back to article BOFH: Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter

"..and so we just mix all the ingredients together like this, tip it out onto a surface like so, and roll it into a roughly cylindrical shape. Now we just push in the extras and then pop it into the freezer for a few hours till it's nice and hard and easy to handle. And we're done," the PFY says with a flourish. I can't …

  1. chivo243 Silver badge

    Looks like dog shit

    smells like dog shit

    feels like dog shit

    tastes like dog shit

    sure glad I didn't step in it!

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: Looks like dog shit

      Ogg like this joke.

  2. hplasm


    I feel a brownout coming on...

  3. Anonymous Coward

    Absolutely classic.

    1. Anonymous Custard
      Thumb Up

      And on a Friday afternoon too, perfect to keep you going until beer o'clock on POETS day.

      All is right with the world for once...

  4. Swarthy


  5. TechicallyConfused

    I love BOFH

  6. Sir Runcible Spoon


    Best BOFH for ages, proper lol'd at the Bourne protocol :)

    1. Anonymous Custard

      Re: Sir

      Indeed, even brought to mind the classic spy spoof on the subject as well...

  7. Alistair Silver badge

    Long weekend BOFH

    Good start to a day that is heading downhill rapidly......

  8. Alan Ferris

    causing at least one of his co-workers to upload their lunch.


  9. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Thumb Up


    "....Bourne Protocol.... Ghost protocol.... Fourth Protocol...."

    1. Rick Giles

      Re: Genius!

      At least it didn't drop a Fifth Element...

  10. Alien8n


    Ah, the immortal fake turd...

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      Re: Caddyshack

      I was just thinking the same thing, nothing like a floating Baby Ruth to clear the pool!

  11. Gordon 10

    crying with laughter here

    top notch BOFH. Best for ages.

  12. earl grey

    thank you

    We needed that.

  13. Wommit

    Oh yes, still sniggering.

  14. Maty


    I used to take a Dak regularly between Grand Reef and what was then Salisbury in Rhodesia. The old Gooney bird had to fly very low for part of the journey to avoid rockets, which meant getting bucked around a lot by thermals.

    So, on a trip with newbies, some of the infantry guys would fill one of those green NATO airsickness bags with fruit salad, and once the plane started the full roller-coaster bit and the newbs were looking a bit green, he'd pretend to barf into the bag.

    Then he'd pass it to the person next to him, who'd take out some of the fruit salad and start to eat it. We had to stop doing that eventually because too many newbs didn't get to their own barf bags in time.

    1. imanidiot Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: ahh...

      That is just proper evil. I like it

  15. Tweetiepooh


    What a good way to end the week.

  16. Unicornpiss

    Thank you for improving what is turning into a very aggravating day.

  17. Tom 7 Silver badge


    The sound of ones nasal cavity being laughed onto a keyboard.

    You owe me one!

  18. Mark 85

    Icon... that is all. Where's the icon for picking one's self up off the floor?

  19. laird cummings

    No school like old school

    The PFY has stepped into the past in a grand fashion.

  20. fearnothing
    Thumb Up

    Did anyone else read the start and think 'plastic explosives'? Ending did not disappoint, but a different kind of explosion was implied. Regardless, nth-ing best BOFH for ages.

  21. Number6

    A well-polished article.

  22. skeptical i

    surprised no one's mentioned "that scene" from _Pink Flamingos_

    RIP Divine.

  23. Michael H.F. Wilkinson

    Just what I needed

    great episode

  24. Youngdog

    "Nice tie," I add. That's five.


  25. Graham Newton


    We used modeled Ginger nut biscuits swimming in lager in a chamber pot .

    The future groom had to eat and drink it.

    Then we got chucked out the pub.

  26. Chozo

    Nutella on the toilet seat also works well if you're in a hurry.

  27. MAH

    I am trying extremely hard not to visualize the last I don't upload my breakfast...

  28. ElReg!comments!Pierre


    Actually I thought Simon would eplace the fake with a real one before the PFY's little act in front of the coffee machine, but that would have escalated too quickly perhaps.

  29. Frank N. Stein

    Simon is my hero. Only a SYS ADMIN can get away with this sort of thing. A Helpdesk tech? Not so much. +

  30. Alister

    You know how each packet is supposed to have a responding acknowledge packet which is source routed back to the originating hardware address using the Bourne Protocol? Well ours has apparently been flipping between Ghost protocol and the Fourth Protocol because of a memory issue


    I splorfed...

  31. Herby

    Be careful what you ask for...

    You may just get it (as in this case).

    Or in this case, what you think you asked for subconsciously.

    A true BOFH would have published the complete recipe for all to follow. I should now follow my advise and hide under a rock.

  32. lpcollier

    Medical Students

    This reminds me of an old trick that consultants used to play on medical students (you'd get sacked now, of course). When a patient has diabetes, the urine is often sugary. The consultant would ask the nurse for a sample of urine in a bowl, dip his finger into it, lick his finger and take a guess at how high the patient's blood sugar was (of course he had looked at the charts earlier). He'd then pass the bowl around all the students how would each dutifully dip a finger in and taste the urine to "learn" how to assess how sugary it is.

    Of course, the consultant had dipped one finger in, licked a different finger and hastily washed the urine off.

    1. Martin Budden

      Re: Medical Students

      You speak the truth.

      I was told about that trick by my high school biology teacher, so when a consultant tried it at medical school I was already wise to it and I did the finger switcheroo just like the consultant had. He noticed me switch, but the student next to me didn't...

  33. Agincourt and Crecy!


    A few years back I was a Paramedic. We had a station cleaner with a "delicate stomach" and a thing about vomit. The slightest hint of diced carrot sent her retching to the toilet.

    On afternoon shift I had vegetable soup and some very nice bread. The soup was warned in the microwave and served along with the bread in a vomit bowl. I sat down, dipped the bread in the soup and started eating.

    It took some time to clear up afterwards and I now understand why it was called the "mess room"

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