back to article Bill Gates orders hitman to kill right-hand man Steve Ballmer

Bill Gates has carried out the bloody murder of his former friend and colleague Steve Ballmer. But don't call the cops just yet, because the vicious attack actually happened in an episode of South Park which was screened last night. In a controversial episode shown just a few days before the launch of Xbox One, Ballmer is …


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  1. Grifter

    "Of course, Gates would never kill Ballmer. "

    Thank you for clearing that up for me, I feel that was something that really needed to be said to make sure people didn't misunderstand.

    1. jai

      at least, that's what Gates WANTS us to believe....

    2. xperroni

      My dear late grandmother used to tell a story about this man who lived in her neighbourhood, whose friend had been killed. He helped the family organize the burial, and even wept by the coffin's side at the wake.

      Some days later it was discovered that he was the killer.

      So forgive my cynicism, but just because Bill shed a couple tears over Ballmer's (career's) corpse, doesn't mean he had nothing to do with the butchering.

  2. i like crisps

    The World of Warcraft episode...

    ...very funny.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Re: The World of Warcraft episode...

      The Guitar Hero episode was the best.

  3. Philip Lewis

    Aspen time sharing?

  4. CareTaker


    Scott Tenorman must die

  5. Dave 126 Silver badge

    "Simpsons done it"

    Bill Gates: Your Internet ad was brought to my attention, but I can't figure out what, if

    anything, Compuglobalhypermeganet does, so rather than risk competing with

    you, I've decided simply to buy you out.

    Homer: I reluctantly accept your proposal!

    Bill Gates: Well everyone always does. Buy 'em out, boys!

    [Gates' lackeys trash the room.]

    Homer: Hey, what the hell's going on?!

    Bill Gates: Oh, I didn't get rich by writing a lot of checks! [insane


    Sadly, Bill Gates didn't guest star; instead he was portrayed by Hank Azaria (Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy)

    1. Soruk

      Re: "Simpsons done it"

      Sounds like something out of "Antitrust", actually.

  6. robert_raw

    Imagination land and the Somalian pirates were my fave :)

    1. wikkity


      Got to be the Apple one

    2. Frumious Bandersnatch


      Enough said ... oops! too much.

  7. Jimboom

    Stop touching me Elmo

    So wrong yet so funny

    Also, Imaginationland is one of the best multipart episodes going. The bit with Kurt Russell and the Christmas Critters... cracks me up every time.

  8. Bill Neal

    Whale Whores


    1. Vector

      Re: Whale Whores


      1. TheRealRoland

        Re: Whale Whores

        is that you, big bwuddew? </cow-accent>

  9. Troy Peterson

    Good Times with Weapons


    The Wacky Molestation Adventure.

    1. Mr. Peterson

      Re: Good Times with Weapons

      Hare Club For Men!

  10. Maharg

    South Park killed Bill Gates in 1999.

    When the US Army briefing on the plan to invade Canada (Operation Human Shield) is held up by a Windows crash…

    US Army General> You told us that windows 98 would be faster, and more efficient with better access to the internet!

    Bill Gates: > It IS faster! Over five million...

    [General shoots Bill Gates and everyone cheers]

    Does this mean Bill Gates is cursed just like Kenny?

    IMO the Christmas Critters Episode,took it to a whole new level of f*cked and I love it for that

  11. Bodhi

    With Apologies to Jesse Jackson

    Still the best of all imo, every social taboo smashed in a single episode.

    Kiss it. Apologise.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    WoW, Scott Tenorman, all good, but I loved the recent World War Zimmerman.

    Then he appeared in the news the other day, "OMG it's happening again!" :)

  13. Manta Bloke


    "But don't call the cops just yet, because the vicious attack actually happened in an episode of South Park which was screened last night." IN THE BLOODY USA!!!

    This episode isnt shown in the UK until next week - THANKS FOR THE SPOILER WARNING

    1. JDX Gold badge


      It's a cartoon. The plot is not why people watch it.

  14. Vociferous

    Southpark is still on the air?

    I thought it had long since gone the way of Beavis & Butthead.

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: Southpark is still on the air?

      Nah, it's gone the way of the Simpsons; it keeps limping along, and nobody really cares about it... but it perseveres because it's an 'American Icon' now.

  15. Mikel

    Make the world a better place?

    "We share a commitment that Microsoft will succeed as a company that makes the world a better place."

    Locking the doors and sending everyone home then?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Make The World A Better Place? Microsoft?

    That is the funniest thing I heard since their lie, sorry, slogan, Microsoft makes everything you do easier.

    Ha bloody ha

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Colin Brett

        Re: Make The World A Better Place? Microsoft?

        "Whatever you do will be more fun."

        I think Microsoft's funniest advertising fail was for Windows 95. The soundtrack was the Rolling Stones' "Start me up", which was all well and good when clicking on the Start button was what Win 95 was all about. But that song then does go on to say "You make a grown man cry."

