back to article Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

An argument over space aliens ended in a cuffing for a New Mexico resident after she reportedly threatened her other half with a handgun she whipped from her vagina. Jennifer McCarthy mugshot from Santa Fe County Adult Detention Center Jennifer McCarthy poses for law enforcement The police statement of probable cause says …

COMMENTS

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  1. dssf

    Might not have an IT angle, but, you can bet 5 and 6 and James Bond would be impressed...

    Might not have an IT angle, but, you can bet 5 and 6 and James Bond would be impressed...

    Imagine if Pussy Galore whipped out one like that on Bond. He might be flattered. Or, if she had EVIL intentions, SPLATTERED.

    So, there IS at least a UK angle that can be injected, hehehehehehehe....

    Reminds me... Of when Bond was tied up, facing death.

    Woman: My name is PUSSY... GALORE..

    Bond: I must be in Heaven...

    LOLLLLLLLLL

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ah but there is!

      "Evidently, there is no IT angle to this improbable tale..."

      Ah but there is! I am, after all, reading it on my computer.

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: Ah but there is!

        Of course there's an IT angle!

        Every foo' knows that handguns use a 'point and click' interface!

    2. LarsG

      Choking on my morning porridge I had a thought,

      Was it a Derringer or a .44 Magnum the most powerful handgun in the world?

      Did she feel lucky? Did she, punk?

      1. Dave Robinson

        Concealing a 44 Magnum in her "pork holster" (The Reg's words, not mine) would be an impressive feat worthy of reporting in any publication, irrespective of whether it had an IT angle.

      2. Jedit Silver badge

        "Was it a Derringer or a .44 Magnum the most powerful handgun in the world?"

        Why does it matter? It wasn't being held in a hand.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Might not have an IT angle, but, you can bet 5 and 6 and James Bond would be impressed...

      Loaded, cocked and ready to fire!

      1. Steven Raith

        Re: Might not have an IT angle, but, you can bet 5 and 6 and James Bond would be impressed...

        @AC 0805

        I've always preferred

        "Locked, cocked and ready to rock".

        Also, I concur on the derringer/.44 magnum. Although I now have some mental images that won't be helping me being productive.

        *goes off to think about leaky feeder cable and 5.8ghz bridges*

    4. Natalie Gritpants

      Re: Might not have an IT angle, but, you can bet 5 and 6 and James Bond would be impressed...

      Bond: I must be dreaming.

      FTFY

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Might not have an IT angle, but, you can bet 5 and 6 and James Bond would be impressed...

        Taking the 'O' (one of them anyway) out of No Country For Old Men.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Coat

          Re: Taking the 'O' (one of them anyway) out of No Country For Old Men.

          Well, there was certainly none for her old man...

          1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
            Trollface

            Re: Taking the 'O' (one of them anyway) out of No Country For Old Men.

            .44 Magnum the most powerful handgun in the world

            That's old school.

            In the 21st you want the Smith & Wesson Model 500

            I don't know what such power is good for. Maybe removal of the kebabs in the New Jersey governorate?

            Anyway, I came here for the aliens, where are they.

  2. Mint Sauce
    Coffee/keyboard

    Pork holster

    See icon.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pork holster

      More likely a wizards sleeve....

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon
        Coat

        Re: Pork holster

        After she took the gun out James Bond would have quipped

        "Been shooting fish in barrel?"

        Only more suave.

  3. Anonymous Coward 101

    Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

    ...or possibly Mary Poppin's handbag.

    Had she also crammed a pound of crystal meth into it? Wouldn't be surprised.

    1. TitterYeNot
      Coat

      Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

      Reminds me of a girl I used to know - fanny like a wizards sleeve and arse like a broken cat flap.

      I know, I know, I'm going...

      1. Shrimpling
        Coat

        Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

        Like waving a sausage in a cave?

        1. Steven Raith

          Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

          Like flinging a bratwurst down the Blackwall Tunnel.

          Steven R

          1. Shades

            Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

            Like throwing a sausage up an alley.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

              When the barrel is too big for the bullet, it might be that the bullet is too small for the barrel.

              1. Elmer Phud

                Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

                "When the barrel is too big for the bullet, it might be that the bullet is too small for the barrel."

                They claim Bratwurst but really it's a chipolata.

                (there's most likely a Shakespearean put-down that is better)

              2. Jedit Silver badge

                "it might be that the bullet is too small for the barrel."

                Why assume there's something wrong with his organ, just because it wasn't built for playing in a cathedral?

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

              > Like throwing a sausage up an alley.

              Chucking a fag end into a dry dock.

