Toot-toot. Intel pulls up in the connected car of the FU-TURE-TURE

Over on Planet Intel, it's not all about cranking out chips to power the world's desktops and servers; a semiconductor giant is allowed to dream of future of technology. Not every dream goes Intel's way, of course. Still, with some new design concepts tucked under its arm, Chipzilla stomped into London last week and …

[Anonymous Coward]

"a passenger tablet springs to life in the dashboard and it has all her music on it too. Sharing the satnav map, she chooses to go to ice-cream parlour The Creamery."

At which point the car stops, dad opens the door for his little angel and throws her arse through the doors of the nearest office building yelling "you wan't fu**ing ice cream, then get a damn job you useless, selfish bitch"

[Anonymous Coward]

Well

That escalated quickly

[Charles Manning]

"dad opens the door for his little angel"

"And take this fu**ing SatNav with you."

It is one thing having to put up with stroppy offspring, but this SatNav is getting far too intrusive too.

It was that a man's house was his castle and the kids played outside. Then the yoofs took over the lounge and the man's only peace can when driving his car.

Now Intel proposes filling the car, the last tiny bastion of a man's life, with an iNanny that tells you to buckle up and a means for the kids to fill your car with their shit sound and make churlish tweets about the person giving them transport.

Intel, please go back to servers.

[dogged]

> You’ll get email alerts whilst driving, but you won’t be able to read them until you’re stopped or at traffic lights.

From now on, all spam will be titled "DANGER - OVERHEATING. IMMEDIATE ACTION REQUIRED".

[Geoff Campbell]

Hmmmm.

Seems to me that somewhere along the line, someone forgot to look up the definition of "Passenger".

Sit down, strap in, shut up, and I'll tell you when we get to where I'm going. Don't like my terms? You can walk.

Perhaps I'm getting too old and grumpy...

GJC

[Eradicate all BB entrants]

Re: Hmmmm.

Not grumpy at all, I have threatened people with being left on the hard shoulder when they had the temerity to insult me by asking if I had any Coldplay.

[Elmer Phud]

Arguments

Police report the multi-vehicle collision was caused by several operating systems refusing to play second-fiddle in the auto-cloud of twenty cars.

So far there is nothing to support the rumours of an older car running a version of XP SP1

[Yugguy]

Forget driving, forget safety.

I want technology developed that can take the contents of the ACDC Let There Be ROCK DVD of their 1979 Highway to Hell tour, and display in full sensory depth so that I can in effect go back in time and be there. This could then be extended to Maiden's Live After Death.

[spiny norman]

What's the point?

Most of these technology vendors' visions of the future are seriously lacking in any useful vision. The use cases appear to be dreamed up either by engineers who have developed some technology they have absolutely no idea what to do with, helped by marketing people who think the only thing anyone wants to do is go shopping.

[phil dude]

Re: What's the point?

you forgot to mention it needs to make an obscene(*) amount of profit, and give you no choice.

P.

(*) I don't know what is an obscene level of profit, but I will recognise it when I see it.

[Owain 1]

Re: obscene level of profit

I will recognise it when I'm rolling around in it, and I'm throwing it onto a fire for fun. I suspect the purchase of an island is also a hint.

[ecofeco]

So no ACTUAL car then?

Looks more like a self driving desk.

Let us know when you have an actual car, m'kay, Intel?