back to article Qatar whips covers off giant footballing vagina

Qatar has unexpectedly delighted international pundits by unveiling the design for its 2022 World Cup Al Wakrah stadium, whose roof is designed to represent "the sails of the Arabian pearl fishing boat the Dhow", but actually bearing more than a passing resemblance to a woman's nether regions. Artist's impression of the Al …


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  1. Sheep!

    Great, now we can simply call footballers a bunch of overpaid Qatari stadiums.

    1. Cliff

      Needs a name

      I vote Fa'ni Stadium.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Needs a name

        You cannae call her Fa'ni.....*drinks from can of irn-bru*

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      As is customary, it appears to have been circumcised.

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon

        Stadium like a vagina?

        Only fitting really since it will be full of cocks.

  2. DV Henkel-Wallace

    don't they know any anatomy?

    It's a vulva, not vagina.


    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: don't they know any anatomy?

      Nope they are IT professionals and footballers, one group will be too polite to investigate such a question and one group has only one thing on their minds.

      1. Velv

        Re: don't they know any anatomy?

        "...and one group has only one thing on their minds"

        Playing with their balls?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: don't they know any anatomy?

        Not heard footballers described as polite before :)

    2. Michael Thibault

      Re: don't they know any anatomy?

      Seems everyone is confused. The apparently wide ignorance of the distinction does say a lot... different parties using the same term to reference different things and carrying on an endless conversation that doesn't seem to have much traction. Head-shakingly sad.

    3. Eddy Ito

      Re: don't they know any anatomy?

      It's ok, they don't know boats either. A Dhow is a lateen rig and it's pretty clear that building has a wishbone boom and I do believe that's a whisker pole on the genny.

  3. unitron

    Any discerning human...

    Callie Beusman, down at Jezebel, declared: "Any discerning human will be quick to recognize that the building looks exactly like an enormous vagina."

    ...needs to have seen one to know what they look like, and in that part of the world they may not have.

  4. dan1980

    Laughs aside, I'd be interested to know how they are going to manage that rather impressive feat of cooling. My understanding was that the stadiums would be air conditioned. The very open nature to the design implies that is not the case so I wonder how they'll drop the incoming air temperature 24 degrees.

    1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

      Hot air rises, cold air sinks; my guess would be air conditioning at pitch level wouldn't be affected by the open top.

      1. dan1980

        Maybe, but the air-conditioning requirement would be for the comfort of (international) spectators too and unless I'm seeing things, it looks like the areas behind the seating is open too. Also, how would you cool the center of the pitch without compressors so strong as to generate interesting air conditions and, by extension, unduly affect the flight of the ball?

        Whatever, there's cricket on today.

    2. Anonymous Coward

      Never mind that,

      image the size of the tena-lady if it leaks!!!!!!

    3. The Specialist


      Dan, I'm reliably informed that a giant ladies sanitation towel is in the works to prevent air from leaking.

  5. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

    Can't wait to see some of the aerial views when they're actually playing on the pitch; with all those little running figures it'll look like it has a really bad case of crabs.

    1. Martin Budden Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Can't wait to see a zeppelin enter the stadium!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I want to come..

    ..and enter this. Truly I do.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I want to come..

      I think there may be a nasal spray to help you. Your sequencing seems wrong to me.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I want to come..

        LOL you're absolutely right mate!

        -Original AC

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I want to come..

      You might want to try it the other way around.

  7. ISYS

    A penetrating run in to the box......

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Bloody 'ell luv you've got "the sails of the Arabian pearl fishing boat" down 'ere!

  9. deadlockvictim

    Expert on womens' genitalia

    Don't be so hard on Ms. Breswell. I would hardly expect a woman to be an expert on womens' genitalia [1] in general. Most have rarely seen more than their own, which, even then, they probably don't know all that well. [2]

    Can the heterosexual male readers of El Reg talk at length and with expertise about other men's penes? I didn't think so.

    Men (or lesbians) are real experts on women's genitalia and what they look like.

    [1] Unless, of course, she is a gynaecologist or in a similar line of work.

    [2] Quick test if you think I'm joking: if shown a picture of your vulva along with pictures of other vulvae, would you know which one was yours?

    1. Natalie Gritpants

      Re: Expert on womens' genitalia

      I suspect Ms. Breswell was being modest.

      Anyone viewing porn will have seen hundreds of examples of both forms of undercarriage so, yes, male readers of the register probably can talk about the length and expertise of other men's penises if they could drag their concentration away from the screen.

      As for recognizing your own bits, I wouldn't even know my own hands unless the picture showed the chainsaw scar on my right palm.

      1. Anomalous Cowturd

        @Natalie Gritpants.

        Given up the juggling act then?

  10. EC

    Opening ceremony

    Kristen Schaal would be an excellent director for the opening ceremony.

  11. Anonymous Coward

    And he's

    dribbling nicely on the outside of the box......

