'We're in it together..'
But if it means a choice of getting rid of you or losing my bonus, pay rise and increase in pension fund........
Usually two to three weeks before Christmas....
Tech titan bosses like John Chambers, Meg Whitman and Joe Tucci often deliver tributes to their employees when reporting quarterly business results. Yet they lay employees off. NetApp says it’s a great place to work, and lays people off. Chambers lays thousands off and gets a pay rise. This leaves a faintly sour taste in the …
Ah yes the insider trading on the shares always gives it away. Mr CxO what a lot of shares you've decided to exercise your options on? I wonder why.....?
A few days later.... A whole bunch of us are leaving due to down sizing of the workforce, the share price climbs on the back of it. We get shite all but look you've just cashed in those 50,000 shares you bought at $14 and they're worth $1.3m. Good work, you're definitely feeling our pain.
I'm so glad that you censored 'Rear Echelon Mother F*ckers', because as it is now I have absolutely no clue what that word could mean, and you totally spared me from seeing it! We're so fortunate that the human brain is completely incapable of decyphering single-letter substitution!
Agreed. The Register is becoming Prudish? They are still not totally a virtual generation, despite being a tech forum/site.
Technically, a star is a star is a star is a star is a star. isnt it? Oh sorry, it's also an asterisk. No, its a multiplication symbol in Excel.
See guv, we are not breaking the rules !
Oh sorry, in the context, its supposed to FUCKERS .
There, finally nailed it. But what does it mean?
Er, or it might be because a lot of content filters - as used at large companies and schools - auto-block pages that contain swears?
So F*cker - ok.
Fucker - no page to view.
I've worked at places that enforce that sort of childish bollocks (and that's what it is, frankly) and it's fucking annoying.
Edit: TheMole beat me to it by minutes!
I don't give two c*nts what you think. - quote from an email I sent to Mr Whiny
I *clearly* meant cents Mr HR person. The head of the relevant department and the CEO and I still do not give two c*nts for Mr Whiny's opinion. So how about I give him 25 c*nts and he can call someone who cares - my reply to the HR complaint
Did end up with a formal warning letter on record. About breaching privacy of HR complaints by forwarding certain emails. The 50 cent poster with Whiny's head on it in the breakroom had very little to do with me.
Everybody I know appears to be aware of the gap between the world of sweet-worded fantasy shit coming out from the top, and the shit-smelling shit of reality pouring out from the same generals (I know, different orifice, but same source).
That said, it doesn't hurt to remind people every now and then.
You would be surprised how many young 'uns entering industry don't appear to know or understand this.
Thankfully when I was a young 'un, the old hands quickly gave me the run down on how sh*t always rolls downhill. I try and pass on that hard earned knowledge where I can to the next generation...
I occasionally fantasise about how the world would be a better place if the person who did the 'downsizing' was forced to take a pay cut for every person they canned. Sack 10% of the staff and they take a 10% pay cut. Same applies to their boss, and their boss, all the way up the chain.
Yes, I realise that this is not at all realistic in a capitalist system but it's nice to dream.
"Capitalism is ruthless and you are a human resource to be exploited, one amongst many."
Capitalism is based on exchanges on so it happens here: you get paid. Seeing how things are, quite a lot of people do like this, though they bitch about being exploited, adhere to the labour theory of value, demand that government pass laws so their paycheck is embiggened etc. etc.
THIS DOES NOT HELP.
A dev team I was in was shit canned the day after the celebratory 'thanks for the hard work delivering drinks'.
The writing was on the wall for months prior as they were outsourcing more and more, what was amusing was the outsourcing company began to revert to standard rates, along with recouping the loss leader, once the dev team was out of the way.
As soon as any of us saw a congrats or PHB waffle with the words "staff are our most important asset", we polished our CVs. Probably what PHBs wanted anyway. Pass the scepticism on. Mentoring the young is a good thing to do.
The irony is the frequent waffle uttered by business councils about the need for commitment, dedication and motivation in workforces to compete with sweatshops around the world. Icon because kids are already learning to starve in style.
An article in your rival, the Independent newspaper years aog claimed that the financial institutions actively sought out psychopaths as they were more effective at 'making money' than people who cared about others. When major losses were 'made' they would cry "O P M!" (other people's money). When large profits were 'made' they got big bonuses from their bosses.
But success of psychopaths is nothing new. Herodotus' "Histories", recounts a king who, on discovering that the lieutenant he had ordered to kill his son, Cyrus (I think), had not actually done so, summoned all to a banquet, where the lieutenant had aspecial dish, which he ate, and was later shown that it was made from his own teeneage son.
The good thing now is that all they really can do is fire you after stealing, sorry reducing, your pay. Cooking and serving up your children for you to eat has gone out of fashion.
Whenever I see another warm, caring, global distribution email from our beloved CEO, country VP etc., once my bullshit meter has stopped spinning wildly, I just think of one of Terry Pratchett's lines (rough quote, from 'Going Postal' I think) :-
"They cared so little about their employees, they even had an employee satisfaction programme."
Still makes me giggle (Mr Pratchett, not the
psychopaths in charge powers that be.)
Too bad the employees aren't.
Employees cost the company money. Employees are tools, required to make the company do whatever it does to make money.
Employers patting the backs of the employees, is a simple but effective method to keep them functional till they get shitcanned.
Don't get me wrong, they're not *all* out to get you, just most of them....
9:30am: Developer A (among others) was laid off.
9:40am: Customer Support Rep B was asked the status of very important bug-fix for very important customer.
9:45am: CSR B answers "You'll need to ask Developer A. He was working on it."
11:45am: Developer A re-hired as consultant at double his salary.
I was got rid of from a place and 2 weeks later the Exchange server goes tits up due to hardware issue. They managed to get someone in to rebuild it and then went to apply the backups. Of course they'd got rid of the guy who monitored and ensured the backups worked.... me.
Oh I how laughed... then I remembered I was unemployed which took the shine off it. Oh well.
In the 1960s people did have more loyalty to their companies because the companies didn't do the new CEO once a year to lay off thousands to get his quick bonus and once crap hits fan he gets his golden parachute routine. People were laid off back then as a last resort. The difference I believe has been the sociopathic generation of the Baby Boomers (I got to get mine screw the grandkids) joining leadership ranks.
What cheeses me off is the "Every CEO's a Winner" approach to compensation. In a really good year, the execs get great bonuses for producing profits (even if the company merely kept pace with the industry.) In a bad year the execs get bonuses for leading the company through such difficult times of trouble and toil.
They literally cannot make a decision that leads to a pay cut.
Including subordinates, co workers and supervisors.
Depending on your personality and their hiring practices you might like most of people and you may enjoy your work, but that is the exception.
Yes, I do view all jobs remarkably like working for an "escort" service. :(.
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