back to article BOOGIE BALLMER: Steve Dirty Dances at tearful Microsoft leaving do

A tearful Steve Ballmer bid official farewell to thousands of Microsofties at a stadium bash with a booming sound track. Shy and (literally) retiring CEO Ballmer hosted the software giant's annual staff meeting at Seattle’s KeyArena yesterday, attended by 13,000 employees. This is the last mass gathering for Ballmer and his …

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  1. Big_Ted
    Happy

    Lets see.......

    SUPERTRAMP "Dreamer"

    Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer

    Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!

    I said dreamer, you're nothing but a dreamer

    Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!

    I said "Far out, - What a day, a year, a laugh it is!"

    You know, - Well you know you had it comin' to you,

    Now there's not a lot I can do

    Dreamer, you stupid little dreamer;

    So now you put your head in your hands, oh no!

    I said "Far out, - What a day, a year, a laugh it is!"

    You know, - Well you know you had it comin' to you,

    Now there's not a lot I can do.

    Well work it out someday

    If I could see something

    You can see anything you want boy

    If I could be someone-

    You can be anyone, celebrate boy.

    If I could do something-

    Well you can do something,

    If I could do anything-

    Well can you do something out of this world?

    Take a dream on a Sunday

    Take a life, take a holiday

    Take a lie, take a dreamer

    dream, dream, dream, dream, dream along...

    Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer

    Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!

    I said dreamer, you're nothing but a dreamer

    Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!

    OH NO!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lets see.......

      His next job... The new Captain of the Concordia....

    2. Kobus Botes
      FAIL

      Re: Lets see....... (@Big_Ted)

      Or maybe even this:

      Dogs - Pink Floyd

      You gotta be crazy, you gotta have a real need.

      You gotta sleep on your toes, and when you're on the street,

      You gotta be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed.

      And then moving in silently, down wind and out of sight,

      You gotta strike when the moment is right without thinking.

      And after a while, you can work on points for style.

      Like the club tie, and the firm handshake,

      A certain look in the eye and an easy smile.

      You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to,

      So that when they turn their backs on you,

      You'll get the chance to put the knife in.

      You gotta keep one eye looking over your shoulder.

      You know it's going to get harder, and harder, and harder as you

      get older.

      And in the end you'll pack up and fly down south,

      Hide your head in the sand,

      Just another sad old man,

      All alone and dying of cancer.

      And when you loose control, you'll reap the harvest you have sown.

      And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone.

      And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw

      around.

      So have a good drown, as you go down, all alone,

      Dragged down by the stone.

      I gotta admit that I'm a little bit confused.

      Sometimes it seems to me as if I'm just being used.

      Gotta stay awake, gotta try and shake off this creeping malaise.

      If I don't stand my own ground, how can I find my way out of this

      maze?

      Deaf, dumb, and blind, you just keep on pretending

      That everyone's expendable and no-one has a real friend.

      And it seems to you the thing to do would be to isolate the winner

      And everything's done under the sun,

      And you believe at heart, everyone's a killer.

      Love Supertramp, by the way.

      ---> For the big man, obviously.

  2. Simon Smith 1

    Oh it's late here in Aus but...

    ...surely you cant go past this little ditty from TISM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQO1qZD5lek

    warning: seriously NSFW

  3. Code Monkey
    Pint

    So long Ballmer. You were tremendous fun. [raises imaginary beer]

    1. diodesign Silver badge

      I'd have actually paid money to see that leaving performance. What a mind-trip that would have been.

      C.

      1. Code Monkey
        Pint

        @diodesign

        In the meantime, we'll always have the monkey boy dance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RINizGmhrYo

    2. mrweekender

      Steve Ballmer is a rich buffoon. Perhaps not the first CEO or "celebrity" to be an oxymoron but definitely one of the most animated and hated. Goodbye Steve and fuck off!

      1. Mike Moyle
        Coat

        "Steve Ballmer is a rich buffoon. Perhaps not the first CEO or "celebrity" to be an oxymoron but definitely one of the most animated and hated. Goodbye Steve and fuck off!"

        ...an oxymoron... That means that he's still breathing, right...?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @mrweekender - "Steve Ballmer is a rich buffoon."

        That rich buffoon helped make approximately 10,000 Microsoft employees into millionaires - http://www.forbes.com/2010/06/28/microsoft-company-numbers-personal-finance-microsoft-shares.html

        It's no wonder they love him and Gates.

        1. BJS
          Mushroom

          Not sure how Ballmer as CEO made anyone into a millionaire. It may have made him into a billionaire, but the rest of the stockholders got this: http://www.businessinsider.com/ballmer-era-stock-price-2013-8

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        You'd think that if you had a massive personal fortune that you could afford to take bigger risks.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @AC 18:52 - "You'd think that if you had a massive personal fortune that you could afford to take bigger risks."

          But, if you have to support 95% of the desktops worldwide, you are probably limited in the risks you can realistically take. Apple clearly doesn't have that same problem, as they basically support about 1% of the hardware in existence (or less).

