The Nokia ENIGMA THING and its SECRET, TERRIBLE purpose Ever since Nokia sold its Devices'n'Services unit to Microsoft, fans of the one-time Finnish titan have been wondering whether it will be able to regain its position as one of the world's biggest tech names. But with its surprise tweet of a mystery product on Monday, online buzz has gone into overdrive. Guess what? We’re up …
"It was a pun, a roundabout way of saying they don't know what it is. I "no know", get it?"
Exactly!
"Surely there's no way El Reg's revision desk could ever get so lax as to let slip such a glaring mistake right at the subtitle!"
MMF... Mmf... Fffflplt-HA HAAAA! <snerk> Bwaaaa-HAHAHAW!
Damn! Good one!
.I think it's a WiFi biscuit tin that Tweets a reminder when you're about to run out of chocolate bourbons.
When you run out of bourbons it then plays the Hallelujah Chorus. It also tracks down the credit card and store that were used to purchase them, so that it can find out who bought horrible, cardboard, fake-chocolate tasting, yucky bourbons, and despatches a Reaper drone to their current location, so they can be terminated with extreme prejudice. Then orders you some decent biscuits.
I'm aware that I may have upset the bourbon taliban with my post. But I can take them on! I will not be silenced! Chocolate Covered Gingers FOR EVVVEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!
Makes sense. The Internet is after all just a small black box with a blinking red light and completely wireless.
Hope that Nokia knows that if the red light on the top of the box stops flashing, the Internet will be destroyed.... or at least an epic fist-fight break out.
Its a communications encryption device: an off-the-shelf TOR gateway that provides end-to-end encryption, but also acts as a local mobile phone cell, routing calls via TOR. Sales volume is the key point - when sales hit a critical mass, GCHQ's attempts at tracking the gateways will be overwhelmed.
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But the result will be another headache for tech support/hell desk at most companies fed by the Marketing Dept. and upper management absolutely needing to have the latest and greatest new thingy to brag about to everyone who doesn't have one. Then the middie types will want them... and down the food chain... and they'll all end up standing outside of IT asking to be shown how to use it and "please fix it, it's not working."
Been there, done that, got the battle scars.
It's obviously the 2" square brain box for a connected cloud persona. You just leave it in your pocket and it works with all your other toys that change from being expensive devices with their own data plan to simple I/O interfaces that use the common box. Soon everything from your mirrorless system camera, phone earpiece, bonkable pay dongle or 9" web display will be simple and connected to a single point of intercloudy goodness.
It appears to be a prop that they can use when congratulating themselves in front of a receptive audience.
It will also form the basis of several slides (and accompanying narration) bearing terms like "innovative", "connected", "game changing", "integrated", "native", "cross device" and "all your . . ."
Nokia already has had lots of experience with "things to plug into your TV" with their rather successful line of analogue and digital satellite receivers. They even supplied 2 generations of equipment to what's now known as Sky Germany.
Plus they even used to build rather decent TV sets. They had nice pictures... but broke rather quickly. They had Level 2.5 teletext decoders, which had buffer overflows so one of the _many_ patches was a software update to the teletext decoder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teletext#mediaviewer/File:Teletext_level1_0_lebel2_5.jpg
I kinda miss the old DBoxII well.. At least its spirit still lives on in the DreamBox.
But, I kinda swore off both Cable, and Satellite, for the bright future of IPTV, and a small Android Box that runs XBMC / Kodi.
So far I've had no 'cause to regret this decision. As an added bonus I also have regained access to BBC's 1-4 again. Granted they're not in 720p HD like they used to be once upon a time. But, like with USTV Now (ABC, CBS, CW, Fox NBC and PBS) I'm happy to take what I can! And I do watch that now more so then the BBC itself.
So I'll cast my vote for a Streaming Video / Game Box, with Nokia currently developing the backend of it. Should they be successful at this attempt I think they'll blow Apple clear outta the Water with it. But, I guess that depends more on what this thing is likely to cost in the short-term. But, if there BIG IDEA is to sell long-term Subscriptions to this Video / Gaming System.... Then it could well be a Money Spinner for 'em.
Nokia should just save themselves some time and money by not even bothering to produce these piling steam boxes and just skip straight to the part where they announce they are going to produce a Windows RT version in shocking purple or bright orange and then flog it to Microsoft
Well it would have to be something to sell.....er compliment Microsoft products so maybe a networkable box for cloud based services like storage and software applications like online Office and gaming that only requires a mouse, keyboard and HDTV to operate rather than a conventional PC based system.
Made in China, rebadged by Nokia, sold in... China.
Looks like a winning strategy? Maybe? No?
NSA/GCHQ are having hugh problems processing all the data they have been creaming off the world population.
So they came up with the idea of put a box in everyone's home that dose all the pre-processing of trawling through all your data and files locally and sending the results back to them.
Oh and BTW you cna play games on it as well.
The "Not-Roku" will attempt to compete with the Roku streaming box. It's a "Not-Roku" so it will Not have the following: HDMI, Fast Processor, Wi-Fi Direct Remote, Headphone Jack in Remote, Light Weight, Many Channels, Smart, Intuitive Interface, Not Ranked #1 (of 18 streaming boxes including AppleTV) by Time Magazine. I'm excited.
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