  12. RealBigAl

    I bet

    The Qatari authorities now wish they could draw a veil over the entire thing.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I bet

      The 7th veil I presume...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's deliberate, it makes drawing up the plans easy - you can just use Notepad --> ({})

  14. Lottie


    I'm guessing a quick repackaging and one could sell "authentic replica" cememorative fleshlights?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No doubt designed to reflect the See You Next Tuesdays running round on the pitch...

  16. Winkypop Silver badge

    Once seen

    Never unseen.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Obviously designed

    By a Consultant in the Use of New Technology

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In parallel to the muff diving concept.

    Goal area to be known as the "G" spot.

    Alternatively, when a player scores, the location scored from to be the "G" spot, especially as notoriously

    difficult to fix the location.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In parallel to the muff diving concept.

      I wonder if the whole stadium will shudder when someone scores ...

  19. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Pride and joy

    Now the local team can rename themselves to "Vulvarines"

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    it doesn't look like a camel toe :(

    never mind, it would still be fun if it were retractable / closable, given the dreary, wet climate in Qatar. And with light beams of appropriate colours... truly spectacular shots of the opening (chuckle) ceremony, immortalized in google earth. Well, ok, not in the UK, such mind (?) stimulating images would have to be censored, naturally!

    1. The elephant in the room

      Re: it doesn't look like a camel toe :(

      Maybe French wrapper Christo could provide a lycra cover create that effect...

  21. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. James Pickett

    I hear the Cambridge University Netball Team are looking for a venue. It looks quite inviting to me...

  23. fawlty

    How are they...

    gonna stop sand getting in there?

  24. Tromos

    To complete the picture all that's needed is for the airship providing aerial coverage to suffer some sort of malfunction that causes it to dive in nose first.

  25. Slef

    natural air con

    Perhaps this is the secret of the cooling as in use it "should" become somewhat damp; and the evaporation of said dampness should act as a coolant!..Lets hope that there is not gushing dampness at climatic moments.

  26. Miek

    The Flight of the Vaginator!

  27. David Webb

    I bet...

    I bet £10 one of the England players will try to shag the stadium now, but only if it's already married to another England player

  28. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse


    A fitting stadium indeed for an England team that generally gets fucked in these types of competitions.

  29. hi_robb


    Just wait until the Brazilian cuntingents visit it and prepare to be vajazzzled.

  30. mdava

    I propose . . .

    . . . The Qatar Quim

    1. Anomalous Cowturd

      Re: I propose . . .

      The Qunt.

  31. Adrian 4

    What's the problem ? Qatar, like most cities, has a wide variety of dick-like buildings already.

  32. Zobbo

    Not factual

    This article is a load of FUD.

  33. All names Taken
    Paris Hilton

    Will they get to the Vulva in their Volvos?

    And who's gonna sleep in the damp patch?

  34. emmanuel goldstein

    is it going to refuse entry every 28 days?

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stadium Name?

    I can't stop calling it The Pussy Pavilion!

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Quite apt. Football stadium full of dicks!

  37. Mark Solaris

    I looked and looked...

    but couldn't find the clitoris.

  38. &rew
    Thumb Up

    If you build it...

    ...they will - you know. Come.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Locals will end up calling it Club clitoris with local the team called, team tampon.

    I'd dRED to think what the players would be called.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I know just what it needs

    Suitably phallic, gaily coloured. large flying dirigibles for advertising, all fully cirumcised of course!

  41. fLaMePrOoF

    Poontang stadium?

  42. Christoph
    Paris Hilton

    So what?

    That's pretty trivial compared to the London 2012 Olympics blowjob logo

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: So what?

      Better than the goatse one they almost chose for the London Olympics:

  43. Dave in the States

    If those are the sails of a pearl fishing boat...

    They neglected to put a "pink pearl" at one end of the opening.

    I'll get my coat...

  44. channel extended

    New Title.

    Now we just need to call it a studium!

  45. Anonymous Coward


    Whoa, had me word-blinded for a minute! Like someone had shone one of those new tactical LED dictionaries right in my eyes just before thumping me in the face with it.

    But I fought back, managed to keep my balance, blinked a few times and realised that you really meant gynaecologically, a word that I (and google) believe really exists, even though my spell[ing] checker denies it.

  46. noominy.noom

    China has lots of dick looking buildings. Here's one:!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/china.jpg&imgrefurl=

  47. Anonymous Coward

    It's going to make World Cup 2022 pretty intense....

    Can you imagine the performance anxiety that stadium is going to induce? :)

    (Either that, or I was going to make a crack about how you are going to have 22 guys working up a sweat in there, but none of them will be able to find the goal.)

  48. All names Taken
    Paris Hilton

    And what's all this about the "hot spot"?

  49. ChaosFreak
    Paris Hilton


    Can we please have skydivers parachute into this stadium... dressed as sperm a la Woody Allen's "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex"... PLEASE????

  50. Anomalous Cowshed

    Bah - Catarrh

    I would have expected them to build a stadium shaped like a giant nose, not a c**t.

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