back to article Gartner magicians conjure technological TUBE MAP

Gartner's Magic Qudrants are beloved by vendors (when they appear in its best bits) but often draw disapproving doubts from Reg readers, who doubt their independence What, then, to make of the analyst outfit's latest visualisation, the “Digital Marketing Transit Map” with its promise to help viewers “Find your digital …

COMMENTS

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  1. Tom 35
    Joke

    I think I've seen that before...

    Isn't that the Tokyo subway map with the station names changed?

    1. raving angry loony

      Re: I think I've seen that before...

      Looks more like a 1950's London tube map as drawn by a blind orangutan. Probably about as useful too.

      1. Richard 26

        Re: I think I've seen that before...

        It looks like bonus map for Metro:Last Light to me. When you've got bored of mutated moles and Nazis, you can take on the management consultants and business process outsourcers.

  2. Suricou Raven

    If you read it long enough, you can feel your hair getting pointier.

    It doesn't take much study to realise it's actually just a load of buzzwords arranged randomly and connected by equally random lines. Why else would 'microsensors,' 'virtual actors' and 'gamification' share a line?

  3. frank ly

    You could make a similar map for just about any product area or activity or area of study. It would look just as 'good' and be just as 'useful'.

    1. BigAndos

      Don't worry, I'm sure Gartner are way ahead of you on that! And yours for only £2500 + VAT

  4. A Non e-mouse Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Harry Beck

    Poor Harry Beck. He must be turning in his grave with this abuse of his genius work.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      Re: Harry Beck

      hear hear

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: Harry Beck

      On the other hand, everyone gets the reference and (surely) nearly everyone knows that it was the inspired creation of one particular guy rather than a committee.

  5. graeme leggett

    missing info?

    Which bits are shut at the weekend? and where do I have to mind the gap?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: missing info?

      > Which bits are shut at the weekend? and where do I have to mind the gap?

      The answer to both questions is the same, of course: between the analysts' ears.

  6. Ralph B
    FAIL

    Useless

    There's no equivalent of Mornington Cresent between "Mobile App & Content Svs" and "UX Design" and is therefore useless.

    1. MyffyW Silver badge
      Go

      Mornington Cresent

      Agree with the dear chap above.

      As an occasional player I was hoping for a full copy of the "Gartner Rules"...

  7. taxman
    WTF?

    Pass the aspirin

    As it's from Gartner no doubt it will no doubt be picked up as an 'exemplar - must do' reason for getting cash into the wrong types of projects and hands of the wrong types of managers.

    Real-Time Decisioning? Do Gartner not employ people who have any form of education in English Language? No doubt from'over the pond' - if so I wish they'd keep such bastardisations over there.

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: Pass the aspirin

      "No doubt from'over the pond' - if so I wish they'd keep such bastardisations over there."

      Yup. I'm afraid we East-Pondians gave up on proper English Language education a generation or two back. The only people who still care over here are those who do it as a hobby. Everyone else is dead.

      By the way, shouldn't it be spelled "bastardizations" on your side?

  8. Kubla Cant

    Why does the river go in a circle?

    The junction labelled "DM HUB" looks like it's based on the worst features of the Northern Line nexus around Euston and Camden Town.

    I thought the ochre dotted line was the Zone 3 boundary, but it seems to have stations on it, including "Smart Kiosks". If the kiosks were that smart they'd be on a train line.

  9. TeeCee Gold badge
    WTF?

    Hang on....

    Gartner, right?

    Surely in that case, "Management consultants" should be scattered all over the thing like fleas on a dog rather than confined to three blobs in the bottom centre?

    1. BongoJoe
      Thumb Up

      ...on the other hand

      it makes it all the easier for the snipers.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I must complain about the picture caption

    "Gartner's Digital Marketing Transmit Map. Click to enlarge so you can make sense of it"

    I tried, it didn't help.

    I've printed it off across several sheets of A3 and it still doesn't make sense. My offspring is having fun pushing toy cars around it though.

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: I must complain about the picture caption

      "My offspring is having fun pushing toy cars around it though."

      Congratulations on finding the only way in which it is useful.

  11. Martin Gregorie

    Notice the strange thing about the strategy line?

    It barely makes it to the centre before disappearing into a morass of digital agencies and management consultants.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

    That planet where they shipped all the truly useless people always comes to mind when I hear anything about Gartner.

    1. Intractable Potsherd

      Re: Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

      That planet was, of course, Earth. I'm not sure that's what you had in mind with your comment ...

      On a serious note, who *are* Gartner, and why does El Reg seem to hang on their every word? Is there an ... unhealthy ... relationship there?

      1. Saigua
        Happy

        Re: Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

        Gartner has been canny at making names for things that are real but not recognized. And El Reg finds many many neologisms to be proud of. Norks. Gosh. Do you never get a 'magic quadrant' investment jostle browsing about (your Script Arch browser extension starting to sneeze as you allow some Engadget script over Reg Hardware, say?) The thing is, C-level business sometimes very sensibly asks for their reports to answer questions like 'can I has designer VM flash market?' and 'So where are all the people I came for, then?' When people cannot afford the work and terms of Sterling, they hire Gartner.

  13. Getriebe

    Hoxton to Shoreditch?

    via wankers alley?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: wankers alley

      Apparently there was once a Gropecunt Lane.

      What a shame England got so prudish.

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