back to article Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The Red Dwarf chilli chutney egg sarnie

Our pushing of the culinary envelope takes us into intergalactic space this week, as we present for your post-pub consideration the magnificent Red Dwarf chilli chutney egg sarnie, likened to "a cross between food and bowel surgery". That's how Arnold Rimmer described Dave Lister's unholy creation in episode Thanks for the …

  1. Efros

    Post pub nosh

    back in the 70s I was at a campus Uni in the middle of nowhere in Scotland (Stirling), all the chippies closed at 9pm, nothing was open after 11pm. When we finally got back to campus after the 2 mile hike from the local pubs severe alcohol induced hunger was rampant. This was the days before burger bars, takeaway deliveries etc and with us spending most of our disposable income on booze post indulgence nosh had to be cheap. Pots of boiled potatoes served hot with mounds of melting butter became the accepted form of carb intake, and to be honest tatties have never tasted so good.

    1. Triggerfish

      Re: Post pub nosh

      That reminds me a bit of living in abroad we had to burn some of the household rubbish to get rid of it, it was always good to pop some potatoes in the ashes and go out for a beer, nothing better than a hot baked potato waiting for you,

  2. Phuq Witt
    Facepalm

    Encona?

    Oh, pur-lease!

    Encona chilli sauces are an insipid vinegary salad dressing, suitable only for babies, the elderly and the convalescent. You could at least have used a proper chilli sauce like....

    <chilli-heads insert name of favourite brand*>

    (*Dave's Insanity, seeing as you asked)

    1. RosslynDad
      Thumb Up

      Re: Encona?

      Total agreement on two counts: Encona is merely ketchup. Dave's Insanity Sauce on the other hand is best described as a munition. In case you haven't done so, have a read of the label - something about being useful for stripping concrete. It's the sort of stuff you see getting transported in ex-Sellafield nuclear waste wagons. A real coder's condiment.

      1. Zot
        Mushroom

        Re: Encona?

        So what if it's mere ketchup.

        If the recipe included ketchup, then you should try it. Or perhaps you should just replace all the condiments with raw Carolina Reaper Chillies instead, and stop being a pussy. :)

        1. joeW

          Re: Encona?

          Raw Carolina Reapers have absolutely nothing on a decent extract sauce. Try some "20 Minute Burn" if you feel like putting that to the test!

    2. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Encona?

      Do we really have to have a flame war over hot sauce?

      1. Kane Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Encona?

        Wow-Wow Sauce (the original, roundworld variety and the augmented variety)

        Icon related>>>

  3. Ketlan
    Pint

    Where'd I put that frying pan...

    A personal favourite (though not for my belt size or life expectancy) is the same Lister triple-decker with fried eggs and oodles of Branston sauce. Roughly three billion calories a bite. Heart attack sarnie, I call it but by 'eck, it's grand.

  4. Little Mouse Silver badge
    Pint

    Just - YES

    I particularly approve of the alternating length-ways / width-ways pairing of the eggs.

    It's that sort of attention to detail that elevates a mere cook to a true chef.

  5. TitterYeNot
    Coat

    So wrong, yet so, so right...

    "pushing of the culinary envelope "

    Just don't push too hard, or you'll do yourself an injury - otherwise known in the medical trade as auto-disembowelment with extreme prejudice.

    And FFS don't let Ed Miliband get his hands on one of these, the consequences don't bear thinking about...

  6. horsham_sparky
    Devil

    nom nom nom

    having over indulged in curry and beer last night, and still suffering a bit from the cold this seemed to be a stroke of genius.. so off to the kitchen I went in search of what is to all intents and purposes "food porn"

    I was fairly faithful to the recipe.. though I agree with earlier posters comments about the insipid flavourless encona so called "chili sauce", so instead I used a good dollop of Mad dog 357 (about a teaspoon full) with a couple of teaspons of nandos garlic peri peri for some extra flavour..

