back to article Dopey dope-growing dope smoked out by own dope dope-growing vid

A New Hampshire judge has jailed an Auburn dope-grower who inadvertently blew his cover in a series of YouTube vids of his marijuana cultivation operation. Police were alerted last year to Kyle Berry's handy online guides, but the cops did not require the services of Sherlock Holmes to lead them to his home's weed-packed …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First rule of growing pot

    Don't tell anyone.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: First rule of growing pot

      The phrase you are searching for is :

      "Don't tell and don't sell" as that's the way 95%+ of growers get caught.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: First rule of growing pot

        You forgot one..

        1. Don't Tell

        2. Don't Sell

        3. Don't Smell

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: First rule of growing pot

          4. Don't use lots of leccy

          5. Don't give off a heat signature

          6. Don't do anything related online.

          7. Don't piss the <cartman>authoritahs</cartman> off in other ways

          8. Don't have anyone living with you

          1. MonkeyCee
            Thumb Up

            Re: First rule of growing pot

            1. Move to a country where it's not illegal.

            2. Ensure smell does not bother wife or neighbors

            3. Ensure leccy costs do not annoy wife

            4. If the cops ask, show them. Get them a nice cup of tea while they count up to 5.

            5. Don't sell.

          2. Sonny Jim

            Re: First rule of growing pot

            > 4. Don't use lots of leccy

            No electricity company in the world is going to go looking for what are probably their best customers and hand them over to the police. Much more likely that there will be approached by the police for the bills when they have other evidence.

    2. M Gale

      Re: First rule of growing pot

      I figured the first rule of Grow Club was the same as the second rule of Grow Club.

  2. AndrueC Silver badge
    Facepalm

    D'oh(pe)

  3. El Presidente

    Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

    Anyone else think that's disproportionate?

    Community service? Help the aged? Paint over graff tags? Sweep the frikkin' streets?

    Something useful and less dogmatic?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

      The fitting punishment should have been community service, there are plenty of parks that need help with their horticulture.

      1. fearnothing
        Joke

        Re: Plenty of parks need help with their horticulture

        I'm sure he would be welcome as a <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/08/05/cannabis-newport-council-flower-pots-pictures_n_3706672.html">gardener for Newport in Wales</a>.

      2. T. F. M. Reader

        Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

        "help with their horticulture"

        Was this intentional, Sir? "You are carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like a horti-fucking-culturalist." Just couldn't get rid of the image and sound, and could not resist posting... Thank you...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

      4 years is the maximum I believe, but you'll only do that if you are stupid enoungh to plead not guilty. One reason why many are sent down is for their own safety because they typically grow the stuff to pay off debts to other drug dealers. Between 1 and 2 years is typical period of time in the clink both to serve as a deterrant to others and as a neat way of cancelling debts to the local kingpings without them losing face.

      <Ahem>.............. apparently,

      1. Mr Anonymous

        Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

        "period of time in the clink both to serve as a deterr[e]nt" works too, it's why prisons are so empty.

    3. Red Bren
      Coat

      Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

      He was lucky he wasn't in Texas - they would have taken the weight of the entire plant, not just the drug-containing parts, the growing medium and even the plant pots, multiplied it by a massively exaggerated* "street" price for the pure product and claimed he was a billion dollar drug-lord and sent him to the chair.

      * Ok, maybe I'm massively exaggerating too...

      1. JustWondering
        Unhappy

        Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

        Where I am, every plant is valued at over $1100 (CAN). If only I knew which street that was ...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

        You're not exaggerating that much. They definitely DO use the entire weight of the plant in that part of the world. A plant that would produce around 6-10 oz of smokable material once dry weighs many times that at the point of seizure.

        The method of exaggerating the street value is equally simple. At that level (ie the grower) the weed (if sold) is sold by the kilo and ounce. When seized they work out the "street value" as if you're the end-point, lowest of the low, street/housing estate dealer who will sell it a gram at a time. In this way (lets say) 30-odd ounces, or around a kilo which the grower would sell at , say, 120-150/oz so around 4 grand/kilo quickly becomes circa £8400 a kilo at a per-gram-street-price. (prices works on 35 oz and assuming £10/g street value)

    4. Miek
      Linux

      Re: Sent to Prison for Growing Plants

      There's money to be made in the USA when sending people to jail. The privatised jails are full to bursting with drug addicts who are then used as cheap labour to produce number plates and other crap in sweat shops operated by these private prison businesses. There were also accusations of judges taking commission when sending down delinquents.

