DEATH by VEGETABLES: Woman charged with killing boyf using carrots. And peas

A woman in California allegedly killed her boyfriend using mixed veg, according to local news reports. According to NBCLA, a local prosecutor states that Linda Clarene Jackson, 59, of Lake Los Angeles, allegedly attacked her 59-year-old boyfriend, David Ruiz, while he was in her house. The local TV station reported further …

[Anonymous Coward]

Worse and more damaging things than spamming someone.

If that's a cue for tins of spam jokes then I'm dry, you'll have to have all jokes without spam. Without spam? Urgh....

[Six_Degrees]

Wait - there's such a thing as canned carrots?

Why?

[Anonymous Coward]

EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

While in France I spotted canned snails.

Yep, you read correctly, something even worse than Spam!!

* OK, I meant food-wise.

Please note, mentioning Spam doesnt make this IT related.

[Paul Woodhouse]

Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

sorry, had to downvote cos I rather like eating snails... and I can't stand Spam :p....

[John 110]

Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

I QUITE LIKE SPAM...

(Do I have to say "bloody vikings!"?)

[Sgt_Oddball]

Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

You've never heard of hákarl then. It's considered an offence to open it in someplaces as well as being banned from handcarry on airflights.

[Sorry that handle is already taken.]

Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

I believe it's surströmming that's banned from hand luggage.

Hákarl sounds worse than surströmming, but at least it's not under pressure.

[Whit.I.Are]

Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

I recently saw canned brussel sprouts...

[20legend]

Same reason as every other canned veg...

[smartypants]

Tinned tomatoes shirley should be excepted. And kidney beans. And borlotti beans. And olives. And anchovies*

(*for my vegetarian friends who eat fish)

[SolidSquid]

Generally for longer term storage/out of season use. Also they're generally pretty cheap and work in soups pretty much as well as fresh carrots would

[Matt Langley]

I also understand that you can substitute home made carrot soup made with tinned carrots with tinned carrot soup, and it tastes pretty much the same as home made tinned-carrot soup.

[Monty Cantsin]

I would have thought canned carrots are fairly common - although the ones I see in the supermarket (never bought them) are usually in jars, not cans, and they're those little baby carrots.

For the worst thing in a can ever, nothing beats Canned Whole Chicken:

http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/04/whole-chicken-in-a-can-taste-test.html

[Jonathan Richards 1]

Pffffft!

I'd eat canned chicken like that for the rest of my life rather than be in the same building as Surströmming. There is video evidence of the totally revolting nature of this Swedish delicacy - or Weapon of Limited Destruction - on YouTube.

Disclaimer: I punched 'Pause' on that video about two seconds in, before the guy even picked up the can. You have been warned!

[Anonymous Coward]

do you really think those perfect, all identical, baby-cut carrots you get in some restaurants are prepared by hand in the restaurant itself? (They're either canned or frozen)

[keith_w]

I am pretty sure they are regular adult carrots run through a die to shape them into baby carrots.

[Joe Loughry]

They're made on a carrot lathe.

[IanTP]

Upvote for the Jasper Carrot reference! :)

[keith_w]

Check the sodium.

[Anonymous Coward]

Was sent to buy a jar of diced carrots the other day. Had to stop myself thinking of Billy Connolly.

[Fungus Bob]

"Wait - there's such a thing as canned carrots?

Why?"

For killing people, obviously...

[GSystems]

No Worries...

It's a female who committed a murder... In the ol' U.S. women are hardly responsible for their actions and thus get far lighter sentences than men... It's the whole "equal protection under law" approach that has served us so well...

My calculation: She'll be out just in time for her Social Security cheque...

[sabroni]

Re: No Worries...

You poor old downtrodden male you.... Cry me a fucking river.

[sabroni]

Re: No Worries...

What's more irritating is that, despite the masculinist vibe of the OP there is a point to be made here. Apparently women do get lesser sentences for similar crimes: http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2144002"

A single paper doesn't constitute irrefutable evidence by any standards, but it is certainly worth considering.

[Anonymous Blowhard]

Re: No Worries...

"She'll be out just in time for her Social Security cheque"

She won't need Social Security, she'll be pitching for the Dodgers...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: No Worries...

