back to article NSA PRISM snoop-gate: Won't someone think of the children, wails Apple

Apple has joined Facebook and Microsoft in revealing it has received thousands of requests for sensitive user data from US investigators in less than a year. And like the two other giants, the fruity computer company is vague about the details. A statement from Cupertino marks another attempt to diffuse the ongoing row over …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Really?

    Apple is going with "Won't somebody think of the children?".

    I suspect that the numerous requests from the NSA weren't about missing children.

    I wonder who wrote their script?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Really?

      Read the text carefully - most numerous requests != request for the most data.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Really?

      There is a fundamental problem here - the law postulates that Apple is not allowed to tell the truth.. The Patriot act is _EXTREMELY_ clear on that. It is a variety of the Liar's Paradox so no way out here until the law is changed.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: Really?

        AFAIK none of these corporations has said that they must lie about NSA backdoors by law and any queries should be referred to the US government. That would probably be the best way to show trustworthiness (if it could be shown), talking about Alzheimer sufferers and children or the privacy of iMessage, FaceTime, map searches, location details and Siri requests are just more lies amongst many.

        1. NomNomNom

          Re: Really?

          "AFAIK none of these corporations has said that they must lie about NSA backdoors by law and any queries should be referred to the US government."

          Because it's probably illegal to tell anyone you are bound by such an agreement.

        2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Really?

          I suppose you could beat them with logic.

          Ask Google, "if I asked Amazon were they being forced to lie about national security letters, would they say yes?"

    3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Really?

      Or to put it in a British context;

      How many Brazillians has the met shot this year?

      The majority of calls to the police are to deal with lost kittens or asking a local bobby the time.

    4. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Really?

      "Apple is going with "Won't somebody think of the children?"."

      Yup.

      Hey, their customers bought the iWhatever off them. It was 2x or 3x more expensive than an equivalent device to do the same thing.

      Why shouldn't they swallow that line?

  2. kbb

    Numbers

    Seems that Microsoft either have better linked accounts than Facebook/Apple or they are more generous with their answers: approx 5 accounts per request vs. 2 for the others.

    Or there was one massive fishing expedition. :-)

  3. frank ly

    Children and Alzheimer's sufferers

    Is that the iPhone target market?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Children and Alzheimer's sufferers

      Yes!

      You'd need to be a child or have alzheimers to want an iFolly!

  4. Mystic Megabyte
    Big Brother

    prism-break.org

    I found this yesterday, apart from the nice pun is has some good links for online privacy.

    http://prism-break.org/

    1. vahid

      Re: prism-break.org

      nice but

      http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-06-06/nsa-att-and-secrets-room-641a

      What if the NSA has black boxes in all ISP's

      what would changing from a source with a black box to a new source, whilst ISP has it achieve ?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: prism-break.org

        what if they aren't black boxes? what if they are fairly innocent looking commercial, vendor branded routers, with "someone else" providing the internal electronics & software? Coming soon to a rack near you .... (ok, not soon, but a while ago, and a rack adjacent to you, unless your data centre manager is a complete moron, or in "someone's" pocket)

  5. Alan Denman

    Business as usual Apple.

    Why let the iNSAmessage get in the way when you can add a spot of forgetful marketing into the iNSAmessage.

    Jobs and now the new team are certainly decsended from Nostradamus.

    Nothing direct as ever from Apple.

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Business as usual Apple.

      If you look at the slide it seems that Jobs told them where to go. Apple joined up after his death.

      1. Alan Denman

        re "If you look at the slide it seems that Jobs told them where to go" .......

        yes, we know all about their direct words.

        ........to the 3rd door on the left?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I am not a terrorist

    So frankly I don't care. However if you are a terrorist and are reading this then seriously you should leave the internet and use the post office mail system for your comms.

    <----Anon, because I used terrorist twice, and they might be tracking me.

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: I am not a terrorist

      The fact you are not a terrorist is the heart of the issue. I guess you missed that huh...

      1. ukgnome
        Happy

        Re: I am not a terrorist

        Surely if you are not a terrorist then you have nothing to hide, except maybe a few obscure specialist site subscriptions maybe.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I am not a terrorist

          I have things I want to hide, I just don’t do them on the internet…

    2. Down not across

      Re: I am not a terrorist

      ...yet. What if the next regime decides to classify something that you indulge in now to be akin to terrorism or aiding in terrorism? Suddenly you would find out you have something to hide, but the interwebs don't forget.