          Windows is even required to run well on Apple's hardware, but try getting Apple to support any 3rd party stuff - no chance.

  4. ukgnome

    They've turned off Balmer

    Lets's hope they don't turn him on again

    *in honour of the last IT crowd - Ch4 9pm

  5. Steve Knox
    Trollface

    "Break Your Heart" by Barenaked Ladies

    especially:

    ...

    and I've got what I want,

    and that's rid of you

    Goodbye

  6. Return To Sender
    Go

    A song for Steve?

    Surely it's got to be Wrecking Ball(mer) (apologies to Neil Young...)

  7. poopypants

    Want You Gone – Jonathan Coulton

    Well here we are again,

    It’s always such a pleasure,

    Remember when you tried to kill me twice?

    Oh, how we laughed and laughed,

    Except I wasn’t laughing,

    Under the circumstances I’ve been shockingly nice.

    You want your freedom take it,

    That’s what I’m counting on,

    I used to want you dead but,

    Now I only want you gone.

    She was a lot like you,

    (Maybe not quite as heavy),

    Now little Caroline is in here too.

    One day they woke me up,

    So I could live forever,

    It’s such a shame the same will never happen to you.

    You’ve got your short, sad life left,

    That’s what I’m counting on,

    I’ll let you get right to it,

    Now I only want you gone.

    Goodbye, my only friend,

    Oh, did you think I meant you?

    That would be funny if it weren’t so sad,

    Well you have been replaced,

    I don’t need anyone now,

    When I delete you maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.

    Go make some new disaster,

    That’s what I’m counting on,

    You’re someone else’s problem,

    Now I only want you gone,

    Now I only want you gone,

    Now I only want you gone.

  8. Jon Green
    Megaphone

    "We love you, Steve!"

    "Employees were shaking hands with Ballmer and screaming “we love you” through the routine, we're so reliably informed."

    Where did I last read something like this? Hmmm. Not sure whether it was Xinhua or the North Korean news agency.

    1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

      Re: "We love you, Steve!"

      How the hell did they get that number of employees to go? Were they paid?

      1. JW 1

        Re: "We love you, Steve!"

        My sister-in-law works there and is bizarrely proud of a Steve Ballmer signed Windows 7 box. It's a mass produced stamped signature, but by god it's got Steve-o's name on it. They go voluntarily.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "We love you, Steve!"

      "Where did I last read something like this?"

      Apple?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "We love you, Steve!"

        File under:

        "Personality, Cult of"

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "We love you, Steve!"

          s/lt/nt/

    3. Goldmember

      Re: "We love you, Steve!"

      Yes, certain parts of this article read like some twisted paragraphs from nineteen eighty four.

    4. Euripides Pants
      Gimp

      Re: "We love you, Steve!"

      quite the Reality Distortion Field...

  9. Ralph B

    The Ballmer Strategy

    Ballmer dismissed Apple as being “fashionable”, Amazon for being “cheap”, and Google for “knowing more”

    ... which kinda implies that Ballmer's strategy at Microsoft was being "unfashionable, expensive and knowing less". How's that been working out then? How much written off on the Surface? A billion dollars was it?

    Damn right that Ballmer buggers off and takes his suicidal strategy with him. Maybe Microsoft can now try building some great products at a price that people are willing to pay.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Ballmer Strategy

      Damn, you beat me to it. I think his comments show exactly why Microsoft has been so unsuccessful in just about everything they've tried to do to expand their business since Ballmer took over. He doesn't understand how the things he criticizes about the competition are exactly those things that customers of those companies value!

  10. Cliff

    Nominations for Microsoft CEO

    I vote Peter Capaldi

  11. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    wow

    It's good to hear that there is a major US corporation that does not believe in drug tests.

    1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

      Re: wow

      None of them do for the CEO ...

  12. Eddie Knopfler
    Coat

    I wonder...

    ... if all the "Surface tension" was enough to stop the champagne spilling over...

    1. Ralph B

      Re: I wonder...

      The Surface tablets were probably used as trays to serve the champagne.

  13. Reading Your E-mail

    Makes you wonder why they bothered with the COO position if they are going to look elsewhere, presumably they will start at the local crazy house?

  14. Pat 4

    Wait... WHAT??

    "… we will change the world again”.

    I don't remember when copying other people's work using other people's technology became "changing the world".

    Surfed the wave, yes.

    Hit anyone who tried to follow in the face... definitely.

    Kill off or buy out anyone why actually tried to change the world, definitely.

    Microsoft is the most successful company in history at selling other people's ideas as their own.

    And they're still trying to do it today.

    1. sabroni Silver badge

      Microsoft is the most successful company in history at selling other people's ideas as their own.

      I think Apple might have something to say about that....

      1. ben_myers

        Microsoft is the most successful company in history at selling other people's ideas as their own.

