back to article German guardsmen growing mono-boobs from drilling with Nazi-era rifles

Guardsmen serving in Germany's ceremonial display unit - the only formation which still parades with the Nazi-era service rifle - are much more likely than other soldiers to grow a single breast on the left side of their bodies, according to a medical study. Boffins looking into the matter believe that the undesired …


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  1. Gray Ham
    Paris Hilton

    A question ...

    The Tits-n-guns desk sounds fun (assuming, that is, you are not interested only in manboobs). How does one get a job there?

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: A question ...

      Gawd/ess only knows the answer to your question ... But the theme song should be The Cramps "Bikini Girls With Machine Guns" ;-)

      Before you assume I'm misogynistic, note that the song was written, arranged & produced by a woman, who also played lead guitar in every variation I've ever heard. Look up Poison Ivy Rorschach.

      Rest in peace, Lux. You are missed by many.

  2. Miaau

    @ how to get job

    You do not ask

  3. Rampant Spaniel

    Queue several thousand 13 year old boys whacking themselves on the chest.

    1. Harry the Bastard
      Big Brother

      this sounds wrong in so many ways

      expect to be receiving the attention of david cameron's enforcers

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      >Queue several thousand 13 year old boys whacking themselves on the chest.

      ...and a small army of strangely sweaty 40something IT personnel.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        ...and a small army of strangely sweaty 40something IT personnel.

        Nothing here yet. How long is it supposed to take?

  4. frank ly

    re Tits-n-Guns

    Perhaps - 'Guns and Mammo'.

    1. Mark 65

      Re: re Tits-n-Guns

      Good subject for a documentary on Channel 5 - it has got two of the three "sharks, tits, and Hitler" topics.

      1. Jedit Silver badge
        IT Angle

        "it has got two of the three "sharks, tits, and Hitler" topics."

        So the perfect C5 documentary would be "Hitler: A Tit Who Jumped The Shark"?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't titter

    I think it is very resposible to have a sleeve over your forestock for ceremonial purposes.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Don't titter

      Men in Papua-New Guinea already have such an arrangement. Oddly it is NSFW here in New Cameronia, but there boys even wear them to school.

    2. Gordon 10 Silver badge

      Re: Don't titter

      Indeed - if only Julian Assange had served a term in the Household Calvary he might not be sleeping on an embassy sofa right now.....

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Don't titter

      Certainly beats using the more field-oriented solution of gaffer tape

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd have thought that some sort of pseudo-oestrogen in some obscure gun grease or some ceremonial sash/holster/whatever might be a rather more likely suspect. Still, could be wrong, perhaps it's no coincidence we call em knockers.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      I was thinking it was radioactivity.

    2. Crazy Operations Guy

      Could very well be something in the treatment the wood got when it was first manufactured 70 years ago by forced labor, the chemicals going into them weren't selected for minimization of health risks...

  7. taxman

    Dear Marge

    So users of the SA80 have nothing to fear.

    My friend asks what about users of the L1A1 Self-Loading Rifle?

    1. Charles Manning

      Re: Dear Marge

      I've drilled with 3 weapons: L1A1 aka FAL aka South African R1, Lee Enfield 303, and a South African R4.

      The L1A1 was the best for any drill work by a long way. Well balanced, and a confortable rifle to carry.

      The 303 bolt handle would often snag in your shirt or even flesh right around boob level. I can see the 98k's bolt handle doing pretty much the same thing. I wonder whether people doing extensive drilling with old LE 303s would have the same problem?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dear Marge

        My two pence worth regarding the Lee Enfield is that it has a rounded bolt that allows you to continue aiming while cycling a fresh round into the breach, the Mauser had a straight bolt which sticks out and probably digs deeper into the flesh.

        Anonymous because its embarrassing to talk guns on the web.

  8. Richard Wharram

    Pix or it didn't happen.


  9. skuba*steve


    Small point of note - the rifle in use by the british army is not the "SA80" - this never existed, and was the working project name under which the entire weapon system of the army was developed (Small Arms - 80's). The weapon in use is in fact the L85A2, or simply "The Rifle" if you are an infantier.

    The SA80 family included the L85A1 (original variant) and L86A1 LSW or Light Support Weapon.

    Umbridge taken as I spent many years humping both weapons around the world. Other than that kudos for my new word of the day - emboobenation.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Re: SA80

      Small point of note, it's 'Umbrage', not 'Umbridge'.

      1. skuba*steve

        Re: SA80

        ahthankyou - dewly noted.


    2. MonkeyCee

      Re: SA80

      Wouldn't mind hearing the opinion of someone who used them (esp with the grenade launcher) if the SA85A2 resolved the two major (as I understood it) issues which were:

      - Magazines falling out at the slightest bump

      - Using grenade launcher often caused a stoppage (or a jam, if they are different)

      I'd imagine the complaint about them being too bloody heavy compared with a M4 or a G36 would still be valid.