      1. Maharg

        Re: I am not a terrorist

        If the next ‘regime’ wants to classify something that I do as ‘terrorism’ then they are going to find a lot of people not voting for them in the next election, that’s if they manage to get a law passed classifying what I do as terrorism, we do not live in a dictatorship, hell, the US Gov can’t even get assault rifles outlawed when it wants to, and the British government are trying their best to make the Police and Military as useless and ineffectual as possible, you think they can just flick a switch and decide everyone wearing glasses is to be rounded up and shot a la Pol Pot?

        1. Don Jefe

          Re: I am not a terrorist @Maharg

          There's an interesting bit of history from the 1930's in Germany you might want to study. 'We the people' have a history of voting in some stark raving lunatics. Every person who thinks as you do, just waiting for someone else to protest is part of the problem. In a representative democracy you can't wait to vote someone out, you have to take action before the next election: It is incredibly difficult to rollback power.

          1. Daniel B.
            Boffin

            @Don Jefe

            Yes, the Weimar Republic and its fall is indeed an interesting case, which is why I get irked when Godwin's Law is overused to squash out discussion concerning related topics. It is usually dismissed without taking into account that the worst evil perpetrated by the Nazis was possible because they actually made all those things legal, and even had the Reichstag passing the laws that let them do what they did. Hell, the Enabling Act even had a Patriot Act-ish name to it, the "Law to Remedy the Distress of People and Reich". And it was extended twice as well.

            Being able to vote in/out your representatives is useless if they keep on voting for extensions to these things. And even if someone campaigns on a platform promising to take down these things, there's absolutely no guarantee they will follow through their promises.

            1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

              Re: @Don Jefe

              And it was extended twice as well.

              Nice one. A good reference when yet another sponsor representative politician is trying to pass a law with the use of either "emergency" or "temporary". It always means that there is something in that law which they fear you may object to if you were thinking rationally.

              We have more than enough laws to deal with emergencies that do NOT harm the principle of due process, and I have yet to see temporary powers that are either extended indefinitely or turned into law proper on the next possible occasion. Does anyone actually know of an occasion where temporary power handed to the state was handed back? No? Thought so.

              1. Tom 13

                Re: know of an occasion where temporary power handed to the state was handed back?

                Civil War, suspension of habeus corpus. Or if you prefer the even larger issue at the heart of the whole damn thing: the abolition of slavery which was about to become law through the democratic process.

                World War II, internment of Japanese Americans. Took a while, but reparations were even paid for that one.

            2. Don Jefe

              Re: @Don Jefe

              You're spot on, their actions were legal, until Nuremberg; but even that only applied after the fighting was over and the winners could make new rules. If all the well examined strategic errors of the Third Reich hadn't been made would those things still be legal? Thankfully we will never know, but a lot of people died to prevent that from being the case.

              One of the great things about the way the US was structured is that it is not only a nation of law, but of principals and ideals as well. Over time the principals and ideals have been discarded because they were inconvenient to the application of various laws and that is extraordinarily dangerous. Law, being a definable set of rules, is always subject to manipulation because it is quantifiable and intricately structured. Principals and ideals are ethereal and can hold in check the law simply because they cannot be subject to writ or bull; therefore they must be eliminated. Short sighted men who could not look past their own immediate rewards have caused this world many, many problems.

              1. Sir Runcible Spoon

                Re: @Don Jefe

                Those who knowingly keep to the letter of the law and ignore the spirit of it are guilty of treason against the people imho.

          2. Maharg

            Re: I am not a terrorist @Don Jefe

            True, but if you studied that history a bit more you would know it took an extraordinary set or circumstance, and lack of governmental powers and influence from outside the parliament that lead Hitler being Chancellor, remember he only got 18% of the vote.

            “In a representative democracy you can't wait to vote someone out, you have to take action before the next election”

            Just like the Nazi’s did.

            1. Don Jefe

              Re: I am not a terrorist @Don Jefe

              You're using your own argument against yourself. Surely you can do better than that.

              1. Maharg
                Facepalm

                Re: I am not a terrorist @Don Jefe

                Funny, thats the exact point I was making to you...

