Irish plod biro outrage invites Limerick Limerick challenge

Our piece yesterday on the Irish judge who got a tad shirty about a certain Limerick cop shop's lack of biros prompted a less than expected level of lyricism from our beloved commentards. Surely, if there were ever an occasion to lovingly craft a snappy Limerick, this was it, so we're disappointed to report that just two …

[Alan Bourke]

My dad's from Limerick

An unreasonable head beak from Limerick

went completely ballistic

the cops had no pens

the perps and their friends

thought the whole thing was terrific

[garetht t]

Sorry

There once was a judge named O'Kelly,

Who couldn't placate his big belly;

He ate all the things,

Pencils, police pens and pins,

and washed it all down with mint jelly.

[kryptonaut]

In Limerick town the judiciary

Decided to no longer issue the

Warrants for bail

If the constables failed

To purchase their pens more efficiently

[Alan Bourke]

WINNAR

[Jonathan Richards 1]

Insufficient spec.

I reckon a good limerick ought to have terminal two-syllable rhymes in the first, second and fifth lines, and the third and fourth lines must also properly rhyme. If you can arrange for anapestic meter, (short-short-long) that's all to the good.

This needs some serious thought!

[Euripides Pants]

Those directly affected by this...

...would surely recite the World's Dirtiest Limerick when confronted by the pen shortage - the one thats so dirty that the words "blankety blank" have to be substituted for the most offensive bits and the reader has to fill in the (blankety) blanks.

Blankety blankety blank

Blankety blankety blank

Blankety blank

Blankety blank

Blankety river of shit

[Ship of Fools]

A hopping mad justice from Limerick

Thundered “Dammit, you coppers, you make me sick!

Make damn sure next time

A bloke’s bailed for a crime

You get off your arse and pass him a Bic.”

[Ship of Fools]

I'll come in again...

Said Justice O’Kelly of Limerick

“Are you plods malicious or blimmin’ thick?

I’ve told you before

Just who lays down the law

Now go get a biro and make it quick.”

[skeptical i]

Optional

A perp was brought into the jail,

with intent to be held without bail.

But the cops had no pens

to write down the offense.

Cried the judge in disgust, "Utter fail!".

[Chris Hunt]

A quick effort

A judge, who was surely no tyro

Was incensed by the lack of a biro

In the Limerick nick,

He said: sort it out quick!

Or you'll soon be collecting your Giro

[Ship of Fools]

ABF

The most dumbfounded beak in all Limerick

Concluded “This copper’s no timid hick,

But witholding a pen

To book someone again?

He must mistake me for a dimmer mick.”