      Not a grunt, just work and socialise with a lot of ex-grunts who allow me to play with their shiny toys on the range in exchange for sorting their computers :) Most of which either used other weapons than the L85 (other than at boot) or were pretty much carrying it around so it wasn't obvious they where the comms for the unit (the bleep? Or is that only for the electronic warfare types) so never really use the L85 in combat.

    3. Robert Grant Silver badge

      Re: SA80

      I spent many years humping both weapons around the world

    4. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      Re: Umbridge

      Umbridge is the new cute motherly character in [Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix], and subsequently. Like Dumbledore, underneath the cute, she's less cute. And gay (probably not true, but we didn't know about Dumbledore from the books - I didn't anyway, but maybe his noticing how handsome Voldemort was as a boy should have tipped me off - cliché or not).

      1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

        Re: Umbridge

        Surely Umbridge is where that well known soap opera, the Urchers, happen?

        1. Grikath

          Re: Umbridge

          "taking Umbridge" would be a good denominator for the swathe of "think of the children" actions of the brit govt in the past decade or so.

          Where's a clutch of Weasleys when you need them...

    5. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: SA80

      > spent many years humping both weapons around the world.

      With a sleeve on your forestock, one hopes?

    6. Rab Sssss

      Re: SA80

      Small point...otherwise know as a fucking useless piece of plastic shit...

      Or more for comedy value we never saw it till the 90s.

      Ex rockape...

    7. WereWoof

      Re: SA80

      "..humping both weapons . ." Now there`s a kink I have not come across before

      1. Danny 14

        Re: SA80

        I remember conversion training from SLR to L85. What a truck of shit that thing was. Magazines falling out (granted more rounds was nice), fiddly to clean, rusted easier and the LSW was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard (didn't they learn from the bren? a belt fed lightweight barrel was all we needed for an LSW - something lighter than the gimpy)

        I do remember it being better on cenotaph duty though as it was lighter than the SLR. Bayonet maid it amazingly unbalanced though. I was out before the big improvements so I cant comment on the A2

  10. Mtech25

    So if we lost the war we would right now (provide the nazi empire did not collapse) would be ruled by blond Teutonic men with a mono-boob going around doing their best to ensure genetic purity.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A question

      Is there any evidence that soldiers of the era in which the K98 was widely used, exhibited this symptom?

      1. Don Jefe

        Re: A question

        Yes, but old men tend to have saggy man boobs anyway so there's really no available control to use in a study.

        1. elderlybloke

          Don, I do NOT have saggy boobs!

      2. Grikath

        Re: A question

        They had a tendency not to live long enough to develop the symptoms...

    2. Old Handle

      Don't mock our hypothetical one-boobed overloaded. Amazons had one boob too, and they were pretty bad-ass.

  11. Frankee Llonnygog

    Sponsorship opportunity

    From Amazon, obviously

  12. Great Bu

    Totally missing the point of this important research.

    The main thing to take from this research is the possibility that regular mechanical pressure on frontochestal areas can lead to increased emboobenation - i.e. The More You Rub Them, The Bigger They Get.

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: Totally missing the point of this important research.

      Does that mean if I had my girlfriend walk around with two rifles that her boobs would get bigger?

      1. Montreal Sean

        Re: Totally missing the point of this important research.

        The real question here is, would you really want your girlfriend to be armed?

    2. Martin Budden

      Re: Totally missing the point of this important research.

      The More You Rub Them, The Bigger They Get

      Works elsewhere, too.

      1. Danny 14

        Re: Totally missing the point of this important research.

        If your girlfriend walked about with a 98k on each arm then she'd be a helluva "woman"

  13. Vociferous

    I'll take a wild guess here and say that the Ceremonial Display Unit is probably very small, and the incidence of breasts in it can probably counted, and perhaps fondled, with one hand, meaning that the standard error of the statistic is huge and slight random variation has a huge impact. Meanwhile, the army as a whole is huge, variance and standard error low, and proportion of moobed men probably indistinguishable from that of the general population.

    In other words, junk science.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      There you go, ruining it for us...

      1. Grikath

        Nooooooes!! Common Sense in Bootnotes!!

        Burn it!! Burn it with Fire!!!

  14. Zane


    I guess what you wanted to say in your subtitle was "Weltkriegsmacht"

    Just my 2p from a German know-it-all.


  15. Monty Cantsin

    So the old song was anatomically incorrect

    Should have been: "Hitler has only got one boob"

  16. b166er

    So, growing a top bollock to compensate for the former leader's missing item?

  17. Havin_it

    Disappointed plastic surgeons:

    "They never want the super-boob..."

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