back to article Crack team weighs LOHAN's substantial box

While our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) project moves rapidly forwards on multiple fronts, it's worth noting that behind the scenes, there's plenty of grunt work going on that doesn't involve the excitement of strapping spaceplanes to van roofs, rescuing stranded Playmonauts or shaking Middle England. For example …

  1. 8Ace

    Just wondering ?

    Isn't there a requirement for wooden packaging bound for the US, such as pallets etc., to be certified as heat treated against pests etc.

    I could be wrong though but worth checking.

    1. Johndoe888

      Re: Just wondering ?

      Wooden packaging does indeed need to be heat treated and bare the markings to prove it (looks like an ear of wheat), also required will be a Declaration of Non - Wood Packing for what is inside the box.

      DIY store Oriented strand board (OSB) is not going to be acceptable :(

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Re: Re: Just wondering ?

        Right, let's scrub the mission now, because I personally have had enough of this crap.

        1. Chris 244

          Re: Not crap

          All of the ash trees on my street are dying due to the introduction of the Emerald Ash Borer from Asia, likely via wood pallets. Many of the ash trees were planted to replace elm trees, which were wiped out here by Dutch Elm disease introduced from, well, you figure it out. Ironically, if you (Lester) look out your window you won't see any Elm trees either. Elms in Britain were largely wiped out when a now more virulent strain of the fungus was reimported to Britain from North America in a shipment of infected elm wood.

        2. Richard Altmann

          Re: Just wondering ?

          This treated wood package regulation exists for Africa as well. Even though one can ask what they afraid of. What with all the bugs, termites and man eating ants they have for themselves. When it comes to shippings from Australia that makes sense since they are playing in their very own league of nasty creatures. Your colleague Brid-Aine Parnell will be absolutely fed up with the job that is still ahead.

          LOHAN´s intestines each need verification of the country of origin provided by the manufacturer of the parts. Customs tariff numbers have to be sourced. Finally the whole shebang has to be blessed by the Chamber of Commerce and that´s a nightmare even in Germany. Don´t want to know how effective spanish CoCs are. To launch LOHAN from a real Spaceport is of course top notch. But when that all is done and good it all can end with this grumpy customs officer who did not receive his bj in the morning. In Africa clearance of your goods is always just 50 bucks away. But i doubt it works in the US of A. To get to Kourou would not be a problem but it lacks the glamour and i doubt that you would be able to recover LOHAN. It would definitly end up either in the ocean or on top of a 50m tall djungle tree. So be good to Brid-Aine and give her all the moral support you can provide. She needs it. I´m going through this torture once a month. Therefore my pint goes to her. May she recover quickly.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Just wondering ?

          "Right, let's scrub the mission now, because I personally have had enough of this crap."

          Another Kickstarter project bites the dust?

          1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

            Re: Re: Just wondering ?

            A mixture of exasperation and tiredness. After we actually did a bit of research, we discovered that OSB, which the box is made of, is exempt, because it's been subjected to pressure/heat.

            Wooden pallets are the main concern apparently, and have to be treated and duly stamped.

  2. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    "Seven" and "one"

    Works in my house, too, Lester!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Seven" and "one"

      In mine too. The wife (despite what she claimed during the WC) has no interest in football, but suddenly is the world's biggest fan when the WC arrives. Hopefully that result will haunt them, and they won't be quite as unbearably jingoistic next time around.

      Might I also suggest that the Brazil players like David Luiz, if they really have to believe in god, save their prayers for important things like people getting shot in the face in street robberies, and nothing as self-indulgent as a bit of assistance in getting dives adjudged as penalties in a football match.

      1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

        Re: "Seven" and "one"

        Strange life-forms, those missuses. I mean, I don't give a toss about football, being it any cup or not. And she hates football. Unless another WC comes along... Seven and one would, unfortunately, only partly work as there are another two nations incorporated into her.

        1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

          Re: "Seven" and "one"

          Unfortunately, despite being Brazilian, she's of German descent...

