back to article Horrifying iPhone sales bring Apple $18bn profit A QUARTER

Apple chief exec Tim Cook has said his company's smartwatch won't go on sale until April – not that he's too fussed about the delay, given Apple has banked $18 BILLION in profit since October. Speaking during the iPhone giant's quarterly earnings call, Cook narrowed down the date, pushing the boundaries of the "early 2015" …

  1. Teiwaz

    Queue this side

    How long 'til the first queue starts and where?

    Has anyone found the patent for the crack-cocaine gas apple pumps into thier shops air system for these occasions? Or is it just in the water supply globally, but you need an errant gene for it to be activated?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Queue this side

      "Has anyone found the patent for the crack-cocaine gas apple pumps into thier shops air system for these occasions? "

      I wouldnt personally be surprised if there was some sort of narcotic in the stores. Honestly, its like a bloody religion for some fanbois. What the hell is wrong with these people? I genuinely Don't Get It. Sure, apple products are nice, but they're not exceptional especially given the deliberatly crippled OS apple ships in the ipad and iphone. And at the end of the day they're just shiny boys toys. Plus they're way overpriced.

      1. Otto is a bear.

        Re: Queue this side

        The same could be said about a lot of products, we do like to be tribal about our tech choices, and naturally anyone who doesn't agree must be some kind of unspeakable person. You have to admit that the latest gadget is always a shiny new toy, regardless of who makes it.

        But I agree, as an Apple owner, the idea that you need to queue up to be the first one on the street to have an iThing, is beyond me. (I did actually get my 4S on the launch day, by accident, and there was no queue at my local O2 store).

        But hay $18b, go Apple, now who should they buy.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Queue this side

          "we do like to be tribal about our tech choices, and naturally anyone who doesn't agree must be some kind of unspeakable person"

          Well not really. It does tend to be an Apple thing. You don't find Samsung or Errisson or Huwai or Nokia zealots (who don't work for the companies). But you find plenty of Apple zealots.

          1. Naselus

            Re: Queue this side

            Yeah, but you do get fandroids and Microsoft die-hards. Software builds tribes, hardware makers generally don't - hence why you still had Mac fanbois even when Apple outsourced all the hardware ten years ago, leading to Macs that were just Wintel machines minus the W.

          2. ThomH

            Re: Queue this side @boltar

            I feel like I also see Android zealots, Linux zealots, Liberal Democrat zealots, anti-US zealots, Doctor Who zealots, GoPro zealots, north-of-the-river zealots, Sunderland FC zealots, vinyl record zealots, and a million other kinds, all the time. I guess what we observe is not nature herself, etc, etc, etc.

            1. This post has been deleted by its author

          3. Handy Plough

            Re: Boltar

            I don't know whether you're being disingenuous, naive or if it's good old fashioned cognitive bias. I do know that you are talking bollocks. You only have to read these very boards to see that what you said isn't true.

    2. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      Re: Queue this side

      Juvenile fanboism goes all the way back to the great 'Mastodon versus Mammoth' debate of 16,400BC.

      (The adjective 'juvenile' applies to all sides of any fanboism. Including either Pro or Con Apple. Geesh, it's just a phone...)

    3. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      9.4 Hz

      9.4 Hz = "...shipped iPhones at a rate of about 34,000 units per hour..."

      Crikey.

      Well, one way to avoid the factory owner running an unauthorized 2nd and/or 3rd shift (making unlicensed quantities of your product) is to run his factory flat-out 24 hours a day yourself.

  2. John Tserkezis

    Sales, net profit, banked, up 70 percent, fiscal, revenue, billions of dollars.

    Wank Word Bingo!

    No, but really, These dollar and cents reports make me miss the reports that Apple have included some new feature, that they actually stole^H^H^H^H^H patented first...

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      This was a earnings call, which most public companies make to their investors, not a product announcement. Therefore one would expect there to be words like "Sales, net profit, fiscal, revenue, dollars" etc.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So what happen to Peak Apple?

    For the last two years been reading that here, were did it go?

    Made 3 times more than Microsoft and sammy (who knows?).

    1. SuccessCase

      Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

      Where did it go? The same way as Jasper.

      Notice The Reg lead on the confirmation of the Apple watch launch date. Humility abounds as always as El Reg towers. Tuck what for anyone with an ounce of humility, should amount to an admission of total analytical failure, behind a misleading headline.

      1. Kristian Walsh Silver badge

        Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

        You need to grow a thicker skin. A news site picking on a multi-billion-dollar corporation shouldn't get to you as much as it does.

        We've seen "Peak iPad" already from those sales figures. iPad was meant to be insurance against a failure of iPhone revenues, but it's not going to work out like that: cycles are longer for tablets, and people buy them with their own money, up-front, which makes them more price-sensitive. Now Apple is once again dependent on a single product line for most of its revenues.

