back to article Mountain bike mishap man suffers SEVEN WEEK stiffie

An Irish competitive mountain biker required delicate surgical intervention after his wedding tackle came off the worse for wear after a collision with his bike, resulting in a seven-week erection. According to the Irish Medical Journal, the unnamed 22-year-old hobbled up to Dublin's Tallaght Hospital "with a five week history …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pics or it didn't happen...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Just find a porn site & look at one of the male pictures for 7 weeks, that'll give you an idea of what it was like.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sometimes

    >involved penile angiography and selective arterial embolization, ... using a 5 French Omni flush catheter ... catheterisation of the cavernosal artery using a 2.7 French micro catheter.

    I'm real glad I don't understand (and don't want to understand) certain things. But then again, maybe my imagination is running riot and it wasn't all that bad.

    1. frank ly

      Re: Sometimes

      " ... using a 5 French Omni flush catheter ..." - Think of it as a French de-tickler

    2. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Sometimes

      It just means tiny tubes went in and were used to release radioactive dye (so x-rays could be taken of the blood vessels), and blocking selected vessels to reduce blood flow. The tubes were inserted through the guy's artery, not stuck up his willy.

      So sounds pretty OK, considering.

      1. Alan Ferris
        Thumb Down

        Re: Sometimes

        "Radioactive dye" - That'll make it easy to see the wood at night...

        Maybe radio-opaque dye

    3. Charles 9 Silver badge

      Re: Sometimes

      Yes, I was actually able to understand the description to enough of a degree to understand what happened. Apparently, when groin met crossbar, he broke open an artery down there and it couldn't heal right resulting in an unusual form of blood ballooning. As I understand it, the procedure involved was meant to locate the problematic artery and then fix the break.

    4. Oh Homer
      Paris Hilton

      Nurse!

      Fire up the de-stiffie machine!

      (Oh Gawd, not anava one.)

  3. Ken Y-N
    Paris Hilton

    So, he had a stiffie for five weeks before going to the docs?

    It reminds me of an old joke:

    A woman walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, "My husband's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken." The quack says, "Why don't you bring him in to see me?" "I would but I need the eggs."

    1. MrT

      Cue Scrubs reference...

      ... and leave it to the Todd...

  4. Cliff

    Poor bugger

    How embarrassing would that be at a party, for instance.

    'Yes, I am happy to be here'

    'Yes, it's a banana I'm keeping warm'

    Etc

  5. Adam 1

    What a dick.

    1. Ralph B

      Oh, come, it must have been hard on him.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Couldn't they have just tried...

        ... to turn him off and on again?

        [Apologies to Graham Linehan]

  6. paulf
    Coffee/keyboard

    "A fistulous communication..."

    Nice to see they finally got to grips with the Perma-Wood.

    Thank you Lester, this story should get me through Wednesday.

  7. ukgnome

    Why am I laughing

    It's hard not too!

  8. TRT Silver badge

    How on earth...

    Did he manage to go for a pee?

    1. Jock in a Frock
      Coat

      Re: How on earth...

      He's a professional athlete, I presume a handstand is within his capabilities.

    2. Joe User

      Re: How on earth...

      Seriously. I don't know how he managed to last 7 days, let alone 7 weeks....

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Now that my eyes have stopped watering...

    I'm glad to hear he's safely "out of the woods".

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    New strain of spam

    "No more penis enlargement pills!! Have a big man wood! Try our new miraculous crash bar and be in good shape at the same time!"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sales of Mountain Bikes

      And, in a related story, sales of mountain bikes have reached an all time high. Additionally, several major spam providers have jumped on the bandwagon, and are now offering discount mountain bikes.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just to be boring ...

    An erection lasting more that 4 hours is considered a medical emergency.

    1. Geoff Campbell
      Go

      Re: Just to be boring ...

      Or, in the case of the partner, a lucky accident.

      GJC

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Just to be boring ...

        Or, in the case of the partner, a lucky accident.

        There's nothing pleasant for a guy about having a priaprism after climax .....

        1. Geoff Campbell
          Facepalm

          Re: Just to be boring ...

          And in what way does that change what I said?

          GJC

  12. hi_robb

    Hmm

    I'm asumming his bike of choice was a hard tail...

    /gets coat

    1. iranu

      Re: Hmm

      He was riding a Cove Stiffie with Spank Stiffy EVO 40AL rims.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Hmm

        No kidding! Straight up!

  13. Kajiki

    tmi;dr

  14. Sir Runcible Spoon

    Sir

    Just, fucking, ouch!

  15. dorsetknob
    Coat

    Missed opportunity

    He Should have got a temp job in the Porn Industry

    Think of all that HARD cash he could have earned

  16. Mark123
    Gimp

    Fistulous?

    "A fistulous communication between cavernosal artery and right corpus cavernosum was embolized...."

    This line just sounds like a posh way of saying they punched it into submission. Thinking about it that might just work...unless you're into that sort of thing.

  17. drunk.smile

    Just nobody

    show my wife where she needs to strike.

  18. BelieveItOrNot

    No I'm not pleased to see you.

    I've just fallen off my bloody bike.

  19. KieranH

    What I'm reading from this is that it took his missus 5 weeks to complain.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Permanent erection leads to ...

    gangrene and amputation. Not nice or funny.

  21. LordHighFixer

    Actually

    In this particular case, a High Flow Priapism, it was not really a health issue. I mean other than having to stand back 2 meters to pee. It was just annoying. If there was no blood flow, as in the typical situation like this, after 5 weeks either the thing would have fallen off or he would have died. He just got really tired of walking around with the one eyed wonder worm peeking out of the top of his trousers.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Actually

      All I can say is that if this had happened to me, then the resultant lack of blood and low pressure elsewhere in my body would be a serious worry. ;-)

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Re: Re: Actually

        Yes, it'd be quite frightening if the tip of your little finger went blue and numb.

  22. Johnny Canuck

    A fistulous communication

    I thought that was what happened outside of bars at closing time.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    7 Weeks?

    7 weeks you say? Even the wife might be interested in it by then....

    ....but there again.

  24. Anonymous C0ward
    Paris Hilton

    "fistulous communication"

    Fnarr.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    '...resulting in a seven-week erection...The IMJ notes that there are only two previous records in medical literature...'

    One of which occurred to an iFan while watching the keynote speech by Jobs for the original iPhone.

    There's your tech angle.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder if he's going to splash out on a new bike now?

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And yet, nothing will ever match the stapled scrotum story. Just go to Snopes and type in stapled scrotum and prepare for the absolutely most eye watering story you will ever repeat in a bar to one up anybody else's story.

    *shudder*

  28. Vector
    IT Angle

    While I feel sorry for the guy and all, really? Are we going to be plumbing the depths of fashion on the red carpet soon?

  29. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    French Catheter Scale

    Divide the French scale value by 3 to obtain the diameter of the catheter in mm

    "Via the right common femoral artery, pelvic arteriography using a 5 French Omni flush catheter was followed by super selective catheterisation of the cavernosal artery using a 2.7 French micro catheter (Terumo)."

    5Fr=1.67mm

    2.7Fr=0.9mm

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_catheter_scale

    Doubt Paris would be familiar with the French Catheter Scale. French Letters, is something else.

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