back to article Netadmin wanted for 'terrible, terrible, awful job nobody wants'

Calling network administrators: do you want more stress? A fuller inbox? More demanding and ever-moving objectives?Then apply to be the next network administrator at the Children's Specialty Center of Nevada! The position offers generous benefit packages --and you'll need it for the extra cost of counselling and tissues to …

  1. jake Silver badge

    No.

    I'll happily take the gig to fix the problem later, though ;-)

    Ta for the tip, ElReg! I'll keep an eye on the clusterfuck.

    1. sabroni Silver badge

      Thank fuck for jake!

      Where would the world be without you to sort shit out, eh?

      1. Alien8n

        Re: Thank fuck for jake!

        lol, been there myself before. Made redundant from one company for them to then have to hire me back in on twice the rate to fix everything that the guy they kept then screwed up. For the sake of saving 3k a year on salaries (yeah, they just shuffled the job description in order to push me out and hire someone cheaper. Doesn't work when a required skill is Crystal Reports).

        The cluster**k at another company that the contractor they replaced me with caused? I wouldn't go back to fix that even if they gave me a million.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No.

      Don't you just love how perfect we all are. Any recruiter need look no further than here to get the best IT bods. Maybe we should form the El Reg dream team ER for short (egos rampant).

      1. 's water music
        Paris Hilton

        Re: No.

        Don't you just love how perfect we all are. Any recruiter need look no further than here to get the best IT bods. Maybe we should form the El Reg dream team ER for short (egos rampant).

        Speak for yourself. I'm a one man job creation programme. I can talk quite a good talk and write sufficiently opaque documentation to fool any project manager. The double dip comes after six months if you can charge a finders fee (to both parties natch) to introduce someone who can fix it all up how it should have been done in the first place. Imagine the hit on GDP if there were fewer of me about.

        Icon, because she is my management and technical guru

  2. Yugguy

    Be nice to actually make a difference

    Hell, at least they are honest.

    1. DropBear

      Re: Be nice to actually make a difference

      No, I think it's just a mechanism to try to take the edge off - sort of like telling you I just totalled your car, through fits of laughter in the hope that somehow you'll get less mad that way - see, it's all good fun, hahaha (but yeah your car really is just scrap now)! Not that this ever works outside Hollywood-land, but they seem to think it does...

  3. Snorlax
    WTF?

    however, exceptional customer service under very demanding conditions is what we are really searching for; someone who can smile through tears, and remain compassionate and calm in the face of childhood cancer and other terrible childhood diseases.

    So the lucky candidate is expected to have dabbled in Paediatric Oncology too?

    I initially thought the job was a piss-take given the bad spelling and grammar, but it's on their Twitter feed...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It doesn't say cure cancer. It says deal with it around you. Important difference.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        No-one has said "cure cancer" apart from you..

        I just said it but I think I got away with it.

      2. Snorlax
        FAIL

        It doesn't say cure cancer. It says deal with it around you. Important difference

        I never mentioned curing cancer dumbass. Just as well you went AC, isn't it?

  4. Mark 85 Silver badge

    At least they're honest about it.... more or less.

    The only point they missed was: "It's a dark and dirty job, but someone has to do it".

  5. Tom Sparrow
    Go

    That's my job!

    ""almost impossible combination of knowing a little about almost all levels of information technology support"

    Everything from network, security, server admin & development right through to coffee machines (even light bulbs and radiators can be IT support here). No childhood diseases though (other than the innumerable minor bugs my kids pick up and pass on).

    It's great. I can't be the only one, surely?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: That's my job!

      Agreed ...

      The only difference is I'm surrounded by adults (but they behave like children) ...

      We have a contractor in at the moment who said to me straight "I've never met anyone who was as much of a Jack of All Trades as you" ...

      Working in an analytical laboratory where anything with a plug on it is considered IT's responsibility means I deal with Windows PC's from Windows 3.11 up to 8.1, running almost every version of Analytical software ever made by any idiot who thought they could make a mass-spec, working with a range of Unix/Linux systems, and knowing Vax/VMS to Administrator level ...

      Working in Laboratory environments, including Radioactive and HF (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrofluoric_acid seriously don't look for the safety videos of this stuff) ...

      OTOH I do, mostly, like my job ...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: That's my job!

      It's not a joke - the work I did for a charity that shall remain nameless ticks just about all of those boxes.

      Except for no pay, and in the end getting told that they had decided to outsource their IT...

