Origins of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE fished out of SCOTTISH LAKE

Primitive, lake-dwelling armoured fish "invented" internal fertilisation and copulation 385 million years ago in Scotland, a top palaeontologist has found. According to Professor John Long at Flinders University in Australia, the discovery is big news for the evolutionary history of sexual reproduction. Male fossils expertly …

[Mark 85]

Microbrachius Porn?

I was shocked. Shocked I tell you that I found you had a pic of this event posted... Won't anyone ever think of the children? What if they saw this?

[Daniel von Asmuth]

Re: Microbrachius Porn?

Indeed! About time that England declare independence from obscene Scotland.

[frank ly]

I'm wondering

From the picture, it appears that the male has two apparently identical implantation appendages, so that in theory it could mate with two females simultaneously. I'm just exploring all possibilities here ......

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: I'm wondering

That would be the first threesome.

[John 110]

Scottish eh?

Well obviously....

[ashdav]

"Long made the discovery in 2013, after examining a single fossil bone"

I think you could infer anything from one fossil bone.

Look out, flying Unicorns!

[Anonymous Coward]

I think you could infer anything from one fossil bone.

Ex pede Hercules. Just saying.

[tony2heads]

Re: I think you could infer anything from one fossil bone.

Ex pede Herculem !

[Shaha Alam]

one bone is all you need to do the deed.

[FF22]

Lies

It's a lie. Everybody knows that this - just like anything else - was invented by Apple first, and that everybody else is just copying them now, after Apple made it cool.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Lies - Apple Creationists

"It's a lie. Everybody knows that this - just like anything else - was invented by Apple first, and that everybody else is just copying them now, after Apple made it cool."

Apple Creationists - Queue Religious Freaks ...

[John Tserkezis]

Now I know where the saying "Don't drink the water: Fish fuck in it" came from.

[theblackhand]

So....

They may take away our lives, but they'll never take our invention of sexual intercourse!

[James Pickett]

So that's where the aroma comes from.. :-)

[Alistair]

did anyone else

"Many miles away something crawls from the slime, at the bottom of a dark Scottish lake"

(c Sting)

(mines the one with a Denon DP29F in the oversized pocket)

[Robinson]

What?

The origin of sex goes back a lot further than fish.

[Charles Manning]

re: "The origin of sex goes back a lot further than fish."

Certainly, but that was not one-on-one penentrative sex, it was more akin to plants dumping their pollen and hoping some of it ends up where it is needed.

[Pirate Dave]

"According to Professor John Long at Flinders University"

Just to be sure, that's John Long, not Long John, right???

[Anonymous Coward]

John Long

"According to Professor John Long at Flinders University"

Just to be sure, that's John Long, not Long John, right???

>> There it is ... just need a "That's what she said!" to go along with it, ;-)

[Shaha Alam]

should've patented it

imagine the license revenues from sales of kama sutra alone.

[AbelSoul]

Scottish lake, you say?

Not many of them about. (half a dozen or so)

Lochs, on the other hand....

[The New Turtle]

So when did reproduction spawn?

"It was previously thought that reproduction spawned externally in water, and much later down the track in the history of vertebrate evolution."

Because clearly nothing ever reproduced before these fish. Wait.... wut?

[Anonymous Coward]

Is the realistic depiction of fossilised fish sex covered by the 'extreme porn' law? Or have the ConDems still got that in the pipe, so to speak.

[MrComputerSaint]

What came first, the penis or the vagina?

Just a thought... what was it that came first, the penis or the vagina?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: What came first, the penis or the vagina?

In my experience it's usually the penis which comes first.

[Charlie Boy]

Scottish Nationalists

Does this mean that Mr Salmond and his cohorts at the SNP will now claim the Scots invented sex, and that they will demand it be one of the things that is repatriated to Scotland, should England ever gain independence from them.

[Zog_but_not_the_first]

And the custodian of this antideluvian appendage?

Groundskeeper Willy, of course!

[Chris G]

Och Jimmy

Would ye noo look at the plates on herrr? Muh claspers ha' gone rrigid!

[eulampios]

"What's in a name?"

Did the dubbing of the species Microbrachius dicki happen after or before it was determined that it was a member of the "group of placoderms that developed bony L-shaped genital limbs called claspers"? The first word of the name indicates that its small hands were quite handy, what about the second one?

[perlcat]

...so *that's* what's under the kilts.

It's even worse than I'd imagined.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ouch!!

"Meanwhile, the paper explained, the female of the species developed small paired bones to lock the male organs in place for mating."

History's first recorded coupling is also the first confirmed account of "vagina dentata"? Poor guys!!

[Gwaptiva]

Well, since we've invented it...

the word FUCK is oors!

But we'll let you use it for a very reasonable license fee