back to article Has anyone lost 37 dope plants, Bolton cops nonchalantly ask on Facebook

The South Bolton tentacle of Greater Manchester Police has scored itself a bit of net kudos with a Facebook appeal for a "forgetful horticulturist" to come forward and claim 37 "mislaid" marijuana plants. The appeal on the GMP Bolton Facebook page, with photo of the mislaid cannabis plants The potted pot plants were dumped …

  1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    What is it about Bolton?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The force that tasers the blind

      Cops in the next town over, Chorley, can't tell the difference between a blind pensioner shuffling away from them with a white stick and a maniac samurai running wild with a sword. So they tasered him in the back.

      The cop is still on the streets upholding law and order in his own special way, having been sent on an "awareness" course.

      You couldn't make it up.

    2. razorfishsl

      Re: What is it about Bolton?

      Something to do with "Nob End" just of St Peter's way (A666)

      There is a lot more sinister things going down in Bolton....

  2. skeptical i

    Disobedience, take two

    Bolton plod put up a notice:

    "Lost, abandoned, or strayed --

    some horticulturist's ganja

    seems to have been mislaid.

    Last seen lazing about

    the park near Moses gate.

    If anyone has any info to share,

    contact the station post-haste."

    We know what's in that pipe, sir.

  3. Francis Boyle

    Nah, can't be mine

    I only ordered three dozen.

  4. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    Well who knows ?

    If they're also smoking the stuff, they could well be dumb enough to think they can get it back.

    After all, stupider things have happened.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Well who knows ?

      After all, stupider things have happened.

      yeah, like using the word "stupider" and before you cry foul, the fact it may be on some urban chav dictionary does not mean its use is valid.

      More stupid would have been the correct statement.

      It's like "texted", another word that should be banished.

      1. Luke 11

        Re: Well who knows ?

        I thought we'd won WW2 and all the Nazis were dead?

        Apparently not, how is life in South America Herr Hitler?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Well who knows ?

          Fine, thanks. Even the Germans could speak fucking English properly..

          Now even the English fail to do it...

      2. Triggerfish

        Re: Well who knows ? @ Cornz1

        Stupider is described as an adjective of stupid in the Oxford dictionary

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Well who knows ? @ Cornz1

          Just because it's in there STILL doesn't make its use correct. Lets be right, the OED will add any word that appears to be in use in popular culture. Just for completeness, not because it's a grammatically correct phrase.

    2. John Tserkezis

      Re: Well who knows ?

      "After all, stupider things have happened."

      Heard about a traffic accident where police attended and were taking notes. One officer lifts his nose, takes a sniff and says "what's that smell?". His partner agreed.

      Cue a local who had come out of his house to witness said traffic accident, and alerts the officers to the fact that it was his pot plantation that was doing it, the ventelation fans push the inside air outside where it smells. With the officers looking curious (no-one could be THAT stupid), he offers them a tour of his setup. Being the courtious types, both do the "tour", then promptly thank the guy by asking him to accompany them to their vehicle. He eagerly obliged. (second hand story from a close friend who had seen it unfold).

      There ARE stupid criminals out there, they've even made compilation shows about them.

    3. e^iπ+1=0

      Re: Well who knows ?

      More likely that they're hoping that someone who knows about the provenance of the weed will "grass them up".

  5. jake Silver badge

    Oh, that's where I misplaced those.

    jake, in Sonoma California.

    (Plod, world-wide, is fairly clueless, in my estimation).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oh, that's where I misplaced those.

      Yeah. They're not supposed to think. You can't enforce certain laws if you think about them.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oh, that's where I misplaced those.

        You can't downvote certain comments if you think about them.

        1. Dave 126 Silver badge

          Re: Oh, that's where I misplaced those.

          I don't know why, but I up-voted 'jake'. Not because i think all plod are clueless, but because of the circumstances in which they work can make them appear that way. Also, I'm fairly bored of down-voting him.

          A removed example: A bent accountant who commits millions of £$ of fraud will be far better incentivised than any official set to prosecute them. They will have spent years of experience and months of planning to commit a crime that the investigating officer might ojnly have weeks to look at - that is, if they even know there has been a crime to begin with.

    2. Dr Dan Holdsworth

      Re: Oh, that's where I misplaced those.

      Plod in America is getting worryingly devious, though.