            3. FrankAlphaXII

              Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

              >>Like throwing a sausage up an alley

              Hot dog in a hallway

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYeFC7Jj-bM

        2. Vic

          Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

          > Like waving a sausage in a cave?

          I always liked the line "I was waving a match inside the Albert Hall" :-)

          Vic.

          [ From Nodding Donkey Blues, in case you're interested...

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

          Here's a flashlight - if you help me find the keys, we can drive out...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Fanny Like a Hippo's Yawn

        You mean a particularly capacious sausage wallet?

  4. xperroni

    Just an ordinary day in the US of A

    Where anything can end in a gun threat.

  5. frank ly

    " ... started to have inner course [sic] with the gun ..."

    That's when it's inside. 'Outercourse' is when it's used externally to provide pleasant stimulation.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      Re: " ... started to have inner course [sic] with the gun ..."

      You are Joey Tribiani AICMFP.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Was the photo absolutely necessary?

    The thought of her in lingerie is having an unwanted effect on my breakfast

  7. Lottie

    Well it *is* sometimes pronounced "Heckler and cock"....

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I thought a fanny bag was something else

    Imagine the misunderstanding of a youtube thread, "What I keep in my fanny bag".

    Yes I know it's a fanny pack, but fanny bag seems more appropriate.

    1. kain preacher

      Re: I thought a fanny bag was something else

      See fanny pack means some thing different over here in the US.

      1. Haku

        Re: I thought a fanny bag was something else

        Picture this, before I learnt the American meaning of the word fanny I had watched the film "Armed and Dangerous" where Meg Ryan said:

        "l must have a complete set of Carlino's fingerprints on my fanny by now."

        o_O

        1. Stuart21

          Re: I thought a fanny bag was something else

          Yes - 100% of yanks have them, but only 50% of Poms & Aussies.

  9. willi0000000
    WTF?

    THAT ------->

    is all.

  10. monkeyfish

    Bloody Click-bait

    The trouble is, it's difficult not to click.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      Re: Bloody Click-bait

      I think I'd rather be Rick-rolled 100 times in a row myself.

  11. Captain TickTock
    WTF?

    'Who is crazy, you or me?'

    How many guesses do I get?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 'Who is crazy, you or me?'

      It's not that easy to answer... He threw the gun into the toilet, then picked it out of the toilet again... What's wrong with those people!!

    2. Don Jefe

      Re: 'Who is crazy, you or me?'

      While keeping the gun in what must look like a badly packed suitcase of a vagina may be a one-off event, you can be assured she's done scads of other crazy things leading up to that. This isn't the act of an otherwise rational individual momentarily overcome with emotion. You've got to build up to that sort of thing.

      Therefore, if we assume that this is only a single episode of bizarre behavior in a series of bizarre behaviors that has been escalating steadily over the years, we can conclude, with a high degree of certainty, that everybody in that house is crazy as fuck. None of this 'he's crazier or she's crazier bullshit'. Everybody involved is completely loony.

      I guarantee that her neighbors, upon hearing the news, thought about it for .7ms before deciding that, yes, this is exactly the sort of thing they had in mind when telling their children to stay away from that lady. Nobody will be surprised at all.

  12. J.G.Harston Silver badge

    Looks at picture....

    ....that's a woman???

  13. ukgnome
    WTF?

    Things I have learned so far today,

    when you disarm a lady that has just produced a gun from her miffy the ideal place to stash the gun is a toilet.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Things I have learned so far today,

      "when you disarm a lady that has just produced a gun from her miffy the ideal place to stash the gun is a toilet."

      Well, yes... it would definitely need to be washed. Leaving it lying around would just be unsanitary!

      1. Eddy Ito

        Re: Things I have learned so far today,

        I suppose it's possible the toilet was the cleanest place in the house.

  14. Elmer Phud
    IT Angle

    Roomy

    For those who say there is no tech content they are obviously unaware of where babies come from (and maybe how they get there as well).

    Behind the portal there is a 3D printer of sorts.

    It is a bit slow but has a far finer resoluton than what you can get in the shops.

  15. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Happy

    Has El Reg teamed up with "Viz" ?

    just asking ?

    1. theblackhand

      Re: Has El Reg teamed up with "Viz" ?

      I'd hope there would be a more formal announcement if so?

      Imagine - two heavyweights of the IT publishing industry getting together...

  16. Richard Scratcher

    "Inner Course"

    It's quite inner resting how the arresting officer misspelt that word. Perhaps it was due to years of hearing it mispronounced.

    Is there no information on the model of revulva used in the alleged assault?

    1. andreas koch
      Devil

      Re: "Inner Course"

      .500 S&W.

