Reckon YOU can write better headlines than us? Great – apply within

The Register is expanding in the States: we're seeking a full-time US Production Editor to work in our San Francisco bureau in California. The successful applicant will work alongside our US editor and four reporters to prepare news, opinion and feature articles on the world of science and technology for our vast and …

[Nunyabiznes]

Duh, I dunno know boss

It would be a lovely position, but as evidenced above I can't match the dynamism and tongue-in-cheek sophistication of The Reg.

I are prety gud at prof-reddin and fax checkin tho.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Duh, I dunno know boss

Didn't last week's travelogue say that you can't do sarcasm in SF

[Craig 2]

Cue sarcastic comments about inserting random unrelated pictures into every article :D

[Electron Shepherd]

Well...

•Sharpen up sentences to The Register’s punchy style.

•Write headlines, sub-headlines and picture captions to Register style.

Is it "The Register" or just "Register"? Is consistency a requirement?

strives to be accurate, informative and entertaining.

Millions follow our world-beating coverage of ray guns, atom smashers, killer robots, selected celebrities, zeppelins, space oddities, and garden-shed engineering breakthroughs

Is the variable use of the Oxford comma a requirement?

[diodesign]

Re: Well...

It's all part of the test.

C.

[SuccessCase]

Re: Well...

I presume The Register want candidates to state their fact checking predilections so any who are too conscientous can be filtered out; as on the evidence to date, if facts get in the way of an opportunity for a good bit of snark, drop them.

[diodesign]

Re: Re: Well...

"if facts get in the way of an opportunity for a good bit of snark, drop them"

Incorrect. Facts first, snark second. Your made-up assertion means you'll never be considered for a journalism job.

C.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Well...

"Incorrect. Facts first, snark second. Your made-up assertion means you'll never be considered for a journalism job."

Oh. I dunno. I can think of any number of print media who would see that as a positive attribute :-)

[x 7]

"The Register’s paunchy style"

There, corrected that for you, given the way you lot are always on about food and booze

[chivo243]

Only the essentials?

I have those covered. Do you cover the relocation costs? The standing heads above others part, forget it. I'm a jack of many trades.. Does that mean you don't cover relocation costs? Call me, we'll talk.

[sltech]

Do I have to write in English only ? I'm translating this comment from Urdu.

(yes lame humor)

[VinceH]

I'm sure it's best appreciated in the original Klingon Urdo.

[Not also known as SC]

I would love to apply for this job

but the beer where you're based puts me off. Now if you would all relocate to a decent northern location I'll reconsider.

[jake]

Re: I would love to apply for this job

The beer in San Francisco puts you off?

Interesting.

[Linker3000]

You FORGOT to mention

Applicants must be prepared to break or STICK the CAPS LOCK key on their PC or laptop keyboard

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: You FORGOT to mention

I think that if you can't type with only seven fingers, because your pinky is on the shift key and both thumbs are resting on the spacebar, you should withhold your application.

[Phuq Witt]

Easy!

"...It is essential you have the ability to: Proofread quickly but carefully to catch typos, spelling mistakes..."

You mean:

%s/color/colour/g

%s/center/centre/g

%s/then/than/g

%s/awesome/satisfactory/g

When do I start?

Actually, cancel that. I've just seen the picture of the location at the top of the article. No way am I moving to bloody Newcastle!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Easy!

Fact checking?

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Easy!

%s/of/have/g

[Fuzz]

Re: Easy!

Your knowledge of world bridges is lacking, that's clearly Hull

[jake]

@Fuzz (was:Re: Easy!)

Hull? Pass me the last of the summer wine, Cato ... Things might get ugly.

[Mike VandeVelde]

yeah, if you could could just hire me, that would be great

Peter picked a peck of pickles, feck the puck of poppers peepers pint...

The rain in Spain explains the pain plainly part...

OK wait... I can do thish...

Colourless green ideas sleep furiously! RESULT!!!

At least I can English, so I got that going for me, which is nice *8)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF95MMcn_B0

[WylieCoyoteUK]

I have a killer recipe for Bacon Jam.....

Yes, I can do the other stuff too, just thought it might give me an edge :)

Bacon Jam, described by my daughter as "emergency bacon" keeps for up to 3 weeks in the fridge . ...Apparently, not actually been able to resist it that long.