      Aside from that, just think of all the victims this nasty druggie must have hurt whilst growing a plant in his basement. Oh, the horror!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Problem with the US is that a lot of the prisons are private and the owners are paid per-head. Paid enough that they are a serious lobbying force; in addition to kicking back to the police forces/judges etc. Until that changes then people are going to continue to be sent to prison for silly shit. Rehabilitation has nothing to do with it...it's all about the cash.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/08/11/us-crime-kidsforcash-idUSTRE77A6KG20110811

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Seems like one of owners of those prisons has downvoted you. Personally I think it's pretty disgusting that slavery is alive and well in the US, in the form of profit-making prisons using forced labour. 3 strikes and you're a slave for life. Seeing as a drug offence is a felony, 3 joints can potentially get you locked up for life.

      Whereas next door in another state, it's legal! Fucking insane country!

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Smoking a joint != growing your own plants.

        1. M Gale

          Smoking a joint != growing your own plants.

          Yes, buying it from who-knows-where is certainly different to taking all of that out of the loop with your own tent and a rhino filter.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            You need to filter for rhinos? Damn. Can you get a spray or something if it turns out you've got rhinos?

            1. M Gale

              "You need to filter for rhinos? Damn. Can you get a spray or something if it turns out you've got rhinos?"

              I set myself up for that one, didn't I?

              Ahem, just in case you don't know, Rhino-brand carbon filters (along with RVK-brand inline ventilation fans and ONA-brand smell-gel air freshening) are, erm, quite highly recommended by people who might wish to remove certain powerful odours from the immediate atmosphere.

              So I hear, anyway. One moment, there's a police van outside and it looks like they're about to knock on the door. Excuse me!

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Nearly sorry about that and thanks for the information. I'm in Spain and the police generally ignore one or two plants if the grower is reasonably circumspect about things, so most grow operations here are outside in a quiet bit of the garden. Unfortunately, there's no way of being circumspect where I live, so I haven't tried it.

              2. Alan Brown Silver badge

                All the filtering in the world doesn't help when the grow op keeps popping the fuse of a local distrribution transformer.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Probably those fucking rhinos again...they'll gore anything.

                2. M Gale

                  All the filtering in the world doesn't help when the grow op keeps popping the fuse of a local distrribution transformer.

                  If you're dragging that much juice out of the grid, you're either doing it on an industrial scale, or doing it wrong.

                  There's people out there running grow tents for their own personal, on less than 150 watts. Why have a 400w or 1000w High Pressure Sodium bulb + ballast combo (and associated heat) when a 100w or 200w cluster of CFL grow-lamps does the job? You can even switch between high-K veg lamps and low-K bud lamps, if you're not just using feminized autos. Even the ventilation fan you'll typically run through an £80-£90 variac at 80-100 volts or so (assuming a 230v supply) to keep the noise level down. All it needs to do is slowly cycle the air out of your tent and through the filter, and you use negative pressure to keep the stink where it belongs.

                  Google "autoflowering" versus "photoperiod" if you're wondering what I mean by "feminized autos". If you're on this site and don't know what a variac is... oh just google it. Also known as a variable transformer. Think Steampunk Dimmer Switch, only minus the awful hum that dimmers induce in a circuit.

                  Me? Well, I'm quite legally clean, otherwise I wouldn't dare make comments like these on a web site. I just happen to know a thing or two.

            2. MonkeyCee
              Joke

              The worst part about a Rhino filter is cleaning it. Very angry animal the Rhino.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                I'm wondering now how a rhino filter would work. It'd have to be quite big which might have a negative effect on a surreptitious operation. Rhinos are not stopped by gauze or interesting fabrics.

      2. Euripides Pants
        Joke

        Re: Fucking insane country!

        Yup, we're hoping it'll curb the illegal alien problem...

      3. 7teven 4ect
        Black Helicopters

        ooohBAMMA luuurves warehousin' niggas 4 cash.

        *nigga is not more politically incorrect than 'dope', when 'dope' is used derogatively and nigga is used brotherly, before anyone complains.

      4. Alan Brown Silver badge

        "Personally I think it's pretty disgusting that slavery is alive and well in the US,"

        It's not just about slavery, it's also about systemic disenfranchisation of minorities.

        In the USA if you're a convicted felon (various crimes) you lose the right to vote - permanently.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Promotional incarceration

    So basically the guy paid $500 to be introduced to a large number of potential clients and given 8 months to cultivate the contacts and relationships he'll need when he gets released, to distribute his crop and grow the business.