    3. 0laf

      Re: That's my job!

      Yup my job too, but I'm the security guy and don't even work in IT yet the MCSE qualified employees still look to me when they can't figure out why something isn't working.

      All I do is Google the problem yet that seems beyond them.

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: That's my job!

        Those MCSE drones would have to use Bing. That's why they can't find the solutions.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Re: That's my job!

      I love this kind of job especially the part requiring learning at faster-than-light-speed to solve problem #15,001 of the 70-hour day. I'd just add that working with terminal patients was part of my job description as well. I'd take this job except I wonder how they'd deal with me being the terminal patient as well. Come to think of it, if they can handle pediatric oncology patients, they'd do well with me.

      I do wonder who thought that paid leave being part of the package when "In Real Life" in this kind of gig, leave is something just not done, ever. Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt. Loved it even so.

  6. Bob Wheeler
    Boffin

    Essential skill

    I think they are looking for that one skill that (management//users assume) all techies have - the ability of become an expert in everything, instantly you hold the installation disk in your hand by the process of osmosis.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Re: Essential skill

      Wow, you get the install disk? Normal you have hunt for that after they have told everyone you are going live with it.

      1. GrumpyOldMan

        Re: Essential skill

        ...Then spend days hunting down obsolete drivers for obsolete hardware running an obsolete OS for a customer. Industrial IT is so much fun.

        1. Alien8n

          Re: Essential skill

          Reminds me of 2001. We need this essential machine adding to the network. It's the only way we can remotely manage it.

          Was a windows 3.1 machine using software that ONLY ran on windows 3.1

          Company before that in 1999 was using a mix of Windows 3.1, 95, 98, BeOS and an AS400. Was rather worrying that as a trainee engineer I discovered that the person with the most AS400 knowledge in the company turned out to be me (after a conversation with the IT guy in charge of the data admitted he didn't know anything about the data structure)

      2. fearnothing

        Re: Essential skill

        I found the install disk. It was in a locked filing cabinet in the basement, inside a disused toilet cubicle with a sign on the door saying 'beware of the leopard'.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Surely the Pen Tester job should go to the person who successfully accesses the interview list/ calendar and deletes all the other candidates?

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Why bother with an interview, when you can just send out the acceptance letter to yourself? With a minor detour via the payroll system to 'adjust' the salary a little...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Technical Hero approach doesn't last

    It's been years since I spotted one like this. It was almost more extreme (If you think of yourself as "I am an IT GOD who can do anything").

    I truly thought this type of approach had started disappearing. Particularly in an organisation that has written security and bussiness recovery plans.

    Maybe a datacentre should post an ad for a "Medical Person" who sees it as his/her holy mission to keep everyone going. No matter how much they smoke or drink, no matter how the Obese keep lunching at Fast-Food chains.

    It also should not matter if the medical person is called in if a visitor has botched a tracheomae after a patient had some breathing difficulties. A medical person is not expected to be "difficult" about the use of a dirty kitchen knife and just solve the problems. Mentioning "risk of infection" would be a clear sign of being "too medical" a person. We love someone who "just does".

  9. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    They don't mention

    Wireless clocks.... yes, some one has to change the batteries and configure them to talk to the dedicated CNC console over the WLAN.

  10. Haro

    I thought it was Sony

    I went into the article thinking it was the Sony IT job. :) They probably just have a very bland description.

  11. Alien8n

    IT managers

    Usually if you gain enough experience in the various roles that you become a "jack of all trades" the next step up is management. Which is pretty much where I am now except without someone to manage (apart from myself). Doesn't matter what they call my job title, IT Manager is what I'm actually doing. Maybe in a couple of years I'll be able to pitch for a PFY if they keep growing at this rate :)

    Must admit though, the evening job has better perks. Off to an all expenses paid night out in London next week for a record label showcase :)

  12. 0laf

    Small organisation therefore - If it plugs in and doesn't make food it's an IT thing.

    1. Alien8n

      Microwave

      Nope, I'm still asked questions regarding the microwave oven. Strangely it doesn't even need a plug to be considered an IT job here, small enough that if it needs a screwdriver it's considered an IT thing...

      1. Jeff Wode's Orb

        Re: Microwave

        Screwdriver level ? My idea of heaven is it stopping at the screwdriver level. Today I was talking table sizes for a kettle (IT angle I suppose) and involved in further room / desk re-arrangement both at a strategic level, a sourcing level and a move the bastard level - but that's IT really cause there's going to be a PC on it. Possibly.