    What can I say? it was a warming satisfying gooey mess, necessitating in a hasty shower and change of t-shirt.. and I feel much better already :-) Will definitely make it again.. though I feel the recipe could be improved with the addition of some bacon (anything tastes better with bacon!)

  7. Tom 7 Silver badge

    nom nom nomenclature problem

    I dont have a copy of the episode to watch but surely its is 'chilli chutney' namely a chutney made with chillis?

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: nom nom nomenclature problem

      The problem is you can't buy chutney made with chillis in civilian establishments, so they had to improvise with chutney & chilli sauce in some unholy combination.

      That I might have to try later, just in case it leads to the second coming.

      1. misterflibble

        Re: nom nom nomenclature problem

        Civilian supplies research department report: "Mrs Balls Chilli Chutney". Two quid a jar at Ocado.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: nom nom nomenclature problem

          Posh sorts will no doubt gravitate to the Chilli Chutney recipe on Jamie Oliver's website that comes up early in a web search.

    2. Richard 12 Silver badge

      Re: nom nom nomenclature problem

      The line is "Triple fried-egg butty with chilli sauce and chutney".

      The "chilli sauce and chutney" is repeated, they're definitely two separate ingredients.

      Can't find the script online unfortunately.

      I do wonder what was in the actual prop.

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: nom nom nomenclature problem

        Thanks for the clarification RIchard 12. It is too late however - I have made a small batch of chilli chutney using some frozen things I grew a while back (home saved seeds with random mutations) and I can say (or write cos I cant speak yet) that when the chutney has matured it should prove ideal for the recipe when diluted with eggs and shit bread.

        I must now go melt an ice shelf.

  8. Mark 85 Silver badge

    Hmmm....

    No bacon? <aghast>

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Hmmm....

      My post pub nosh last night was toasted hot cross buns and tea. I didn't have bread for fish finger sarnies. Or brain cells for cooking. Deliciously satisfying.

      I did hit the chili this morning though. Breakfast burritos, to be precise. A medium warm tomato salsa, left overs from a previous Mexican feast, bacon, a little grated cheese and scrambled eggs, all wrapped in corn tortillas. Yummy.

    2. jnievele

      Re: Hmmm....

      Indeedy... just had a triple egg chilli chutney sandwich with bacon for lunch (without even having a hangover), and the bacon really is an IMPORTANT ingredient. Adds a lot to the total flavor.

  9. Frenchie Lad

    porkers eat better

    Clearly you're scraping the bottom of a deep pit bringing this example of a culinary wasteland. Breaks all the rules and even real porkers (not the ones in the photos) would turn up their noses at such offal.

  10. chivo243 Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Aren't we paid?

    Aren't we all working in some fashion? I thought those days were behind me. That is truly a university fall back. Eggs and white bread and bottled sauces. There was better food in the living on 5 quid a week project...

    If you need some ideas for post pub food, just ask ;-} In a previous life, I worked/lived in a university town in the states preparing food for the late night crowd.

    1. Triggerfish

      Re: Aren't we paid?

      Sometimes its not about it being the best ingredients, sometimes its about comfort, a lot of comfort food is not particularly posh its often things like a chip butty with some cheap white bread it more about a feeling than anything. As a Londoner in Yorkshire I will extols the virtues of pie and mash but at the same time I know most non Londoners would think it was crap low quality food, likewise I don't get pie and chips with mushy peas and pea wet .

    2. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Aren't we paid?

      This is no place for elitist snobs.

      1. chivo243 Silver badge

        Re: Aren't we paid?

        Me? Elitist snob, sorry got the wrong guy here. I was weaned off of white bread many years ago. Maybe if they toasted it and gave it some color?

  11. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Pint

    Nice Recipe

    Shame about the Bread.

    Ok, I'm a bit of a bread snob. Any bread made using the Chorleywood process is IMHO crap.

    Now, it you had put the eggs etc between some chunky slices of my homemade Rye and Wholemeal Bread then the end result would be gobsmackingly yummy.

    Kneading Bread is very theraputic after a hard day fighting software bugs.