        You don't want to base your future on a one-trick pony, no matter how good the trick is. Ponies don't live forever.

        In Apple's case, the biggest possible threat to iPhone revenues would be any reform of consumer law in Japan or US that would reduce or remove operator handset subsidies.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

          You don't want to base your future on a one-trick pony, no matter how good the trick is. Ponies don't live forever.

          Google's one trick is advertising, seems to be going ok for them. I don't hear many people saying "WTF! WHAT IF THERE ARE NO MORE ADVERTS".

          1. Naselus

            Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

            Advertising isn't Google's product. It's their monetization strategy. You may as well say 'Walmart's one trick is taking money in exchange for items'.

            Apple's putting a lot of eggs into the iPhone basket, given the generally niche position of Macs and the declining performance of iPads. You can say what you like about Jobs, but he knew how to innovate and he knew how to make a product people would want (which, oddly enough, appears to be 'make it the same colour and shape as their fridge').

            There's just not much sign of that from Cook, who's only real idea for any product line increment is 'make it bigger and thinner'. The iWatch will be the first time he's put out a new product... and it's basically the same crap everyone else is doing with wearable (only this one is fridge-coloured, and coming to market 12 months late). Apple doesn't have a great track record in markets it didn't create in the first place, and with something as pointless as a wearable watch (anyone figured out what they're actually for yet, regardless of the vendor?) I don't see many people being willing to pay the Apple premium more than once - just like we're seeing with the iPad now.

            1. Ed 11

              Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

              "Apple doesn't have a great track record in markets it didn't create in the first place"

              Apple didn't create the smart phone. Apple didn't create the MP3 player. Apple didn't create the tablet computer.

              1. Naselus

                Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

                Creating the market =/= inventing the first example of the product.

                1. Ed 11

                  Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

                  The market was created when the first supplier sold to the first customer. Again, this pre-dates Apple's involvement in the tablet, MP3 player and smart phone markets.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

        Hmm The Register have changed their headline to one who's primary reading is less eye catching than the original "Watch out in April, warns Apple Boss Tim Cook". Could it be because they couldn't help but go for a not so subtle homo-erotic double entendre implying Tim Cook will be having bottom sex with his customers?

        And still they complain about being on Apple's blacklist...

        1. IsJustabloke
          Facepalm

          Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

          You got some kind of homoerotic message about having bumsex from the words "Watch out in April Tim Cook warns" ????

          Jesus Christ... just walk away from the computer and get some fresh air.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

            No from the new headline. You misread the post.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

          Ah. Third change of headline, this time demoting the "bottom sex" double entendre to a sub-head and now highlighting the real story: greater revenue earned in a quarter than any company in history. Well done The Register, finally finding some reporting integrity.

          1. nsld
            Facepalm

            Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

            I thought he was offering them a lentil casserole!

            Given most fanboi seem to be tree hugging, sandal wearing Guardian readers that seemed far more obvious to me.

            1. Handy Plough

              Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

              As oppose to the knuckle dragging Daily Mail reading mouth breathers like you, eh?

              1. nsld

                Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

                Did you choke on your free range organic soya latte with grated quinoa topping at the thought of being labeled a guardian reader?

    2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

      You'd be making massive profits too, if you'd managed to hit on the magic formula of overpriced goods, with a short upgrade cycle, and a seemingly unlimited supply of gullible fools.

      1. SuccessCase

        Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

        @Loyal Commenter. When you are calling nigh on a billion of the world's wealthier consumers - including a majority of CEO's and business leaders - gullible fools, it's time to look in the mirror.

        1. Longtemps, je me suis couche de bonne heure

          Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

          and in the mirror, lo and behold, a Microsoft employee...

        2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

          When you are calling nigh on a billion of the world's wealthier consumers - including a majority of CEO's and business leaders - gullible fools, it's time to look in the mirror.

          Just because 'nigh on a billion' people do something, that doesn't make it clever. A case in point - pick any two of the world's major religions. They can't both be right, therefore all the adherents of at least one of those religions are, by definition, such gullible fools.

          Just because something is absurd, doesn't stop people following it. In this case, it is absurd to pay over the odds for something that has designed-in obsolescence that is quite blatantly done in order to extract more money from you.

          The sad fact is that the world is full of idiots, and everyone has the capability to act like one at times. The level of fanaticism seen in Apple Employees is both comical, and saddening to those of us who can sit outside of the phenomenon and observe it. To Apple, and their shareholders, it is a positive boon.

          Very few of the 'business leaders' I come across use Apple products in their day-to-day work. Being high earners makes them more likely to purchase high-cost items. The same people seem to enjoy buying personalised registration plates, that do nothing other to act as a money sink and to make other road users think, "what a twat". There seems to be little correlation between level of earnings and idiocy in such cases, and certainly not an inverse one. You'd probably find a more solid correlation between earnings, who your parents happen to be, which school you went to (although not academic results), and who you happen to know.