        2. Tom 13

          Re: to get a law passed classifying what I do as terrorism

          They won't pass a law. Maybe it'll be a secret Executive Order, but more likely a National Security finding. And that's assuming they want to keep it official. They can always just ignore the law like they did with the IRS scandal, or outright lie to Congress the way Holder did with the James Rosen warrant. (Or if he didn't lie to Congress, lie to a judge; but either way he lied to someone who requires truthful statements in order to properly perform their official function.)

    3. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Unhappy

      Re: I am not a terrorist

      You are however an idiot.

      I'll let the other posters explain why.

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon

        Re: I am not a terrorist

        People who say that they have nothing to hide should be the first in the queue to have their brain implants that monitor all their thoughts. ALL of them, all of the time.

        Then tell me you have nothing to hide.

      2. ukgnome
        Big Brother

        Re: I am not a terrorist

        Dear John,

        Presumably you walk around with your tin foil hat on and a hoody obscuring your face. You probably have camera resistant number plates and move house every 6 months so that you don't show up on the electoral register. You may of even elected to have some form of surgery so that you can no longer be recognised?

        Hmm, probably not. So what are you and all the other posters so afraid of? You have been monitored in some form since your birth. You have been registered on so many systems. Just what kind of activities are you getting up to that are making yourself and a majority of others so paranoid? Yeah I hear all the talk about erosion of privacy and all that. Maybe it's just that your life is more exciting than mine. Maybe you worry about the data that they hold. Me on the other hand am more worried that I'll forget to put the bins out tomorrow. And some how I feel that the "authorities" don't actually care about that soft of thing.

        1. Chris Parsons Silver badge
          Headmaster

          Re: I am not a terrorist

          @ukgnome

          Not only do I find such incredible complacency disturbing, but as I'm here, I will suggest you brush up on your use of English.

          As others have pointed out before, there is no verb 'to of'.

          'Me on the other hand am worried' - good grief, and so you should be.

  7. QuinnDexter

    Local Vs Foreign

    I thought PRISM was only used against us foreigners, and not good, law-abiding (or not) US citizens. Therefore, none of what is being discussed about robberies, local sheriffs finding local kids and whatever else does not fall into the reported remit of PRISM. Does that mean the remit is being over-reported, or perhaps the news from Apple, Microsoft et al isn't the full picture, but only shows attempts from them to just show it has nothing to do with them?

    Have AT&T and Verizon said anything?

    The authorities were obviously very concerned about that patient with Alzheimers, and that suicidal person to put in so many requests about them.

    1. Don Jefe
      Unhappy

      Re: Local Vs Foreign

      The amount of weasel wording around all this is intense, from all concerned. I expect soon, that some enterprising journalist will put together an index of all the conflicting statements. What we'll be left with will either be:

      a) No surveillance was happening and this has all been a big misunderstanding

      or

      b) Everyone, including US citizens and residents have received the same treatment as foreigners and known terrorists.

      The amount of bullshit overall is staggering.

    2. Steve Knox

      Re: Local Vs Foreign

      I thought PRISM was only used against us foreigners, and not good, law-abiding (or not) US citizens.

      Well, they have to be 51% sure that their target is foreign.

      Therefore, none of what is being discussed about robberies, local sheriffs finding local kids and whatever else does not fall into the reported remit of PRISM.

      Yes. Read the last paragraph in Microsoft's quote, buried at the end of the article. It explains that and why these reports being released include non-PRISM data.

      Does that mean the remit is being over-reported, or perhaps the news from Apple, Microsoft et al isn't the full picture, but only shows attempts from them to just show it has nothing to do with them?

      No, it means that Apple, Microsoft, et al. have released summary data about all government requests, including non-PRISM ones because they're not allowed to release even summary information about PRISM requests alone, and the news agencies, including El Reg, are (in some cases possibly un-) intentionally bigging up the scandal by being vague on that distinction (for example, by not making the distinction until the end of the article, and then only in a quote from Microsoft. Really? Who pays attention to Microsoft anymore?)

    3. Tom 13

      Re: Local Vs Foreign

      You have to parse these statements as carefully as a prosecutor who has Bill Clinton on the witness stand.

      Trying to do that I these are the available facts:

      *PRISM isn't the actual data collection, it's a tool used to analyze data in already collected data. The media seem to be including data collection in the term, although that's like a whole different program.

      *From a US-centric perspective, it's legal for the NSA to collect data on any non-US citizen even if it is ungentlemanly.

      *There is a lot of data about you that can be legally collected and included in such a database prior to The Patriot Act becoming law.

