back to article iPhone user shamegasm: 'I beg of you', delete sex app from my purchase list

The developer of a vibrator app has told guilty self-touching fanbois that it cannot wipe away their sinful past. Users flocked to Apple's App Store to write five-star reviews of a free app called iVibe Massager. Only it seems they were not basking in post-orgasmic bliss, but wallowing in shame. They tried to barter with the …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Puritan Mindsets

    Proof that many fanbois are W*nkers mixing high tech with a 19th century puritan mindset?

    Come on folks this is the 21st century isn't it? - this enlightened period when we are not judged by our sexual choices? A time where it is known and accepted that we all have erogenous zones, and that all balanced individuals like to have them stimulated once in a while...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Come on folks this is the 21st century isn't it?

      Is that why you posted as AC? ;-)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Puritan Mindsets

      One ex used to use a Motorola V series flip-phone. No need for an app back then, just put use the setting to turn it on or off and let it run in demo mode...

      1. Stevie

        Re: One ex used to use a Motorola V

        Seems a lot of fuss to go through just to stop people asking to use your phone.

  2. tkioz

    Am I the only one thinking that perhaps the iPhone isn't exactly shaped in the correct way for this purpose?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Perhaps it is designed for a different kind of hole?

    2. petur

      "Am I the only one thinking that perhaps the iPhone isn't exactly shaped in the correct way for this purpose?"

      What, the next model has to be even longer?

      1. MrXavia

        Sure it is... its much narrower than the competition... I always thought the iPhone was too narrow for mens big hands to use.. turns out its a real ladies phone!

        (I wonder if anyone sells waterproof coats for iPhones...)

    3. Havin_it

      >Am I the only one thinking that perhaps the iPhone isn't exactly shaped in the correct way for this purpose?

      You're holding it wrong.

    4. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

      Standard Apple response: You're holding it wrong.

  3. LaeMing

    Lister's Vindaloonian impression will have nothing on a mis-dial from this one!

  4. Baudwalk

    Sit on my face...

    and let my lips embrace you.

    Or wasn't "SitOnMyFaceTime" a prompt to sing Monty Python songs?

    It's always Monty Python time.

    1. Teiwaz

      Re: Sit on my face... A little rewrite in honour

      Sit on my iphone and tell me that you love me

      I'll sit on your iphone and tell you I love you too

      I love to hear you oralize

      About your apple iphone highs

      While You blow me away

      Sit on my iphone and let my lips embrace you

      I'll sit on your iphone and then I'll love you truly

      Life can be fine if we dial sixty nine

      If we stick our iphones in all sorts of places

      And play till we're blown away

  5. Chris G


    Haha ha hahaha haaaaaaaaaaa! Bzzt

    1. Scroticus Canis

      Re: Haha haaaaaaaaaaa! Bzzt

      Oh dear, did someone confuse their iZap stun-gun for their iPhone? Electrifying experience indeed!

  6. Sir Barry

    As I was reading this I thought "this smells fishy" as will some of the app users I expect...

  7. 's water music

    Any which way

    "I saw this on a website with a friend and thought it was funny and she downloaded it and I don't want my parents to take it the wrong way!"

    Nobody want their parents to take their sex toy the wrong way, even if they gave it a really good wash afterwards.

  8. ISYS

    No wonder those girls in the video need a bit of DIY - their voices are so annoying!

    1. VinceH
      Paris Hilton

      "No wonder those girls in the video need a bit of DIY - their voices are so annoying!"

      Yeah, but at least they provided a good comedy moment for the day:

      "Ultimately, all of these apps are limited by the capabilities of the iPhone itself."

      "Yeah, like, come on Apple..."

      "I know, we didn't need an iPad mini, we needed a vibrator."

      "This is what happens when Steve Jobs passes away."

      Paris. Just because, okay?

  9. weebs

    Isn't this just going to make your phone smell of vagina juice? Just go to Ann Summers, it's the 21st century for fuck sake.

  10. b166er

    Isn't this Streisand's favourite app?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Later that day at the local iGenius Bar with a DOA iPhone...

    Moisture sensor. What do you mean ... ?

  12. iMhere

    I does work

    No no no, it does work, you are all holding it the wrong way!


  13. Arachnoid

    Theres an app for that.....

    Will never have the same connotation ever again.As for worrying about your download history ooooh who said your not being tracked haa haaaaaaaa

  14. J. R. Hartley

    Bad Vibes

    I'll get my coat.

  15. Mitoo Bobsworth


    "Don't you have anything better to do?"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Siri:

      Good job it's not Microsoft Bob... You look like you're trying to...

  16. ukgnome

    vagina dialling

    "'ere, some C*nt keeps prank calling me"

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Vaginas dialling

    Thanks el reg. I'm not going to be able to concentrate all day. Can't get image out of...

  18. ForthIsNotDead


    "Hey, Laura, could I borrow your 'phone for a minute? My battery is dead and I need to make a quick call."

    "Sure, no problem - here you go."

    "Er, on second thoughts, I think I'll pass. Looks a little crusty. I'll wait 'till I get home."

  19. Velv

    I always thought the self indulgence induced by Apple products was called Macturbating

  20. Gusty O'Windflap

    I am sorry I cannot take your call right now...

    too busy twiddling my tic-tac

  21. TitterYeNot

    Oh well, it is Friday after all...

    Tired of tickling the kipper? Pissed off with paddling the pink canoe? Fucked off with flicking through the furry purse?

    You need iVibe! Only $4.99 from the fapp store...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If all they do is put it down the front of their knickers, as opposed to internally, how does it compare to a couple of fingers?

  23. Inachu

    Its like this. Not just apps but music as well.

    Sometimes the into to the music feature does not give full feature of music you may want to buy and based on the snippet I bout a few albums that after a while really do seem to totally suck and would like to unlist them from my purchases. I really do not care if I get a refund or not I just want it out of my list of music I bought.

  24. Stevie


    Wait till the developer mentions that the camera is active during app use ...

  25. Dazed and Confused


    Would you want to share your purchase history with anyone, let alone your parents.

    1. Stevie

      Re: Incoming Clue Missile!

      Seven words: "It's their credit card on the account, that's why."

      Okay, nine words. And a contracted tenth.

  26. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    Even worse

    Imagine your embarrasement when the TSA makes you turn it on.

  27. Tom 11

    Android version....

    JellyBean flicker?

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