back to article HAHAHA! Go on, HOST YOUR NEWS on FACEBOOK, FOOLS!

Facebook has inked news-hosting deals with nine media outfits, including the BBC and Buzzfeed, in a move to slurp ad revenue from publishers and keep netizens locked into its site for even longer. The Mark Zuckerberg-run company said that its free content ad network would initially offer Apple iOS users of the Facebook app a …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Why...

    ...do the BBC insist on promoting these companies and jumping in bed with them all the time?

    I like the Beeb, but I think this constant sucking up to Facebook, twitter etc is just a step to far and should be reigned back in.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Why...

      Why...

      ...do the BBC insist on promoting these companies and jumping in bed with them all the time?

      Judging by their activities of late it appears to be a combination of rampant stupidity and desperation. It's license fee negotiation time again, and they now have to explain why they lost a good £50M per annum in revenue by mishandling the Top Gear affair. That's a large hole to negotiate around, so they will grab anything that looks remotely like it'll bring revenue.

      As for Facebook, I closed that account end of December and I'm glad I did - you only notice just how much time you waste there (that you could spend posting here :) ) after you close it down.

      Never again.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Devil

        Re: Why...

        You can have a facebook account and not waste almost any time by, well, no entering facebook...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: mishandling the Top Gear affair.

        You're right. Gross misconduct is a sacking offence, not just a "no renewal of contract" thing. Or were you asking for a punch in the face from your boss?

    2. Gannettt

      Re: Why...

      Tweets and Facebook comments give the Beb an idea of who's listening and watching their output. It also ticks the box labelled 'interacting with the audience' - nobody could accuse them of just ignoring them if they keep soliciting communication. And social media is trendy (or was a few years ago) and this makes the Beeb look modern, go-ahead, fab, groovy etc. Cynical? Not me!

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Pint

    Not me

    I get all my news from El Reg! I know what those words mean but facebook together mean nothing to me.

  3. Little Mouse Silver badge

    What sort of retard actually clicks on links to promoted "news" articles?

    Actually, forget I just asked that.

    This deal sounds like a marriage made in heaven.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    "We’re not trying to go, like, suck in and devour everything."

    No, but you would if you thought you could get away with it...

    1. Edward Clarke

      Re: "We’re not trying to go, like, suck in and devour everything."

      In a tiny soft voice ... "only the profitable parts. You can keep the rest."

  5. Keith Bee

    According to the BBC News article, Facebook reckon it can take 8 seconds to load an article via a normal link, and youngsters apparently can't wait that long for news, the poor lambs. Using the time it takes to load an article as a selling point really is the limit.

    1. GrumpenKraut

      8 secs for loading...

      Frankly, that IS a long time. Most people will[citation needed] leave when loading one page takes more than 1 second. The last time I have seen > 5 secs was with a massively ad infested site. Adblock fixed that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: 8 secs for loading...

        Actually, have you tried to use the new 'responsive' beeb site on a mobile recently?

        The reason they take so long is because the site is so fscking awful.

      2. icesenshi

        Re: 8 secs for loading...

        Citation needed indeed. Show the studies or numbers, or it's just a bunch of hot air.

        1. GrumpenKraut

          Re: 8 secs for loading...

          Quick search: https://blog.kissmetrics.com/speed-is-a-killer/

          Personally, if a page just showing text takes > 1 sec, my immediate reaction is "Fscking idiots, bye."

          Even with images/movies, having to wait more than 3 secs gives me a bad impression.

          And no, I am not sitting on a fat line anyone could possibly be envious abit.

  6. GrumpenKraut
    FAIL

    "better experience"

    The telltale phrase when harebrained things are done by clueless fuckmuppets.

    1. adnim
      Devil

      Re: "better experience"

      New improved version/recipe/flavour.

      Better/improved experience.

      More desirable content.

      All these claims are usually true.... As far as the provider is concerned.

      They are not so much clueless fuckmuppets as half truth telling, uncaring profiteers.

      1. Sureo

        Re: "better experience"

        Not really, but "more money for us" is more like it.

    2. Lyndon Hills 1

      Re: "better experience"

      surely bitter experience?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "better experience"

        surely bitter experience?

        Yup. That's what you get with auto-correct :).

        The new BBC news website is, well, I think disastrous would be too complimentary. It seems to be designed for people who read their news on a VGA screen, and, even more irritating, it doesn't work if you have AdBlock enabled.

        So they didn't just lose me program-wise (there are maybe 3 programs a week left that I watch), they also lost me online. Idiots.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Next - Facebook "Internet" plugin

    Having been percolating in Facebook's R&D labs for well over three years, the Facebook Internet Plugin is now a reality.

    Now, due to the wonders of web technology, a user can access the entire internet from within Facebook. "Think of the possibilities," said a breathless Facebook scientist, "You could be chatting with friends through Facebook Messenger, and then quickly search for something on Google, or even Bing!"

    The rich possibilities that have been exposed through this breakthrough technology can't be quantified, said Bloomberg. Because Facebook users now have access to the entire Internet, the value of the company has now grown to encompass the planetary GDP, or $37 Trillion.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Next - Facebook "Internet" plugin

      You joke....

      http://uk.businessinsider.com/facebook-is-testing-its-own-in-app-search-engine-2015-5

      they are on their way already.

      1. Yugguy

        Re: Next - Facebook "Internet" plugin

        Google VS Facebook!!

        FIGHT!!!

  8. Yugguy

    Bloody kids

    I remember back when games took 15 minutes to load off a tape.

    And did we complain???

    Actually yes, we did, especially when it bombed out at the end. Again.

    1. phil 27

      Re: Bloody kids

      Only those of us that didnt have some glue and a bit of mdf to cure the rampack edge connector wobble mechanically :-)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bloody kids

      The nicest irony of that time was that you actually needed a really rubbish recorder to play it back.

      You could throw almost anything at that interface, gummed up heads, bent capstan, rubber roll with a dent, messed up azimuth alignment, even if the tape deck was certainly no longer capable of playing back anything remotely considered as "music", it would still be good enough to load software. However, if you would use a good, well maintained high quality deck it would not work for love nor money.

      I sometimes miss the whole belt & braces nature of the IT world then. You know, when men were men, leatherman tools had not yet been invented and expanding storage meant using a hole punch on the edge of a 5.25" floppy so you could use the uncertified side (etc etc - I must work some more on my old codger routine) :).

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: AC, I must work some more on my old codger routine

        No need, it's perfect as it is!!

    3. GrumpenKraut
      Thumb Up

      Re: Bloody kids

      Did you know your programs by their sounds? If so: welcome to the club! For me that (knowing programs by their chirps) was on both ZX81 and Apple ][, the latter a clone I had to assemble (solder) myself. Ah, and on ZX81 you could recognize them by the specific way the screen got garbled "fast mode", feck yeah!

      Am I old?

      1. Little Mouse Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Am I Old?

        Yes - but you're not the only one!

        FAST. RAND USR 836

        (did I recall that correctly? It's been a while...)

  9. Gannettt

    Why do I feel grubby after reading this? Talk about filthy lucre!

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