More Apple Car mutterings: Cupertino slurps more autobiz brains

Internet mumblings anent the long-speculated-upon Apple car have intensified following the news that the fruity firm has hired another chap from the auto industry. Doug Betts was the lead for global quality at the Italian-American multinational Fiat Chrysler until last year, but joined Apple in July according to his LinkedIn …

[Anonymous Coward]

It only does that when you hit the "shuffle" button, and it will randomly choose one of your past destinations.

[Saint Gerbil]

Apple Car (since they abandoned the i)

Apparently you it will offer "cult" mode and it will follow apple regardless of where they go.

[JamesPond]

Re: Apple Car (since they abandoned the i)

"it will offer "cult" mode "

I need new glasses, I read cult for something else...

[Anonymous Coward]

Betts was the lead for global quality at the Italian-American multinational until last year

And didn't he do well? http://jalopnik.com/fiat-chrysler-brands-last-in-consumer-reports-auto-reli-1651337569

[Anonymous Coward]

Even worse - http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/jul/21/jeep-owners-urged-update-car-software-hackers-remote-control

[Anonymous Coward]

Apple car?

So, that would be a car that...

Has a non-standard charging port

Has non-replaceable batteries glued in place

Has to be taken to see a genius to get the light bulbs changed

Has sensors that invalidate the warranty if it gets wet

Won't have any Windows

[JamesPond]

Re: Apple car?

You forgot the bit about being 5x as expensive as any other manufacturer offering

But will, probably, look nice

[MyffyW]

Re: Apple car?

Pretty and expensive? Always thought the new MINI fitted this category rather well. And I speak as someone who owned said little hatchback for a couple or three years. Was a delight to drive. But the idea of renouncing the driving seat to computer depresses me beyond words. Unless it's 4am in the morning and I have a 3 hour commute ahead of me.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Apple car?

"But will, probably, look nice"

Not if the all great and powerful Ive designs it. He lost his French curve years ago and has to rely on his "My first stencil set" which only has rectangles and circles in it.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Apple car?

I'm waiting to see apple sue all other car manufacturers for having round edges on their vehicles.

[Khaptain]

Re: Apple car?

And it will also require that you inform "iTunes" about your destination, preferred driving speed, upload a copy of your passengers credit card details and validate your password before you are allowed to open the drivers door.

[VinceH]

Re: Apple car?

And you'll only be able to use Apple approved parking spaces and toll roads/bridges. For which they'll get 30% of the fee.

(Yay! It's the old "If Microsoft made cars" meme reinvented!)

[Anonymous Coward]

@Khaptain

You are confusing it with the Google car that will do all that, as well as force you to watch ads played on the inside of the windshield during the entire drive.

Google's Chrome is the one that tries to force you to login to it so it can track all your browsing, not Apple's Safari.

[Alan Edwards]

Re: Apple car?

"Has to be taken to see a genius to get the light bulbs changed"

That's not much different from the current stuff. I couldn't get the clip off that holds the headlight bulb in on my 307, annoying as that car ate through bulbs, and you have to get at the bulb on a Megane through the front wheel arch.

The Fiesta I have now makes you take the entire light assembly out to change a bulb.

I still don't get why Apple would make a car, it gets them into a whole new regulatory field they know nothing about. The regulations are all different around the world too, Apple can't even be bothered to fit a UK layout keyboard.

[Chris G]

I think

An Appoo car would give me the pip! Only able to recharge via an Appoo approved overpriced charging port.

[Haku]

How will you know if someone has an Apple Car?

They'll beep at you.

[Phuq Witt]

C'mon, Lads!

I can't believe all you Apple haters have formed such a disorderly queue to get your snarky remarks in first. Yet nobody's managed to rehash your all-time favourite yet.

I can see I'll have to do it for you:

"If Apple enter the self-driving car market, their competitors will have to drive in straight lines, as Apple will take a patent out on rounding corners"

Thank you and good night!

[Elmer Phud]

Re: C'mon, Lads!

Don't be silly!

It's only the cars that will be affected.

Everyone else will need rectangular boxes to be driven in.

But it's more the smug owner saying 'no-one can break in to this' while the backdoor is opened and the stereo nicked that I find is missing so far.

[Scott Broukell]

Name

So, will it be called the Peel electric car, (geddit hehe), or maybe the iPeel. I dunno, I wonder if it will have any aPeel at all.

<gets coat>

[Elmer Phud]

Re: Name

Underneath iPeel is iPith

[Eddy Ito]

Re: Name

I think you've upset the apple cart with that. Really it isn't an orange you know.

Or are you just taking the pith?

[John H Woods]

Re: Name

"Really it isn't an orange you know." --- Eddy Ito

Good job, who wants to have a segmentation fault when driving?

[Haku]

Re: Name

Going by the whole fruit association thing, does this mean the people inside will be referred to as 'Worms'?

"I overtook this Apple Car the other day on the freeway, it sure wiped the smug look off the face of the worm inside!"

[Steve Davies 3]

Re: Name Peel Electric car

Sorry but that name has been taken

http://www.peelengineering.com/

Wasn't the Peel P50 subject to a Clarkson rant a few years back?

I'm waiting for the AC Cobra where AC=Apple Cars. Then the lawsuits will really get up some speed.

Mines the one with the keys to my A-35 in the pocket.

[Anonymous Coward]

If Apple delivers an AV...

...that is as bad a design as most of their other products, the loonies will buy it and then sue Apple for auto accident injuries and deaths.

[Frank Bough]

reality check

...the Apple car will simply be a Tesla done properly, and within 2 years every other manufacturer will be falling over themselves to copy it, badly.

[nilfs2]

Anyone interested on buying an iCloud blocked car?

That will make used car lot owners angry

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Anyone interested on buying an iCloud blocked car?

Well activation lock would be one way to eliminate carjacking at least...

[naive]

Don't forget all these unexploited patents

The US patent office will have to do overtime. Apple patent application # 01010111 01010100 01000110:

Enclosed body placed on 4 wheels. Wheels are mounted on axles, which are on their turn mounted with telescopic gas springs and metal springs to this body. Axle elements are mounted to the body using rubber mounts with center bolts to bolt them on body.. etc...

I am sure the inventor of the car, Mercedes Benz, ends up paying royalties to them (in the USA).

[Chris G]

Impact

Will the energy of the first Applecar crash be measured in Newtons?