You sir, are a freak. =-D
You mention your mom & vibrators in the same conversation?
*Dies laughing*
Go festive this year with Christmas carols, baby Jesus and CLITORAL STIMULATORS
Taking my place in the boardroom for the weekly “sit-down” meeting, I make a faux pas: I try to make polite conversation. In my defence, I claim temporary confusion due to a mix-up with the more casual weekly “stand-up” meeting, which is held in another room but otherwise attended by precisely the same people who are now sitting …
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Saturday 29th November 2014 11:31 GMT Mike Flex
"while sticking very real broom handles up their arses in private"
Followed by a trip to A&E to remove said handle. "Oh, I was just getting ready for bed when I spotted some dust but unfortunately tripped when cleaning it up."
If you're in A&E and need to borrow a pen check if it's come from the "removed items" drawer.
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Sunday 30th November 2014 04:07 GMT Eddy Ito
Re: Black Friday
Hmm, let's see, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Goodshop Sunday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, WTF Wednesday, Trying Thursday, Fuck This Friday, ah yes, there it is, Blue Monday. Oh my, got a bit to wait don't we. No worries, time flies like a boomerang so it will hit you in the back of the head before you know it.
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Saturday 29th November 2014 17:09 GMT Alistair Dabbs
desperate people
It has nothing to do with poverty. Genuinely poor and homeless people will queue at a soup trailer and await their turn for food parcels. But it's not greed, either. It's that they've been fooled into thinking consumerism is an end in itself. They all own TVs already but the dual thought that (1) they can buy a new TV at a discount and (2) there is a limited number of these discounted TVs sends the consumerist into an acquisition frenzy. Even if they are lucky and get one of the bargain TVs, they'll soon find it's an old or unpopular stock-clearance model and will be lucky to get their money back even by selling it on eBay.
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Sunday 30th November 2014 09:35 GMT Dan 55
As you're a journalist I'm surprised your first port of call wasn't Wikipedia
"The day's name originated in Philadelphia, PA, where it originally was used to describe the heavy and disruptive pedestrian and vehicle traffic that would occur on the day after Thanksgiving.[6][7] Use of the term started before 1961 and began to see broader use outside Philadelphia around 1975."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Friday_(shopping)
So those people trampling over each other buying things they don't need are really pagans celebrating traffic accidents. I find that the more credible explanation as only Oxfam would operate a business where you only break even after the first 11 months of every financial year.
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Sunday 30th November 2014 18:56 GMT Alistair Dabbs
Re: As you're a journalist I'm surprised your first port of call wasn't Wikipedia
That doesn't make sense. Journalists are not allowed to use Wikipedia, unless they can come up with the same information on at least two correlating sites that themselves haven't just been copied off Wikipedia too. In fact, if it's on Wikipedia, the information is immediately suspect.
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Sunday 30th November 2014 09:47 GMT Fihart
A bit rich...
An IT bod complaining about pointless tech-complication. Ever since encountering a Teasmade (or Teasmaid ?) and a cheap pair of binoculars with a transistor radio built in, I have been less than convinced of the convenience of combi-products and similar technology. Personal Computers are (and Mobile Phones have become) pinnacles of combi-ness.
On techie site, of all places, I find a writer advocating devices that just do one thing well -- in this case the light switch. What next here, the return of the dedicated word processor ?
Incidentally, Black Friday (more like a Grey Monday) at local Sainsbury featured only one line that caught my eye. Some spectacularly cheap tellies (32inch for £89 or 40inch for £149) labelled with one of the several brands of the gloriously named Universal Multimedia Corporation of Bratislava. Helpfully, one of these sets was running -- directly next to a Panasonic. A glance showed that you get what you pay for.
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Monday 1st December 2014 12:12 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Re: A bit rich...
