Maybe he should have consulted his dog first?
Zionists stole my SHOE, claims Muslim campaigner
Sometimes there's only one rational explanation for not finding your shoe: obviously, Zionists working within a global conspiracy must have taken it. At least this was the explanation put forward by Asghar Bukhari, founder of lobby group the Muslim Public Affairs Committee, on a Facebook rant (now seemingly not there any more …
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 12:42 GMT Seth Johnson
Re: Unlikely
I'll "bite" as I've read a bit about this recently. Yes Muslims are not allowed to keep dogs except as working dogs.
And 'fatwa' is closer in translation to 'educated religious opinion', rather than the common understanding. So eg whether or not a muslim fasting during Ramadan is allowed to use ear drops or eye drops would come under the approprite 'fatwa'.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 15:09 GMT Matt Bryant
Re: AC Re: Unlikely
"Dogs are considered unclean....." Well, mainly yes but also no. Just as there are many branches of Christianity with a common core but differing details of belief, so too there are different "schools" of Islam with different approaches to animals. The Maliki Sunnis don't view dogs as unclean, indeed they value them for their loyalty. The common Muslim insistence that dogs are "unclean" probably stems from a pre-Islamic Arab superstition that black dogs were the embodiment of evil and messengers for Allat, the ancient Arabic goddess of the underworld.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 06:58 GMT Khaptain
Description of the thief
The police have issued a description of a man wearing a large furry hat, what appears to be dreadlocks ( 2 of), has only one leg, impeccable lock picking skills, capable of hopping very silently, speaks Yiddish and has a severely bad taste in shoes.
Now that cant be to hard to pick out, in fact I think I can see him trying to escape
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 14:41 GMT Matt Bryant
Re: auburnman Re: gloabl? Come on.
"I realise deadline and money pressures are squeezing the proofreading process, but this clearly hasn't even been spell-checked." I suspect the author was having problems typing due to being doubled over in mirth. However, it does come across as a bit tragic that - having read the silliness of Mr Bukhari's post - you only saw fit to comment on a typo.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 07:18 GMT TeeCee
Does anyone listen?
I don't know which likelihood is worse here:
1) He genuinely believes that and people still listen to him.
2) He's a piece of shit-stirring scum and people still listen to him.
Next week: Having realised that this makes him look even more of a twat than usual, he claims that Mossad hacked his Faceberk account and posted that to discredit him....
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 08:10 GMT Jimmy2Cows
Re: Does anyone listen?
Idiots listen to idiots. Always have, always will.
There's gonna be a ton of people stupid enough, paranoid enough, or otherwise religiously/politically enraged to pay attention to this prat.
Is he going to retract this when he finds his shoe down the back of the shoe rack or under the dog bed? Fuck no. After all, the only thing worse than looking like a twat, is looking like a twat twice.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 14:42 GMT Matt Bryant
Re: Jimmy2Cows Re: Does anyone listen?
"....Is he going to retract this when he finds his shoe down the back of the shoe rack or under the dog bed?...." Of course not! He will justify it to himself by claiming that the Zionists put it back again just to further mess with him. That kind of delusional behaviour is self-perpetuating, the only hope is that Mr Bukhari will amuse us with another hilarious post when the shoe is "evilly" returned.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 08:51 GMT william 10
Re: Does anyone listen?
It's not he believes, its a fact we have all listened to him (we may not believe him) and this disturbs me!
I keep remembering the story about Paul Gascoigne and his so called paranoia over having his phone hacked - every one said this was part of his mental illness yet the Daily Mirror had to pay him £180K in compensation because they hacked his phone.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 07:47 GMT Anonymous Coward
Anyone remember the Sunday Sport ?
For some reason I am reminded of two "stories" they ran. The first was
"WW2 bomber found ON MOON" (with appropriate photo evidence).
Then the next week, the headline was "WW2 bomber found on Moon DISAPPEARS" which led into an article seriously examining the "possible" explanations
1) That the bomber has been removed by the same forces that got it there
2) That the bomber was still operational and flying over the moon
or
3) The photo (last weeks) was a FAKE.
The fact that they served 3 explanations to their readership tells you all you need to know.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 07:52 GMT Rich 11
El Reg was unable to contact Mossad for comment
Find someone who speaks Hebrew, Arabic, Russian or (as a last resort) French:
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 19:38 GMT Mark 85
Re: Now it becomes clear.
Now that everyone has attracted the attention of NSA, GHCQ, and other alphabet agenies... I'm wondering is somewhere there's an operative reading this and thinking... "hide one shoe... what a great idea... Hey boss!!!!!".. I suggest everyone lock your shoes up at night just to be safe.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 08:46 GMT Joe Harrison
Stasi
The East German secret police routinely used the tactic of "Zersetzung" which means breaking in and moving your stuff around in subtle but noticeable ways. The message was simple "we know where you live". The more the target protested the more they hoped everyone would write him off as a nutter. It does seem to have worked very effectively this time on El Reg readership.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 17:25 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Re: Stasi
There was a program on TV that showed all these jars with grubby kecks in them.
I hope the East German economy was able to produce air-fresheners in sufficient quantity to allow Stasi HQ to remain habitable.
I'm presuming this putrid pandora's box of puissantly ponging pants was stored in Room 101?
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 11:37 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Re: "Zersetzung"
I didn't realise the Manson family also did it. I know it was a common tactic for the Stasi, and I believe the KGB played similar games.
Although did anyone else read, "the Manson family" and immediately try and think which sitcom that was? Just me then? Even if I say duh-duh de dum and click my fingers twice?