[Cliff]

Re: I have a killer recipe for Bacon Jam.....

Just give us the recipe already!

[Anonymous Coward]

Pay?

More than enough to cover the $10,000 a month for a shared 1-bedroom San Francisco apartment, I assume?

[diodesign]

Re: Pay?

Pay is competitive, holiday is UK standard (5 weeks + federal hols, way more than most US biz offers) and healthcare is included.

As for SF rent. Don't believe the hype. $10,000 a month? Come on. It's only, what, $6, $8,000 these days?

C.

[John Sager]

Re: Pay?

Green Card? I like SF (see previous article), but I'm not moving there (too old anyway). Other Brits (or other non-USians) might want to though.

[diodesign]

Re: green card?

Or an I-class non-immigration visa.

C.

[Tim Worstal]

Re: Pay?

Bay area pay plus European holidays is a pretty neat mixture actually.....now if only I would be allowed to do it remotely from Portugal so thus be paying Portuguese rents.....

[Number6]

Re: Pay?

You could go live in East Bay, you can get stuff there for under $3000/month. Hop on BART, that'll get you over to the city itself without too much trouble.

[jake]

Re: Pay?

I'm in Sonoma. Make me an offer, publicly. G'wan. I dare you ;-)

[jake]

@ Number6 (was:Re: Pay?)

"You could go live in East Bay"

No. Absolutely not. The East Bay is a hell-hole.

[Trainee grumpy old ****]

>> Millions follow our world-beating coverage of ray guns, atom smashers, killer robots, selected celebrities, zeppelins, space oddities, and garden-shed engineering breakthroughs, besides our daily reports on the professional IT world.

How could you forget the post-pub nosh?!

[jake]

@ Trainee grumpy old fart

"How could you forget the post-pub nosh?!"

Because that entire series is completely forgettable, as currently constructed, would be my guess. Seems that not even ElReg pays much attention to it.

[skeptical i]

You really need a southwest desert bureau,

if only to compare and contrast Silicon Valley with a silicon- dusted valley. Also, it'd give y'all an expense-able reason to be somewhere not snowing in January, gotta' check in with the southwestern flank. :^D

[Montreal Sean]

Re: You really need a southwest desert bureau,

They really need a Canadian bureau, I suggest basing it out of Montreal...

I can offer my cellar as office space...

[Number6]

Re: You really need a southwest desert bureau,

Also, it'd give y'all an expense-able reason to be somewhere not snowing in January

Not noticed any snow in Silicon Valley this winter. It did manage to rain a bit today though. If you want snow, you nip up to Tahoe for a bit.

(Note that San Francisco itself is colder than further round the Bay, and has a lot more rain.)

[Anonymous Coward]

Proof Reading (in Berkshire)

"Proofread quickly but carefully to catch typos, spelling mistakes, tautologies, mixed metaphors, and similar errors.

Sharpen up sentences to The Register’s punchy style.

Write headlines, sub-headlines and picture captions to Register style."

The first will often preclude the second and third requirements. Perhaps you missed out "inadvertent" in that one.

My copy is the one in double spacing, with an insertion symbol in the left (wider) margin etc etc ...

Cheers

Jon

[diodesign]

Re: Proof Reading (in Berkshire)

I don't think you've got the job.

C.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Proof Reading (in Berkshire)

Perhaps not my best after a bottle of red.

Still, if you can beat my current job title of Managing Director - I'm all ears 8)

[diodesign]

Re: Re: Proof Reading (in Berkshire)

"if you can beat my current job title of Managing Director "

Ah, touché.

C.

[Graham Marsden]

Don't! Forget!

Inserting! Exclamation! Marks! After! Every! Word! In! The! Headline! Of! Any! Story! That! Mentions! Yahoo!

[Adam 1]

Re: Don't! Forget!

There's a few more you have to know.

Apple was contacted but had not responded at time of publication should be added as a boot note to all fruity news.

All references to Google need to be translated as the chocolate factory.

[ssharwood]

Re: Don't! Forget!

Actually that's italicised exclamation points these days!. Thanks so much, Marissa.