      Quite a few police stations in the USA are running campaigns aimed at the local drug dealers, inviting them to tattle on their competitors in the drugs trade, in order to reduce the local competition with their products. As there is no honour amongst criminals, a cycle of tit-for-tat informing is soon set up, with the local plod being the net beneficiaries of all of this.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well I can see why those plants were thrown

    ... and I wouldn't want them back either.

    My cat could have done better .....

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      Re: Well I can see why those plants were thrown

      That's some pretty ill looking horticulture IMHO.

  7. This post has been deleted by its author

  8. David Pollard

    Does plod know?

    It's important to weed out the male plants if you want to get a good crop.

    See, e.g.

    1. Tom 38

      Re: Does plod know?

      You'd do that before planting them up in those size pots though.

      Or so I've been told.

    2. JimmyPage Silver badge

      Male plants

      depends. The psychoactive part of the plant is concentrated in the trichomes, which appear on the flowering tops. These are tiny hairs, which have a sac with the resin atop.

      If a plant is fertilized, then all the energy goes into producing seeds, rather than trichomes.

      (There is no accepted consensus as to the evolutionary reasons for this feature. Given the Himalayan origins of Cannabis species, it has been suggested it's a protection from UV light).

      Therefore, drug producers try very hard to prevent their female plants getting fertilized - they try and keep them without seed. And Spanish for "Without Seed" is "Sinsemilla".

      However, some people also like to breed their own strains of cannabis. For this (obviously) male pollen (and therefore plants) are needed. Once the pollen has been gathered, the plant has no use.

      The fact that I know all of this show what an utter farce the past 44 years have been.

      Incidentally, it's fucking anti social to dump any waste material. But even worse when it's something which could have easily been composted. If I caught the culprits, I'd give them a pass on the drugs, but cut their balls off with a rusty razor.

      1. chivo243 Silver badge

        Re: Male plants


        Well said on all points. Your last paragraph hits the mark, bullseye. We will probably die in a sea of our own pollution...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Litter/pollution

          there is a difference.

          If *I* were King for a day, I would completely re-evaluate criminal jurisprudence and decide punishment on what the proven act demonstrates about the guilty. Which really does mandate the death penalty for littering :

          1) It shows total disrespect for other peoples living space

          2) It shows total disrespect for the fact that ultimately we all live - and drink - off the land. Someone who litters is metaphorically (or maybe literally) pissing in our breakfasts.

          3) It shows that the offender can't see themselves as part of society.

          1. Mark 85

            Re: Litter/pollution

            Maybe, just maybe, they weren't "littering" but sharing the harvest. Possible I suppose especially if one has been sampling the product for <ahem> quality control purposes.

    3. Crisp

      Re: Does plod know?

      I've heard from a friend that you can get feminized seeds now. No need to weed out the males with them.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Does plod know?

        Feminised seeds have been available for a long time. As have automatic plants which don't require specific photoperiods, you give them 20 hours of light a day, they grow and flower and then you harvest em. But you cant clone em. Less yield but less hassle.

        Clones are the way forward though and a cutting from a feminised plant will always yield feminine clones.

        Also, it is genetically preferable to grow normal seeds and then take the females from that lot.

        5 seeds should render you at least 1 or 2 females.

        Once you have one good female, you are sorted for ever..


        1. ukgnome

          Re: Does plod know?

          @cornz 1

          Is this the monsanto strain?

        2. Anon5000

          Re: Does plod know?

          "Once you have one good female, you are sorted for ever.."

          Unless it's one of those feminised types that hates males.

          1. chivo243 Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: Does plod know?

            I see what you did there... Up Vote!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Does plod know?

        My understanding is that some female plants can change the gender of some of their flowers when they haven't been pollinated (ie when they are being grown for use by humans), and the seeds produced from those are "femanised" in that they are much more likely to give a female than a male.

        Personally I prefer to plant a dozen or so seeds, then weed out (hur hur) the males later on, so whatever grows is happy with the medium I'm growing them in. You can go to seed banks and pay a small fortune, but I'm cheap and just fish them out of the mid price weed from the local coffee shop or bodega.

        Now if I could only work out a way to stop the damn cats from chewing on the buds I'll be sorted....

        1. JimmyPage Silver badge


          My understanding is that some female plants can change the gender of some of their flowers when they haven't been pollinated

          If they do, they weren't "female" plants, but hermaphrodites that were expressing female traits over male.

