back to article 'Please, choose to be a good citizen and DON’T ask Siri about 9/11'

This week saw Microsoft sharpen the knives while GM showed off an incredibly ugly car and Samsung borked a few notebooks. Here are the best quips we picked up along the way. Outsourcing house of horrors Capita recently made 700 UK workers redundant. Turns out, they might be the lucky ones, if our story is any indication. The …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One-two-three KICK

    GCHQ must be borrowing the same incompetent trainers the NSA uses. It seems both have an abundance of daffy interns who tend to turn the Flaming Eye up to 12 when they're only authorized to have it on 6 or 7. When exposed, the spook bosses dance onto the grandstand to tell us it was just a misunderstanding among their earnest staff. They're sure we we agree the underlings shouldn't be reprimanded for being overly patriotic. Counter-intelligence indeed!

    1. petur

      Re: One-two-three KICK

      No, I think they hired the team that created the google wifi-slurping cars

  2. John H Woods

    Ahem ...

    ... don't want to be too Pecksniffian about it, but surely when one's car is ambushed and the driver held hostage that is a serious and frightening situation and probably, even if one is something of a celebrity, does not deserve to be compared to merely having been supplied with the wrong brand of bottled water?

  3. Ru'

    Surely "911" is more than just phonetically identical to "911"?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    0118 999 88199 9119 725!

    [pauses] 3!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kinda glad I my interview for BofE didn't get taken past first stage now. Much happier here than I would have been there I think.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All capita sites are similar

    At one site I worked at, if you bought food in the canteen for takeaway, you'd get a smaller portion, and they'd charge you 15p extra per cardboard container vs eating in on the premises.

    Someone obviously didn't work out the cost of employing multiple staff to wash up the plates and cutlery of the people stopping to eat in along with the heat and light and so-forth probably costs more than charging people 15p per cardboard container.

  7. Pen-y-gors

    Silly people

    If they tried to use the calendar in a logical, natural way, and referred to dates as DDMM e.g. 11/9 or 11th September then they wouldn't have a problem. Don't get me started on the lunacy of displaying dates as mm/dd/yyyy. And how about using 999 as an emergency number?

    1. Crisp

      Re: Silly people

      The one true date format is YYYYMMDD and always will be.

      All praise to the ISO 8601!

      1. John H Woods

        Re: Silly people

        "The one true date format is YYYYMMDD and always will be" -- Crisp

        +1. But it confuses the hell out of bureaucrats and is impossible on many forms where they have specified the order for you. Both UK and US formats should be abolished - they are both sufficiently prevalent that, in the absence of other information, they are ambiguous 132 days per year (>36% of the time).

        However, has anyone tried the ISO 8601 date on Siri? It still ends "oh nine one one," after all.

        <pedant>I would perhaps replace "always" with "for the next nearly 8000 years"</pedant>

    2. ravenviz Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Silly people

      @Pen-y-gors

      '999' comes from rotary dial telephones. Dialing 999, three full rotations, forms a deliberate act and isolates real emergency calls from e.g. a child playing with the phone, where 111 could actually be inadvertently dialled very easily.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "If you bring food into the canteen then they SELL you plastic cutlery, napkins and cups. You cannot pick up your own cutlery."

    Those are some cheapskates. You better eat your meal hidden in your cubicle then, with your bare hands?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If they are that dumb...

    ...to ask about 911, perhaps they need to be placed in a padded cell where they won't hurt themselves?

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