Native Americans KILLED AND ATE DUMBO, say archaeologists

The primitive folk assessed by many archaeologists as being the original native Americans – that is, the Clovis people – killed and ate the lovable prehistoric elephants that inhabited the continent alongside them, scientists say. From left to right: Mastodon, mammoth, gomphothere. Credit: Sergio de la Rosa Majestic, …

[Caesarius]

Also on the menu

They (1) likely also ate Bambi, Baloo and Sebastian.

Does this mean we should consider Disney an animal welfare activist?

(1) "They" being anyone on the same continent

[dixiedog44]

Re: Also on the menu

Ugh - Dumbo Gumbo heap good. Tastes kind of like saber tooth tiger soup. Try it, you'll like it.

[Bobcat4424]

Re: Also on the menu

You know, there is another possibility that archeologists seem to have missed: that ancient elephants hunted, killed and ate Clovis people, accounting for their extinction. This would account for the stone spearpoints found comingled with their bones --- spearpoints are very hard to digest. It would also explain why these elephants went extinct about the same time that Clovis people came up missing. The elephants no longer had a food source because they had eaten them all.

[GBE]

Nice job making the illustration captions illegible

I don't suppose there's a version of that .jpg where captions are legible?

[Robert Helpmann??]

Re: Nice job making the illustration captions illegible

Associated text:

"From left to right: Mastodon, mammoth, gomphothere. Credit: Sergio de la Rosa"

I suspect that El Reg did not reduce the resolution of the image and instead just went with what they happened to find first. Just a hunch.

[Anonymous Coward]

Bloody Americans

Typical.

[joeW]

Re: Bloody Americans

The Clovis people no doubt had unmistakable evidence that the gomphothere in question posessed weapons of mass destruction.

[Anonymous Blowhard]

Re: Bloody Americans

WMD? Not at all; the National Spear Association campaigned for hunting rights, along with the right to bear arms (although the shirt hadn't been invented anyway), and there's no way the Clovis People are giving them up. Not until you prise the spear from their cold, dead hands!

[dixiedog44]

Re: Bloody Americans

Actually, they elected a community organizer chief named Obama who convinced them to give up their arms. That is why they went extinct.

[dixiedog44]

Re: Bloody Americans

Nah, they thought they were diseased illegal aliens and if they were smart they would make them extinct before some doofus named Obama would be elected chief.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Bloody Americans

This is where we got our well-known habit of eating large portions....

[Tim Worstal]

They also ate the North American horse to extinction. The ones the Indians rode (as in all the movies) were escapees from the Spanish settlements.

[dixiedog44]

Yeah, but they tended to be a lot tougher and had a distinct unpleasant tang, so were utilized as a means of transportation instead.

[ravenviz]

Nah, that was the Spanish equine reintroduction programme, they had environmental concerns alongside their other humanitarian objectives (well that's what it said in their funding proposal).

[Anonymous Coward]

Everybody sing!

"I've done seen about everrrything, when I see an elephant fry!"

[Jonathan 27]

Free Meat!

Enough Meat to feed a tribe for a week? I'd eat that! Might be a bit tough but the calorie/effort ratio is very good.

[Anonymous Coward]

Americans will do anything

to get their beef and hamburger. That's the way it has been, is and always will be.

[Gordon 10]

Re: Americans will do anything

Everybody has the choice between Hotdogs and Dumboburgers.... /Mellencamp

[Mark 85]

Ah...

American bashing at it's finest... however, these were the original Native Americans. The rest of us were descended from you lot's ancestors. But I digress.. I wonder how the steaks were? Were the short ribs really short? Did it taste like chicken or elephant?

[heyrick]

We kill and eat Wilbur. And Nemo (if not Nemo, several of his cousins). And Bambi. And Daisy. And...

There's a story here? Humans eat meat. Usually. ;-)

[Gordon 10]

Re: We kill and eat Wilbur. And Nemo (if not Nemo, several of his cousins). And Bambi. And Daisy.

Indeed - if god hadn't intended us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them out of meat.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: We kill and eat Wilbur. And Nemo (if not Nemo, several of his cousins). And Bambi. And Daisy.

Muslims and Jews have a religious prohibition against eating pigs, but if G@D hadn't wanted us to eat pork, why did he wrap it in bacon?

Just sayin'.

[P. Lee]

Re: We kill and eat Wilbur. And Nemo (if not Nemo, several of his cousins). And Bambi. And Daisy.

"If the juju had meant us not to eat people, he wouldn't of made us of meat."

FTFY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGW-qnlrMjs

[Martin Budden]

Re: We kill and eat Wilbur. And Nemo (if not Nemo, several of his cousins). And Bambi. And Daisy...