    And the judge who gave him this opportunity said he wasn't smart.

    1. Anomalous Cowshed

      Re: Promotional incarceration

      At last someone sees it: the parting shot of the judge.

      But I would go further.

      Basically, what the judge said was this: You're going down, because you're dumb. It almost rhymes.

      From this, future courts might perhaps infer the following rules of precedent:

      - If you want to cultivate marijuana with utter impunity, you need to be clever

      or:

      - If you are clever, the Law will let you cultivate marijuana with utter impunity

      And in the supreme court, the reasoning might run as follows:

      - What the judge of the lower court inferred was that law enforcement should be tailored so as to encourage cleverness in America, with the differential in cleverness between the perpetrators and the law enforcers de facto enabling cleverer people to do things that would be impossible, i.e. prohibited, for idiots, such as grow marijuana.

    2. JustWondering

      Re: Promotional incarceration

      The only problem is he has also met leaders of the local merchants association who will insist he becomes a member in their group before he can open the doors.

  6. wowfood
    Headmaster

    "manufacturing a controlled drug".

    Manufacturing

    The process of converting raw materials, components, or parts into finished goods that meet a customer's expectations or specifications. Manufacturing commonly employs a man-machine setup with division of labor in a large scale production.

    vs

    growing

    (of a living thing) Undergo natural development by increasing in size and changing physically; progress to maturity.

    (of a plant) Germinate and develop.

    In the state of growing it marijuana is considered a herb, and only a drug once it's been dried / cut up etc. So technically he pled guilty to something he didn't do. He was actually guilty of growing a herb that could be processed into a controlled drug.

    I personally consider pot no more dangerous than alcohol.

    1. Tom 7

      Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

      Try starting a business and you'll see why growing cannabis is illegal - its so sodding easy that you dont have to pay management consultants, just pizza delivery people. Unless you earn enough to bribe politicians then you will have your pips squeezed at every opportunity.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Velv
        Childcatcher

        Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

        Prof. Nutt is a perfect example of politicians and governments - you higher the finest experts in the world to advise you, but if you don't like what they say, you sack them and find someone else.

        It's about time this country woke up and smelt the coffee (caffeine's a drug) of acceptable "drugs" (alcohol, tobacco, dextromethorphan (Benylin)) and started making some tax from it. Legalised manufacture/growth and distribution should ensure a (comparatively) safe product is being used (well we seem to think the current legal lot is comparatively safe if the guidelines are followed, so why not others).

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

          They're basically legalising marajuana in Colorado, unfortunately they have forgotten the bit where it's regulated.

          I saw a documentary the other day where a business-man was gearing up to sell MJ products (mostly candy/sweets etc.) and was shocked when ONE small chocolate (or 500ml fruit flavour drink) was the strength of 10-15 joints!! Talk about reckless. That will just make things so much worse.

          If you smoke, you can only smoke so much before you're comatose, there's no way, even in my youth, that I could smoke 10-15 joints in 1-2 hours, yet that's what they are going to be providing the public with. The warnings were also tiny or non-existent on the packaging.

          If a child were to eat 2 or 3 of these (or an adult for that matter) in about 2 hours time they will be on a trip to the hospital and assuming their heart doesn't stop beating they'll be totally tripping for days and probably psychologically damaged.

          I'm all for _educated_ legal use of MJ, but that is just going to make the whole situation worse. They should get the regs sorted first before it becomes available.

          1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
            Boffin

            Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

            If a child were to eat 2 or 3 of these (or an adult for that matter) in about 2 hours time they will be on a trip to the hospital and assuming their heart doesn't stop beating they'll be totally tripping for days and probably psychologically damaged.

            A slight exaggeration, perhaps? The LD50 lethal dose is significantly higher than you suppose - apparently 42mg per kilogram of body weight in rats. The more likely outcome would be hallucinations for several hours. It's not like people have never eaten cannabis before and documented the results. Whilst I'm not reccomending that people do this, you are being needlessly alarmist.

            1. Tom 38
              WTF?

              Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

              Eating 'raw' cannabis will do very very little, you need to dissolve the cannabinoids into an oil based solution so that it can be ingested, usually by grinding to a fine powder and heating in oil.

              Even if you take a massive quantity of cannabis like this, the effects aren't going to be noticeably different from having a large amount of cannabis, most effects will wear off within 2-3 hours. The idea that you can be totally tripping for days is comical.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                "Eating 'raw' cannabis will do very very little"

                Who said it was raw? It's been processed into an edible sweet.