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 12:02 GMT John Savard
For all I know, not only is he unlikely to own a dog, but perhaps he left his two shoes in an obvious and visible place when he went to bed, and so it really is reasonable to conclude that the shoe was removed as a psychological intimidation tactic by someone who didn't like him.
And if he doesn't owe money to a drug dealer or anything like that, maybe his further conclusion that it was because of his politics is reasonable too.
Naming Mossad, or thinking they'd go to the bother, yes, that's a stretch. But for all I know, he might not be quite as bonkers as he might initially seem.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 12:06 GMT Seth Johnson
A few pointers
1. This is actually a thing. As strange as it seems, this is actually something that has been done in the past as a form of psychological harm/punishment. So yes, oddly enough this does occur. Israeli agents active in the UK? Wouldn't doubt that for a second. And it's specific to shoes! For the record I'm the sort of person that never loses anything and if a shoe went missing then yep I could easily spend a day wondering how that was possible.
2. This guy is a well known 'agitant of the state'. From what I can tell, he's a massive thorn in the side of people like Theresa May and a well known protestor/activist for civil rights. He's bound to be under a serious level of monitoring given the current political climate as not only is he politically but obviously he's Muslim.
3. Is he paranoid? He pretty much has every reason to be paranoid because of the aforementioned reasons. They tap phones so his is probably tapped. They've used undercover agents to have long term relationships with potential enemies of the state and even have children with them so yes that's probably something he has to think about as well.
4. we have pretty much declared war on Islam in it's current form. (http://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/monograph_reports/2005/MR1716.pdf). And by us I mean UK as an extension of american foreign policy.
From a wider perspective, there's a lot of people in this country that hate muslims or hate brown people or hate immigrants or hate religion and blame them for their ills particularly if said group chooses to live in a different way or if the media representation of such a group is particularly derogatory. It's a dumb narrative as there's 1.6 billion muslims in the world from every walk of life and one thing that I certainly do agree with this guy on is the danger and idiocy of Islamophobia.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 12:19 GMT Gideon 1
Re: A few pointers
" It's a dumb narrative as there's 1.6 billion muslims in the world from every walk of life and one thing that I certainly do agree with this guy on is the danger and idiocy of Islamophobia."
That's an implied threat against anyone who questions that religion. It is a regression to pre-Enlightenment attitudes of religious repression of thought and speech.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 12:33 GMT Seth Johnson
Re: A few pointers
Even that comment is based on a level of general ignorance. Islam has been around for 1400 years. There's a rich history of dialogue and conversation. There are people who aren't muslim, living in muslim countries as they have done for over a thousand years.
The current narrative of 'muslim people kill everyone who doesn't agree with them' is medieval in it's origin.
And as for enlightenment, it was Muslim scientists that were at the forefront of the Rennaisance in Europe as experts in many modern disciplines will tell you.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 12:51 GMT Gideon 1
Re: A few pointers
Before making accusations of ignorance, may I suggest that you first research the Koran, the Hadiths, and the culture. There are exhortations of the 'kill everyone who doesn't agree with them' type in there, thankfully most submitters to the religion don't do that these days. Along with the positives, there is also a rich history of jihad, subjugation of women and minorities, and other things that Western culture consider to be negative.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 13:57 GMT Seth Johnson
Re: A few pointers
There are 1.6 Billion muslims in the world co-existing quite happily in every corner of it as they have done for over a thousand years. You're so fixed on the idea that 'they are all bad' that you can't see the reality of the world in front of you.
Consider, even before the global catastrophe that is zionism, there were still Jewish communities living in Jerusalem one of the holiest places in Islam as they had done for centuries under islamic rule. So you have two possible reasons.
1. Muslims were so lazy about following those instructions you're so keen on that they didn't follow them through and 'cleanse' the region of jewish people and druze people etc.
2. Those religious instructions are perhaps related to extreme circumstances such as war and invasion (when pretty much every society changes its rules). Unsurprisingly, this is the standard explanation.
If you "learn" purely with the intention of proving your own pre-taught bigoted views then that isn't learning at all. You might as well sit there and google why black people are inferior to whites. It's time to grow up and use a bit more brain and a bit less 'the tv told me so'.
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 14:18 GMT NumptyScrub
Re: A few pointers
Before making accusations of ignorance, may I suggest that you first research the Koran, the Hadiths, and the culture. There are exhortations of the 'kill everyone who doesn't agree with them' type in there, thankfully most submitters to the religion don't do that these days. Along with the positives, there is also a rich history of jihad, subjugation of women and minorities, and other things that Western culture consider to be negative.
You realise that every one of those negatives is equally as true of Christianity (and Judaism), right? All of those negatives are the prevalent attitudes from when the books were written, not specific to the ideology.
The UK didn't abolish slavery until 1833, we only stopped subjugating people less than 200 years ago, even though we have allegedly been "Christian" for over a thousand.
I've not found a single religion I was 100% comfortable with, afaict they all have dark sides and ropey adherents :'(
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Tuesday 16th June 2015 23:41 GMT Steven Raith
Re: Has he looked for his shoe in places that are a mile from his home?
Maybe they were Seventh Day Advent Hoppists trying to live in his world for a while and spread their good word?
Steven R
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Wednesday 17th June 2015 12:58 GMT Tom 13
This article reminds me of the Steven Wright joke:
Somebody broke into my house, stole everything, and replaced it with exact duplicates.
Except of course Wright was intentionally trying to be funny.
As for me, I'm off to buy some batteries. I bought some last night, but they weren't included.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