    1. stucs201

      Re: Nice Recipe

      This is a Dave Lister recipe. You really think anything except pre-sliced white bread is authentic?

    2. fearnothing

      Re: Nice Recipe

      Until I moved to Belgium, I wouldn't have understood what this guy was saying. However, out here proper bread is a matter of course and the crap stuff is rightfully hidden away so that the Americans living out here have to hunt for it.

      On the other hand, it's quite impossible to find good bacon, which is why* I'm moving back in 2 months.

      *Not actually why, but dammit I want real bacon again.

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: Nice Recipe

        At least English sliced white bread is actually bread, unlike trying to buy a sliced loaf in US/Europe where it typically has a shelf life of about 4 weeks.

      2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Nice Recipe

        Until I moved to Belgium, I wouldn't have understood what this guy was saying. However, out here proper bread is a matter of course and the crap stuff is rightfully hidden away so that the Americans living out here have to hunt for it.

        I used to live in Belgium too. And I agree that good bread is a good thing. Along with good beer, and mostly great restaurants. However, there are times when only the crap from your childhood will do. So one lunchtime, I left the office, and invested something like €5 in a pot of peanut butter, and a half loaf of Hovis wholemeal (there was no white sliced available) which cost me a truly scandalous €4.50. I had some nostalgic sarnies for my lunch. When I got home, I was feeling so nostaligic that I promptly settled on the nutritious dinner of 3 rounds of peanut butter sandwiches. Shame on me!

        At one point, homesickness drove me to eating 4 Curly Wurlies in a 12 hour period. Weirdly I don't think I'd had one since the age of about 12, so I don't know why I should feel the need to feast on them 15 years later. Yet more shamefully I did this while living under 5 minute's stroll from several of Brussels finest choccie shops.

        Belgium is a wasteland for decent crisps, fruit juice, cheddar, yoghurt and salted butter though. And mayonaise with chips is still a horrible idea. But the Brussels chippie curry ketchup is lovely stuff.

  12. OzBob

    Oversold it, major fail!

    You had me going right up to the part when you tried to tell me a Red Dwarf fan was married (and to a girl!).

    1. Richard 12 Silver badge

      Re: Oversold it, major fail!

      This married fan would disagree.

      My other half isn't a fan but she's foreign so couldn't be expected to understand.

    2. Dazed and Confused

      Re: Oversold it, major fail!

      But the Mrs is a Red Dwarf fan too, I know she must be she bought me all the boxed sets and she never buys my videos that she isn't keener to see than me. She even introduced the kids to Red Dwarf.

      As for post beer munchies, back in the pre-married days the favourite was the good old cheese toasty. The question is how much cheese can you actually get to cook under the grill? How many times do you need to cook a layer before removing it from the grill, adding the next layer of cheese and toasting the next layer? How much thicker can you make the cheese layer than the bread? And I like doorsteps when it comes to bread.

      Of course you can't transport good cheese is the ex-Sellafield transporters, it eats it's way out before it gets to Drigg.

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: Oversold it, major fail!

        Breville sandwich makers, teaching everyone the thermal capacity of cheese since the 70s.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: Oversold it, major fail!

          Jam is even worse. Not for nothing was the Pop Tart once described as "naplam covered in cardboard"...

          But I used to love a jam toasty.

          Egg toasties are still great. If messy. You need a maker that creates a good seal, as the egg escapes a lot more messily than melted cheese. But if you get it right, and can hold a depression in the bread, drop in the egg, put on the top slice and slam the lid in one fluid movement - you can have a wonderful snack, which is an excellent accompaniment to ketchup.

  13. This post has been deleted by its author

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Listers chutney

    Having just had this dish yesterday in the final hours before daylight ...

    I suspect the original Lister chutney may have been of Indian origin. I get my "spicy mango", by that name even, from an import shop for new immigrants and it comes with a healthy lacing of chilli cooked right in before you go near it with the additional spices.

