back to article Show us your Cook: Size is everything for Apple iWatch fans, apparently

The Apple iWatch will come in two different sizes to fit the differing needs of fanbois and gurlz, it has been claimed. The prediction will come as some relief to insecure male Apple lovers, as it shows their favourite firm believes size is far more important to men than it is to women. According to a report in the Korea …


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  1. nematoad Silver badge

    A much needed accessory

    Do you think that Apple will bundle in the necessary magnifying glass or will they charge extra.

    1.7", bloody hell, like looking through a keyhole!

    1. FartingHippo

      Re: A much needed accessory

      "or will they charge extra"

      HAHAHAHAHAHA. What do you think?

      1. Darryl

        Re: A much needed accessory

        Additionally, the iMagnifier will only be compatible with Apple products and won't magnify anything else.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A much needed accessory

      "size is far more important to men than it is to women"

      Jasper, you do realise our parents often say things to make us feel better. Like when a friend of mine told me he has a long body. I said, "no Jim, that's just how your mum broke it to you. In everyone else's book you've got short legs."

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A much needed accessory

      What you fail to realise is that it will have a 3D HD projection module that will give a virtual 10"x10" holographic projection on the edge of your wrist with a full sized virtual keyboard for emailing, a 20MP camera, access to a film library with only new releases, a cigar lighter, universal Babel Fish translator and a direct line to God.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Please Help

      I have an iPhone 4S, 5, 5S, iPad 3, MacBook Pro, iPad Mini with retina screen.....

      Now there's talk of a iWatch, TV....

      Please help me...... Make them stop, make them stop...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward






    1. John Bailey

      iJust come to wind up fanboys.

  3. ukgnome

    I'm a recent Apple convert and can I just say


    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      OH NO!

      Gnome has been borged too!

      Nothing can save his soul now.

  4. Frankee Llonnygog


    Not in two sizes. Not in one size. Not gonna happen

  5. Khaptain Silver badge

    A new species

    >The prediction will come as some relief to insecure male Apple lovers

    WTF is an "insecure male Apple lover ",

    a : Is it someone that is having an affair with a timid, red fruit eating, man.

    b : A slightly schitzophrenic, masculine fruit that lacks confidence and whose alter ego is a Don Juan character.

    c : The opposite of a coke fueled, masturbating female apple......

    1. Sir Sham Cad

      Re: WTF is an "insecure male Apple lover

      It's a bloke that sticks his cock in a pomaceous fruit because he's too scared to talk to girls.

  6. Eradicate all BB entrants

    I was unfortunate enough ....

    ...... to see the new tv advert for the iPad Air, pretty much making it out to be more important than the invention of the pencil, which to me was invented the first time someone used charcoal to make a mark on a cave wall ('It's been into space' Well so has a human turd, but NASA don't box them up, charge people £700 for them and call it revolutionary).

    So after seeing that magnificent display of hubris I now HAVE to see the advert for the watch. 'iWatch, you were all still fecking protoplasm until we made this'.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I was unfortunate enough ....

      Well, your watched it. So why didn't you use the Off button (or change channels) so that you weren't subjecting your self to their obvious brainwashing?

      Or did you watch because you knew you were going to hate it anyway but just wanted to be convinced?

      I haven't seen it so I can't comment on the content but other Apple adverts I have seen (which are very few because I generally skip over all adverts) are very well done from a presentation point of view. I am old enough to remember the old 'toucan' Guinness adverts. They were classics.

      1. Jediben

        Re: I was unfortunate enough ....

        I watched it too. I was utterly absorbed and whole heartedly agreed with the sentiment of the advert. I swelled with pride that mankind could produce such a monumental tool. I was so grateful for everything my human beings had done with this wonderful implement, such a simple idea that allows us such immense opportunity for expression...

        Then someone picked up a FUCKING IPAD from behind it and I lost interest.

        Apple are off their rockers if they consider their own crappy derivatives as ground breaking as the pencil.

        Fuck you Apple. Everyone who has ever written, anyone who has contributed to the great culture of man, anyone who composed a symphony, written a masterpiece, drawn a work of art, performed an emergnecy tracheotomy with the nearest implement...

        Anyone who has done anything important says FUCK YOU for trying to belittle accomplishment and substitute it with acquisition.

        1. Tiny Iota

          Re: I was unfortunate enough ....

          Calm down mate, they're just a consumer electronics company. Buy it if you like it, don't if you don't. I know it's not really the done thing around here to have an apathetic view of Apple and its rivals, but some of us just can't get angry at a gadget company.

          Plus, it's an advert. They are hardly going to say their product is a relatively minor iterative update are they. That's how adverts work. It's the same as getting angry at John Lewis for using a cutsie-poo animal friendship in their ads. It’s all bollocks and we're all free to shop where we please for whatever reason we choose.

          1. Jediben

            Re: I was unfortunate enough ....

            Yes, consume that which is offered to you in the most round-cornered form. Don't think or respect anything except the corporations. Everything that came before was inconsequential compared to the Next Big Thing.

            John Lewis aren't suggesting that zoology was naught but an idea before their cartoon came along and showed us what a bear looked like. There is advertising to promote something and then there is advertising to undermine everything else. Apple's is the latter.

            Apple might as well have shown footage of troops going over the top at the Somme, while Hague wandered about his quarters with a whskey in one hand and an iPad in the other, directing the bombardments,

      2. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  7. Greg D

    The Unpronouncable Prophet

    "Hsieh has form on Apple predictions, having successfully prophesied the iPhone 5, iPad Mini and iPad 3."

    I bow to his superior ability to add one number to the previous to make a new number! He's clearly a visionary unequaled in today's blind world.

    1. Darryl

      Re: The Unpronouncable Prophet

      Musta used one of them iPencils from the ad mentioned above...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "So come on Cook: show us your innovations"

    The Koreans (or anyone else for that matter) are working on them now for Apple to "innovate" them!

  9. Confuciousmobil


    The Fandroids come out in force at the mention of anything Apple.

    I like Apple products but have no interest in an iWatch. Having said that, if one is actually released if past experience is anything to go by I will probably change my mind once I actually get to see and use one, but to read the comments here you would think that Apple had just said they were going to kill everyone's first born.

    If the Fandroids get this wound up about a rumour of a possible future device we should be able to actually hear their heads exploding if it is actually released.

    I have no interest in the device itself but hope Apple release it son just to see the reaction of the Fandroids.

    Maybe I'm an iSheep, but I'm half Welsh - and we like sheep ;)

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sounds good

    I'm no apple fan (I feel like you need to say this around here else face the wrath of the angry droid mob ;)

    However this sounds like a good thing. A female friend works for Samsung and promotes their products. She recently received the Galaxy gear and it looks ridiculous on her somewhat petite arms. The things humongous.

    Personally I'm still baffled as to why anyone wants such a device in any case but I'm sure everyone will be wearing them in a few years time...

  11. Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

    My prediction...

    It will be a shiny white electronic device packaged in clear film inside a smart white box containing fuck all documentation along with a shabbily manufactured connection lead which will break after a month.

    On the day of release, half the population of China will be throwing out sub-standard copies via DHgate, Alibaba and ultimately eBay.

    Nobody will want it because it makes you look a nob.

    There. Don't say I didn't tell you.

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