      From now on known as the fastest Tampax inserter ever.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can we go back to the expression 'pork holster' for a moment? I know (or at least hope) that this is a relatively unique situation described in the story, but my interweb cant find much in the way of other reference to this phrase. In the event that this was created by the author, very nicely done indeed. Use of this phrase has enhanced my day.

    1. dorsetknob
      Trollface

      Looking at her mugshot i thought

      Pork sword SCABerd would be more appropiate

      excuse me while i go and poke out my eyes

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Hadvar, I take it you are a recent reader of TheRegister?

      http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/03/08/oklahoma_incident/

    3. Don Jefe

      I've only heard it called a pork holster once, and that was an error. She wanted to say meat wallet but couldn't recall it at the time. It was the weirdest fucking conversation as we tried to figure out what in god's name she was talking about.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    When I looked at the picture I thought...

    'For an ex-Playboy playmate Jenny McCarthy's really let herself go.'

  19. Anonymaus Cowark
    Black Helicopters

    Space Aliens?

    I would still like to know, who of the two argued for Space Aliens?

    Was that left out on purpose by the article?

    1. Psyx

      Re: Space Aliens?

      They both did. It's just that one of them was backing the whole 'greys' thing, while the other was more of a 'reptiles run the planet' type of nutcase.

    2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: Space Aliens?

      I would still like to know, who of the two argued for Space Aliens?

      Was that left out on purpose by the article? ….. Anonymaus Cowark Posted Friday 10th January 2014 10:50 GMT

      Yes, it was and is Classified Top Secret Information.

      Which creates an Obvious Virtual Conundrum with Classified Top Secret Systems Awareness of Powerful All Party Peopled Support and Encouragement. ...... Glorious Cheerleaders for SMARTR HQ XSSXXXX Access.

      If there aint no cake, there's candy is a sweet sticky trail of great tales in the passion of love that is lust and surrender to the immaculate temptress that is desire to satisfy and oft quench to intoxicating surfeit with the bounty, a heavenly satisfaction, upon Return of Desire for Greater Enlightenment .

      Now think of a Perfect Passion that Captures Command and Control of All at Base HQ Levels.

      With that one play is the phase and initial control of Great Games complete enough.

      And how very nice to feel so at home amongst all the comments, Y'all. Thanks for the Booty, Yo. Amen en Amore to those Astute Active Agents Infecting the Board with Honey Sweet and Sticky on Tap for Queenly Bee Enterprise Interest in Right Royal Gravy Train Rides and Spook Ridings.

      Of course i was always going to comment here, as it also helps keep the facts straight, do valid alternative views. A Breakthrough is just the Delivery of Solution which wasn't Selected Before? And Dynamic Changing Problems require Associatively Dynamically Changed Solutions for Virtual Impressive People Protection in Field Operations.

      Would visitors from afar inject intelligence into networks with advanced intelligent nodes supplying information for trailing to reality, or would that be quite normal and a Primitive Earth Being thing. And what whenever it can be both too and yet in another and others at all times in exquisite guise.

      Time for a cuppa, methinks. .... Black Nectar Coffee. Hold the Sweeteners, Sugar. Mama Jo Mojo got the Floor and the Rabid Attention of Quantum Leapers and AIMules/Force Command with IT Control?

      RSVP, Gov. England expects. And that is a second missive to Francis Maude re Digital Engagement with Man Management of Population. What are they doing in those newly created office spaces? Anything physical and/or valuable like work with an end product for manufacture, copy and multiple choice purchase .... iconic status? That be a real brave goal to aim for, Mr Maude.

      And all just a simple matter of having the right staff engaged in drivering and servering who know their stuff and know nonsense, Mr Maude.

      I think that is more than just enough to get things rolling along seamlessly with any glitches left for automatic systems correction/robotic help. :-)

      Who says AI has no humour/self deprecatory recognition of confusing mental states with a virtual being central and vital for cohorting with all manner of information packages.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Never Mind The Bollocks

    Here's the Sex Pistol

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Never Mind The Bollocks

      That sir, is a classic remark!

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon
        Thumb Up

        Re: Never Mind The Bollocks

        Well played :)

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ew.

    Staring down the barrel of a gran.

    *shudder*

  22. Chozo
    Coat

    What no Cronenberg reference?

    Who could forget the infamous 'Gun in the gash' scene from Videodrome http://youtu.be/l6IZE1hP70Y

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who could forget [...] from Videodrome

      well, I have :-)

    2. Swarthy

      Re: What no Cronenberg reference?

      I was thinking more along the lines of "Ooh, that's cold" from The Man Who Fell to Earth

  23. a_toxic

    She was a crack shot...

  24. Stevie

    Bah!

    You can't fool me. That pic is a promotional shot of William H. Macy taken to advertise this season of Shameless.