    I can also confirm the recipe cures the common colds, or in the worst cases at least delays it enough for a more pleasant evening out.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Listers chutney

      Farmers Markets can also be a source of decently hot chutney. I bought some just before crimble at one not far from Norwich. Being used very sparingly.

      1. YetAnotherLocksmith

        Re: Listers chutney

        If you want some cracking hot sauces and chutney, try looking up Tubby Tom, who has sadly now fled Gloucester to Wales. Possibly because of the 'Squealer' taste test incident...

        Look him up on Faceache: xTubbyTomx

        I can't fault any of his stuff. Big fan.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Aha! Another use for my habanero chutney

    Recipe: saturate water with sugar. Add onions and many, many habaneros. Add favourite spices. Jar. Place toilet roll in freezer for emergencies.

  16. hrhpod

    Mr Vikki's hell hot habanero is what you need.

    It's like chilli marmite - a smear on a buttery slice of bread is the perfect accompaniment to a well fried egg butty.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ah takes me back to uni, I'd eat these on a regular basis after a couple of pints. None of that girly mango chutney in there though, I found somewhere selling a chutney made from chillies, that really put hairs on your chest.

  18. Stoke the atom furnaces

    Student fayre

    Beat three large eggs together with curry powder, fry in butter, and serve between two doorstep wedges of granary bread with liberal amounts Sharwoods lime pickle. Delicious.

    1. Eponymous Cowherd
      Thumb Up

      Re: Student fayre

      Ah, lime pickle. Truly the food of the gods, though I prefer the Patak's stuff myself.

      Our local Pizza 'n' Kebab joint does a kebab meat and chilli sauce pizza. Delicious and something, I'm sure, Dave Lister would approve of.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Student fayre

        Ahh Patak's, Leigh's finest foodstuff.

        That reminds me, must go to the shop at the factory for some more Chutney and Pickle

  19. Mad Chaz

    Deeper research needed

    I think for a proper story, you should trace back the blokes who came up with this brilliant non-sense and ask where they got the idea.

    Also, the only thing that could have made Red Dwarf more awesome is more episodes per season. Incredible show. Wish more of it existed.

  20. ukgnome

    I remember trying this as soon as the episode aired and I can contest that this indeed is a winner, although I would lightly fry the bread to stop the collapse.

    Also if you find yourself without chutney or chilli then you I would also say using raspberry jam and English mustard also works a treat.

  21. iranu
    Thumb Up

    Otherwise known as an Egg Banjo

    Egg Banjos are ingrained into the life of the British Army.

    "A sandwich made from (usually) half stale white bread, spread on both insides with margarine and slotted in with at least one greasy fried egg, preferably soft yolk to distribute better, covered with sauce of own choice, brown or tomato (ketchup to the Spams).

    It becomes a banjo when....

    ...the yolk and sauce dribble down your front. You move the hand containing the sandwich away and up to a point level with your ear as you look down your front and usually to an accompanying "Aw bollocks" you wipe/smear the said yolk & sauce into your shirt with your free hand giving a passing imitation of playing 'air banjo' ! "

    http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Egg_Banjo

  22. Chronos

    State of the art sarny?

    "It's the state of the floor I'm worried about." </Holly>

  23. digjamman

    An explanation

    Sean Haines here; the devilishly fine specimen in the article.

    The white bread used was indeed to mirror the fact that Lister would not have chosen a nice granary or wholewheat. I could have gone for the 'value' options available but I couldn't bring myself to do it. In the episode it is clearly white bread so I tried to replicate it as best possible.

    The line in the episode is "a triple fried egg butty with chilli sauce and chutney." Not a chilli chutney. As Lister is well known for is love of indian curry I came to the conclusion that the only chutney he would use was a mango chutney.

    Now the Encona chilli sauce debate; I agree it is not the best choice. Unfortunately it was the only option available to me at the local supermarket.

    I was attempting to recreate the recipe as true to form and believe believe I did quite well except on the severity of the chilli sauce.