Humans eat meat. Usually. ;-)

Thanks for including the word "usually". I choose not to, along with half a billion other people :-)

[Michael Wojcik]

Re: We kill and eat Wilbur. And Nemo (if not Nemo, several of his cousins). And Bambi. And Daisy...

I choose not to, along with half a billion other people

Which is great for the rest of us, because health-conscious zombies and vampires prefer grain-fed human.

[Don Jefe]

Lovable Gomphothere

I wish I had known the word gomphothere before just now. That's a great username.

I take exception to the 'lovable' descriptor though. Humans are terrible at assessing behavior based on looks. Just look at copperhead snakes and whistle pigs. 'Everybody' is scared of the mildly poisonous snake and thinks the whistle pig is cute. That's just stupid. The snake is slow, not really dangerous and wants nothing to do with you. The whistle pig on the other hand wants to tear your face off, is capable of doing so and will lay traps to disable the unwary by breaking their legs to prevent escape while their young feast on your dying, but not yet dead, body. They can also kill a dog almost instantly, but generally have no malice toward other quadrupeds.

Also. The hippopotamus! You rarely see depictions of a hippo covered in the entrails and fluids of their trampled foes. But that's how they normally appear in the wild. That's why they hang out in the water so much you know. Trying to clean the fear shit of enemies from their hide. So I think assuming the gomphothere was lovable is not only foolishly arrogant, it is dangerous.

[rainjay]

Re: Lovable Gomphothere

That gomphothere might not be so lovable and cuddly after running its tusks through your guts... but a killer whistle pig? If you're talking about groundhogs, those things are cute and lovable vegetarians! They also go well with a side of sauteed fresh American veggies.

[Allan George Dyer]

Re: Lovable Gomphothere

Whistle pig? What's a whistle pig? Ahh, google is my friend… "WhistlePig is a 100 proof 100% straight rye whiskey that has been aged for 10 years."

Don, how much "whistle pig" have you been drinking?

[John Smith 19]

Re: Lovable Gomphothere

"I take exception to the 'lovable' descriptor though. Humans are terrible at assessing behavior based on looks. Just look at copperhead snakes and whistle pigs. 'Everybody' is scared of the mildly poisonous snake and thinks the whistle pig is cute. That's just stupid. The snake is slow, not really dangerous and wants nothing to do with you. The whistle pig on the other hand wants to tear your face off, is capable of doing so and will lay traps to disable the unwary by breaking their legs to prevent escape while their young feast on your dying, but not yet dead, body. They can also kill a dog almost instantly, but generally have no malice toward other quadrupeds."

This fellow?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groundhog

OTOH Hippos are one of the biggest killers of people in Africa.

There tendency to stay in water means they can mount as effective an ambush as a crocodile and those jaws are powerful, while the lack of a big horn up front leads the clueless to think they are harmless.

They aren't

[ian 22]

Re: Lovable Hippos

Hippos are not only in Africa. A now deceased (he is no more, dead, passed on, etc.) drug lord imported several for his estate in Colombia. After said drug lord met his end, the hippos were left to their own devices, one of which is reproducing. There are now almost 100 of these demonic beasts, and they continue to multiply as no one has the temerity to challenge them.

It's this sort of knowledge has made me the success I am today (for some value of 'success').

[Michael Wojcik]

Re: Lovable Hippos

Hippos are not only in Africa

They were very nearly in Louisiana. A number of influential people lobbied Congress to allow large-scale importation of hippos to the US to solve the "meat problem". (That Atavist piece - a long essay, like the non-fiction equivalent of a novella - is worth reading, both for phrases like "lake-cow brisket" and for the rather interesting stories of some of the personalities involved.)

[TrishaD]

Re: Lovable Gomphothere

"That Groundhog's dynamite"

[Don Jefe]

Re: Lovable Gomphothere

Fools. You give me a Wikipedia reference? WTF! Their tag line isn't 'The Encyclopedia Anyone Can Edit', not 'The Encyclopedia any Human can edit'. Of course the whistle pigs are going to edit the entries about their bloodlust. Christ.

I've never eaten a whistle pig. Never had the chance. My 220 Swift varmint rifle left nothing but a fine red mist and some teeth. The teeth are cool for cuff links, and for filler in piñatas, but not good for eating. I'm all about varmint management through engineering and science now anyway. I built some tiny tanks to drive into their dens so I could engage them at close range, but the umbilical gets snagged too easily and radio won't penetrate that deep. I'm working on a system of micro repeater arrays that I will hide in baited whistle pig food and then deposit around their dens, so as to let their own greed be their undoing.

