back to article OnePlus phone fanbois flock for a shiny phondle

It looked just like the queues you get outside Apple stores. But we were in South Of The River – in deepest Southwark – where Apple doesn't set foot. What was going on? The answer was that OnePlus, a Shenzhen-based phone "startup" – read on for an explanation of the scare quotes – was offering fanbois a glimpse at its new …

  1. Nathan 13

    They are all

    mentally ill IMHO.

  2. JeffyPoooh
    Pint

    Are you sure it's about the phone?

    It's been demonstrated time and again that the British will naturally form an orderly queue behind anyone that stops on the sidewalk.

    1. Trigonoceps occipitalis Silver badge

      Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

      On a desert island:

      Two Irishmen will start a fight.

      Two Welshmen will start a choir.

      Two Scots will start a Caledonian Society.

      Two Englishmen will start a queue.

      (Apologies for the stereotypes.)

      1. markw:

        Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

        Two Americans will start a war?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

          @ markw:

          Two Americans will start a war

          Surely you mean one American in an empty room ?

      2. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge

        Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

        Surely even one welshman will start at least two chapels - the one I go to and the one I don't?

      3. Charles Manning

        Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

        "(Apologies for the stereotypes.)"

        No need for the apology, the Englishmen would have already apologised.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

      Sidewalk ?

      We British say pavement, no septic tankisms please.

      1. VinceH

        Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

        "We British say pavement, no septic tankisms please."

        And on that note, I'll give a thumbs up to Andrew for calling invitations "invitations" and not "invites".

        1. Phuq Witt
          Thumb Up

          Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

          "...And on that note, I'll give a thumbs up to Andrew for calling invitations "invitations" and not "invites"..."

          Seconded. He obviously got my memo last time we discussed OnePlus [Last line of comment]

      2. JeffyPoooh
        Pint

        Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

        'pavement' vice 'sidewalk'

        It has to be written from a foreign viewpoint, because the British don't even realize that they do it. So the word 'sidewalk' is applicable and appropriate.

        PS: Canada calling. We have 'sidewalks' here, ...and a picnic park that is 2.16 Wales in area.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Are you sure it's about the phone?

          >PS: Canada calling. We have 'sidewalks' here, ...and a picnic park that is 2.16 Wales in area.

          and I would hazard a guess that Welsh pride is 2.16 times larger than Canadian pride.

          Size is one of those Americanisms ( Canada being classed as a polite suburb of the US) where bigger = better....(hint). it's the "small penis syndrome"..

          Quality is what matters and I know from first hand experience, if you want quality rain come to Scotland...I have never seen better rain or more dreary weather anywhere in the world... In Scotland we are very modest, (hint) because of our "large penis syndrome".

  3. keithpeter Silver badge
    Coat

    specify parts like on laptops

    It would be nice to be able to go to a Web site, and choose a screen/case format, then spec the processor, ram, storage, camera chip, audio system from lists of alternatives compatible with the screen/case style and then place the final order. Possibly in the future even with choice of OS (Android/Ubuntu/Plasma Mobile/One of those other ones like FirefoxOS or something). Wait 3 weeks and the phone arrives. There could be a showroom in the leafy wide streets of Southwark that demonstrated recommended models and allowed you to fondle before you buy.

    I imagine this can't work as a result of the bulk pre-orders needed to reduce the cost of the parts. One can dream.

    Coat: mine's the one with the old Blackberry. Well it works.

    1. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      Re: specify parts like on laptops

      Some people seem to believe that your 'Wait 3 weeks...' could, in the very near future, be replaced with 'Pop a cartridge of mobile phone paste into the 3D printer...'.

      :-)

      1. Teiwaz Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        "mobile phone paste"

        Not a good idea... IMO

        Somebody, (actually, more than likely number of people) would feel obligated to either eat it or smear it over their genitalia.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "mobile phone paste"

          Somebody, (actually, more than likely number of people) would feel obligated to either eat it or smear it over their genitalia.

          .. giving a whole new meaning to "you're holding it wrong". Ugh.

          Pass me the mind bleach, please.

        2. Captain DaFt

          Re: "mobile phone paste"

          "Not a good idea... IMO

          Somebody, (actually, more than likely number of people) would feel obligated to either eat it or smear it over their genitalia."

          So, you're saying they'd mistake it for marmite?

    2. Steve Foster
      Alert

      Re: specify parts like on laptops

      More worryingly, the laptop market seems to be moving towards the phone model, with the latest laptops increasingly being "sealed tin" with little or no upgradeability (a move seemingly pioneered by Apple, but definitely spreading much more widely).

      1. JeffyPoooh
        Pint

        Re: specify parts like on laptops

        "sealed tin"

        I have a Lenovo business laptop of the Win 7 era that is just about as upgradeable as they come. I bought it *used* for about $300 plus shipping. It's really nice in its way.

        I have an Asus laptop of the Win 8.1 era that is a sealed unit, and there's nothing that can be upgraded or even easily changed. I bought it *brand new* for $189 with free shipping. It's really nice in its way.

        Pros and cons, especially price.

        No excuse for expensive laptops that are sealed up, looking at Apple here.

        1. x 7

          Re: specify parts like on laptops

          the Lenovo, even second hand will last longer than the ASUS

    3. OllyL

      Re: specify parts like on laptops

      Isn't Google doing something similar to that in Puerto Rico right now (or very soon if not?) where you buy a phone shell and can then add/remove individual portions to suit your need?