          Extolling me to 'look in the mirror' does nothing to help your argument, other than turning it into a rather pathetic ad hominem attack.

          1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

            Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

            Oops, Freudian slip - I said Apple Employees, when of course I meant customers...

          2. Kristian Walsh Silver badge

            Re: So what happen to Peak Apple?

            Some credible sources for "nigh on a billion" would be welcome considering that total cumulative sales for iPhone from 2007 to date are around 600 million (the discussion of how many iPhone 4 and earlier are still actively working is perhaps better left for another day)

            Now, I didn't think that billion high-rollers would be so stuck that they'd need to share their phones with each other, but maybe there just aren't enough iPhones to go around. And it's odd how so many of these world's wealthiest consumers would need to queue up for unemployment benefit every week, or shop in discount supermarkets, or still be in school, but who am I to question the ways of the super-rich - I don't even have an iPhone.

            @Loyal Commentator - No problem. I used to be one, still know some, and Apple employees are just like any large company's, except that there are fewer Apple fanbois: what Bismarck said about sausages holds true for iThings.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The last time I updated my iPad was when they introduced the retina screen.

    Since then none of the improvements have made me want to buy a new one.

    If they made the next one waterproof so I could use it in the bath, or if it had a battery that lasted twice as long I'd probably be tempted to update but I can't imagine any other reason to spend.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      A two piece version with a docking keyboard case, that can run OSX with an SSD in would do it. A sort of iSurface Pro. Not an Air, I mean one that would work without the keyboard.

      I am still using an iPad 2 from many years ago, running iOS8 with transition and transparency effect disabled works just fine.

    2. Dave 126 Silver badge

      AC has nailed it on the head - most people who want an iPad already have one.

      Last time I saw some figures, iPads accounted for the majority of UK tablets (though that might have changed since the cheaper Android tablets have become more cheerful), and of those iPads, the majority rarely leave their owner's home (so battery and weight-saving improvements aren't as crucial as they might be for phones). As a device to quickly conduct a web search or view some images, an older iPad looses little to its newer siblings.

      AC can see the bleedingly obvious, whereas Wired.com is talking bollocks as usual:

      "Nobody Knows What an iPad Is Good for Anymore"

      - http://www.wired.com/2015/01/nobody-knows-ipad-good-anymore/

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Actually there is one big advantage to having an older iPad. My nephews and neice are always pestering my Mum and brother to get hold of their iPad Airs. Because their boring old iPad1 (cast-off from Mum) isn't as shiny and nice. My iPad 3 is better than theirs of course, but will be rejected in preference for the newer ones...

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      The difference in weight between the 3, and the Airs is pretty huge. The 3 starts to feel heavy after an hour or so of reading with it. I've noticed my 3 is starting to slow down on a few of the chunkier games as well - actually it runs them fast enough, just seems to take a bit of time to load them.

      So I'm jealous of the latest ones, but on the other hand, can't really justify spending all that lovely money. The 64GB is nearly £600 - for which I could get a Lenovo Yoga 10" 'Droid, an SD card to add to its 32GB of storage, and a decent new phone, and still have change for a year or two's online subscription to Netflix/Now TV/Lovefilm.

      1. Sarah Balfour

        I've never gone 'Droid, coz I SWEAR the bot's pulling a Nazi salute. Also, the trouble with 'Droid is that cans don't tend to function properly, in that the only button which tends to function is play/pause, and that's kind of a deal-breaker for me.

        That said, I don't think much of Appe's 'oleophobic coating' - doesn't matter HOW clean my hands are, it's completely smeared-up within 5 minutes! Oh and I DO WISH it would quit reminding me that I've not signed up for a data plan yet! It's getting more and more frequent. Read on some fora that cell can be switched off, but there's no option, that I can find, on a UK iPad. Seems to be a US-only thing. I bought a wifi + cell model because there could be a need for 4G access at some point, and I'm not able to get a contract (and I'd not want one if I could).

    4. hammarbtyp

      Come on, they made it thinner. What more do want?

  5. Hellcat

    I'm far from an Apple lover. Don't like their products, really dislike their attitude to paying tax.

    But.

    Selling 34,000 phones, per hour, every hour, for a quarter of a year? Even just creating the 10 things a second to satisfy them sales, when they're a fairly complex device is mighty impressive. Mind blown as they say.

    1. kmac499

      I'm with you on that one. Forgetting the religious war side of things, the ability of these companies to produce that much kit in that amount of time is very impressive. I jut wonder how much of the margin they could forgo to really improve the lives of the poor minions glueing the damn things together.