[WalterAlter]

If You Can Parceive James Joyce

I'm your man.

[Pet Peeve]

You're looking for SF people only? It seems like the job you describe could be done from anywhere. Why do you have to go into an office to copyedit and moderate the forum?

[diodesign]

Re: Pet Peeve

You must be able to come into the office, yes. In some circumstances, we work from home, but most of the time we're in the office if we're not at conferences, etc.

Why? Because it is vastly more convenient and productive to discuss ideas and bounce around headlines, puns, contacts, background info, and so on, if the team is all physically present. Although we have a staff IM system, actual face time is much, much preferred at The Register.

Our office is quite all right. We don't have a whisky bar or a pool table, but we're in a nice part of The City: Maiden Lane.

C.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Pet Peeve

Well, actually from this website your LOADING DOCK is on Maiden Lane, you're actually on Geary... which ain't bad; lots of decent bar and restaurant options within striking distance between Union Square on one side and the Financial District on the other (Irish Bank!). Puts you within a half block of an entrance to Muni and Monty BART, so no need to live in The City, you can come in from such garden spots as Colma, Fremont, Dublin and Antioch.

I should apply, as my first job out of Cal was as a janitor for a building on the other side of Geary (49), so I not only know how to get there, I have experience dealing with trash (read into that what you will).

[diodesign]

Re: Re: Pet Peeve

"actually from this website your LOADING DOCK is on Maiden Lane, you're actually on Geary"

Other way around: main office entrance on Maiden Lane, packages to Geary. I'm just heading out toward Irish Bank.

C.

[Don Casey]

Re: Pet Peeve

I stand corrected. Best Guinness in downtown; not too sure if some bar in the Richmond might beat or tie, but who wants to ride the 38 during rush hour to find out?

[jake]

@ Don Casey (was:Re: Pet Peeve)

"Best Guinness in downtown"

Not that there is any good Guinness outside of Dublin, mind.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Pet Peeve

"I'm just heading out toward Irish Bank."

I hope they have a shelf or rack for the regulars own private tankards and that there's a row of El Reg Lohan glass tankards on it. If not, then that's a deal breaker and I won't be applying.

[MondoMan]

Re: "you can come in from such garden spots as Colma..."

Given the nature of the vast majority of the "population" of Colma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colma,_California ), would that not rather unwisely encourage the Reg's sometime zombie apocalypse fetish?

[jake]

Re: "you can come in from such garden spots as Colma..."

Colma, CA. Unofficial Motto: "And you thought San Francisco was foggy!"

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Pet Peeve

If your were working for a global multinational like el'Reg you wouldn't have to use BART.

All these companies have luxury buses that pick up their employees from their downtown lofts and whisk them to their offices.

In the case of this esteemed mighty organ they probably have a barrow that does the alleys behind bars at chucking out time

[Robert Helpmann??]

Re: Pet Peeve

Why? Because it is vastly more convenient and productive to discuss ideas and bounce around headlines, puns, contacts, background info, and so on, if the team is all physically present. Although we have a staff IM system, actual face time is much, much preferred at The Register.

On the other hand, you limit both your available choices of staff and the geographic range said staff can cover. It seems a bit odd that a journal that covers the cutting and often bleeding edge of technology seems a bit hung up on its use. Video and teleconferencing: you might have heard of it.

[diodesign]

Re: Re: Pet Peeve

"On the other hand, you limit both yo–"

10: If you don't like it, don't apply. The Register is a face-to-face organization. We communicate electronically across continents. if it's important, we fly to meetings.

"It seems a bit odd that a journal that covers the cutting and often bleeding edge of technol–"

Proper engineering and boffinry is something to celebrate. But, generally, technology sucks. That silicon chip you designed or bridge you built? Brilliant. That web chat toy? Your fancy web app? It's bollocks. You know it's bollocks. I know it's bollocks. Everyone knows it's bollocks. You're swallowing the hype.

Goto 10.

C.

[Robert Helpmann??]

Re: Pet Peeve

10: If you don't like it, don't apply.

Ad hominem much? I'm a decent enough copy editor, but would be otherwise crap at the job. It has nothing to do with what I like.

But, generally, technology sucks.

