back to article Latest menace to internet economy: Gators EATING all the PUSSIES

Forget Norks, hacktivists and global cyber criminals, a far more clear and present danger is now threatening the future of the internet: a giant cat-eating alligator. As any student of the digital era will know, the sole reason that Tim Berners-Lee invented the web was in the first place was so people could eventually share …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    don't read this story drunk

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Joke

      better yet, don't post drunk ;-}

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I respectfully decline

      2. VinceH

        "better yet, don't post drunk ;-}"

        The joke alert icon isn't necessary. Having done just that on some forums and usenet, I can confirm in all seriousness that it is a bad ideatm.

      3. PNGuinn
        Coat

        Betterer still

        Do both - but after the regulation Lester Approved curry.

        Why? You might conceivably improve the quality of this thread.

  2. Joseph Eoff

    "Of a suburban Los Angeles."

    "Last week an eight-foot alligator was found next to the carcasses of two cats in the back yard of a suburban Los Angeles."

    You mean there's more than one Los Angeles? Or did you mean "suburban Los Angeles home."

    1. Anomalous Cowshed

      Re: "Of a suburban Los Angeles."

      No, the writer of the article isn't implying that there are several cities called Los Angeles, but that there are several 'suburban Los Angeleses', whatever that might be.

      Take another example of media-speak: "a young Sherlock Holmes". This refers not to one of several putative Sherlock Holmeses, but to one of several YOUNG Sherlock Holmeses. It is an established fact that there were several young Sherlock Holmeses, but only one of them survived to become THE famous Sherlock Holmes who had all those renowned criminal and scientific adventures, culminating in the discovery of DNA with Watson several decades after his death.

    2. Old Handle

      Re: "Of a suburban Los Angeles."

      There are at least three Los Angeleses just in California. Los Angeles City, Los Angeles County and Los Angeles metropolitan area, each containing the former. There are Los Angeleses in other states and countries as well. I'm not quite sure how to judge which of these are suburban though.

  3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
    Happy

    Send in Mick Dundee!

    He'll sort those crocs out, no worries!!

    1. Alister

      Re: Send in Mick Dundee!

      You call that a croc??

      No mate, this is a croc...

      1. Someone Else Silver badge

        Re: Send in Mick Dundee!

        Actually, I thought the whole story was a croc...

  4. Anthony Hegedus Silver badge

    Why would a croc leaves two cat carcasses? Surely a croc would just consume them whole? Or does the reptile daintily nibble away at the cats, eating only the good bits?

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      First, define "the good bits"...But since you asked, it probably was leaving those for later after filling up on the dogs.

      1. P. Lee

        > it probably was leaving those for later after filling up on the dogs.

        Or the cats are just dog-bait.

    2. Kubla Cant

      Why would a croc leaves two cat carcasses?

      I'm not an expert, but I think crocodiles/alligators like their food well-rotted. When they pull animals into the water they stash them in a hole under the bank until they're nice and squishy.

      1. Brian Miller

        Well, the last time I read about an alligator munching on someone (but not on a cat), the whole person was found in the gator. Nothing was left for later.

        Now, Dundee's comment would be correct: that's not a croc! Of course, he'd still have to step lively.

  5. Allan George Dyer
    Joke

    "alligator had been living illegally in the home since the 1970s"

    "Mr. Alligator, I'm here to serve this eviction order."

    "It'll cost you an arm and a leg to get me out of here!"

    "Umm… I'll bring a lawyer."

    And the lawyer has not been seen since…

    <pedant mode> Surely keeping the alligator there was the offence; the alligator is not a person that can be prosecuted.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: "alligator had been living illegally in the home since the 1970s"

      "<pedant mode> Surely keeping the alligator there was the offence; the alligator is not a person that can be prosecuted."

      What you mean that Alligator is not a recognized gender in L.A.

      Won't anyone think of the Alligatoridae.