          A true female plant, is a true female plant. Cuttings and clones will always be female.

          It's all to do with F1/F2 hybridization.

          As a previous poster suggested, for an "illegal" substance, there is an awful lot known about cannabis. In PhD. depth.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rory Breaker might have lost some.

    1. wyatt

      If he has, I've no doubt he's on his way to get it back!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya. Now, Mr. Bubble-and-Squeak, you may enlighten me.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Are you sure plod isn't asking earnestly?

    I wouldn't be surprised if plod were doing this with a straight face. If they'd mentioned how the culprits had "left the plants where young children might find them", I'd be sure they were serious.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They do look like males

    I wonder why don't they work from cuttings.

    I have been told it is easier to work with clones, as they all grow at almost the same speed and don't need so many adjustments with the lamps.

    Anon.. as in the UK it is illegal (stupid), unless you grow tomatos instead...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: They do look like males

      They do look like males!!!


      You cant possibly see pistils or pollen sacks there. Other than those differences there is NO way to tell.

      Stop trying to make it sound like you know what you're talking about when you clearly don't


    2. John Tserkezis

      Re: They do look like males

      "Anon.. as in the UK it is illegal (stupid), unless you grow tomatos instead..."

      Heard from a guy I used to work with, his cousin was a heavy pot smoker, and curious, tried smoking tomato leaves. Said he "wasn't the same" after that. Probably forgot to wash off the bug poison.

      See? Pot really is a gateway drug, leading to the real heavy stuff like tomatoes.

      1. Swarthy

        Re: They do look like males

        I'll bet he was never the same. Tomatoes are a member of the Nightshade family, and their leaves have some "Interesting" alkalies in them.

        1. x 7

          Re: They do look like males

          " their leaves have some "Interesting" alkalies in them"


          not alkalies (just joining in with the threads theme of language correctness)

  12. David Pollard
    Thumb Up

    Time to end the 'war on drugs'

    Durham police seem to have been promoting an enlightened approach to the 'drugs problem' for a couple of years now. Maybe their Bolton colleagues are in agreement.

    One of the difficulties with such an approach is in knowing where to draw the line. Perhaps three dozen plants is the suggested maximum for 'personals'. Or maybe it's a reminder not to be 'blatant' in smoking in public places.

    1. Triggerfish

      Re: Time to end the 'war on drugs'

      From personal experience as a student in Bolton, I can say the police showed quite a relaxed attitude in general to a bit of weed being smoked, sometimes we even had off duty ones at parties.

      Funnily enough the only time we did get in trouble was when someone picked a daffodil from a council planted area, that apparently needed a black maria, a van full of cops, two dog teams and a squad car, with us all being slammed into the side of the van and verbally abused.

  13. Tom 7

    Probably the bill themselves.

    A mate got busted for some 1' high plants. A few weeks later he was taken to identify them for some legal reason and was amazed to see they were all 6' tall and healthier than a Lleylandii and took up half a warehouse.

    1. Tom 38

      Re: Probably the bill themselves.

      Probably making sure they weigh enough to be charged with intent to supply.

  14. Phuq Witt

    Further News From Bolton in a Few Months Time...

    Bolton Police Christmas Party declared a huge success as red-eyed officers eat record amounts of food and giggle uncontrollably throughout.

    [Sherlock, as a wee bit of what you fancy does you good]

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Probably got paranoid

    He/she probably got a bit too high and started thinking, "what if I get busted" and decided to give up on the crops.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My guess is they were dumped by a landlord clearing out a student house over the summer break.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is urban gardening taken to its natural conclusion.

  18. Fink-Nottle

    The Facebook Generation

    This is just shoddy police work. Back in my day every police statement concerning drugs had to include a hugely over-inflated estimate of street value ...

    1. Hawkeye Pierce

      Re: The Facebook Generation

      Will never forget the "Not the Nine O'Clock News" sketch with Pamela Stephenson as the newsreader reporting that police had recovered a certain amount of drugs with a street value of £1m... "which means they're paying more than twice what the rest of us are".

      1. Matthew 3

        Re: The Facebook Generation

        And Mel Smith answering the 'How did you work that out?' question with 'That's how much we got for it!' in another sketch.

  19. x 7

    was there a fat ginger cat anywhere nearby?

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