliver 7

    What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun? Sir.

    What do you call a gorilla with an iPhone? Siri.

  263. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Steve Bong checks some of his 5,000 daily texts. Although he's given up shaving his hipster beard isn't coming on as well as he hoped.

  264. Hollerith 1

    [ THUMP here ]

  265. choleric

    Aping everyone else, or thinking different?

  266. Rol


    "So, this is the new improved version? You are kidding, right?"

    "Its bigger than my old one, and just where am I supposed to put it, for heavens sake!"

    "Until you come up with something a bit less invasive, I refused to be tracked,"

  267. Oliver 7

    Not the Nine O'Clock News

    Hello, Timothy? Gerald here, I'm still livid!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not the Nine O'Clock News

      <thread merge>

      It's a woop, Professor, a woop of security vulnerabilities. It's a flange of baboons, for God's sake...

      (With apologies to NTNON)

  268. picturethis

    Rounded corners I get, but damn,

    I just can't get these gestures to work worth at all. I'm all thumbs I guess.

  269. thx1138v2

    Mom! Your monolith from 2001 A Space Odyssey finally came in the post!

  270. thx1138v2

    Hominid: Half way through Hamlet they take my typewriter away and give me this?

    Siri: No 9000, uh, Apple, computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.

  271. Allan George Dyer

    "Why, thank you, that's so kind. A lovely gift." (I did so want the 6+)

  272. Allan George Dyer

    Sigh, another website that ignores my browser's language preference and uses English because I happen to be in Whipsnade Zoo. Whaddya mean, 'go' isn't the ISO639 code for Gorilla?

  273. Mpeler

    WD Black rocks

    Once you go black, you'll never go back...

  274. stilespj


    No reception ... I must be holding it wrong.

  275. Skribblez

    If I take this selfie, will I get jumped too?

  276. Spamthroat


    Powerful, stylish and black, think I have the patent on that!

  277. DeBru

    funny looking apple

  278. phill 8

    Apple? I wanted a banana!

  279. phill 8

    Answer your phone you dam dirty ape!

  280. AlCro

    Dr. Zira, I must caution you. Experimental brain surgery on these creatures is one thing, and I'm all in favour of it. But your behaviour studies are another matter. To suggest that we can learn anything about the simian nature from a study of man is sheer nonsense. Why, man is a nuisance. He eats up his food supply in the forest, then migrates to our green belts and ravages our crops. The sooner he is exterminated, the better. It's a question of simian survival.

  281. Will Godfrey Silver badge


    I'm not eating that. The last one tasted horrible!

  282. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Oobee doo I wanna get O2

  283. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    The PFY's latest acne cream has striking side effects.

  284. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    The cattle prod has hair-raising effects.

  285. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Select ringtone music:

    Also sprach Zarathustra

    The Blue Danube

  286. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    It's not working. I'll stick a handful of shit on it and hand it back.

  287. RoninRodent

    All these hot singles near me are so... hairless :(

  288. Doctor Syntax Silver badge


  289. Big_Ted

    If you breath on it you cant see anything through the mist

  290. TeeCee Gold badge

    He's obviously saying:

    "If I hold my hand like this, some arsehole will probably photoshop an iPhone onto it."

  291. Fun Fun

    Caption #4

    ... and that was the day when zoos became a boring place to visit.

  292. Fun Fun

    Another caption

    Boobs? I just don't get it.

  293. Fun Fun


    Boffinry succeeded in changing the interface of the user.

  294. Fun Fun

    Caption again

    But how do I include anything more than myself into a selfie?

  295. Fun Fun

    Caption #57

    At Grauniad Soulmates: "I am a woman looking for an out-doorly-kind-of-guy who walks his own path. A muscular habitus and a fit look a must have". A match made in heaven.

  296. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmm, 5 simple iPhone tricks that zookeepers hate...

  297. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm spending a year as a gorilla for tax purposes.

  298. goldfish

    Famous Phil Collins TV ad

    Are you SURE this isn't a bar of chocolate ???

  299. Donchik

    guyPhone 8.1 you say?

  300. jonathan keith


    This gorilla finds an iPhone - you won't BELIEVE what happens next!

  301. Fun Fun


    A rainbow needs the color brown.

  302. Fun Fun


    Beyond a certain point outsourcing just is not reasonable.

  303. Fun Fun


    It these things keep developing, we will not be the only primate species to become extinct.

  304. krza

    Smells like gorilla *ass*, if you ask me.

  305. Neoc

    What do you mean "I'm not holding it right"?