        And they sold the ideas of others as a bullying monopolist that the US govt did not want to harness. But, that was the Ballmer mentality that prevailed all these years. It has pissed off millions, including OEMs, large customers, and other business partners. So they had a good run while it's lasted. What next? Steve is intellectually incapable of answering the question, so billg and two others are tasked with the job of finding and hiring the new visionary to lead Microsoft on to bigger and better. Good luck with that. It will be an interesting business soap opera to watch.

  15. Longrod_von_Hugendong
    FAIL

    Goodbye...

    and good riddance, dont let the door smack you in the arse on the way out...

  16. Magz

    Things can only get better by D:Ream?

  17. HippyFreetard
    Linux

    how about...

    PPenguin Attack by Gwar?

    1. Frumious Bandersnatch

      Re: how about...

      Penguin in Bondage --- Zappa

  18. Tim Brown 1

    this:

    Profane - Think I've Outstayed My Welcome

  19. dzasterus

    Land of Make Believe - Bucks fizz

    Only because that's where Ballmer has been living for the past few years

  20. Chemist

    "we will change the world again"

    Shouldn't that be "we will short-change the world again"

  21. mafoo
    Alert

    Video

    I demand video proof.

    1. mafoo
      Facepalm

      Re: Video

      I found video:

      http://www.theverge.com/2013/9/27/4779036/exclusive-video-steve-ballmers-intense-tearful-goodbye-to-microsoft

  22. David Hewett

    Paranoid Android - Radiohead

  23. dotdot
    Linux

    it's bin emotionless.

    13000... people celebrating his DEEP ART YOUR.

    what ? were the all getting married to the lovein that is microsoft ?

    Aye - that's the life for all those moonies ... which they will now be refered to as.

    Goodnight Steve - it's been a blast you meant to so much so so many but gave so little

    - so it's a big /dev/null to you.

  24. qwertyuiop
    Devil

    MS already chose the perfect song...

    ...when they licenced the Rolling Stones "Start me up" for the launch of Windows 95. To quote from the lyrics:

    "You make a grown man cry"

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rodgers and Hammerstein.......

    "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair"

  26. arctic_haze

    Nowhere Man by Lennon and McCartney

    He's a real nowhere Man,

    Sitting in his Nowhere Land,

    Making all his nowhere plans

    For nobody.

    Doesn't have a point of view,

    Knows not where he's going to,

    Isn't he a bit like you and me?

    Nowhere Man, please listen,

    You don't know what you're missing,

    Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.

    He's as blind as he can be,

    Just sees what he wants to see,

    Nowhere Man can you see me at all?

    Doesn't have a point of view,

    Knows not where he's going to,

    Isn't he a bit like you and me?

    Nowhere Man, don't worry,

    Take your time, don't hurry,

    Leave it all 'till somebody else

    Lends you a hand.

    He's a real Nowhere Man,

    Sitting in his Nowhere Land,

    Making all his nowhere plans

    For nobody.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gonna start something?

    FFS, look at all the s*it he's already started.

    Saying Microsoft is going to write the future or start something big or change the world etc. is really just acknowledging that all of his new projects so far have been failures.

  28. AlgoRythm
    Devil

    Several MTX music possibilities

    Mr.T Experience - Last time I listen to You

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP2wc9bsCq0

    They actually had a much better (very mean) so long song I was hoping to find, but this'll do.

  29. Rick Giles
    Linux

    All I have to say to him is...

    STFU and GTFO

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    ...upon leaving the Finnish mobe-maker.

    Don't you mean nearly ex-Finnish mobile maker.

  31. Richard Plinston

    > “We have unbelievable potential in front of us, we have an unbelievable destiny," said a visibly moved Ballmer, reusing a quote from the very first Microsoft staff meeting in 1983.

    I think that it comes from much earlier, the 1930s perhaps, and was said, or shouted actually, in German.

  32. Don108

    For a song:

    "I'd like to change the world,

    but I don't know what to do…"

    Ten Years After

    For a replacement:

    Shemp.

    He did a tolerable job replacing Curley in the Three Stooges.

  33. et0hman

    Blue Oyster Cult: Don't Fear the Reaper

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Steam - Kiss Him Goodbye

    Perfect song for the demise or departure of any obnoxious cretin.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Na_Na_Hey_Hey_Kiss_Him_Goodbye

  35. tempemeaty

    I'm still not celebrating...yet

    Microsoft can still continue being the wrecking ball to the PC that it is. So I'm not celebrating until it proves not to be.

    Mr Ballmer, I hope he enjoys his riches. Most men could never dream of being one tenth as rich. Meanwhile I'm still watching Bill Gates for his next PC wrecking ball pilot.

  36. P Saunders

    just another example

    of how the universe seems to reward mediocrity.

  37. The Godfather
    Angel

    Weird..

    Sounds remarkably like a cult gathering....hope they're not opting for mass suicide

  38. Nanki Poo

    Placebo - Song to Say Goodbye?

    "You are one of God's mistakes,

    You crying, tragic waste of skin,"

    Referring to their software of course . . .

  39. Benjol

    Well, that makes John McAfee as a replacement look slightly less wacky :)

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