back to article Capita wins four out of five stars for 'good', 'inexpensive' service

Capita appears to have captured the hearts of locals in Waterloo, with reviewers rushing to shower the outfit with plaudits, and praising its “helpful and friendly staff” and “great value”. Laycee2008 gave Capita five stars, saying “Friendly staff and ave prices. Staff are really friendly too. We come back every time we're in …

  1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    My morning coffee!

  2. h4rm0ny
    Thumb Up

    I has been trolled

    But I no mind. :D

  3. Blofeld's Cat
    Thumb Up


    For a moment there I thought I'd wandered into a parallel universe, with strange definitions of “helpful and friendly staff” and “great value”, that I was previously unaware of.

  4. Anonymous Blowhard

    Advice for Government

    Only use Capita on projects of similar, or less, complexity to running a Kebab shop.

    1. frank ly

      Re: Advice for Government

      .... and monitor them very carefully.

    2. auburnman

      Re: Advice for Government

      I don't know, then you'd have to trust them to keep food in date and in stock...

  5. ukgnome

    Link bait

    With garlic and hot sauce please

  6. Olius

    It just goes to show

    Beer can even make Capita better.

  7. Zog_but_not_the_first

    Fell for it!

    But a veritable Riverdance of trolling. Applause.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Apologies for any confusion"

    No confusion here at all as I immediately noticed that the R was missing.

  9. smudge

    Don't tell them!

    I am sure that they would be horrified if they knew that they were being confused with the IT services industry giant.

  10. TitterYeNot

    A Crapita Kebab

    - Hi, one large doner kebab please.

    - Certainly mate, that'll be £25.

    - Wha? HOW much? It says £5 on the menu!

    - That was printed yesterday guv. Prices may be ammended without prior notification.

    - Bloody 'ell! Oh well, I'm hungry, here you go. How long will it be?

    - If you come back in 3 days at the same time, it'll be ready for you then.

    - You're joking right? I'm starving, I can't wait that long!

    - Bit of a backlog in the system I'm afraid. Delivery dates are subject to random delays.

    - This is just not good enough! I want one now!

    - OK, OK, keep yer hair on guv! Look, I can give you this one, it'll be fine once I've scraped the dodgy bits off.

    - But thats just a piece of stale pita bread with some rancid tomatoes in it! Where's the meat and the rest of it?

    - I'm afraid you didn't mention other ingredients in the specifications mate. I can add those for an extra 30 quid though. There you go, a public sector special kebab!


    1. macjules

      Re: A Crapita Kebab

      Or even,

      - Hi, one large doner kebab please.

      - Certainly mate, that'll be £25m.

      - Wha? HOW much? It says £5 on the menu!

      - That was printed yesterday guv. Capita reserve the unconditional right to change its prices without due notification.

      - Oh ok, do you take GDS?

      - Yeah, no problem. Do you want the kebab cooked, since that costs an extra £5m?

      - Yes please, don't worry - the taxpayer is paying for it.

  11. David Austin


    Maybe we can help them put in a hostile takeover bid for the other Capita. Can't be any worse than the current regime, and these chaps seem Pretty customer focused and good value...

  12. tfewster

    Sauce aplenty

    > ..the IT services industry giant, which has no reputation for unlimited sauce.

    I disagree, Crapita have plenty of sauce, continuing to tender for IT projects with their dismal record.

  13. Millsey


    ... I thought maybe you'd found me the perfect place to work. And on reflection, you may have done.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rate this article: 5/5

    No L. No L, No L, No L, who is the king of out-sourcing hell?

    Thanking you. I'll find the door.

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