                I've made cookies in the past and each one had enough finely ground cannabis to be equivalent to to one joint.

                Effects would arrive about an hour and half later, and last for 4-6 hours.

                I can't actually imagine what it would be like to have the equivalent of 15 joints delivered in the same way.

                I also smoked a camberwell carrot of my own at uni that contain 1/8 hash and 1/8 grass. I was stoned for 3 days.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Windows

                  Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                  "I also smoked a camberwell carrot of my own at uni that contain 1/8 hash and 1/8 grass. I was stoned for 3 days."

                  Wankered for 3 days on weed??? Methinks there was more than weed in your carrot...

                  I have stuffed an INORDINATE amount of thc into my self for the past 30 years, been to the 'dam and smoked the BEST cannabis the world has to offer and have NEVER been stoned for 3 days...

                  1. Sir Runcible Spoon
                    Childcatcher

                    Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                    This one has got me thinking since I've ingested in the past (when I gave up smoking).

                    It's hard to get hard and fast figures, but averaging all the info out I think it would take around 15-30mg of THC to be considered a 'single' medical dose (of decent quality I presume). I would think that this would get a 'non toker' pretty stoned for around 2-3 hours. Again, hard to be precise but this sounds reasonable.

                    I've also looked up what is going to be available in Colorado as the poster above mentioned. Again, hard to get specific info, but it seems that products are being marketed as being anywhere between 50-250mg per item, even if it is just a chocolate sweet.

                    I found one online shop in colorado that apparently won some award in 2010 (@Kushcon)for strongest edible at around 48mg.

                    If sweets are being made that can be 250mg, then I think the risk of children eating them is quite real. I have no idea what effect it would have on a 5 year old to ingest enough THC to knock out a hardened stoner, but it does seem to be something the 'pro legalisation' people should take into account - otherwise it will be banned again as fast as you can say 'whinging mothers'.

                    1. wowfood

                      Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                      Probably why they're doing it. Legalize on a trial basis and watch people go mad. Ban it again as dangerous because it was unregulated.

                      Personally I'd say they'd be better off legalising it in a similar way to cigs. Pre-rolled joints, not mixed with anything else behind a counter sold like cigars etc. Keeps quality high, risk low, and taxes rolling in. Make sure law is passed so it can only be used on your own premesis (not in public anywhere)

                      1. M Gale

                        Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                        "Probably why they're doing it. Legalize on a trial basis and watch people go mad. Ban it again as dangerous because it was unregulated."

                        Legalize on a trial basis, watch the plan backfire as people fail to go mad and violent crime drops due to people being far too content to sit on the sofa munching pizza and cookies than go out, get leathered on cheap lager and start a riot.

                        The awesome thing about weed is it's not like you're going to accidentally brew methanol if you get it wrong. If it does get legalized more widely though, the thing to do is challenge the convention that "getting high on weed" == "smoking weed". The "smoking" part is the only dangerous bit, and it's entirely unnecessary.

                2. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                  That method of making cookies only works if you cook the cookies/brownies/whatever at a high enough temperature for long enough to release the active ingredients, with no guarantee you've released them all.

                  As others have mentioned this is generally done in advance by gently heating butter (etc) up with your active ingredients in. The plant matter can then be completely discarded, then you use your butter/oil/fat/whatever as an ingredient in the biscuits/cakes. All the bits you want have been cooked out into the butter which you then use to make cookies etc. Cooking with the plant itself and you risk just wasting good weed or not releasing its full potential. HTH.

                  1. M Gale

                    Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                    High enough temperature? No. High temperatures ruin THC, breaking it down into CBN, CBD and other cannibinoids that may or may not have a medicinal use, but are pretty useless if you just want to get stoned. That's why you very gently heat your butter+bud concoction, rather than frying it.

                    So I've heard.

                3. Vic

                  Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

                  > what it would be like to have the equivalent of 15 joints delivered in the same way.

                  You would be mashed.

                  And that's about it.

                  The concept of "overdosing" doesn't really apply to cannabis.

                  Vic.

              2. BlueGreen

                Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug". @Tom 38

                > Eating 'raw' cannabis will do very very little, you need to dissolve the cannabinoids into an oil based solution so that it can be ingested, usually by grinding to a fine powder and heating in oil.

                bullshit

                > Even if you take a massive quantity of cannabis like this, [...], most effects will wear off within 2-3 hours

                moar bullshit

          2. Shades

            Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

            "I could smoke 10-15 joints in 1-2 hours"

            LOL. Dealer saw you coming a mile off!

