back to article Tulsa woman bludgeons man mercilessly with laptop

This is not a good way to come out of deep sleep. A US man was awoken from his drunken stupor by the pain of his girlfriend sinking her fangs into his gentleman’s sausage and bludgeoning him with her laptop. The incident took place in Tulsa, Oklahoma on 19 February, following a boozy session and subsequent argument between …

  1. Chris Hawkins

    Big cat also involved?

    "...domestic assault and battery"....Nicd or Lion?

    Seems to me the lady should also be charged for assault on the poor bl__dy laptop!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Big cat also involved?

      It's outrageous, even the laptop is being charged!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He is still alive

    SO it wasnt a Panasonic Toughbook

    1. Bronek Kozicki
      Trollface

      Re: He is still alive

      "dangerous weapon"

      Must have been a Lenovo Yoga

  3. Mint Sauce
    Coat

    Headline?

    "Boozy beau's bedroom barney - she chomped chap's chap after laptop slap."

    Work in progress ;)

    1. frank ly

      Re: Headline?

      ... bedroom battery ...? Laptop and a lapchomp .... ?

      It looks easy at first but they're working to tight deadlines.

      1. msknight

        Re: Headline?

        ...It looks easy at first but they're working to tight deadlines

        Now you're saying there is bondage involved? Good grief ... where do I sign?!

    2. AndyS

      Re: Headline?

      "Slap happy laptop slapper chomps chap's chap."

  4. ratfox
    Pint

    Ellis also faces a charge of domestic assault with a dangerous weapon – the brand of laptop is unknown –

    Thanks for this one, I needed the laugh.

  5. Haku

    "the brand of laptop is unknown"

    The story almost reads like it was from the Onion News Network Autistic reporter:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAOhBBEQwE8

    1. Ol' Grumpy

      Re: "the brand of laptop is unknown"

      It was probably a Lenovo with Superfish installed .... :)

  6. This post has been deleted by its author

  7. petur
    Pint

    fitting image and tagline

    Thanks

  8. Mark 85
    Mushroom

    Frustrated Windows User?

    Finally had enough.....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Frustrated Windows User?

      of her fella going on about installing Linux?

      OS wars (and the associated snipes) bug me, it's an OS, use what you prefer and feels comfortable and let everybody else do the same. If you want to swing your employer one way or the other, provide them with a business case stating the benefits.

      For the record, I prefer Linux, but don't mind using Windows, in fact I have been using Windows 8 for the last month since a graphics card upgrade nuked F20 (not supported by Nouveau drivers*). My nets been down so I hadn't been able to get F21. It came back online a week ago and I haven't felt any urgent need to re-install, I'll do it one weekend.

      * It was a rushed purchase due to the death of the previous card, I had 12 minutes to choose for next day delivery, I barely had time to check the specs/benchmarks, let alone compatibility. It is supported by the binary nVidia driver and apparently Nouveau in F21.

      1. Mark 85

        Re: Frustrated Windows User?

        Eh... I'm an equal opportunity snarker on stories like this.... If she'd smacked him with an Apple or Linux box, doesn't matter.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Frustrated Windows User?

          The article didn't say what laptop it was, let alone if it was running Windows, so either you've assumed that (with the expected consequences), or just wanted to prod the Windows fanboys for a reaction.

  9. GreggS

    Without Dell-ving into the details of the case.

    To get her off this charge she needs an Acer lawyer! It could prove to be utter Tosh(iba).At least she didn't hit him round the head with a superfish first! http://youtu.be/xCwLirQS2-o

    1. MassiveBob

      Re: Without Dell-ving into the details of the case.

      A lady with a laptop sure can Compaq a punch.

      But it might have done more damage if it was a Sharp or a Razer Blade.

      Still, there is no excuse for Vaio-lence.

  10. Terry 6 Silver badge
    Go

    Don't you mean....

    The damage caused *to* the laptop was not detailed.

    After all this is El Reg.

  11. Simple Si
    Alert

    Sounds like she was frustrated with his pointing device.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    remember: when asked for advice about a laptop

    NEVER say 'bite me'

  13. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Hell hath no fury...

    But at least this time there was an IT angle!

  14. Zot
    Facepalm

    "feel asleep"??

    Spell checkers do not replace humans!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Let's go

    Lady lacerates lad's limp linguini after braining him with battery-powered box. Charging imminent

  16. Dave in the States
    Devil

    Lucky for him...

    ... he didn't become a Double Amputee.

  17. Lynrd

    Proves rule number 4

    Never go to sleep first

  18. Eddy Ito
    Coat

    She only used the laptop because he said her logic was fellatious.

  19. Stevie

    Bah!

    Domestic Abuse and Lithium-ion Battery I think you'll find.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "assault with a dangerous weapon – the brand of laptop is unknown"

    He wasn't killed, so it wasn't a Compaq Portable or Osborne1

    1. Mark 85

      If she had used one of those, she's someone you'd never want to meet in a dark alley....

  21. Delbert

    Charged with domestic battery after a byte and a beating - a punsters dream scenario. He is lucky it wasn't a Toughbook that would have done serious damage.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It wasn't a laptop...

    ...it wasn't a netbook even...

    It could have been a NEUTBOOK

  23. The last doughnut

    A linux lappy running the Bash shell?

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