  306. Linker3000

    Get it from the Ape Store

    Sure, I'm delighted with the next-day banana delivery service from Amazon Primate.

  307. Sir Runcible Spoon


    "They destroyed my home to build...this?"

  308. ChubbyBehemoth

    Apple goes bananas! Sues simian aping patented users!

    Apple Inc has reportedly thrown a sue ball at the WNF for infringing on its user base. A statement read ; "We are not objecting to simians using our devices, but copying their dumb expression is something our users have a patent on and as such we felt it was enough to sue the WNF. We hold the reply of the WNF lawyer that their simian expresses superior intelligence in comparison with our patented users and their refusal to settle on a FRAND basis enough cause to take this to a court of our choosing in the USA, where a jury of their peers can decide on the matter."

  309. longboy

    Something something fling this turd right now.

    look, it's been a long night.

  310. mthomp3798

    Malcolm Thompson

    Speak to me Baby!

  311. Comments Over The Wire

    Damn technologists & their guerrilla marketing

    (errr -- that's it)

  312. skswales

    How long do I need to keep banging the rocks together before I get a network connection?

  313. headsy12

    I sill love her but I am damned if I am going to climb up the Empire State Building again.

  314. greenfinger5

    ' these buttons are too small Sigourney, you have the same problem don't you?'

  315. Shambles

    He he he he

    I see I'm not in the Ahsley Madison dump - that's because I used chimpmail.

  316. xyz123 Silver badge

    Oh God!, someone's hacked all the subscriber info for :(

  317. Gruntled

    Zero bars, dammit!

    That fu****ng salesman PROMISED me that Sprint had 4G coverage here! This image ( is taking FOREVER to load.

  318. ap011013

    MY GOD, It's full of stars! - King Kong meets A Space Odyssey

    Okay - throw me a bone..... movie stars, most likely!

  319. zipeone

    I can see myself and I'm beautiful

    Gee - these new iPhines make great make-up mirrors

  320. Sylveri

    If you dont swap it for a decent phone, I will publish a book of Selfies!!

  321. MAF

    Speech recognition strikes again!

    No Google - I said I want to be an Urban Guerilla not an urbane gorrilla!

  322. Just because

    On with the show?

    Yes, Scotty, the life is not intelligent. BEAM ME UP!

  323. undernourished


    "Gorilla Glass"? That's so hurtful.

  324. Angus Bell

    Taking a dump in the woods is much more pleasant on 4G; the motion is steady with far fewer drops outs and no spluttering. Watching my mate Sir David on iPlayer crouching here with my grand-dad back in the day moves me to tears.

    No naked flames in the jungle!

  325. Tony Quinn

    So tell me again, exactly which bit of the gorilla does the glass come from?

  326. RDRDRD

    So Siri you like the muscular hairy type huh?

  327. RDRDRD

    Siri I wanted hot Apes not Apps!

  328. Craig 31

    New OS

    That's Silverback Version 4 installed, lets check it out.

  329. rprior2008

    "Dave hung up on me, I only asked if he'd join me for a banana after work."

  330. must be me then

    Nothing - it's a gorilla.

  331. Plaestik

  332. 7zark7

    After ending up at London Zoo , Dr Zauis realised that using Siri to find his nearest Go Ape was not the brightest idea he had ever had.

  333. pravinkprince

    Gorilla is challenging iPhone. He just want a proof that new corning gorilla glass has much strength as the gorilla itself.

  334. schifreen

    There's an ape for that.

  335. schifreen

    Anyone know why I can't connect to the ape store?

  336. jcooney

    silver back "up" gorilla

    What do you mean "no more storage"

  337. justcw

    No, YouPhone, iGorilla.

  338. Nickgorrell

    "I Love you .... Sniffle"

  339. deskdrone485

    But this new version looks just like the old one? I don't know about this whole "evolution" thing.

  340. Jediben

    Steve Ballmer reflects on what could have been.

  341. Simon B

    Gorilla: B A N A N A

    Siri: Here are the results we have found for Minions.

    Gorilla: Nooooooooooooo!!!!

  342. Jame_s

    why does the ceo always seem to email me when i just got home?

  343. AlgernonFlowers4

    How am I meant to use my big dictaphone with this?

  344. gilesey

    Wut!? How did the PPI claims dialler get this number?

  345. tclicot

    Good Evening Ladies and Germs...

    Is that a banana in your pocket or...

    Let's all hold hands and contact the Living...


  346. haxel

    Met him once in the jungle and now David Attenborough texts me every day...

  347. Makeshift

    Taking Advantage of Unlimited Data!