      1. S4qFBxkFFg
        FAIL

        Re: specify parts like on laptops

        Yes, called "Ara".

        It's certainly not "right now", and disappointingly, "very soon" probably means "Maybe in 2015".

        It could finally be the antidote to the manufacturers locking batteries inside the phone, or leaving out SD card slots.

        I just wish they'd hurry up, I've got a middle-aged HTC that, because of Ara, I've not replaced yet.

  4. x 7

    bunch of trainspotters

  5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "summer heat."

    You're just making things up.

    1. VinceH
      Facepalm

      I was tempted to say "Photos, or it didn't happen."

      Then I remembered there are photos in the article.

  6. Martin Summers Silver badge

    You'd think after the success of the first phone they'd drop this crap and be in a position to supply on a larger scale by now. It's going to get to the ludicrous point where people are going to start saying "Why won't you take my money" follower by "if you won't take my money then I'll go elsewhere."

    It's never hurt the iPhone to have 'scarce' supply so why can't they just open the gates, let people buy what they have and get on with it. I certainly don't think this will work for the OnePlus 3.

    1. VinceH

      "You'd think after the success of the first phone they'd drop this crap and be in a position to supply on a larger scale by now."

      Indeed. The whole "invitation" nonsense just puts me off. I see it as nothing more than a marketing ploy, to make people who get an invitation and are able to buy one somehow feel as though they are part of an exclusive/select group.

      The phone looks like it could be a reasonable replacement for my current one, which is becoming increasingly battered, and for a reasonable price - but I won't be buying one while it's on this silly "invitation" basis (even if someone sends me an invitation). If and when they make it generally available, I'll consider it - IF I still have my current phone and IF their phone still looks reasonable for the price compared with other phones on the market at that point.

      1. x 7

        you can "apply" to be invited......which means being added to their customer database, by which you become part of their marketable data.

        By selling only direct to customers through "invitation" they can be sure they have captured the details of ALL their end-users. With Android or iPhone you can fudge your identity if you use fake e-mail addresses as accounts meaning that while Apple / Google are abstracting your data, you can prevent them from finding your actual real ID. However with this application sales method, the sellers know your ID before you even get the phone - and the phone ID can be paired to your real ID

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

      3. Paul Shirley

        An important part of the scarcity and invitation system is the way it creates artificial loyalty. Imagine the storm of complaint over the problems the 1 had if people could make casual purchases. Instead we have muted, almost apologistic, posts mostly out of sight on their forums.

        Just like the 1p1 by the time anyone can just buy one the hardware and price will struggle to compete with year old flagships at year old flagship prices. The service will still be bad.

  7. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nice Apple Beats product placement in the first picture...

  9. TeeCee Gold badge
    Happy

    Say what you like about 'em.

    The Oneplus One is an absolute fucktonne of device for a ludicrously[1] low price. Still impossible to touch on price/performance to this day and very few outdo it on pure performance (and elsewhere you can count the number of year old, but still pack-leading, devices on the fingers of one foot).

    Funny how an unlocked device of massively puissant spec needn't cost an arm and a leg once its manufacturer tells the networks to shove their subsidies and control where the sun shineth not. There's a lesson in there........

    [1] Well, it was. Since they cut the prices hugely recently, I'm afraid that the English language is all out of superlatives.

  10. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    Noneplussed

    The people in the queue look a bit noneplussed.

    Was there a pic of them coming out the building afterwards?

    They were a bit noneplussed too.

  11. Scaffa

    I imagine a fair few of those devices will be straight onto eBay - the invitations to purchase themselves are north of £100.

    Some people may queue for fancy cheap phone; more people will queue for an easy wedge.

  12. RISC OS
    FAIL

    that first photo

    lol... I thought that was of my local home for mentally disabled people.

  13. Lostintranslation

    Rent-a-crowd

    The same fucking rent-a-crowd from the last 10 launches.

    How much was it this time Apple? £35 plus a free sandwich from Pret?

  14. Alan Denman

    As fake as an Apple iWatch queue

    .,nuff said.

  15. Steve Evans

    Can me a cynic...

    But given the way One+ like to promote their products though restricted supply and hype, I can't help wondering how many of those in the queue were from rent-a-crowd...

  16. lotus49

    Not going to jump through hoops

    I had been intending to buy a OnePlus One so I joined the forum (and the queue for invitations) and waited. And waited...

    Eventually they sent me an invitation but because I didn't see the email for more than 24 hours, it was too late (they were only valid for 24 hours). At that point, I decided that any company that could bollock up something this badly was not to be trusted to provide reliable support so I fell into the arms of Google and I now own a Nexus 6.

    The OPO was a well specced phone for the price and I dare say that the OPT will be as well but I don't trust a company that is prepared to piss so many people off.

  17. esque

    '(Only recently have you been able to buy one without a hard-to-find invitation).'

    If by recently you mean 9 months ago then you're correct. I bought my Oneplus One in their web store in November 2014 without an invite. And I held it in my hands less then a week later.

    'its only institutional shareholder is Chinese phone vendor Oppo Electronics'

    Well, what I heard is that Oppo Electronis is NOT the maker of the Oppo phones, which would be Oppo Mobile: http://www.gizchina.com/2014/04/28/oneplus-responds-oppo-controversy/

    So Oppo Mobile and Oneplus share an investor, but are not directly linked.

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