back to article Apple fanbois are 'MENTALLY UNSTABLE' but you still have to 'SERVICE' them

This was the week in which we learned that Apple shop staff have been ordered to "touch" fanbois – even though many the iSlaves appear to hate their customers. Angela Arhendts, who swapped life at Burberry to head up Apple's retail division, said she expected staff to "service" members of the public. "How do you make sure …

  1. James 100

    Short termism?

    "we are sprinting a marathon right now"

    So ... they'll put on an impressive burst early on, then run out and be overtaken by everyone else by the halfway mark? Probably not what she had in mind - though come to think of it, probably all too accurate for the tale of the iPhone and its Android competitors...

    Rather than being "serviced", though, how about replacing all those faulty MacBook Pro batteries and chargers? (My first Magsafe cable caught fire back before I had an Apple Store within travelling distance; later, they fobbed me off with a dead Magsafe plug with the "stuck pin" problem as being "damage" and therefore somehow excluded. Their cables seem to have a particularly shoddy build quality, made all the more ironic with their crusade to stamp out alternatives.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Short termism?

      They say products have built in "obsolescence" and some wonder if there is a chip in the cable that counts down the time to "self destruct".

      I don't believe it to be so, it's more a need of "minimising costs" and "not caring about reliability" in most instances.

      Though, we did have 5 people come in at the same time to buy iPhone lightning cables... makes you wonder.

      1. Jos

        Re: Short termism?

        Not so sure about a count-down timer, but at least a good effort to stop rip-off cables from working:

  2. Christoph

    There's loads of ultra-fast connectivity to Cheltenham - it's just not available to consumers.

    1. JeffyPoooh


      FTTH is a solved problem. Bell Aliant FibreOP.

      The key feature that makes it possible is that the telco can now add TV to their portfolio, making it a triple play of telephone, Internet, and TV. That new service helps to finance the whole thing.

      Suburban, even rural, distances are now much less of an issue. Our neighbourhood is huge 3 acre lots in the forest, and we now have 175 Mbps.

      There will always be difficult locations. If someone is living in the Outer Hebrides, or at the top of Nelson's Monument, it might be awkward to get to them.

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: FTTH - Difficult locations?

        Hows about everywhere that the likes of NTL/VM have not yet cabled.

        Even whate they have ripped up the street, it might have been 20 years ago so only Co-ax is running through the ducts. Where's the plan to fit fibre there? My street has Co-ax VM and between 4pm and midnight Mon-Fri the internet speeds are just above dial up due to contention.

        Going from FTTC to FTTH for the majority of us is something in the realms of never-never land. The ROI for doing the last 100m (in my case) is simply not going to happen.

        Then there is the cost/month. The current costs of the full monty package from VM etc is getting close to a 1000GBP/year. I expect that you could double that to get non contented FTTH. Silly money really.

  3. Khaptain Silver badge

    No better

    >Tim Cook bravely came out last week, sparking a a furious reaction from dickhead homophobes the world over.

    If someone doesn't agree with the Homosexual lifestyle can please explain why that would qualify that person as a "dickhead homophobe"....

    A lot of people don't agree with a lot of things in life but I don't understand why that should automatically qualify then as "dickhead <insert whatever you don't care for here> phobes".

    Think yourself fortunate that you live in a place where contrary views are still possible.

    By the way, what do you call homosexuals that really don't like all this media attention. Those that were quite happy to live quietly without all the media fuss. Are they "Dickhead Homophobes" too..

    Yes, this kind of article really does piss me off, by it's attitude of "holier than though" more so than it's actual content.

    1. Jimbo in Thailand
      Thumb Up

      Re: No better

      I couldn't agree more Khaptain. Thank you for breaking the ice. The totally unjustified pejorative terms "homophobe and homophobic" are nowhere to be found in my dictionary. Let's get one thing straight: Normal heterosexual males and females are NOT the ones afflicted with (or who simply choose) abnormal same-sex sexual behavior so we have no fear whatsoever of gays. In fact, I feel sorry for gays because it must be a very difficult existence always trying to be something you're not.