"In the ol' U.S. women are hardly responsible for their actions and thus get far lighter sentences than men"

Perhaps interestingly the statistics show that men are 9 times as likely to be sent to prison as women, and 90.5% of murders are committed by men.

More evidence is needed but your statement is hardly borne out.

[Alister]

The episode serves to underline the fact that there are worse and more damaging things than spamming someone

Hmm, I wouldn't be so sure, tins of Spam tend to be square, whereas tins of veg and soup are nearly always round, so I would suggest that being hit by a tin of Spam is potentially more damaging.

I feel some further research may be necessary...

[Anonymous Coward]

More damaging than dead is just overkill

[TheOtherHobbes]

>tins of Spam tend to be square

IME they tend to have rounded corners.

It's incredible Apple allows them to continue this blatant patent infringement.

[Shadow Systems]

She'll get off lightly...

She'll tell the Judge she felt he needed more iron in his diet...

I'll get my coat, it's the one with the tin of Chicken Noodle Soup in the pocket.

[Anonymous Coward]

Any accident happend to my brother Jim,

When someone through a tomatoe at him.

Tomatoes are juicy and don't hurt the skin,

But this one was specially packed in a tin.

(with apologies to the late Spike Milligan)

[Chris Miller]

You spell tomatoe

And I spell tomato ...

[Anonymous Coward]

You missed through/throw.

Where is the BC/ES lamp fitting on a cable c/w ceiling fixing when you need it??

[noominy.noom]

And they spell through, I spell threw.

[Anonymous Coward]

That will teach him not to criticise her cooking again.

[TitterYeNot]

Well, it's certainly one way of teaching someone to mind their peas and Q's I suppose...

[Andy Non]

This thread is full of canned laughter.

[Anonymous Coward]

SHOCKING NEWS: Dieticians were right!

Tinned food is bad for you!

[Richard Jones 1]

Full of Canned Laughs

It sounds a bit tinny to me*

Apologies to those who think a tinny is something else - better!

[DuncanL]

Re: Full of Canned Laughs

"Vegetables" has got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Much better than 'newspaper' or 'litter bin'.

[ukgnome]

What ever next?

Death by squirrel!

[Anonymous Custard]

Death by kitchen cupboard. At least that's what mine tried a couple of nights ago when I opened it and it rained tins down on me.

I really must tidy it up one of these days...

[Anonymous Coward]

Death by squirrel has been attempted already:

http://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/450771/Man-stabbed-with-squirrel-after-returning-home-without-beer-on-Christmas-Eve

[DrBobK]

Infamous Leytonstone Drive-by Turnip Killing

I'm disappointed that the vegetables were still in cans.

http://www.aintnowaytogo.com/turnip.htm

[Ironclad]

Conflict is not the answer.

All we are saying, is give peas a chance.

[Tromos]

Proof...

,,,that crisps are healthier than vegetables.

[chivo243]

#10 cans?

Must have been using the industrial sized #10 cans!

[PassiveSmoking]

Had she attacked him with eggs, milk and flour, would she be on a charge for battery?

Sorry.

[Jedit]

"Had she attacked him with eggs, milk and flour, would she be on a charge for battery?"

I don't like that recipe. As they say in Italy: needs more-a salt.

(Yes, yes, that one was even worse.)

[Little Mouse]

Re: "Had she attacked him with eggs, milk and flour, would she be on a charge for battery?"

"needs more-a salt"

or maybe some sugar & a just a smidge of vanilla.

Then we'd be talking custardy for sure.

[Jedit]

"Then we'd be talking custardy for sure."

And she'd no doubt get her just desserts.

[Mike Moyle]

Re: "Then we'd be talking custardy for sure."

Well, THIS one is probably looking at years in the can, so...

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: "Had she attacked him with eggs, milk and flour, would she be on a charge for battery?"

or maybe some sugar & a just a smidge of vanilla.

Then we'd be talking custardy for sure.

I say, that's a trifle harsh...

[Crosseyed and Painless]

Headline change

Man killed by female meat and two veg

[Mark 85]

This raises some questions...