        The irony was obviously lost in Redmond.


  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    XBox One vs. Playstation 4? Or...

    Personally I enjoy my PS3 but unlike some other (younger ?) gamers it doesn't mean that I disrespect or dislike the XBox. It's just a different product and I happen to enjoy the one I picked better.

    But when it comes to the next-gen consoles I can't help seeing a lot of similarities. Especially when it comes to locking down the users in the things they can do. Of course Microsoft really tried to raise the bar to absurd standards (in my opinion) by demanding that players came online at least every 24hrs in order to be allowed and play games.

    Yet that doesn't mean that PS4 is fully free of such nonsense (personal opinion) either. For PS3 standards it'll be quite a shock to see that you need to get a PSN plus subscription before you can play any games online in multiplayer. And before anyone comments that PSN Plus gets you lots of free games: think again. I heard that argument a lot of times, but many people overlook the obvious issue that as soon as you end your subscription all your "free" games are also no longer playable. You don't get free games; you get an opportunity to rent a varying amount of games, that's all.

    And of course; both provide a lot less multimedia functionality. What's that you say; you can watch movies and listen to music on both of them?

    Sure; but what kind of movies and music? The stuff you already got on a CD, DVD or maybe sitting on your PC (through the network)? Not likely. Although both seem capable of playing DVD and BluRay (though I think I read stories about the PS4 doing only bluray) both environments try to heavily lock you into using the respectives company's own media services. PS4 can't access your own (network) media any longer for example, and both consoles refuse to play your own music unless you get it from their respective media stores.

    How cool is it that if you want to listen to "Only girl in the world" by Rihanna (because you got addicted to that thanks to GTA V) you won't be able to pop in the CD you bought (on a PS3 you can even rip it and then play the music in certain other games too) but you'll just have to purchase it. Again!..

    When it comes to freedom and "next gen consoles" I can't help but notice a severe setback when it comes to allowing us to use this mediabox critter to actually access the stuff we already have and own. Sure; we're talking GAME consoles and not so much media centres. I agree, don't get me wrong.

    But even there it becomes horribly obvious that the powers that be try heavily to squeeze as much money out of you as they can by actually denying to support features which could have been supported easily. Using your current hardware? Most likely not going to happen on both (I know PS3 stuff won't work on PS4, not sure about XBox).

    Heck; how about playing your current game collection?

    What's that; next-gen introduces next-gen environments so its only logical that you can no longer play your old games (in all honesty; this has always been the case so far; PS3 also can hardly play PS2 games).

    I agree. To some extend, because weren't these new consoles extremely more powerful than the current ones? And isn't it a fact that virtualisation has become more and more mainstream these days; you can easily "divide" your main server into many smaller virtual parts.

    Now, I realize all too well that games are resource hogs per definition, and that virtualisation is another extra layer in between so in the end performance might suffer horribly making it simply undoable to provide this kind of support.

    But my point here is that I sincerely doubt that either company has even bothered to try and set something like this up. Because in the end it would be "bad" for them; they'd rather see you buying all your games once again because that makes them more money. Even if you may not have had too.

    So yeah; both environments look impressive. But I also believe there's a bad side to the both of them, one which many people try to overlook as hard as possible because "that's just the way consoles are". Sure; with an attitude like that it is indeed, and it'll only get worse over time.

    1. The Vociferous Time Waster

      Re: XBox One vs. Playstation 4? Or...


    2. poopypants

      Re: XBox One vs. Playstation 4? Or...

      next-gen introduces next-gen environments so its only logical that you can no longer play your old games (in all honesty; this has always been the case so far; PS3 also can hardly play PS2 games)

      I can still play the original Half Life (released 1998) on my PC, which can also play Crysis 3 with all the settings maxed out.

    3. MrDamage Silver badge

      Re: XBox One vs. Playstation 4? Or...PC

      PC Gamers: The gaming master race. Adults with full control of their vocabulary thanks to having all 26 letters of the alphabet at their disposal.

      Xbone: Children who can only manage 4 letters of the alphabet, and flail their limbs about uncontrollably.

      PS4: Even younger children who can only manage basic shapes and primary colours.

      1. Van

        Re: XBox One vs. Playstation 4? Or...PC

        Actually the average age of the video gamer is surprisingly old and it's the kids and teens who want the gaming PCs to play 'grown-up' games.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Goobacks is the greatest episode ever. A fantastic satirical piece on immigration that somehow manages to make people see sense over the whole issue despite is going from the obsurd (time portal) to the brilliant (their spoof of rolling news channels where everything is micro analysed by a different reporter in a different location) to the downright ****ing hilarious - EVERYONE BACK ON THE PILE!!!

  19. Ian Michael Gumby

    Yet another first...

    This is definitely one plot episode that the SImpsons didn't do.

    But alas no Captain Chaos.

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