back to article LOHAN crash lands on CNN

It's a tip of the hat today to CNN, which has unleashed a news report nicely capturing the spirit of our audacious Low orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) mission. CNN operatives were down at Vulture Central last Friday during a right royal spaceplane knees-up, as was Nina Trentmann of Die Welt. Those of you of a German …

  1. Cliff


    Shame they didn't give the name LOHAN context with PARIS mind, but credit for KARDASHIAN dreams.

    Nice article Mr Haines, congratulations.

  2. andreas koch
    Paris Hilton

    @ Lester Haines

    Did Ms Trentmann actually listen to what has been going on, or was she just there for booze and bites?

    I had a read through the writeup and it's factually more wrong than right. Or is this intentional, so that it makes a better read for "Welt" subscribers?

    Never mind . . .

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

      Re Lester Haines

      Agreed. But hey, at least now we know Lester's age! (If by any chance she got that right)

      Although I'm not sure if Lester agrees with the other attributes given to him: burly and bald. Are you, Lester?

      1. Alister Silver badge

        Re: Re Lester Haines

        "Although I'm not sure if Lester agrees with the other attributes given to him: burly and bald. Are you, Lester?"

        I believe that what they meant to say was, in fact, "solidly-built" and "cool-headed"...

      2. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Re: Re Lester Haines

        I'd agree with the burly, but I am most certainly not bald.

  3. Alister Silver badge

    Nice photo Lester, almost believable that you have boffin credentials :)

    1. AndyS

      Is it just me though, or is that pipe empty? That'll never do.

      1. Captain DaFt

        "Is it just me though, or is that pipe empty? That'll never do."

        Agreed. Given the spirit of this enterprise, I expect to see some bubbles!

  4. Charlie Clark Silver badge


    That's got to be some kind of stocking filler!

  5. jjk

    Die Welt called you a "burly baldie".

    They also said LOHAN would be sent up using a hot-air balloon. Just what I'd expect from an Axel Springer rag.

  6. Big_Boomer Silver badge


    PARIS, LOHAN,...... if you are going for tacky women why not JORDAN. You could build in some Bulgarian Funbags and use all the plastic you want.

    1. Chizo Ejindu

      Re: Tacky

      Personally i would have thought CYRUS would be the next obvious backronym in this illustrious line :)

  7. Pypes











    Marianas trench is go.

  8. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    No Nina with a pipe pic? Vulture's standards are slipping ...

  9. Andy00ff00

    Here's a challenge:-

    Korean Airspace Reconnaisance Drone Audaciously Snapping High Indeed Above the North

  10. John Deeb

    first try at that acronym

    KARDASHIAN hmmm, a first dash at it:

    Kickstart Assisted Revised ³D Automated Space Haunting Intelligent Agile Nipper

  11. ravenviz


    Is this a reference to the Playmonaut?

    PS: thanks for the mug!

  12. Vinyl-Junkie


    Kickstart-Assisted Rocket Driven Automated Spacecraft Having Intelligent Automatic Navigation

    If, as suggested above the next SPB project looks down, rather than up, then Rocket becomes Reaction and Spacecraft becomes Submarine.

    There, that's that sorted :)

    1. John Deeb


      Upvoted, seems an improvement over mine. Still I think the 3d printer reference would be nice to retain. But does it blend? And of course we know nothing yet on the design but it needs to be ass-kicking! Double the kick.

      Kickstart Assisted Revised ³D Automated Spacecraft Having Intelligent Ass-kicking Navigation (playmobil pilot included)

      1. Vinyl-Junkie

        Re: KARDASHIAN

        Upvote returned! As that version seems to cover off most things. Particularly I like the fact that it gets rid of my near duplication; to wit: automated and automatic

  13. ISYS

    Well done CNN

    Nice intro, factual reporting and a little bit pazaaz! to finish.

    The BBC could learn a lot from this.

  14. bpfh
    Paris Hilton


    Continual Advanced Research and Development into Astrological Heliium Inflated Automated Navigators ?

    (Can replace Continual by Kludged..)

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge


      I think you have the Cardassians mixed up with the Kardashians.

      It's easily done, but a good way to remember which is which is that the Cardassians are bad-ass and the Kardashians have bad ass.

  15. Hobgoblin






    Science -





  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Keck Auto-Removal Drone Autonomously Seeking High Income Armenian Nubiles

    or for problems with the FAA

    Klystron Amplified Ram Driven Autonomous Stealth Hunter/Interceptor/Assault Ninjabot

  17. Tempest8008

    I'm not "backronyming" (that's now a verb) anything until I know the mission scope.

    1. John Gamble


      No no -- that's how you define mission scope.

      1. Vinyl-Junkie

        Re: "Backronyming"

        It's certainly how marketing do it!

        And who needs scope? Mission creep will get you where you want to be!

  18. Vinyl-Junkie

    Thanks to Hobgoblin for giving me the first few words!

    An alternative backronym which I feel captures the SPB team nicely :)

    Knowledge Advancing Research Drone Ascends: Scientists Having Ingested Ale Nightly

  19. Anomalous Cowturd

    It would be handy if we knew what your plans were...

    Kick-Ass Rocket Derived Automated Spacecraft, Highly Integrated Autonomous Navigation.


  20. Osgard Leach

    As a generic thing, before the mission profile is defined, can we have Kamikaze Altitude, Record Driven, Ale - Science Hybrid, Inter Atmospheric Nonsense?

    Or if we're looking to get ahead of ourselves, designwise, then Kite Assisted Rocket Driven Aircraft for Super HIgh Altitude Nonsense.

  21. Cubical Drone

    25-30 Kilometers?

    I can't really get my head around that, in the future could you please express distances in the more acceptable brontosaurus scale. Much appreciated.

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