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Context failure

              "LOL. Dealer saw you coming a mile off!"

              "there's [b]no way[/b], even in my youth, that I could smoke 10-15 joints in 1-2 hours"

          3. Rattus Rattus

            Re: "manufacturing a controlled drug".

            > "ONE small chocolate (or 500ml fruit flavour drink) was the strength of 10-15 joints!!"

            What kind of shit quality dope were you getting then?

    3. Crisp

      Re: I personally consider pot no more dangerous than alcohol.

      I brewed enough alcohol last year to kill a full grown man.

      That's legal, yet growing plants is not. Go figure.

      1. disgruntled yank

        Re: I personally consider pot no more dangerous than alcohol.

        And the water I used for cooking, drinking, personal hygiene, etc. was probably enough to drown quite a few.

        Hell, a policeman in DC died a few summers ago from over-hydration. Yet somehow the menace of the tap goes unregulated.

  7. Goldmember

    So exactly...

    ...what am I looking at with that picture? I can see some bits of paper taped onto some foil, and the "reflection" of what appears to be some kind of alien head or something on the left hand side. Is that the guy? Or is it one of those "stare long enough and you'll see it" things?

    I can understand the Royal Mail package giving clues (or downright identification), but not sure of the relevance of the image.

    1. Graham Marsden
      Coat

      @Goldmember - Re: So exactly...

      You forgot to say the magic word...

      "Enhance!"

    2. Ben79

      Re: So exactly...

      If they'd gone by that picture alone, they'd have kicked Simon Weston's door in and felt his collar.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chunk from the goonies?

  9. Dangermouse 1

    Gardening offences are the most serious!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Coat

      They truly are. I've read how gardening is dangerous in the Daily Mail.

      People are always getting decked. Farmers make a fortune out of rape, not to mention all the bedding, forking and ho's.

  10. Oninoshiko

    My inner libertarian says, "legalize it and we can save lots on incarceration"

    1. I Am Spartacus
      Megaphone

      My inner libertarian says

      Legalize it, then you can tax it.

      You wipe out the crime, thus making the gangs and crims redundant. You empty the prisons, and you can turn the whole thing in to massive cash cow.

      What's not to like?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: My inner libertarian says

        The elephant in the room regarding legalisation is the increased availability to minors.

        I know it's fairly easy for them to get it now, but you need to make at least a token effort, and since it's illegal there is the added argument that de-criminalising it would make it less attractive, but there is *some* evidence that suggests taking THC when your brain pathways are still forming can have permanent detrimental effects for the rest of your life.

        If they can sort out the problem with young people taking too much (and the stuff these days imho is way too strong - I have no idea why people want stronger and stronger dope) then I think it could be legalised and dealt with in an adult fashion.

        The first answer that springs to mind is education. Not facts and figures and the shite they teach kids these days, but real education where they teach the children to question, to inquire and the think for themselves.

        This isn't going to happen any time soon so I think legalising it would lead to a massive problem that would be very hard to fix retrospecitively.

        1. M Gale

          Re: My inner libertarian says

          "I have no idea why people want stronger and stronger dope"

          For the same reason people wanted stronger and stronger moonshine in the US around the turn of the 20th Century. Easier to conceal a truly mind-blowing amount.

          Though honestly, I see no more problem with "stronger dope" than I do with say, whisk(e)y versus beer. You don't chug a single malt by the pint unless you're a highly trained Glaswegian.

      2. Stratman

        Re: My inner libertarian says

        "Legalize it, then you can tax it.

        You wipe out the crime, thus making the gangs and crims redundant."

        Indeed, because there are absolutely no gangs whatsoever making a fortune out of smuggling cigarettes and alcohol.

        1. JDX Gold badge

          Re: My inner libertarian says

          Shush, druggies aren't great at logical arguments.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: My inner libertarian says

          How can you tax it if it's so easy to legally grow your own?

          1. M Gale

            Re: My inner libertarian says

            "How can you tax it if it's so easy to legally grow your own?"

            You know that cider practically makes itself, right?

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: My inner libertarian says

            I home brew my own booze. It's easy, ludicrously so. I's fun, the results taste great and I churn out real ale at circa 1.10/pint (that's REAL all-grain brewing, kit brewing comes in at around 50p a pint).

            The alcohol industry still does ok last I checked.

