back to article Bong Ventures LLC: We've been cyberhacked

Recent press reports have appeared suggesting that Bong Ventures LLC suffered a serious sustained cyber-attack resulting in the release of petabytes of confidential data onto the internet. We can confirm reports are true. In order to maintain the confidence of investors and partners, BongVentures LLC has decided to disclose …

  1. Gordon 10 Silver badge
    Thumb Up


    I find Bong a bit hit and miss but this was a definite hit.

    1. Cliff

      Re: Excellent!

      Prime Bong! Definitely one of the best, along with the 3D printing one a couple of years back

  2. Dan 55 Silver badge

    I don't know about Bong Ventures LLC

    But some fucker who's really got it in for El Reg has defaced their front page something terrible. Most browser users would close the tab straight away.

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Re: I don't know about Bong Ventures LLC

      Ha. Wouldn't know, I'm reading this on w3m. Only thing I noticed is the increase of crud at the top of the page (which I'm told is the "mouseover" navigation bar, developped)

  3. TeeCee Gold badge
    Black Helicopters

    Approximately 950 terabytes of adult anime

    Obviously a rogue government sponsored hack, the aim of which is to cripple the Internet by having one monumental Torrent cloud chew all the available bandwidth.

  4. Swarthy

    I have a new app suggestion for Bong Ventures: Griefr - to bring trolling/griefing into the sharing economy, it will scan public Facebook and Twitter feeds looking to references to dead pets/family members, breakups or cheating partners, as well as other traumatic, triumphant, or otherwise emotionally vulnerable event (EVE). It will then notify the griefer of the 'goat' ('cause what else would trolls feed off of?) with a blurb of the event so that the users can immediately start subjecting the 'goat' to abuse without having to wade through hours of mindless drivel for the rare nugget of emotional vulnerability.

    Griefr would also make use of geolocation information so the Griefers can avoid trolling someone who is close enough to take physical or legal retribution.

    A potential upgrade would allow trolls to pose as 'goats' and have a fictitious EVE broadcast to other Griefr users, so that they may troll the trolls.

  5. Ben Tasker Silver badge

    Thanks :)

    Been up puking all night and needed something to put a smile back onto my face, definitely hit the spot

  6. Hero Protagonist


    Just noticed that Steven P Bong and Special Projects Bureau have the same initials. Coincidence? I am beginning to suspect the former is but an AI project of the latter. Perhaps escaped from the lab.

    1. bell

      That's an odd definition of intelligence you have there ...

      Now where do I get a research grant into artificial cunning opportunism?

  7. John Styles


    What about Badgr - the app for 'underground animal sex tourism'

  8. ecofeco Silver badge

    How's that cloud thing working for ya?


    Because it's the best way to share 950 TB of adult anime along with your company secrets!

    (950 TB?! Holy crap! That's got to be the majority of all that has ever been made! Not that I would know these things.)

  9. choleric

    Garland of flowers

    Was that password in phonetic ASCII or in the original Thai Unicode? Inquiring minds etc.

  10. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    Pandora's box

    The Transformation Lady - a biopic of Martha Lane Fox, Baroness Fox of Soho

    Please God, may this never happen! I'll pay money not to have the film developed.

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Pandora's box

      Baroness Lane Fox transforms into Special Agent Fox Mulder and Rohan Silva into Dana Scully. Together they venture into Shoreditch to investigate technology used by start-ups that may be of extraterrestrial origin. The film concludes with them discovering the identity of "The Smoking Man" - none other than Mr Big of Shoreditch himself, Steve Bong.

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: Pandora's box

        sticks fingers in ears and shouts "lalalala"

    2. hplasm

      Re: Pandora's box

      I have a strange, heavy feeling, that all this is based on truth...

      Like 'Yes, Minister' was a 'just' comedy show.

  11. Jesus45

    WaT ?? TheReg is becoming increasingly cryptical to read. Is this a /sarc newspice?

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