back to article Official FACT: Gadgets are giving YOU a wrinkly 'Tech Neck'

Packed full of pornography, malware and overpriced iStuff, the world of technology is a scary place. Now be prepared to face the latest threat of the modern age: a wrinkly neck. As more and more people spend their days bent double and fondling their slab, their neck turns from a pristine place of beauty into a wrinkled …

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  1. SuperNintendoChalmers
    Joke

    Now I feel sullied

    I can't believe you sent me to the Daily Mail with that "pictures" link before you mentioned the story was from there. I feel sullied and wrong now... I trusted you El Reg, I TRUSTED YOU!

    1. jai

      Re: Now I feel sullied

      El Reg's prime source for tech news has been revealed! Oh how far the once mighty have fallen...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Now I feel sullied

      Tea and kittens extension. Installed the moment I discovered that the DM website has a whole section devoted to barely-legal paedophilia, after casually looking closer at the sidebar.

    3. Piro

      Re: Now I feel sullied

      I thought the same. Daily Mail as a primary source? You should feel bad.

      People have never looked down to read or write in all of human history?

      In fact, with the advent of computers, we are looking straight ahead to retrieve data more often than ever - clearly reading paperwork would require a much more downward looking gaze.

  2. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Well...

    At least we can be thankful that the population at large has not been diagnosed with Daily Mail neck. Perhaps their readership gets anger lines instead.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I happen to enjoy having a permanent slouch.

    1. RobHib

      @theodore

      Yep, us techies aren't known for personal appearance and sartorial splendor.

      We've minds on much higher things. ;-)

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Coat

      I happen to enjoy having a permanent slouch.

      theodore,

      I knew you'd say that. I had a hunch about it...

  4. Frankee Llonnygog

    Easily avoided

    We just instruct our butler to hold our tablet a little higher

  5. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    Someone should tell Google

    They could pitch it as a positive aspect of being a Glasshole...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Someone should tell Google

      They could pitch it as a positive aspect of being a Glasshole...

      What? The need to remain erect after someone shoves it up your rectal cavity?

  6. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    What's Necks?

    And here I thought it was age. Maybe The Register should market tee shirts saying "I'm Not Old, I'm a Techie", or fake gold necklaces reading "TECH NECK".

    There is a very large US government contractor named CACI, (said by some of its employees to stand for "Captains and Colonels, Inc." ) They have their fingers in a lot of stuff, and no doubt employee a lot of wrinkly-necked types (though the ones I've worked with tended to be young); however, I gather this company is not related.

  7. Lamont Cranston

    They all laughed at me for wearing an ascot.

    Well, who's laughing now?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: They all laughed at me for wearing an ascot.

      "Well, who's laughing now?"

      Well, out of the turtle's neck there must poke a turtle's head. At a guess the same applies to Ascot wearers. Look at Freddie out of Scooby Doo - definitely a turtle's head.

  8. Scott Broukell
    Meh

    I don't know about musculoskeletal deformaties but it has often crossed my mind that perhaps I should retrain in ophthalmology, given the miniscule size of on-screen text that I observe the yoofs reading from their mobile fone screens. Makes my eyes water it does, still, maybe they are good at reading the small print on food labels etc, which, hence forth remain a totally eligible mess for many oldnus such as myself.

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Headmaster

      How standards have fallen

      Now ladies are happy to consider eligible messes when before their standards were set at bachelors.

      1. NumptyScrub
        Coat

        Re: How standards have fallen

        As an illegible bachelor, I resemble that remark! >.<

        1. Scott Broukell
          Pint

          Re: How standards have fallen

          Oh! beggar, I see the pint you are making. I stand corrugated before you and will go to the back of the glass, a ledge billy.

  9. Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

    Hmmmmm

    People have been reading books for centuries and this phenomenon only occurs now?

    Daily Mail having a slow but creative news day it seems. Obviously Kerry Katona hasn't scratched her arse on the beach recently.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First rsi in the right wrist, together with immense forearm muscles, now this.....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm surprised nobody gets the same thing from reading books and so forth

    Just think of all the money the vanity industry has left on the table over the centuries there...

    1. Gav

      Re: I'm surprised nobody gets the same thing from reading books and so forth

      Or indeed from reading newspapers.

      In the case of the Daily Hate it would be neck winkles, frown lines, arthritic fingers from the constant fist clenching, and saggy stretched lips from all the sneering.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Gav

        "neck winkles, frown lines, arthritic fingers from the constant fist clenching, and saggy stretched lips from all the sneering".

        You've just described my mental image of Matt Bryant

  12. Amorous Cowherder
    Facepalm

    CACI international?!

    "cacky", as in bullshit?

  13. Yugguy

    I lift weights.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      My coffee cup's quite heavy as well.

  14. xyz

    The rise of the 2 chins techy

    I've been wondering for ages when this was going to get noticed. Once you start seeing people with a neck paunch due to their phone, you just see them everywhere. In a few years everyone's face is going to look like Jabba the Hutt's.

    1. Piro

      Re: The rise of the 2 chins techy

      No, I think that's just because they are fat bastards.

  15. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Just Bah!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    However, being serious

    Since I retired last October my backache and shoulder ache have improved immeasurably. Too much time sitting in front of a computer is not good for you. Neck wrinkles are the least of your worries.

    All these solutions like standing desks are all very well but they don't always fit into an office environment.

  17. Herby

    Cue the Carly Simon record...

    ...you probably think this song is about you...

    About 40 years ago, and relevant even today.

    The album was: No Secrets

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