      *The Patriot Act allows the NSA to examine that data to look for terrorists.

      *There is a law (not sure which one, could be The Patriot Act but probably something prior to that) which prevents anyone who responds to a warrant issued by the FISMA courts from publicly discussing the warrant. This includes even how many warrants have been issued to it.

      *It is legal for law enforcement, even absent The Patriot Act, to request user information if they have probable cause resulting from an ongoing investigation.

      So applying that, I expect the companies issuing press releases are trying to walk a very fine line. I suspect they are releasing the total number of inquiries they receive. But they are only talking about the issues for the NON-FISMA requests because that's all they are allowed to talk about. I also expect the NSA has live taps to gather the information they are currently allowed by law to gather.

      But part of the problem comes from one of those Personally Identifiable Information (PII) protection courses the government makes employees take every year: A first name of Julia is not PII. That Julia is an Eskimo is not PII. That Julia lives in Port Saint Lucy, Florida in not PII. That Julia is an accountant is not PII. But it is entirely possible that Julia is an Eskimo accountant who lives in Port Saint Lucy, Florida is PII. And the NSA has each of those non-PII pieces of information and the means to connect them. Of course, none of this is a problem if you trust the government. So do you trust the government?

  8. Tom 35

    'We have never heard of PRISM'

    See we have a letter from the NSA saying we have never heard of it... or else.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Headmaster

    another attempt to diffuse the ongoing row

    DEFUSE.

    Please. Thank you.

    1. Tom 35

      Re: another attempt to diffuse the ongoing row

      Since they are required to give summary data about all government requests mixed together both words might apply...

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: another attempt to diffuse the ongoing row

      Actually I think they are hoping to DIFFUSE the ongoing row into a lot of narrow arguments about which companies did what and who knew when

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    decisions, decisions...

    the government wants the data on our customers and we definitely want to please the government, because it could - very quickly indeed - cut us off from the source of our profits (think: "legal enforcement").

    At the same time, we definitely want to please ourselves, by keeping ALL the revenue from our customers, by not paying any taxes, which suddenly seems to displease the governments so much..

    And, at the very same time, we want to please our customers, so that they think we "do no evil", i.e. we pay the taxes, and that we "do no evil" by keeping the data on the customers safe from the government, so that they keep trusting us and giving us more revenue, by spending on our products, and clicking on the ads and letting us gather information on them in peace, so this will, in turn, please us by continuing to provide profit.

    So we've got those three bananas in the box, and we're going mental, issuing statements, denials, reassurances, inquiries and pleadings with the governments, so that we still please ourselves, the government, and the punter. But lose one....

    1. KBeee
      Trollface

      Re: decisions, decisions...

      You gotta remember... that although you are REALLY on the Money, IT people commenting here have the concentrating levels of 8 year olds... but without their critical faculties

  11. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    And I say

    Down with those Alzheimer's terrorists! Those who have nothing to hide, have... what... I forgot...

    1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Meh

      Re: And I say

      "Down with those Alzheimer's terrorists! Those who have nothing to hide, have... what... I forgot..."

      That's very insensitive and disrespectful to a particularly vulnerable group of society.

      Amusing, certainly, but insensitive.

      1. NomNomNom

        Re: And I say

        looks like someone forgot to put on their sense of humour this morning!

        1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: And I say

          "looks like someone forgot to put on their sense of humour this morning!"

          Quite so. 3 people's in fact.

          I was one of those people who upvoted it.

          Actually I was mocking the corporations that played that card.

          1. Don Jefe
            Happy

            Re: And I say

            Don't you hate it when jokes flop :)

  12. gc73
    WTF?

    Siri?

    Hold on a minute.. Apple claims data from Siri is not held, so has there been a change since this: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/04/19/apple_siri_voice_eu/

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Siri?

      No, Apple have to lie by law. So putting the two statements together we now have confirmation that Siri data is held and is looked at by the NSA.

      1. Don Jefe

        Re: Siri?

        I'm not clear on that. Are they forced to lie or forced to not reveal the truth? What ever happend to that trusty "We can neither confirm or deny [x]"?

        1. Tom 13
          Joke

          Re: What ever happend to that trusty "We can neither confirm or deny [x]"?

          Well, it turns out they can neither confirm nor deny that they can confirm or deny [x]. And from there it looked dangerously close to becoming an infinitely recursive algorithm with the potential to unleash a data black hole at the surface of the Earth so the whole concept was abandoned.