Whistle Pig brand Rye Whiskey is good. It's not my favorite, but their 3-Liter travel bottle is nice for an afternoon with a couple of friends who may not like more robust whiskey. It's also useful as a last ditch tactic in strategic retreats where a small alcohol fire can give you time to throw women and children at the enemy. Everybody should have a barrel or two around the house.

[dixiedog44]

Depended - in a Dumbo Gumbo, it was a lot like saber tooth tiger soup. Sautéed with a side of fava beans it was similar to dire wolf.

[chivo243]

Just keep digging

you’ll find the answers you’re looking for. I have to think there will be further discoveries that prove things were different much longer than previously believed.

[Yoda123]

Modern day Americans still do it. Looks up Bob Parsons and Kendall Jones

[Jarlsbane]

Forgot "Cute'!

Synopsis: The loveable & cuddly Dumbos were brutally killed & slaughtered by early inhabitants of the Continent.

Obviously bloodthirsty savages, who had not yet been enlightened by the virtues of vegetarianism!.

[Charles Manning]

But... native people have an affinity with nature

The Native Americans lived in peace and harmony with nature for tens of thousands of years, just killing enough to survive and always being respectful of nature and saying prayers of thanks. It was only the evil white man and his destructive ways that damaged USA.

The same too of the NZ Maori and Aboriginal Australians.

Gotta love PC revisionist history!

[TrishaD]

Re: But... native people have an affinity with nature

I trust that you're nor for a moment suggesting that the Clovis people (or whoever) hunted those things for fun, are you?

Running around after an n ton pachyderm with big tusks, even with the assistance of a few mates armed with bits of stick with sharp stones tied on the ends, doesnt strike me as being an enterprise you'd take on unless survival was an issue.

[bikeboatski]

So I understand we're talking elephants here, but I've been told for years that these early indiginous Americans ate mammoths and, maybe, mastodons. Aren't elephants very closely related to mammoths? And, if so, then why is this so worthy of (new) news?

[Early242]

Science light

The "Clovis first" idea of North American science is pretty outdated.

[aqk]

Dumbo Archeologists

I prefer the appealing scenario as suggested in the url:

.../native_americans_killed_and_ate_dumbo_archaeologists/

Presumably this menu choice is no longer permitted in today's society. Pity.

[Thomas Harlan]

Back in 1956...

This song made the rounds among the graduate students at Point of Pines archaeological field school:

The Great Naco Mammoth Hunt

Doc went out on a chilly night

And he prayed to the moon for to give him light

For he had many a mile to go that night

Before he got to Naco, Naco, Naco (again)

There he ran to the city zoo

He stole the elephants one and two

Said people be startled before I am through

When I plant them down at Naco, Naco, Naco (again)

Down in the wash by the Naco site

Doc and the elephant had a great fight.

They battled and they battled all through the night

But the elephant died in the morning, morning (again)

The elephant charged with a horrible howl;

Doc lit his pipe and started to scowl,

He clobbered the elephant with a trowel

And the elephant died shortly after, after, after

And the elephant died of laughter.

Doc scratched his head and he bit his lip

A Folsom point he started to chip

But he couldn't get it fluted all the way to the tip

So he had to settle for Clovis,Clovis, Clovis (again)

Doc struck at the flint to make it fracture.

He said this will cause a wild conjecture,

And I don't have to fake any architecture

Like I did down at Cuicuilco, cuilco, cuilco (again)

Doc said I think anyone who wouldn't

Believe me now would be very impudent

But always can mummify a graduate student

For I've done it before at Ventana, Ventana, Ventana, (again)

Doc and his wife without any strife

Cut up the elephant with a fork and knife.

They never had such a supper in their life

And Loren chewed on the bones-o, etc

Now many people a fuss were creating

They wanted an elephant for purposes of mating

All of Doc's elephants had masculine ratings

But he is taking one to Denmark,etc

"Doc" was Emil Haury (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Haury) who would have been beside himself to miss this dig in Sonora.

[Caesarius]

Re: Back in 1956...

I haven't heard that melody since I was a lad. I found a version of the song I knew:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3798TcSq9vY

But this one caught my eye:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgzl1Sai4Y0 "I'm gonna be an engineer", and I can't help thinking that as a male engineer I share some of the frustrations. There, that's almost restored the IT content :-)

[John Smith 19]

This is why it is vital to resurrect such old species, otherwise...

How will we know what they tasted like?

[Roger Varley]

Am I the only one ,,,,

with the song of 'Nellie the gomphothere" running around my brain right now?