Were these the standard #10 can or the super large 1 gallon industrial size can? Were there additional weapons of vegetable destruction used? Will activists now march on Washington and demand vegetable control? Ban the cans!!!! or Ban the veggies!!!!

[Anonymous Blowhard]

Re: This raises some questions...

The US is more likely to ban vegetables than guns; they may even ban things that protect people from guns: https://www.congress.gov/bill/113th-congress/house-bill/5344

Still, medical advice is to get five servings of vegetables a day and plenty of iron.

[Mark 85]

Re: This raises some questions...

Still, medical advice is to get five servings of vegetables a day and plenty of iron.

I don't believe medical advice recommends those servings to be applied up against the side of your head.... or maybe they didn't tell us that...

[jake]

Old joke.

A man from London visited his brother who had relocated to the Salinas Valley in California. Marveling at the quantities of veggies in the rather large kitchen garden, he asked "What do you do with it all?" The reply was "We eat what we can, and what we can't, we can".

Returning to London, he described the operation to his wife. She responded "what on earth do they do with all that food?. His reply? "They eat what they can, and what they can't they put up in little tins".

(<barbie>Trans-Atlantic humo(u)r is HARD.</barbie>)

[John Sturdy]

At least she didn't resort to triangular flapjacks.

[Anonymous Coward]

Triangular flapjacks

Thanks for the link. I'm glad to see HS&E standing up for commonsense in their usual robust way:

"A spokesman for the Health and Safety Executive said: "We often come across half-baked decisions taken in the name of health and safety, but this one takes the biscuit.""

[Disko]

Another tragedy that can teach us important lessons...

So from here on:

1: any and all hard objects will have to be fitted with an appropriate warning label stating the risks of projectile impact if said object is thrown ("broken windows, bruises and death")

2: males living with females are required to wear essential safety gear, including a helmet with protective visor, during the more torrentuous days of the month, the timeframe of which will have to be determined by a christian physician appointed by the NRA.

3: males of any age will be required to attend "Sensitivity Training" so they learn the telltale signs - when to find a divorce attorney.

4. a whole new meaning to the term duckface.

5. why am i reading this on the Register, it's just tragic and unfortunate, there are no machines rising here, and the only pun i can detect is a halfwashed poke at vegetarians - is this a stab at Apple?

[AbelSoul]

Re: why am i reading this on the Register

Because....

BOOTNOTES!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Another tragedy that can teach us important lessons...

aye - cause men being attacked by women is a common story. Except it's not is it? Poor oppressed men my arse.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Another tragedy that can teach us important lessons...

Social norms means that stories of violence against women are seen as tragic, no matter the circumstances or objects used. A double standard that i'm just as guilty of as anyone.

Abuse of male spouses (mostly psychological) tends to be under reported due to the view that men who are abused were either asking for it or a particularly pathetic individual and as such a laughing stock.

Even if men are only 1% of the abused it still doesn't make women right to do the abusing, it just means more work is needed to prevent this from happening at all, regardless of the gender involved.

[Anonymous IV]

I suspect that the lady, in an instant ...

... put an end to all the boyfriend's canoodling!

(Those readers under fifty, look it up!)

[Zot]

Death by flying, filled metal containers...

...is a bit Croc Dundee, but it's hardly death by vegetables is it? But I guess it wouldn't be as funny.

[Anonymous Coward]

Needs to work on her technique...

A bit amateurish really, using canned veg and not even removing them from the tin; a true professional would have used a fresh carrot, as demonstrated by Clive Owen's character in the movie Shoot 'Em Up... ;)

[Anonymous Coward]

http://imgur.com/Jvxgtoq

[Stevie]

Bah!

American Woman Soups-Up Boyfriend (To Death)!

"I just wanted him to sleep in heavenly peas."

[x 7]

I'm surprised she didn't eat a tin of spinach first to give her the strength

[John Tserkezis]

So vegetables ARE bad for you.

Our parents lied to us.

[cortland]

I once saw a person who had been rendered unconscious and in uncontrollable spasms after being hit on the temple with a jar of mayonnaise. CPR was needed to be sure he could breathe, and (luckily) it was effective.

[Sgt_Oddball]

Good job it cut the mustard then.