back to article Want FREE BEER for the rest of your life?

We'd all like to save money on beer: we journos perhaps more than most as we are a notoriously thirsty bunch and expense accounts just aren't what they were in the old days. The most obvious method of doing so, rising up and slaughtering those who tax and water the workers' beer, isn't really viable. So, as so often in this …

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  1. jake Silver badge

    Been there, done that. More than once.

    Large quantities of active yeast in the human gastro intestinal tract, along with sugars, makes for serious issues that the general public will never run across.

    Doesn't mean I will stop tasting, though ... It's crush here in Sonoma ;-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

      Of course you have.

      1. jake Silver badge

        @AC 06:19 (was: Re: Been there, done that. More than once.)

        Yes, I have.

        Have you?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

      Used to boast like that.... When I was 5.

      1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
        Stop

        Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

        Just wondering, is this another jake vs. anonymous coward?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

          I think it's another "look at me everyone. I'm so insecure with my life I have to boast about how amazing it is, on a UK-based IT website" post from jake.

          To be fair, he's been here for a lot longer than most of the rest of us but I think he would be better off using his amazingly diverse life-experience to examine his posts and question why he feels the need to constantly show off about himself to a bunch of strangers.

          I sincerely hope he finds happiness one day because, despite his protestations to the contrary, he clearly hasn't found it yet.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

            Frankly, I don't give a flying fart whether Jake's life is/was as full and glorious as he makes out. It could well be.

            But his continuous bragging about it is fecking tiresome.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

      Ffs, jake - give it a rest. We don't believe you, you're not funny and your posts are frankly tiresome. I see your contributions as a form of graffiti from an angry teenager. Even my 11 year old knows when enough is enough.

    4. Lord Elpuss Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

      Of course you've been there and done that Jake. Was this, uh, before or after you wrote spaceship firmware/software? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1937539

      Or maybe became a cowherder? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1948731

      Or pioneered the cellphone generation? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1950431

      Or became Microsoft MCM, MCSM and MCA certified? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1955006

      Or became a "sophisticated hacker" http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1959679 where your sophistication is only matched by your modesty...

      Or maybe became a self-employed 'conslutant'(sic) earning $BIGBUCKS hiring and firing for Fortune500s? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1876058

      In short Jake, I believe the words I'm looking for are WHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHAHA. Although I do like the idea of becoming a conslutant - is that where you advise ladies of the night on their attire?

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

        You're barely scratching the surface:

        http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1943867

        1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

          Hahahaha the man's truly incredible!!! Jakey Jakey, when are you going to write your memoirs? Please, you owe it to humanity!!!

          Joke, because yes Jake, you are one.

      3. Rampant Spaniel

        Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

        The Russians also sent Jake up in Thunderbird 1 to give Laika CPR.

        1. Jim Carter

          Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

          Bloody hell, a real Johnny fiveskin here. Never thought I'd see one here.

    5. LarsG

      Walter Mitty or Baron Munchausen?

      You decide.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Walter Mitty or Baron Munchausen?

        Walter Munchausen

    6. Lamont Cranston

      Re: Been there, done that...

      That's nothing. My dad's Bruce Lee, and he drives me to school in K.I.T.T.

  2. Tom 7 Silver badge

    A freind of mine had that problem

    and, as someone who thinks the weekly unit count is a daily target, I would not like to have that - he was not well and being pissed all the time takes the fun out of it.

  3. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Go

    There is no problem

    "I really see only one problem: it's going to be damn difficult to offer the object of our desires another drink in order to get them into bed for the first time."

    Tim, you have to look at the problem from a different point of view. The more pissed you get, the more objects of desire there will be. Hence the higher the chance to get one of them into bed. As we all know: those who drink a lot have more sex with ugly people.

    1. Ironclad

      Re: There is no problem

      Would question the wisdom of two people with serious yeast infections getting jiggy with it.

  4. Cliff

    First round's on me!

    Subsequent rounds are in me.

    (Open wide...)

  5. Homer 1
    Pint

    “auto-brewery” syndrome

    I'll take one. Make it two.

