Don't shoot the Messenger: NASA's suicide probe to punch hole in Mercury

On April 30, a 16-metre-wide crater will be formed on the surface of Mercury by the hand of Man. Well, actually, by NASA's MErcury Surface, Space ENvironment, GEochemistry, and Ranging (Messenger) spacecraft, which will end its 11-year mission by piling into the planet's surface at 3.9km per second (8,724 MPH). The probe is …

[Corp-Rat]

Where's my earth shattering Kaboom?

"We will gain our revenge for the Tunguska event!" (insert crazed president of your choice here)

[TitterYeNot]

"Well, British engineering helped to contribute to advances in that field, * cough * Beagle 2 * cough *."

Excuse me old bean, but I think you'll find that Beagle 2 made a superb landing on its intended target, although unfortunately the dratted thing couldn't phone home due to one the solar panel thingies not deploying in ship-shape and Bristol fashion. Bah! Wouldn't have happened in my day.

Indeed, if one requires a stellar example of a probe smearing itself liberally all over another planetary body, one needs look no further than NASA's Mars Climate Orbiter. Harumph! Serves them right for using this new fangled, foreign metric doodah.

So sorry, must go, Veronica's out on the verandah and seems to have run out of gin again.

Yours etc.,

Colonel Algernon Rufford-Buffington (Retired)

[Anonymous Coward]

Wait was that a shot across the yank bow? I will have you know we have those types too. In fact check out Carter and Barbara Pewterschmidt from Family Guy or the Howells from Gilligan's Island lol.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

At least Beagle 2 hit the correct planet. This is the American government - can Venus expect an example of "friendly fire" ?

[frank ly]

"... a 16-metre wide crater will be formed ..."

That's what I call "sending a message".

[Andy 73]

Ooopps

So when it turns out we have accidentally declared war on the peace loving Mercurians, we'll know who to blame.

[DropBear]

"Mercury is the closest planet to the Sun, and also the fastest orbiting"

Naaaah, the reptoids told me there's one closer, orbiting right under the surface of the Sun.

[sandman]

Star Trekkin

We come in peace - shoot to kill!

[el_oscuro]

Re: Star Trekkin

I thought that was Mars Attacks!

[Martin Budden]

Re: Star Trekkin

Not Mars Attacks, the OP had it right: Star Trekkin!

[JDX]

The Greens are going to hate this

[I ain't Spartacus]

You racist bastard. They're called Mercurians. Just because their skins are green, that should in no way define them as people.

Actually I guess it's speciesist isn't it? I wonder what Dan Dare would say...

[Grikath]

Not too sure about the crater.

If it lands on the sunny side, it may hit something soft..

More of a splut! than a crash..

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Not too sure about the crater.

Will the landing harpoons deploy?

[Dabooka]

Re: Not too sure about the crater.

The article states it'll land on the dark side.....

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: Not too sure about the crater.

I think "landing" is a rather optimistic choice of word.

I know there's the saying "any landing you walk away from is a good landing, if they can use the plane again it's a bonus" - but this is ridiculous...

[Anonymous Coward]

This can all be avoided if the cabin door isn't locked...

[Little Mouse]

Does it really count as suicide when someone else does it to you?

Poor little fella.

[asdf]

Re: Does it really count as suicide when someone else does it to you?

>Poor little fella.

Has to be said in the accent of Karl Childers (Billy Bob Thornton) in the movie Sling Blade.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

"its final contribution to the scientific canon"

most fittingly will be

KABOOM!!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

When it goes, I will raise a glass to this plucky Messenger's contribution to science (and also to all those engineers and scientists who made it possible.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "its final contribution to the scientific canon"

Remember, there is *not* supposed to be a mercury-shattering Kaboom!

[launcap]

Re: "its final contribution to the scientific canon"

> "its final contribution to the scientific canon" most fittingly will be KABOOM!!

Aha! That's where the penguins from Madagascar went..

[CapiD]

Oh, the Jedis are going to feel this one!

[ravenviz]

Very nice article, re-invigorated my interest in an oft-ignored planet!

[rh587]

Borrowed!?

"so NASA borrowed a new type of flat radio aerial from the US military and used that instead."

I hope the military aren't expecting to get that back...

[Bleu]

Set the controls for the heart of the Sun!

Instead of smashing it into Mercury, it would have been far more dramatic and poetic if NASA had set Messenger's controls for the heart of the Sun.

What did Messenger launch? Surely there is a missing direct object there?

'The BepiColombo spacecraft, a joint mission of the European and Japanese space agencies, will blast off, and may, seven years later, start adding to our knowledge of the Sun's closest planet.'

Fixed that for you. BTW, thanks for using 'blast off' in that passage, 'launch' as an intransitive is so barbaric. The USA or NASA launched Messenger.

More seriously, suppose I should pay some attention to the photos from Messenger, Mercury seems to look like the Moon, only flatter. If only the old tidal-locking theory had been correct, slow rotation instead is a little dull.

[Martin Budden]

Re: Set the controls for the heart of the Sun!

Aside from the fact that getting to the sun is really difficult (there's a huge Δv needed to stop orbiting and start plummeting) it would be pretty undramatic because the probe would just fizzle away long before it reached the photosphere.

[Anonymous Coward]

The problem with software models....

"Solomon said that the discovery had been a massive problem for astro-boffins who spend their days building complex software models explaining how the early Solar System formed. These simulations had to be junked and redone in light of Messenger's discoveries."

Global warming/climate change modeling, anyone? No-one will *ever* admit it might be wrong.

[Tom 13]

Re: The problem with software models....

In my younger days I was an amateur astro-boffin aspiring to be a professional astro-boffin despite my predilection for sunlight. It took a while for it to penetrate my thick skull that I was never going to develop the math skills to work in the field. Until then I swam in these waters and the myriad of places where we've waved our hands at things we think are true without knowing why they are true are truly mind boggling. That we've managed to understand as much as we do is truly an amazing feat. In astronomy, the leaps are excusable because we can't actually test the bits and pieces where we wave our hands, and astro boffins WOULD if they could. It makes the same leaps all the more glaring when you see the Warmists do the same things, and all the more damning knowing we CAN test many of those.