      1. joeldillon

        Re: "alligator had been living illegally in the home since the 1970s"

        Not impossible.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_trial

        1. Eddy Ito

          Re: "alligator had been living illegally in the home since the 1970s"

          Sadly it is entirely possible. The US has routinely brought legal actions against sums of money so I don't see any reason why they couldn't press charges against an alligator or the cat carcasses for that matter. Of course, they want the money but probably not the alligator unless someone in Justice has a hankering for new luggage perhaps with matching shoes.

          1. PNGuinn
            Devil

            Re: "alligator had been living illegally in the home since the 1970s"

            Enquiring minds need to know -

            Would they want the carcasses of two disfunctional lawn crappers?

            We need a mangled dead moggie icon.

      2. PNGuinn
        Joke

        What you mean that Alligator is not a recognized gender in L.A.

        Probably the only thing that isn't then.

    2. Robert Helpmann??
      Childcatcher

      Re: "alligator had been living illegally in the home since the 1970s"

      "<pedant mode> Surely keeping the alligator there was the offence; the alligator is not a person that can be prosecuted."

      Oddly enough, due to the much-abused law allowing the seizure of assets purported to be used in a crime, there are quite a few cases in the US that have names along the lines of US Government v a huge pile of cash.

  6. Roger Kynaston Silver badge
    Pint

    And the prixe for

    the most tenuous link to IT goes to ...

    Beer because I like it and need a beer even at this time of the morning.

    1. bitten

      Re: And the prixe for

      It is an article about the future of internet. Beer has no future (once poured in a glass).

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: And the prixe for

        Of course beer has a future once drunk. Why do you think there's a pipe coming out of the bottom of the urinals? That leads into the bar through the wall, to the Fosters tap? It's no coincidence you know.

        That's also what those weird blue or yellow urinal cakes are for. They're not actually disinfectant, but washing up liquid to give the lager its bubbly head.

        My brother's pub has 2 pub cats. I must suggest to him how much more of an attraction a pub alligator would be...

  7. Sureo

    Thanks for the cute kitty photo.

  8. disgruntled yank

    bum rap

    I side with Mr. Hegedus, thinking that the cats would be digested by now. And I will add that the greatest Angeleno menace to cats must be the coyote.

  9. VinceH

    The question is whether or not there is any IP infringement in this case. Was the alligator from LA copying this snake from Bristol?

    1. Mike 16

      IP infringement

      The snake hasn't a leg to stand on.

    2. James O'Shea Silver badge
      Coat

      Payback

      for all the lizards and small grass snakes that evil animal tortured to death over its lifetime. I say that we vote a special award to the python, and to the gator, for riding the world of some dangerous predators. And turn 'em loose to continue the good work.

      Snakes of Bristol, crawl to glory,

      Victory is hov'ring o'er ye,

      Bright-eyed freedom stands before ye,

      Hear ye not her call?

      At your sloth she seems to wonder;

      Rend the sluggish bonds asunder,

      Let the war-cry's deaf'ning thunder

      Every cat appall.

      Echoes loudly waking,

      Hill and valley shaking;

      'Till the sound spreads wide around,

      The cat's courage breaking;

      Your foes on every side assailing,

      Forward press with heart unfailing,

      'Till felines learn with quailing,

      Reptilians ne'er can yield!

      I'll get me coat, it's the Tortoiseshell one over there.

  10. Tom 35

    I wonder if the owner has been answering "free cats to a good home" ads.

  11. Sam 15

    "Oddly enough, due to the much-abused law allowing the seizure of assets purported to be used in a crime, there are quite a few cases in the US that have names along the lines of US Government v a huge pile of cash."

    Dangerous precedent.

    Suppose the pile of cash should win?

    (Some might suppose this has already happened)

    1. PNGuinn

      In the Land of the Lawyer...

      In the Land of the Lawyer it probably has - many times.

      How many lawyers got killed in the crush to defend the cash??

  12. Alistair
    Boffin

    Illegally resident croc

    Since the 70's

    The croc was still living in it's mom's basement.

    So, 40 something basement dwelling, bottom feeder. Sound like most of the Internet's residents. Caught with dead kittehs. Hmmmmm. Fetish much?

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