        The issues with filing cabinets cause they are full of paper that came from something that might have involved a plug, were possibly a bit more tenuous.

        1. Alien8n

          Re: Microwave

          Funny you should say that, tomorrow involves making swivel chairs and removing a door from an office because they can't open the door once the tables go into the new office. I managed to get away without actually having to move any of the tables or filing cabinets, but do appear to be expected to make archive boxes (probably as well under the dubious assumption that the paper being archived may have been near a printer at some point)

        2. Stuart Elliott

          Re: Microwave

          "You lucky, lucky bastard... Screwdrivers?! Ooh oooh oh oh. My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be use a screwdriver... just for a few hours. ..... They must think the sun shines out o' your arse, sonny."

          /hug Monty Python

          1. BongoJoe

            Re: Microwave

            in my first job I wasn't allowed to use a screwdriver as I was 'software development' and that was a hardware tool.

            Somehow I found said device, for which I wasn't clearly qualified, useful for prising EEPROMs out of sockets but it still got me in a hell of a lot of hot water for using one.

      2. usbac

        Re: Microwave

        Yeah, somehow installing our new dishwasher came under "IT support".

        Not a big deal, though. Something like this sure beats trying to fix fucked up Windows. Make a nice break from dealing with users complaints (Except every time there is some issue with the dishwasher, it's "call IT")!

      3. Jeff Wode's Orb

        Re: Microwave

        If only mine stopped at the plug level. Today I was talking table sizes and involved in room / desk re-arrangement both at a strategic level, a sourcing level and a move the bastard level - but that's IT really cause there's going to be a PC on it. Possibly.

        The issues with filing cabinets cause they are full of paper that came from something that might have involved a plug, were possibly a bit more tenuous.

  13. John H Woods

    Where's the flipping money?

    I'll take a horrible job for $$$, a moderate job for $$ and a brilliant job for $: so would most people.

    However, last time I looked at the contractor market I was offered day rates significantly below what I make as a permie.

    Recruiters: if you want a smaller number of people to do what would ordinarily be the work of a larger team, plan to spend 80-90% of what you'd need for the full team. Less than that and your small number of people will create an even bigger problem, very quickly indeed.

  14. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Mowing

    Sorry, is the Australian functionary supposed to mow down Canberra along with hackers, or is he supposed to protect Australian assets and also, by the way, Canberra?

  15. William Boyle

    At last!

    At last, an honest IT job description! Sorry folks, but I am not that much of a glutton for punishment - I get enough in my current position!

  16. Stevie

    Bah!

    Perhaps this is a natural defensive mechanism evolved to deal with resumés that have been meticulously and honestly compiled by the would-be candidate then passed through the grubby hands of a venal agent who "edited for content".

    Can't count the times during my consulting years that I sat with a would-be client and had to explain that no, I can't do that and I didn't write that I could and would they please let me see what they were sent by Mr Ron Shady so I could wave the Blue Pencil of Truth at it?

    Wait, yes I can. It was every f*cking time.

  17. Christian Berger

    Can't be that bad...

    ... I've worked at the engineering department for a household appliance manufacturer.

    Nothing to do, except for sitting in fruitless meetings and waiting for outsourcing companies to complete code a 5 year old could write while being oxygen deprived in a vacuum chamber... and the code they provide looks like they used exactly that method.

    An IT infrastructure relying on horribly bad software, some made with Java, others made with .net. Most departments install their own "shadow IT", by getting some laptops with Linux or Windows on them. The main operating system is some proprietary crap made by Siemens which I think it based on an old version of Windows with added stuff to make it work even less than normal Windows. You can actually work with that if you spend 4 weeks waiting for your user account to be enabled... Yes that's 4 weeks engineering time wasted because of management snafus.

    1. Haro

      Re: Can't be that bad...

      That was my experience at a large dysfunctional company. They went the full outsourcing route and everything went downhill after that. Luckily, I only went into computers because I needed good stuff for engineering, and later (with no competent computing) I just did the science with a pencil. :( until the good pension kicked in.

  18. OzBob

    An organisation as bad as that is described

    does not happen on it's own. It takes dedicated incompetence on the behalf of HR, the immediate supervisor and the IT manager. Not to mention an internal vendetta or two.

    I have seen great managers in IT, they are assertive, have the ear of senior management and are direct and honest in their dealings (with both subordinates and their peers). And they are as rare as hen's teeth.

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