    "Five years ago I would have never believed I could be watching porn literally anywhere..."

  348. wizard_of_odds

    Caesar? Caesar? I can't find this Rise of the Apes flashmob on the map!!

  349. estaban delsur

    calm down heston

    take your stinking paws of my iphone, you damned dirty ape!

  350. PhilTB54

    Hard drive comp

    This is ALL I get for giving Sigourney Weaver her big break in my film.

  351. long-in-tooth


    Why do hairless apes stand in front of my cage and then look at their own reflection??

  352. Marty-SNGC

    Phone Aper

    Hello madam I am from your bank and unfortunately a banana has gone into your account

  353. MarkET

    Really must change my profile picture...

  354. Setchp

    Why a front facing camera?...Oooh, who's a pretty boy then?

  355. rivergarden

    "Hey Siri, download the construction plans for the zoo..."

  356. rivergarden

    "I love watching nature documentaries."

  357. rivergarden

    "Humans use their opposable thumbs for this...?"

  358. MartinBZM





  359. haxel

    Met him once in the jungle, told him about the iphone and now David Attenborough texts me every day - it's too user friendly for my liking.

  360. arfan_ali

    "Hey your're right! The glass is made out of Gorillas...I can see one dam handsome one too!"

  361. tumtum101

    Nothing beats the gentle touch and discerning eye of a Gorilla, glass inspector. (comma optional)

  362. Snadowitz

    ...anonymous my arse.

  363. djmika

    FACEbook? Am I allowed?

  364. Stephen Keane

    Siri, if I don't get a sensible answer in the next 5 minutes I'm going to throw this handset all the way to the moon.

  365. kcmjr

    Dang it... cracked another one!

  366. pmrs88

    Brian the gorilla couldn't understand why he'd been given an apple. Everyone knows he likes bananas.

  367. cooperlizzy4

    Once george was certain that he was alone, he opened siri... "google image baboon buttocks!"

  368. channel extended

    Hmmm? Did I turn the iron off?

  369. AlgernonFlowers4

    Ok Watson, why can't hedgehogs just share the hedge?

  370. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is a weather warning! There's a heavy mist coming in, this is from the gorilla in it!!

  371. ckeen

    "12 minutes by car, through this jungle? No way!"

  372. King of Pain

    In an alternate universe...

    Hey Fred, I'm just picking up some banana chips and a few beers for the movie tonight. We're watching Planet of the Humans 7.

  373. tfettuk

    I cant keep my hands off this new Whatsape app!

  374. Kaz66

    How am I supposed to work a thing like this with my chunky fingers!

  375. raglan

    Mr david hann

    So all I said was, "Mr Collins, when I grow up I too want to be a Drummer" and Phil replied " No son, you can't do both!"

  376. howsmiff

    Bad day at office

    Hell. No credit! Its going to be another interesting day!

  377. frothyman

    txt from the Librarian

    What does he mean 'oook, ooook'?

  378. justinbyrne

    No Siri, I said BANDANNA. why do you assume that I am obsessed with bananas?

  379. davidmarsden

    signal isn't very good,i think its all this mist !!!

  380. Illya Vaes

    Apes, Apes, Apes

    The iPhone has more Apes than any other mobile phone platform.

  381. Mk4

    Bloody humans. Who the hell am I supposed to call?

  382. Robbedoes

    Beam me up, Scotty !

  383. red_baron

    What?! No Angry Birds? It'll be Angry Gorillas in a minute!

  384. thegeorge


    'This plan was brilliant. No one would expect the Bastard to hide in a ZOO in a gorilla costume after faking his own death because of that big mess with the fake off-site server thing. All it takes is a couple of taps on this iPhone I swiped from some idiot... And the local gorilla populace will have to get used to a diet of lager and onion bhajis! Can't wait to get my teeth into 'em. That reminds me - I wonder how the PFY fares in his alligator enclosure?'

  385. Jaykrone

    Fingers too big for the soft keys....Where'd I put my BlackBerry?

  386. DeeEmBee

    How did Siri get in there?

  387. sammilmcs

    Why would they make something so important and valuable, and then cover it in glass that smashes so easily!? I only dropped it once!

  388. Balveda

    Dumb-ass humans, at least your phones are smart.

  389. Rage2001

    I'm sad they're making Prometheus II before the next Alien movie too.

  390. MajorBlunder

    "How am I supposed to "Swype" with these thumbs!".

  391. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Combining gymnastics with the obstacle race. Will it make it to the Olympics?

  392. collinssc

    Who - So that's what "Spank the monkey" means!

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like