  3. Pen-y-gors Silver badge


    Having had to move to New Mexico because of Spanish customs, it's odds-on that US customs will refuse admission to one small (but essential) component.

    1. Woza

      Re: Customs

      Small but essential component - the plucky playmonaut?

      1. Chris 244

        Re: Playmonaut

        Not a problem. Easy to get a Lego replacement Stateside.

  4. stu 4

    packaging lipos, etc

    Make sure you don't get caught out with lipos, etc if this is going in hold luggage Lester. The rules are pretty strict now.

    Or is it getting shipped ?

    It might be worth trying to get someone like BA on board to 'sponsor' it a bit by providing assured hold transportation, etc ? It's flight related, GB first, etc, etc... they could be interested ? Let me know if you want to pursue and I'll find out some contacts (consulting at BA headquarters at the moment)

  5. The Mole

    Weight of the box?

    So how much of that 41.5kg is just the weight of that rather heavy looking wooden shell? Depending on how much shipping costs it might be worth looking at whether hiring/buying an aluminium flight case can be justified.

  6. Nick Ryan Silver badge

    Another top show from the resident LOHAN boffinette, sporting her pipe as she rightly should. Puts the rest of them to shame she does. Slackers.

    1. Elmer Phud


      'Boffinette' sounds a bit 'not quite a boffin' but that's a proper pipe.

      Boffin is non-sexist. (sort of)

  7. Charles Manning

    Should have used British aeronautical technology.

    Contents 1k

    Box 100 quid

    Shipping the rest

    It would have been a lot cheaper to take a leaf from our WW2 forefathers and build with a sandwich composite construction (ala Mosquito). The box would have cost a bit more, but would have weighed a lot less and cost a fraction in shipping.... while also giving you the smugness of UK genetics giving you an advantage.

  8. TitterYeNot

    What a donkey...

    I had a brief, mind-boggling moment over 'ass fodder', till the less-sordid half of my brain piped up with 'Aaaah, that kind of ass...'

  9. Annihilator Silver badge

    Bathroom scales weren't an option? And if it didn't register correctly, two bathroom scales - two people hold the box, stand on a set each and total the weight on the display. Repeat sans box and subtract the difference. Keep pipe in mouth for both weigh-ins, or correct accordingly afterwards.

    I'm assuming it was too bulky for one person to carry while on scales.

    1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

      Re: multiple bathroom scales

      Yes, they could have done things your way but how would they have worked "ass fodder" into the story?

  10. Kingston Black

    Double Entendres

    Headline, check. Article, check. Bootnote?

    1. Goldmember

      Re: Double Entendres


      1. Martin Budden Bronze badge

        Re: Double Entendres @Goldmember

        That's cutting it a bit fine, isn't it? Bare-faced cheek if you ask me.

  11. The Dude

    Not happy with the picture on the mug....

    I was going to order a mug. Living here on the Left Coast of Canada, I naturally wanted the NA version. Words cannot describe my extreme disappointment that my Island homeland is not visible on the mug. This is a deal-breaker for me, because I had intended to mark my location on the mug, but I can't because it isn't there.

    Can something be done about this?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not happy with the picture on the mug....

      I am sure the residents of Tuvalu are equally concerned about the lack of visibility of their island home on the Lohan mug. What to do?

      Can you not move?

      1. The Dude

        Re: Not happy with the picture on the mug....

        Tuvalu isn't in North America and has no cause for complaint about being omitted from a picture of North America. My island homeland is indeed moving (Northward toward Alaska), but very slowly.

  12. i like crisps

    Famous last words...

    Mission Control: "Vulture 2, go for throttle-up"

    The Reg: "Roger that"....................................

  13. alwarming
    Paris Hilton

    LOHAN's box

    Did it make the crack team eat dust ?

    Whatever happened to PARIS ?

  14. Marcus Aurelius

    So what skills are required to work on Lohans Crack team?

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Nerves of steel, experience of cavernous spaces and use of exploratory probes.

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