            Legalizing it would bring weed dealers down to the level of the people selling dodgy Baku, i.e. they'd be selling a cheaper, substandard product allowing those who can't afford to smoke to continue to do so (ie exactly the same role filled by the "doing a tobacco run" crowd now.

            Think amsterdam. No increase in drug related problems, thriving industry paying staff, wages, taxes, health insurance, rent etc etc.

        3. Graham Marsden
          Boffin

          @Stratman - Re: My inner libertarian says

          The reason there are those gangs "making a fortune out of smuggling cigarettes and alcohol" is because successive British governments have been stupidly greedy and keep putting up the tax on these products (IIRC something like 75% of the price of a pack of cigarettes is tax) to avoid having to put up other taxes.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I had a visit from Plod a few years back. When I say a visit I mean had my door stoved in at early o'clock and was rather rudely awoken. Apparently the police helicopter had spoken a large amount of heat and they thought I may be growing weed. I casually explained that they had indeed spotted a farm, or ancient servers all doing there thing. They were happy with impromptu inspection of my loft, they sent a carpenter out for the door. They even joked about the huge amount of porn on my servers.

    Oh how I laughed, knowing full well that the dope plants were in the secret part of my shed......

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      Hmm, a server farm you say?...

      http://pcgrowcase.com/

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Our second bedroom is a dedicated snake/reptile room. it's a year round 30degrees in there. Our roof must glow to the plod. we've often wondered why we've not had our door knocked on at 6am yet.

  12. JDX Gold badge

    Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

    Opium is a plant. Any number of incredibly toxic poisons are plants.

    Saying "it's just a plant" is as empty of fact as "it's just a natural chemical". It's as bad as people claiming pornography and pedophilia are the same.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

      "God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth,"

      Last lot who argued with him got turned into a pillar of salt........

      1. Pete 2 Silver badge

        Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

        > Last lot who argued with him got turned into a pillar of salt

        Actually it was Lot's wife who got turned into a pillar of salt. But in Deuteronomy and other books, people got stoned.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

          Yes but presumably she was Mrs Lot

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

      Opium isn't a plant.

      Opium is an opiate derived from a plant.

      1. M Gale

        Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

        Opium is an opiate derived from a plant.

        A plant that is perfectly legal to grow in the UK, no less.

        No, not the red ones. The blue ones. Yes really. Perfectly legal. Maybe the plant doesn't have quite the same amount of industrial uses and wasn't a threat to the US paper industry way back when?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

          You can grow any variety of poppy legally in the UK, even the actual "opium poppies". You can even grow them in large enough quantity to produce opium. It becomes illegal the moment you start slicing the seed heads and gathering the resulting goo.

      2. bonkers
        Happy

        Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

        Opium isn't a plant.

        Opium is an opiate derived from a plant.

        Opium is the natural dried resin collected much like natural rubber from slicing the seed-heads of papaver somiferens.

        The principal opiate in it is morphine. Opium is not an opiate, it contains opiates.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

      Opium is NOT a plant. It's a chemical derived (at considerable effort) from a plant. "opium" is not more a plant than processed cocaine.

      The sap (is that the right word?) produced when each poppy head is (labouriously, individually) sliced at exactly the right moment in its life cycle is a TINY amount per plant. This liquid happens to be a naturally occuring source of opiates like codeine and morphine. So yes, once the plant is treated correctly, then the resulting product is treated correctly you produce opium. But to say "opium is a plant" is very, very wrong.

      Further processes are then carried out to turn it onto heroin if desired (easier to move around for export etc). In short, no, opium is not a plant. If I wanted to produce enough opium for personal consumption i'd need acres and acres of poppies, not four or five plants in a loft/shed/garage.

      1. M Gale

        Re: Please stop with the "Growing plants" thing

        "If I wanted to produce enough opium for personal consumption i'd need acres and acres of poppies, not four or five plants in a loft/shed/garage."

        You would be surprised.

        The people growing acres, are the ones in Afghanistan going for industrial production. A patch of poppies in your garden would make enough opium to get you very, very high for quite a while. Or dead. Opium's a bit more dangerous than marijuana's 1:40,000 high-to-dead ratio. Rather more addictive, too.

        (Alcohol is something like 1:6 to 1:10 for high-to-alcohol-poisoning depending on your constitution)

  13. UKLooney

    This is the way to treat your children for preferring a drug safer alcohol? Incarceration?

  14. Ace Rimmer

    Great another person thrown in jail and given a criminal record for growing a plant. To paraphrase Bill Hicks - isn't it kind of unnatural to make nature illegal?

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