  13. vahid

    This is all old news

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44edsh6_LUc remember seeing all this 4 years ago and not one media company paying the slightest bit of attention to it

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Gimp

    "we frequently reject such requests outright"

    But not so often that we want to provide statistics on that?

    1. Don Jefe
      Unhappy

      Re: "we frequently reject such requests outright"

      "They hope to have those numbers together in a week". The NSA is setting the standard, why not just do as they do.

  15. Maharg
    Big Brother

    Not really bothered,

    I know when I use these services that my data was being collected, monitored and used in some way, that is what I pay for their use, anyone who has a Facebook, Yahoo, MS, Apple or whatever account in any form should know they have given their information to someone, and allowed that person to use that information.

    If you don’t want your personal data being used then tough doo doo, hotmail is not a right, there is no law saying a twitter account will not be monitored, what did you think they did with this information? Print it off and store it in a warehouse like the Ark of the Covenant?

    I can’t understand why anyone would be more bothered about the Government monitoring what you are doing to see if you are planning on killing people or cheating on your taxes, then Google monitoring what you are doing so they can make more money from you. If I move to North Korea or Iran I will be worried, but not now.

    As someone said on this topic on this site previously , the NSA should just have made a browser, webmail and search engine and they we would all just give our information to them happily.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not really bothered,

      Well, good for you to not be bothered. Of course, when you signed up to the various 'free' services, you made a choice. I suspect you didn't chose to ask the nice people at the NSA to rummage through all your private data?

      Don't worry though, I'm sure that all that completely untraceable, unnatributable automated dossier won't ever find the light of day, or be sold to some other party. I mean, all those nice Gov Folks are far too honest to ever have a crooked Bradley Manning amongst them, eh? Even if your Government continues to decide that your habits (such as they are) will forever and always not be (unknown by you) held against you in any assessment of suitability of employment (for example).

      I'm sure that the 904* police officers/civ employees identified as having misused citizen information between 2009-2011 would never have included your info, or that it doesn't indicate that it ever Could.....? Anyway, they didn't do much with it, except use it for such activities as improving their position in Divorce proceedings...and selling it to criminal gangs...

      Nah, your right not to be bothered - you don't care so I'm sure no one will care about you. Probably.

      * http://www.out-law.com/en/articles/2011/july/police-forces-report-hundreds-of-data-protection-breaches-privacy-lobbyists-report/

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Maharg
        FAIL

        Re: Not really bothered,

        My point was if I was happy for the information to be seen by Google etc, then why would I not be happy for it to be seen by the Government?

        The Government can find out a lot more about me from the wealth of information they already have, such as tax returns, voter registration, DVLA/DMV, passport etc then they could from my Facebook account, which states that I actually live in the South Pole and attended The Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too.

        “Don't worry though, I'm sure that all that completely untraceable, unnatributable automated dossier won't ever find the light of day, or be sold to some other party. I mean, all those nice Gov Folks are far too honest…”

        Hold on, do you mean you don’t trust the government in case someday they might possibly use your information EXACTLY the same way you KNOW the people you happily gave it to use it?

        Your argument basically boils down to the idea that you trust multi-national for profit organisations not to exploit your data more than your government.

        http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-13256817- Sony warns of almost 25 million extra user detail theft

        1. Intractable Potsherd

          Re: Not really bothered,

          Forgive me, Maharg, but I regard you as an enemy of freedom. People with the "nothing to hide, nothing to fear" mindset harm all of us. You are all hypocrites - you know that there are some things that should be hidden from certain people/organisations. There is a great deal that should be hidden from governments, probably more so than any other type of organisation.

          1. Maharg

            Re: Not really bothered,

            An enemy of freedom?

            Really?

            Freedom from what? What exactly does this stop you from doing? Can you not vote due to this? Is this stopping you doing something due to the colour of your skin, sex or sexual preference?

            You have to forgive me, I’m not American, saying I am ‘an enemy of (a very lose and hypocritical definition of) freedom’ doesn’t make me shrink away in horror

            Again you are missing the point, nowhere am I saying the Government should be able to watch me using a screen in my home which I can’t turn off, I’m not saying there should be a ‘thought Police’, I’m not saying I want the Government to be tracking my every move in case I do something wrong, in fact I have an issue with the idea the government can access phone records, but that’s not this debate, this is about information I chose put on the internet.