    And a packet of pork scratchings.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: “auto-brewery” syndrome

      "I'll take one. Make it two. And a packet of pork scratchings."

      Rub your hand in salt, then stick it in the deep fryer for "auto-pork scratchings syndrome".

      Which brings to mind the work of English literary genius that was "Horace".

  6. Fred M

    I really did have that

    You may not believe Jake, but I did have that about 20 years ago - initially misdiagnosed as ME. It's nowhere nears as nice as it sounds. It wasn't like being drunk all the time but more like permanently coping with a hangover. An anti yeast treatment sorted me out and I was so happy that it did.

  7. Grahame 2

    Farty?

    Having once experienced the excessive fruity flatulence resulting of drinking some homebrew that had not quite finished fermenting, I would expect there to be somewhat of an anti-social side they failed to mention!

    1. Eponymous Cowherd
      Joke

      Fruity Flatulance?

      Sounds like our resident office fanboi talking about his latest finger scanning shiny toy.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Farty?

      Having once experienced the excessive fruity flatulence resulting of drinking some homebrew that had not quite finished fermenting, I would expect there to be somewhat of an anti-social side they failed to mention!

      Could get interesting if such people get cremated. Gas for combustion, and alcohol to sustain it..

      1. Eponymous Cowherd
        Coat

        Re: Farty? Gas for combustion?

        The trouble is, the gas produced by the fermentation process is CO2.

        I'd guess the alcohol will be absorbed by the body, so only the gas will be expelled.

        So people afflicted with this are some kind of farty fire extinguishers???

    3. PyLETS

      Re: Farty?

      Yes indeed. In parts of the Rhineland, they have a tradition of drinking 1 week in ferment (i.e. unfinished, sweet, bubbling and slightly yeasty) white wine with onion tart. Makes you feel warm inside, and not more than 2 glasses are recommended, unless you want to get up multiple times in the night.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So, unsafe convictions?

    This may get interesting from a DOU perspective. The bottom line is that you're picked up with an alcohol reading in your blood, so where it comes from is from a pure police perspective irrelevant. But if it's a yeast issue, one could argue that there was no actual knowledge of the condition and alcohol level.

    Hmm.

    1. Caesarius
      Pint

      Re: So, unsafe convictions?

      That's a good point. Of course, you could only use that excuse for the first offence.

      Sorry about the icon...

    2. Tom 38 Silver badge

      Re: So, unsafe convictions?

      The conviction isn't unsafe since (as TFA states) the law doesn't care how you got the blood alcohol level, just that you have it. At best it makes a good mitigating argument for sentencing.

  9. Gav

    Englishness

    "But this is OK, it could even be seen as the ultimate in Englishness. Our island nation has spent centuries smuggling booze in order to beat the Revenue."

    England is not an island.

    1. Martin Budden Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Englishness

      Although the Acts of Union happened a very long time ago, some people (including many English) still use the term "England" as a general descriptor for the British Isles. Technically you are correct, colloquially the author is not entirely incorrect.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well yes...

    I'm not sure this counts as free beer, exactly. Athough I suppose if you pissed into a glass it might resemble Fosters - only a bit stronger perhaps.

  11. Gene Cash Silver badge

    Typical American doctors

    Actually doing our job is too much effort, so we'll blame the patient.

    I had one once that couldn't tell the difference between a broken collarbone and a sprained ankle.

  12. AceRimmer1980
    Alien

    The Culture's favourite fight juice

    How can I learn to gland 'Special Brew' at will?

  13. TRT Silver badge

    Of course...

    it's not the gut that's typically associated with yeast infections... Which is kind of fun then.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Of course...

      Are you suggesting we drink from the furry cup?

  14. PyLETS
    Pint

    Much better to ferment it outside the body.

    Look, making beer is easy and takes about 3-4 weeks unless you want it above 6% ABV. To make 23 litres takes about an hour to start it if you use spraymalt, and about an hour to bottle it. If you drink it quickly enough you don't even have to bottle it, a pressure keg will do just fine.

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