      1. Indolent Wretch

        Quite a lot of it....

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        " I jut wonder how much of the margin they could forgo to really improve the lives of the poor minions glueing the damn things together."

        That plus paying for recycling or managing the landfill the old models generate as the sheep chuck them out to buy the latest ones to keep Apples bank balance topped up.

        1. gnasher729 Silver badge

          If you chuck an iPhone or an iPad into the landfill, you are a criminal idiot.

          Apart from eBay, where lots of devices can be turned into cash, Apple offers what they call an "out of warranty repair" - which means they take your old device, hand over an equivalent new one, for about half the price of buying a new one, or they give you some money towards the purchase of a new model, and in each case they will take all the useful bits out of your old device, and properly recycle the rest of it.

  6. Wattsy

    Let us hope they use some of that profit on creating something new and different. I doubt it but you never know!

    1. returnmyjedi

      I think you'll find that in the last year alone Apple created not only the concept of the wearable in the form of the nebulous Apple Watch, but have also blown the smartphone world apart with their astonishing concept of a 5 inch plus screen on a phone with the 6 Plus.

      How do you like them? Apples?

      1. hammarbtyp

        I think you'll find that in the last year alone Apple copied the concept of the wearable in the form of a Watch

        but have also blown the smartphone world apart with their astonishing discovery that everyone was buying phablets so copied the form factor pioneered by Samsung et al

        Fixed it for ya!

        1. Eponymous Cowherd
          Facepalm

          Whoosh

          That was the sound of irony shooting over your head.....

          1. jonathan1

            Re: Whoosh

            "Nothing goes over my head! My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it." I love that film.

          2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
            Happy

            Re: Whoosh

            Irony? That's like goldy or bronzey isn't it?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    $ and taxes

    The day I see *all* megacorporations paying their share in taxes, I will not care about how much they sold...

    1. macjules
      Black Helicopters

      Re: $ and taxes

      Well, perhaps you should throw away your iPhone, Android Phone, iPad, MacBook, Sony Vaio, Panasonic OLED TV and your AEG washing machine. Don't forget those pesky drug megacorporates like Glaxo, Wellcome and J&J as well, so be sure to let your doctor know you don't want any medication from those companies. Next you should stop buying clothing from large stores, only buy your food from local suppliers and not use Sainsburys, Tesco etc.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Holmes

        Re: $ and taxes

        zZzZzZ...Still with my Nokia 5800 Xpress music ma boy...there still is no crap of your choice doing voice command OFFLINE properly. but I would love to throw your idiotic comment because its well, useless for me.

  8. Missing Semicolon Silver badge
    WTF?

    Is it my imagination...

    ... or does the iWatch look like an iPhone3 that's shrunk in the wash?

    It's certainly not as pretty/stylish as the Android offerings - the LG one is particularly smart, and the Moto 360 is nice too.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Date confirmed

    A source 'close to the matter' has confirmed, that as promised, the Apple Watch will ship exactly on time around April 347th 2015.

  10. Ivan Headache

    How things change.

    I'm currently having a clearout of old magazines.

    However, it is essential that I read them all before binning them.

    So found only a few minutes ago, from MacWorld July 2009,

    "On 22 April, Apple reported a profit of $1.21bn (£835m) for its fiscal second quarter ending 28 March 2009..."

    I know it's not the same quarter but....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Redefining 'horrifying'

    I know there are some Apple haters at Register, but you really outdo yourself this time, using words like 'horrifying' in the heading. You are now sucking the life and meaning out of words which is a crime against language.

    http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2015/01/27Apple-Reports-Record-First-Quarter-Results.html

    "iPhone unit sales of 74.5 million also set a new record."

  12. Simon Taylor 1

    The main point is being missed. Apples "innovation" of late comes largely from copying the competition. Without 7" tables, phablets, Android multitasking and notification centre etc etc etc, they would not be making these obscene amounts.

    They are sucking so much money out of the market, and restricting supply chains with onerous contracts to the point that competitors can't even get the components, that competition is being stifled. Not because they are better, but simply that it is getting really hard to compete commercially.

    The real danger is that the competition of Android flagships disappears, the innovation circle stops spinning and my only choice in the shops is Apple.

    Not a very attractive future for tech.

  13. Michael Thibault

    >"The down side is they are increasingly dependent on iPhone revenues," the analyst commented about the Apple results. "If they were to stumble at some point with the iPhone, they could be in trouble."

    "dependent"? "trouble"? Billions of dollars. Per quarter. Profit. "dependent"? "trouble"? WTF?

    There should be a laugh track dogging every industry analyst, set to go off every time they pause between sentences. There's sure to be a buck in merging the available technologies and surveillance schemes to make this happen. Anyone? Anyone?

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