How dare you criticise! I have a teasmade, and it is the finest device known to man! It awakens me with life-giving tea. Usually after I've slept through the other alarm. Although it can be a bit of a shock to the system to hear what sounds like a jet engine switching on mere inches from my ear, as I try to eke the last few precious seconds of slumber out of the morning.
I will suffer no criticism of this wonderful and humanitarian invention. At least until I'm rich enough to employ a butler to bring me tea in the morning. Well, if I can afford a butler, let's make that afternoon...
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Monday 1st December 2014 14:28 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Re: A bit rich...
TeeCee,
One of the teasmades on Amazon (when I bought mine) came with a little stainless steel thermos jug for the milk. Or you can buy those nasty pods of UHT stuff (or even just a little glass bottle of UHT), if you're not too choosy.
This was the reason I didn't buy a teasmade years ago. But I've been taking my tea black for a couple of years now.
The other, surprisingly nice, option is to go for fruit teas. The objection to these is that they smell far nicer than they actually taste. Which is even before someone has questioned your manhood. It's actaully really nice to wake up to the whole bedroom smelling of raspberries. And I rather like the refreshing first mug of fruit tea, as a nice palette cleanser, giving me the required fortitude to face getting up and schlepping to the kitchen to make a pot of the real thing.
Twinings fruit teas are disappointingly tasteless. You have to leave the bag in for about ten minutes, then they start to become harsh, before they've even developed much of a flavour. Whereas Sainsbury's fruit teas are cheaper, and much fruitier. You can take the bag out after a couple of minutes, and they've achieved a nice strong fruity taste. I haven't got round to trying any others yet.
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Thursday 4th December 2014 18:43 GMT Stoneshop
Re: A bit rich...
Ever since encountering a Teasmade (or Teasmaid ?) and a cheap pair of binoculars with a transistor radio built in, I have been less than convinced of the convenience of combi-products and similar technology.
Well, a lot of combined products indeed do their best to combine the worst aspects of their constituent parts, but not so the Teasmade. It allows one to be woken gently by the chirping sounds of its gears, not unlike bird twitter, some time before it's set to start brewing tea. This is so you can fully enjoy the auditory and olfactory aspects of that process, and allow yourself more time to change from sleeping mode to ready-to-ingest-tea mode.
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Sunday 30th November 2014 14:19 GMT Jambo Widetrousers
NTNOCN FTW...
Spot on Dabbsy, loving the Pamela Stephenson reference:
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Captain Wang and his crew welcome you aboard flight 1203 to Los Angeles.
We hope you’ll have a pleasant flight and that we don’t encounter any turbulence and crash the plane.
For your own safety and convenience please locate the instruction card in the seat pocket in front of you. It is situated between the crumpled magazine with the Robert Morley interviews and the piece of orange peel. We would like to stress that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong, any attempt to escape from the aircraft is futile.
Please fasten your safety belt and extinguish your cigarette, shame though it is to waste your last one. When disaster strikes there may be a slight loss of cabin pressure, and a reduction in the number of wings. In this event, a plastic mask will automatically drop down. Place it over your nose and pull hard to release the oxygen. Then attempt to fit the broken cord back into the hole from which the air is now pouring.
Please note that your lifejacket is under your seat. It is impossible to get it out, particularly with your seatbelt on, so we have one already prepared here. Place it over your head and tie the straps around you. To inflate pull the green tag, press the yellow button, unzip the toggle pocket, unscrew the air valve anticlockwise and yell “inflate you stupid bugger”.
Next, remove from your person any sharp objects, such as fragments of red-hot engine casing, and make your way to the escape routes. These are situated over the wings so you people there, there and there have absolutely no chance and we apologise for having wasted your time.
Well enough of this maudlin talk. This has been your chief stewardess speaking, and demonstrating the regulations was Lola, who’s a right little strumpet and willing to oblige you in any way at all. Captain Wang and his crew wish you a very short and pleasant flight."
Damn, can't find it on YouTube!
Biting the hand that feeds IT
