back to article Blighty will be BIGGER and BETTER than Germany, confirm beancounters

Britain's teamsters may not be setting the sporting stage alight this summer but the local tech economy is heating up as it sprints to Euro glory. Figures from Chancellor George Osborne late last week showed that overall UK economic output is some two per cent larger than pre-financial crisis levels in 2008, after rising 0.8 …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "UK businesses will be opening their wallets for new technology after three years of restraint"

    They will open their wallets to spend 3/4 of their hardware budget on a "hardware consultant" who will run around telling us we need to replace every single server and PC in use in the business, it'll cost twice what the already empty budget was before he was hired, then be denied by accounts because they don't have enough.

    Eventually, after the consultant recommends something cheaper (but usually supplied by his brother in law), one single server will be replaced at 10 times the cost that the in house IT team could have done it for, the consultant will leave forever and the in house team will be chewed out by management for not becoming the supermen that the consultant claimed they would be if the new super expensive server was installed.

    1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

      Isn't that termed "business as usual" ?

  2. Ted Treen


    The only thing that "figures from George Osborne" show is that utter crap can be repackaged as roses - and it will be believed by those who a daft enough/desperate enough to swallow any old drivel from our ruling élite...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Humph...

      Well there is an election next year..............

  3. deadlockvictim

    And coming up to the anniversary of The Great War

    How fitting.

    You could have put in somthing about the German Hun as well.

    Did little Belgium ever say thanks, by the way?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    The article says the UK will be buying more IT than Germany. Wouldn't SELLING more IT be preferable rather?

  5. tfewster

    A little late

    ...the financial services sector is upping its spend on risk and compliance...

    Shouldn't they have been doing this for the past 6 years, ever since the sub-prime crash and more recent events have shown they were rubbish at it?

  6. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    "I shall resist the urge to paint this black."

    "I shall resist the urge to paint this black."

    "I shall resist the urge to paint this black."

    x 100

    ... but how is the situation on the rolling brownouts planned for a bit later this decade?

  7. All names Taken

    Don't be daft ... ?

    ... after a sup of Erdinger all UK beers are merely fizzed up flavoured water.

    And the reason is probably that age old one of internecine class warfare in the UK taking almost all surplus resources?

    (Anyone: the discovery of North Sea Oil would be used by PM Magi Thatcher for the death of the unions and mucho impoverishment of UK working classes. They, the guvmint and its civil serventia, wished and wanted for a working class that would never ever protest, never ever wish to stand up for its rights and served the mighty dollar and mightier UK pound with every ounce of its being (else it starved)?)

    Surely not, no?

  8. synonymous cowherd

    What a load

    One word : Bollox. Figures from George Osbourne should under all circumstances always be treated with utmost suspicion, whats 7 times 8 mr osbourne? The man cannot be trusted with figures despite his math A level. Check his wikipedia biography, contains a few examples of his fast and loose approach to numbers.

  9. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth for a Permanent Change and a New Start

    I think you can fully expect that anyone with a half a wit and with something of value to share which can be of great interest and benefit to governments, will be sharing it cleverly* with the private sector, and invariably with more than a notion to ensure that it be an export to a more appreciative government, or any number of other overseas governments if one be based in Blighty, rather than imagining that anything novel and game changing would be welcomed and bought for top dollar by the sub-prime administering home team, which is always spouting its serial bollocks to an increasingly better informed population, which recognises nothing of the rose tinted pictures which the brainwashing and BroadBandCasting media are painting.

    * Cleverly, as in quite obscurely and sort of secretly in steganographic code because of all the self-defeating snooping that is creating such as HAVOK [Real-time website cloning technique allowing on-the-fly alterations] and CHAOS [Clouds Hosting Advanced Operating Systems]. And if that be discovered to be not too clever, well, who and/or what is to say that it was not intelligently designed to be just smart enough to be uncovered and engaged with to try and prevent it being a smashing and leading success elsewhere in foreign fields and in alien hands/hearts and minds/Global Operating Devices.

  10. Lars Silver badge

    Sorry Paul

    But, as you know, and I know, I am the most kind and thoughtful person I have ever known. Still, some time ago you had this header "Germany may have won the World Cup... but it dropped the ball for Computacenter" a rather far feched title to be modest.

    And now again "Blighty will be BIGGER and BETTER than Germany, confirm beancounters, Britain's teamsters may not be setting the sporting stage alight".

    Do you have a succer problem, suppose the Duch had won.

  11. Useless User


    Apart from osborning himself; will the mighty George see to innovation initiatives regarding carpeted bathrooms, faux fireplaces and the re-unification of separated hot/cold faucets? Will there be "Vorsprung durch Vorsprung"?

  12. Christian Berger

    From my experience working at a German "tech" company...

    ... this shouldn't be to difficult. Just get rid of all your MBAs and bad engineers and the remaining few will be able to work much more efficient. At least that's what you'd do to a German company to become competitive.

    1. Bloakey1

      Re: From my experience working at a German "tech" company...

      First they came for the MBAs ...

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