      Before the flames begin just consider this one 'minor' biological reality: Homosexuals can not MAKE BABIES together... END OF! When homosexual couples can NATURALLY make babies together I'll then eat my words. The bottom line is since gay Homo sapiens can NOT accomplish this impossible feat I shall consider the loud obnoxious gay demographic to be heterophobic, which they indeed are. The rest of the gay community that doesn't try to force us to accept their lifestyle choice I'll just sympathize with.

      1. Anonymous Coward

        Re: No better

        and hetros make babies - well they should stop - there are far too many of those rug rats about, they are a demmed manace contributing to excessive methane, global warming and over population - and the noise pollution is worse than Justin Bieber

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No better

      "If someone doesn't agree with the Homosexual lifestyle can please explain why that would qualify that person as a "dickhead homophobe"...."

      Hmm..maybe part of it is that you see it as a 'lifestyle', which is generally just another way of calling it a choice. Hint: every person has their own lifestyle, there is no single 'homosexual lifestyle' and I don't even want to know what a 'homosexual lifestyle' consists of in your tortured imagination.

      "By the way, what do you call homosexuals that really don't like all this media attention. Those that were quite happy to live quietly without all the media fuss. Are they "Dickhead Homophobes" too.."

      Seriously? You're trolling right?

  4. jbelkin

    Jealous much? This sounds like a typical Android-WIN PC buyer who realizes there is a glimmering store (some open 24/7) who will service their purchases for LIFE and FOR FREE. Sure, if it's hardware, the warranty might be out but there's a 10-75% chance Apple will replace it anyway FOR LIFE and FOR FREE. So, yea, jealous much? If it's software, they will try and fix it for you FOR FREE FOREVER. It's that simple. The staff is NOT on commission so there's jo hard sell and they will answer any questions for you. But hey, not everyone can deliver that ...

    1. Glen 1

      Obvious Troll is obvious

      HAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAA - Obvious Troll is obvious

      1. Anonymous Coward

        Re: Obvious Troll is obvious


    2. xyz Silver badge


      Eadon 2.0 with shiny trousers on?

  5. Rampant Spaniel

    Who or what is a Taylor Swift? I assume nowhere near as talented as the Scorpions?

    I'm amazed how securely insecure the Russians are. It amazed me, after moving to the Pacific, just how accepting some cultures (frequently viewed as primitive by others) are of varying sexualities. Even the most macho, ultra Catholic Islands, it's just not a 'thing'. No Stigma, no harassment etc. The Russians think they are big tough men, they should meet a Tongan!

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      That will teach me not to proof my posts lol, I meant sexually insecure.

  6. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge


    I guess friends of this fanboi should be keeping a watch on him after this

  7. Kepler

    Marketing or HR? (i.e., spelling)

    Turns out it's "Angela Ahrendts", not "Angela Arhendts". Jasper transposed the r and the h in her last name.

    (I never heard of her before, but I learned this upon Googling her.)

  8. Kepler

    Touch This! (i.e., usage)

    Based on the Burberry(s) connection, I had assumed Ms. Ahrendts to be English, or at least British. I was all set to lament how this was "Another blow to my illusions of British superiority" (in use of the English language).

    However, it turns out she was born and raised in the United States (specifically, Indiana). Which makes her brazen illiteracy somewhat less of a surprise.*

    It's bad enough that she does not know the difference between the verbs serve and service. (Are children raised in the American Midwest no longer familiar with the basics — and basic terminology — of animal husbandry?) Her figurative — or not? — use of the verb touch almost suggests that she was deliberately engaging in one long double-entendre.

    In any event, in the face of this combination of factors, I consider the puerile/infantile/prurient/titillating aspects of this first story to be entirely her doing rather than Jasper Hamhill's or El Reg's.

    It's a shame when literate staff** must serve an illiterate master.*** Or mistress. Especially since — for all I know — she might even be quite good (language difficulties aside) in her chosen field of marketing.


    * On the other hand, it makes her receipt of an honorary doctorate of Humane Letters (!) rather puzzling. And embarrassing for Ball State University, her alma mater.


    ** Absent evidence to the contrary, I must assume that at least some of Apple's retail staff know the difference between serve and service.


    *** Cf. the burden of Microsoft employees serving under Satya Nadella, who is as jargon-prone as his immediate predecessor, and who does not seem to know the meaning of the word "first".

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