back to article Cops baffled by 'canal corpse' that turned out to be COCONUTS

Manchester coppers were baffled to discover that reports of a dead body in a canal were in fact someone's unwanted coconuts. Officers in Trafford were called after a walker pulled what he believed to be a bag full of animal bones from the Bridgewater Canal, near Longford Wharf on Stephenson Road in Stretford. The man noticed …

  1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

    They're trying to migrate!

    They couldn't find any Barn Swallows to carry them, so they banded together to migrate on their own!

    I'll get my coat, it's the one with the Monty Python skit in the pocket...

    1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      That's how they do migrate

      Coconut palms grow on island beaches where the nuts can fall into the sea and drift off to other islands.

      It's a while since I saw the canal in Stretford, but from what I read of the improvements in Manchester I assume that all the canals are now fringed by sandy beaches with palm trees.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Someone pulled it out?

    Cripes.

    If there is any alien life, it will be found in a disused canal.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Someone pulled it out?

      If there is any alien life, it will be found in a disused canal. the East River.

      (particularly rich in nutrients, etc)

    2. PNGuinn
      Pirate

      Re: Someone pulled it out?

      "If there is any alien life, it will be found in a disused canal."

      Fail. This is Gunchester. It's more the alien life on dry land you need to wory about. It crawled out ages ago.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    New insults?

    He was dressed like a duvet full of coconuts, smelling of canal no.5.

  4. 0laf Silver badge

    What'll I do with all these out of date coconuts Dave? Put them in the recycling?

    Nah, fill up that duvet cover with them and we'll chuck them in the canal.

    In someone's mind a duvet and a canal is the best option for getting rid of coconuts. That's quite frighting really.

  5. nevstah

    wheres the IT link?

    i must have missed it

    probably because of the stench..

    1. MrDamage

      Re: wheres the IT link?

      The "IT link" which you are so desperately searching for, is the html code buried within the text "Cops baffled by 'canal corpse' that turned out to be COCONUTS".

      Seriously, stop whinging about lack of IT angle. If your OCD is that bad, fuck off back to 4chan.

  6. knarf

    That's NUTS!!!

    Sorry couldn't resist

  7. deadcow

    I've got a horrible bunch of coconuts

    Shy ace ditches winnings?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wow, look at the size of that dead blokes testicles !

  9. Graham Marsden

    Yes, very funny, but...

    ... what if it *had* been something suspicious and the Police had just dismissed it or failed to investigate?

    It was only a short time ago that two people died because Stirling Police didnt follow up on reports of a car accident, leaving a woman to lie there for three days before she was discovered. What if this hadn't been "a bag of animal bones", but evidence was lost because it wasn't deemed to be important?

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      Hold your horses

      No one's saying the police shouldn't have investigated. The news is reported here because someone at El Reg thought it was interesting, a view apparently shared by the police themselves if the hashtag is anything to go on.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: Hold your horses

        Hollywood tells us that "investigating" such things is fraught with deadly danger...

        CHOMP!

      2. PNGuinn
        Go

        Re: Hold your horses @ FB

        Not to mention us enquiring minds.....

  10. Elmer Phud

    "Big ones,

    Small ones,

    Some as big as yer 'ead"

  11. Jim 59

    Hate it when people palm their coconuts off on somebody else.

    1. PNGuinn
      Go

      Palm oil. @ Jim

      You know, that's so corny I ought to press the Report Abuse button after upvoting....

  12. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Coat

    Police are looking for...

    Kid Creole?

    Mine's the long Cab Calloway one.

  13. Mark 85 Silver badge
    Holmes

    Interesting coincidence? I think not.

    I read the article and at the bottom of the page "More from the Register" which is usually related articles... and they're all about North Korea and Glorious Leader. What is El Reg trying to tell us? That they are NORK coconuts or that the NORKS are coconuts?

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