  25. earl grey
    Happy

    glad i finished reading the comments

    Before i get a replacement keyboard and screen.

  26. Simon Harris

    I've heard of unsafe sex...

    ... but that's just taking things too far!

    (wouldn't put a firearm anywhere near my bits!)

  27. 2StrokeRider
    Joke

    Then she whipped out her gun and tried to blow me away....

    maybe Aerosmith was singing about her.....

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shades of Eskimo Nell

    And as she stood in her womanhood

    They saw the great divide.

    .

    .

    He rammed it up to the trigger grip

    And fired twice times three

    But to his surprise she closed her eyes

    And smiled in ecstasy.

    1. Bloakey1

      Re: Shades of Eskimo Nell

      OOOH my favourite rugby song:

      Don't look at me that way, stranger,

      my pants ain't full of shit,

      It's just this God-damned syphilis

      That's eating me bit by bit.

      When a man grows old and his balls grow cold

      and the tip of his cock turns blue,

      And the bit in the middle refuses to piddle,

      he can tell you a tale or two.

      <snip>

      Were one to make love to this woman you could be coming and going in the same instant.

  29. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    WTF?

    With a face like that she wouldn't need a gun to scare me away!

  30. skeptical i

    "McCarthy was arrested, booked on [] Aggravated Assault on a Household Member"

    What, she got his bits too?

  31. Dick Pountain

    Land of the free and home of the mental

  32. Snar

    A gun in the hand is worth two in the bush...

  33. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I feel that a US patent is coming on

      Looks like she'd be firing cottage cheese....

  34. kain preacher

    Might sound odd

    But I wounder if the two are still to gather.

  35. Zmodem

    its easier to put your pipe down, get out the car and just beat up the cosmic little aliens

    cant say they like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGGwbg3elSM when you parked up ina wood with a few thousand watts in your car 2am, all be it, better slowed down a touch

    1. Zmodem

      picnic areas have the gates left unlocked for cars, pimped cars with neons and strobes like this

      the older generation will give the 20 year olds a slap if they dont put trash in the bin, and make villagers call in UFO sightings

      if your not in a picnic area, it will always be in your asda car park

  36. John Savard

    John Jones

    The name of the arresting officer reminds me of the pet of a fictional police officer.

    Zook was the shapeshifting alien pet of Jonn Jonnz, the Martian Manhunter, whose secret identity was the police officer John Jones.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Best. Headline. Ever.

    Is all.

  38. Abacus

    I don't understand the snarky comments about Mrs McCarthy's appearance. She looks mighty fine to me. Mighty fine indeed.

    There would be no complaints from me if she sat on my face and told me she loved me.

    1. Intractable Potsherd

      Are you one of the aliens they were arguing about????

      (Just joking - mug shots are no indicator of what a person really looks like. The entire context of the process makes the chances of a glamour shot extremely unlikely, and the requirements of not smiling etc give passport photos a better chance of being flattering.)

    2. Sir Runcible Spoon

      @Abacus

      "... if she sat on my face and told me she loved me."

      And life would be fine?

      1. Bloakey1

        Re: @Abacus

        "@Abacus

        "... if she sat on my face and told me she loved me."

        And life would be fine?"

        Life would fine and presumably short.

        Oooh darling, I am coming I am coming!

        *Bang*

        Oooohargh darling I am going, I am going .....

  39. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    IT Angle

    "....there is no IT angle to this improbable tale....."

    I don't know, her mental state might indicate she partied with Barnaby Jack....

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Really?

    Pork holster? Really? Just don't bother with any more attenpts to wonder why there are so few women in IT, your article says it all. As do lots of the commentards. I need a bloody shower after reading that.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Really?

      I'm assuming from your tone that you are of the female persuasion AC?

      If so, I'd like to correct a little phallacy that you have, because most* women are the crudest creatures to walk the face of the planet, they just don't do it where men can hear them usually.

      They also like to pretend 'offence' at some remark, only to recount it to their girl-friend in the lav with embellishments. Two-faced springs to mind.

      The reason there aren't as many women in IT is because most* people who work in IT don't play little mind-games and act all two-faced - we leave that kind of shit to the managers and just get on with the job at hand.

      My wife is unique however, she has no problem airing such stuff in public :)

      (*most=by no means all, but generally speaking)

    2. Bloakey1

      Re: Really?

      <snip>

      " I need a bloody shower after reading that."

      Would that be a golden shower or some form of sanguinary delight?

      Silly names and pet names abound for our anatomy and bodily functions. Why should one be worse than another. Would you prefer the term pudenda?

  41. asiaseen

    She had

    a gun in the oven

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