    1. horsham_sparky

      Re: An explanation

      Hey Sean.. good job overall buddy, despite the lack of decent chili sauce! the photo's did prompt me to go immediately down to the kitchen to have a go (I posted the story earlier on in the comments :-)

      I'll definitely put bacon in next time though.. I'll have to make sure the ingredients are available in the fridge this saturday morning :-)

      1. digjamman

        Re: An explanation

        Cheers! It is definitely something i will be having again and will give the bacon a go. What we thinking here? Smoked/unsmoked, crispy/soft and rashers/back/middle? It's all about the details....

        1. horsham_sparky

          Re: An explanation

          hmmm I'm thinking of smokey bacon.. will go well with the chili sauce methinks :-) and crispy bacon is best with eggs, gives a nice contrast in texture with the runny eggs.. although rind is optional, can be a bit of a pain in sandwich (you end up pulling half the bacon out with every bite), but you can't beat the taste of crispy rind.. dammit I'm hungry now! luckily there's a cafe 5 minutes walk from the office :-)

    2. Flatpackhamster

      Re: An explanation

      In the first Red Dwarf book there's a mention of Lister eating curry and having mango chutney with it so I agree that would be the right choice.

  24. Joefish
    Devil

    My egg butties were inspired somewhat by V's 'eggy-in-the-basket' skills...

    And a 'King Rollo' comic strip where Hamlet the cat steals a slice of cake undetected by ingeniously slicing it from the bottom.

    - Take a large wholemeal bread roll and carefully slice horizontally into three, favouring the middle slice as the thickest. Roughly cut a circle out from the middle of the centre slice.

    - Lightly fry the middle slice in oil, both sides, then (mayhap needing a dash more oil) crack an egg into the hollow, and again fry both sides in an 'over-easy' style.

    - Very lightly toast the top and bottom crusts. Spread a little butter on them and add sauce / chilli jam / Polish supermarket 'pikanty' ketchup with a pinch of salt.

    - Re-assemble the three layers of the original bread roll, now including egg and sauce.

    - Consume loudly.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My egg butties were inspired somewhat by V's 'eggy-in-the-basket' skills...

      >Take a large wholemeal

      OK, you lost me there.

      1. Joefish
        Angel

        Re: My egg butties were inspired somewhat by V's 'eggy-in-the-basket' skills...

        It's harder with softer mass-market white bread to do the rather delicate horizontal slicing without the structure buckling and the odd thumb coming off here and there. Though feel free to start by baking yourself a fresh cob in a traditional style then continuing where you left off...

  25. darklord

    Proper chili sauce

    Ok who's going to try this wih maddog 357 or 4 am chili sauce.

    1. horsham_sparky

      Re: Proper chili sauce

      I already did, I told the story earlier on in the comments.. though I neglected to say it was the ghost pepper edition of mad dog 357 :-)

  26. Interceptor

    Is *that* what that was? Huh. I picked up on the "Fried egg" part but I had no idea what "mango chutney" was (I saw the episode like 20+ years ago, forgive me my youth and no google in 1994).

    Hot sauce and eggs on toast are my thing, I bet I'd like this. Like a bit of cheese, too, tho.

  27. OldCode

    May be authentic to the show....

    But by god, this beast needs some juicing up. For starters, slather the outside surfaces of the bread with loads of butter and grill to a nice greasy hot crispness. A cheesy comestible and some bacon layered on top of the grilled bread so the cheese gets good and melty would also be more than welcome (dairy a proven counterpoint to mass alcohol effects). And as for the chili sauce, yeah, buy something seen outside of your grandma's pantry.

  28. OldCode

    May be authentic to the show.....

    But by god this beast needs some juicing up. That bread - at least the outside surfaces - need to be slathered in butter and grilled to a crunchy greasy crispness. And some cheesy comestible and bacon on at least one level of sammich goodness is required. Layer the cheese on the bread you're grilling and get it good 'n melty. As for the chili sauce, yeah, buy something seen outside of grandma's pantry.

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