Sex is great in books, lousy in apps, says Apple

Apple has published a new set of guidelines for its App Store, and suggested that those who want to depict sex on iThings should write a book or song instead of an app. The guidelines offer plenty of rules capable of riling developers. Here's the opening salvo: “We view Apps different than books or songs, which we do not …

[aawelj]

Guidelines on sexual content

Well, that's pretty explicit....

[Anonymous Coward]

Missed a bit from this.

“We view Apps different than books or songs, which we do not curate. If you want to criticize a religion, write a book. If you want to describe sex, write a book or a song, or create a medical App.”

Or indeed download it from some celebrities Icloud account ....

[Neil Barnes]

"We view Apps different than books or songs"

Perhaps they meant "We view Apps differently from books or songs"?

That Noah Webster has a lot for which to answer.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "We view Apps different than books or songs"

I'm not sure that Webster is to blame for that. It's German influence, of course. It's a word-for-word translation of "Wir sehen das anders als ...". Despite all the government-sponsored anti-German racism during the first half of the 20th century American English is to a large extent English mangled by Germans.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: "We view Apps different than books or songs"

isn't "Spell Different"Apple's motto ?

[Evil Auditor]

"Sex is great in books.... "

And I thought sex was great having. Stupid me! You live and learn...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "Sex is great in books.... "

"And I thought sex was great having."

They wouldn't know for sure. They have only read about it.

[Evil Auditor]

Re: "Sex is great in books.... "

They wouldn't know for sure. They have only read about it.

Phew... there was me, being scared to death by the thought that they might even procreate...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "Sex is great in books.... "

No, it makes the pages stick together and go yellow.

We had someone who personalised the books in Eng Lit at school.thus.( before expulsion).

[John Tserkezis]

"We have lots of serious developers who don't want their quality Apps to be surrounded by amateur hour"

You mean like Farting Apps? Yeah, you don't want those. Whoops, too late.

[Rikkeh]

Joke adapted for a new century

I object to all this sex on my iPhone. I keep falling off!

[lurker]

Apple don't like sex

Because it's something which even they would find hard to claim to have invented.

[Stuart 22]

Re: Apple don't like sex

"Because it's something which even they would find hard to claim to have invented"

You mean you don't have rounded corners? Rough!

[Khaptain]

Re: Apple don't like sex

And hers doesn't have a very special button in the middle to which all kinds of reactions are possible ?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Apple don't like sex

"And hers doesn't have a very special button in the middle to which all kinds of reactions are possible ?"

Oh there is a "special button". Just don't call her Siri or you won't get to "press" it!

[Graham Marsden]

'I'll know it when I see it'

Translation: Their "line" is an entirely subjective view (possibly only by one person) which, of course, is not subject to question or review because otherwise it would demonstrate just how inconsistent their decision making progress is.

[heyrick]

Enforcement?

Given there are already plenty of crap apps, and given that it is a closed ecosystem so people just starting out coding may find it difficult to catch up with the big players, and given that there are already plenty of apps with unrestricted (and unrestrictable) internet access to send who knows what information back every time you start that app...

...how do they intend to enforce these rules? An app may not data mine? What if one does? What then?

Or is it just smoke and mirrors?

[Joerg]

Re: Enforcement?

You want plenty of crap apps then you buy Android devices... and 99% of Android users pirate both crap and good apps anyway...

On iOS the percentage of crap apps is really low. Some Apple rules are dumb indeed. Others are needed to prevent crap. All the privacy protection nonsense it's out of control now, at this rate developers won't be allowed to code anything anymore.

[heyrick]

Re: Enforcement?

Can you point me to a free telnet app that can handle ANSI colours? I have found numerous rubbish ones, and a VNC client that "just about" worked. And that is looking for actual useful apps and not the weird and wonderful.

There is a LOT of junk in the app store. That isn't to say there isn't crap for android, but your position is weak if the best response is " no, the other platform is more rubbisherer".

[Dan 55]

"We view Apps different than books or songs, which we do not curate."

Yes you do. Or should the word be 'censor' instead?

[Stevie]

Bah!

I see by the terms and conditions printed in the article that Apple still charmingly believe they are in control and that people can't do evil stuff on an apple device because.

Just because.

[Crazy Operations Guy]

“a living document that will evolve as we are presented with new Apps and situations”

To me, that's code for "We'll make arbitrary changes to it so that we can get rid of people we don't like"

[DNTP]

OK. Let me be as specific as possible. I put LEGAL PR0N in all formats- written, pictural, video, whatever- on my Apple iPOD. It is an iPOD TOUCH. This is IRONIC because of the word touch and because Apple thinks that banning an "app" will stop my reckless behavior.

SO IRONIC. SO HISPTER.

[Fungus Bob]

Huey Lewis is happy...

...'cause its hip to be square

[Terry Cloth]

Can someone post app counts from the store?

Going by these rules, there must be a whole heap of existing apps due to be pulled. I'd just like the before and after statistics, please.

[Terry Cloth]

Not a chance

Your correspondent wonders how Apple will respond to news that Sinclair ZX Spectrum emulators on iOS can run the cold war classic Raid over Moscow, which offers a chance to blow up the Kremlin.

Sounds like a new aspect of the Halting Problem to me.