No, it either meets your needs or it does not. No-one really cares about all of the various communicating tools available. The concern is very much just the one you have or those under consideration for use. There is no magic sauce to it, just find the tool that gets the job done and move on. Your requirements are based on culture, not the available technology. I have no quibble with that as I am 1) not interested in the job and 2) happy to keep reading The Register. As far the bit about the available tech, though, don't blow smoke where it does not belong.

[jake]

@ diodesign (was:Re: Pet Peeve)

"It's bollocks. You know it's bollocks. I know it's bollocks. Everyone knows it's bollocks. You're swallowing the hype."

And I'm on the permanent naughty step? Oh my ...

[jake]

@diodesign (was:Re: Pet Peeve)

"Because it is vastly more convenient and productive to discuss ideas and bounce around headlines, puns, contacts, background info, and so on, if the team is all physically present."

So "clouds" don't actually work, then? Ta for that info. Not that I needed it.

[Tank boy]

Pooh

I guess I'm out of the running. Despite the fact that I have absolutely no credentials, I have to work from home which is closer to Boston than SF. I don't think you could afford me anyway, thanks for asking.

[frank ly]

Correction

"Proofread quickly but carefully to catch typos, spelling mistakes, tautologies, mixed metaphors, and similar errors."

Sliced, diced and grated metaphors are allowed in the headlines.

[Herby]

Do you review...

...past comments posted here?

I'm "local" but that is a relative term. The commute to SF would be a big deal as I live a bit South (no, not that far South, just down the Peninsula).

[diodesign]

Re: Do you review...

I care about ability; that's it. What happens in the comments, stays in the comments.

C.

[x 7]

Re: Do you review...

"I care about ability"

you'll never work for Murdoch.....

[jake]

@diodesign (was:Re: Do you review...)

"What happens in the comments, stays in the comments."

Really? Even for me? ;-)

[Anonymous Coward]

Fact check? How quaint.

[diodesign]

Re: anonymous

We're old skool.

C.

[Primus Secundus Tertius]

MS Word

I do most of my proofing with MS Word. Shows you the typos and many other simple mistakes. Red squiggles, green squiggles, and blue squiggles make a colourful/colorful day. You don't have yo agree with all of them.

But can El Reg afford MS Word, or are they as impoverished as the BOFH company and their z-mail (retarded email)?

[diodesign]

Re: MS Word

"But can El Reg afford MS Word"

VIM or GTFO.

C.

[jake]

@diodesign (was:Re: MS Word)

"VIM or GTFO."

I'm still using Elvis 2.2 under Slackware-current as my text editor ... I guess I could change over to VIM 7.4. Not that it'd make much difference one way or the other.

[DJV]

@Primus Secundus Tertius

"You don't have yo agree with all of them."

...obviously a squiggle with which you decided to disagree!

[Apprentice Human]

Re: MS Word

I suppose OfficeLibre (or OpenOffice) is beyond your price. Is Google's Docs too easy? Then may I suggest spell(1)? Pity there isn't a grammer(1).

I'm a MicroSoft hater for decades, for personal reasons so I couldn't resist the dig at Word.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hit a Headline Header with Heartfelt Humour?

Despite a punishing predeliction for puns I feel that anyone serious will be sending emails direct to the poor Chris.

Unsubtantiated rumours are that Chris is so downhearted on the submissions that he's printing out the comments to make a papier-mâché cross for self-crucifiction to music, leading to the obvious headline of Kriss Kross Croons Crucifed Chris.

I'll stay an anonymous coward for the crime of this post.

I'm looking for a job and I'm 10 minutes from SF but I suspect Chris will tell me to keep to IT and not journalism after the above crimes.

[Anonymous Coward]

"During quiet moments, moderate comments from readers on articles."

It was all sounding so good, until you veered into "job from Hell" territory!!

[jake]

" Marketing Hack"(was:Re: "During quiet moments, moderate comments from readers...")

"It was all sounding so good, until you veered into "job from Hell" territory!!"

Nah. Moderating is easy. All you have to do is be ... err ... moderate.

[jake]

Just as a wrap:

Mornington Crescent.

[Anonymous Coward]

Just make sure you get someone who doesn't use beeelions at every opportunity...