back to article BOFH: Knitting bobble hats on the steps of the guillotine

"Good news!" the Boss blurts, rocketing into Mission Control in a frenzy, “I’m going to be heading a new working party to improve website usability." "You poor bastard!" I gasp, "I didn't even see it coming!” "See what coming?" the PFY says, lugging a box of recently replaced hard drives out of the server room. "The boss …

  1. Rich 11 Silver badge

    Hah!

    scratch magnet

    Definitely stealing that one...

  2. Joseph Eoff

    Hmmm.

    Looks like we know who is responsible for the horrid changes to the Register.

    I can only hope that he really does get fired, or maybe the BOFH will put him out of our misery before the Boss gets fired.

    1. Alistair
      Pint

      @Joseph

      have a pub visit, you beat me to it.

    2. Chris Evans

      Better the devil you know.....

      ....

      n.b. Why insist on text in the body? Often the title is all that is needed!

      1. Martin Budden Silver badge

        Put < b > tags around the body so it looks like a title.

  3. Mayhem

    Ayah

    “No, because 'technology's changed so much in the time you’ve been away' – regardless of how short a time it was. Your role's disestablished and there's a new role, like ‘Technical Functional Support Co-ordinator’ or some crap like that, which they've shoehorned your replacement into, avoiding any legal entanglements.”

    Well now, that brought back a few bad memories from the millennium, when a six week secondment turned into "you aren't suitable for the role any more".

    Creative Dismissal is far too easy to get around these days.

  4. phuzz Silver badge
    Pint

    Friday afternoon is officially here. Time to down tools and read the internet until it's time to head to the pub.

    1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

      Wadyamean?

      It was time to hit the pub 3 hours ag...

      Oh!

    2. InfiniteApathy

      @phuzz - Friday afternoon is officially here. Time to down tools and read the internet until it's time to head to the pub.

      So nothing special for Friday then?

  5. A K Stiles
    Coat

    reminiscent

    This reminds me of a place I used to work where various people would be assigned to 'special projects', usually about 6 to 12 months before a 'mutually beneficial' agreement to 'pursue other interests' was 'negotiated'. And yes, most of those 'air-quotes' were usually enunciated!

    1. DiViDeD Silver badge

      Re: reminiscent

      Reminiscent too of a well known petroleum company (can't say who, but does the phrase 'Flora margarine logo' ring a bell?).

      in 1999, the establishment of a Y2K Task Force was seen as a good way to second your dead wood to the Force and then dedicate your time to making sure they didn't have a post millenial job to come back to.

  6. Florida1920

    First, hire the hang-person

    Friend of mine was hired to run a tech-writing dept at a well-known company, at a very high salary. First task they gave her was to get rid of a woman in the department they didn't like. Once that was done, my friend's position suddenly became obsolete and she was out the door. Worked out for me, as later on I was approached to run a department at another company, where my first task would be to get rid of an old guy past his expiration date. At least I got an up-front warning. I told them to grow a pair and walked out of the interview.

  7. tom dial Silver badge

    This is almost too real world to be funny.

    It put me in mind of a project at my former place of employment that started in 2009 or 2010 to which my successor recently was reassigned as part of an agency plan to produce well-rounded middle managers. The project has to do with consolidating and rationalizing about 500+ Access- or Excel-based "micro-apps", developed by accountants, that provide function omitted from the large accounting systems they support. The investigation and analysis continues still, hampered by a requirement to maintain their functionality in the face of changes to laws, regulations, and the systems they support, and as well the frequent discovery of additional ones. From what he told me a few weeks ago they are, by now, at the second or third level information-gathering-survey stage.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge
      Coat

      "plan to produce well-rounded middle managers"

      Burgers, pizzas, bacon butties, lots of sugary drinks...

      Mine's the one with the box of Danish pastries in the pocket.

    2. JulieM

      Which just goes to show

      Any simple task can be declared impossible -- or at least prolonged indefinitely -- if enough meetings are held to discuss it.

      1. Ken 16

        Re: Which just goes to show

        Who's on the Tea committee?

  8. deadlockvictim Silver badge

    Innovation Management

    Why do I get the eerie[1] feeling that stage 2 of this story arc will involve the bandying about of the term «innovation management»?

    [1] It was originally an eyrie feeling, but then the bloody eagles came and dropped me off in Mordor,

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