back to article Serco issues shares to plug finance gap after profit warning

Serco is looking to plug the gap in its finances from weaker-than-expected results via a share placement estimated to haul in £100m worth of filthy lucre. This follows yesterday's latest profit warning and confirmation that long-standing CFO Andrew Jenner is to quit after 17 years of counting beans, once a successor is found …

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  1. Missing Semicolon
    FAIL

    Funny how the rules are different?

    Small businesses just go bust.

    "oh dear, we've cocked it up. Please give us £100m so we can have another go".

    "Lives left: 0

    Insert (100m) coins to continue"

    Pah.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Funny how the rules are different?

      "Insert (100m) coins to continue"

      Well, Serco have been buzzing round government for so long that the culture's rubbed off. So if you don't like the truth, make up the numbers. If you've f**ked up and wasted all the real money, you just print up some more.

      Government print money through quantitative easing, companies do this through a just printing up a few more share certificates, and then flogging them. It's a "rights issue" if you think the existing shareholders are stupid enough to pay more for something they already own, and it's a "placement" if the company need to find some new mugs to have their money taken off them. And in both cases investment bankers cream off a big fat slice for doing nothing.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I have a brilliant idea to help

    Fire half the staff and make the other half work four times as hard. They will only be able to work twice as hard, which means that, will firing half of the lot, your stay safe. Now pay me £2,000,000 for my highly complex and sophisticated consulting advice.

  3. ed2020

    "Wanna own a piece of a troubled outsourcing firm?"

    Errmmm... no, not for me thanks.

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