            I’m saying if there is information I am willing to disclose about myself to someone like Google then I actually have less of a problem with the government having the same information, the government will not sell it for profit to someone else, and it’s not like I have ‘Catcher in the Rye’ and ‘How to make a bomb for dummies’ on my Amazon wish list.

            If I don’t what people to know things about me, I don’t put them on the internet, I think people are being very naïve if they didn’t realise Governments did this anyway.

        2. Don Jefe

          Re: Not really bothered,

          Of course I trust a for profit company over my government. The company and its desires are a known, unchanging quantity. If Sony exploits my data (which they didn't you're confusing issues) at worst it causes me some phone calls to cancel credit cards and anything taken is returned in a few hours. If a government exploits my data there is no telling what could happen but history is shown its never ends happily.

          My wife grew up in a dictatorship in South America and her uncle was disappeared in the late '70's because of his stance on government overreach. Facebook might ban me but a government can bin me.

          1. Maharg

            Re: Not really bothered,

            Sorry, but I refer you to my previous point about us not living in dictatorship where thousands of people are routinely rounded up and ‘disappeared’ for being union members, as I said, if that was the kind of country I lived in, I would care about this, but the government doesn’t have that sort, and will not have that sort, of power unless some extremely radical changes come about during my lifetime, and if WWIII does kick off there will be things I will be a lot more worried about then my browser history

  16. NomNomNom

    Everyone forgets the world literally changed after 9/11. Former Citizens of the United States are now to be referred to as Patriots of the United States. Patriots of the United States are protected by the Patriot Act rather than the Constitution.

    All Patriots are encouraged to create a Facebook account and frequently enter their thoughts into a textbox at www.google.com. Failure to comply may lead to enemy combatant status.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not the data they ask for that worries me

    It's the stuff they just grab.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As a terrorist and a paedophile I think it's disgusting such blatant breaches of privacy are undertaken by any governmental body. But what's worse is the hatred that the media draws out from the public towards people who share my interests.

    It's just another form of racism.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You are a terrorist paedophile.

      You are a nonce, you're a perv, you're a slot badger, you're a two pin DIN plug, you're a bush dodger, you're a small bean regarder, you're an unabummer, you're a nut administrator, you're a bent ref, you're the crazy world of Arthur Brown, you're a fence foal, you're a free willy, you're a chimney bottler, you're a Bunty man, you're a shrub rocketeer...

      1. Don Jefe
        Thumb Up

        Re: You are a terrorist paedophile.

        I have no idea what most of those terms mean, but they're all hilarious. Two pin DIN plug is my favorite!

        1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

          Re: You are a terrorist paedophile.

          Hey! Leave Arthur Brown out of it!

          Fire, I'll take you to burn...

  19. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge
    FAIL

    I call BS on this

    ""The most common form of request comes from police investigating robberies and other crimes, searching for missing children, trying to locate a patient with Alzheimer’s disease, or hoping to prevent a suicide,"

    What's that I smell? Is it bullshit? I do believe it is. The NSA is not going to concern themselves with missing childlren, Alzheimer's patients, and suicides.

    1. Don Jefe
      Black Helicopters

      Re: I call BS on this

      Here's where it gets screwy. The NSA is a clearing house for collected data. They don't act on the data, they serve it up to the appropriate agencies either on request or automatically for certain things (i.e. terrorism). That's their job. Ok.

      The relevant question is, why does the NSA have data that could affect the outcome of a domestic incident? According to President Obama, Mr Clapper, Mr Alexander and Mrs Feinstein, US citizens and those residing in the US cannot be subject to surveillance by the system. There's where the bullishit you're smelling is at.

    2. KBeee

      Re: I call BS on this

      Awwwww.. cudddwy bunnywunnnies... I'm sure the NSA are REALLY concerned... Oh Wait! I mean FUNDING!!!!

    3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: I call BS on this

      Funnily enough those are also the main reasons for drone flights in the US.

      The main reason for the use of hellfire missiles remains "kittens in trees"

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's just another form of racism

    Someones been watching brass eye I see...

    I would love to see chris morris take on this one though a better quote imo would be

    Bollocks, I'm a liability! I am the Invisible Jihadi! They seek him here, they seek him there, but here's not there, he's blowing up your slag sister!

    Invisible? Right. Like the time you got on the local news for baking a Twin Towers cake and leaving it at the synagogue on 9/11?

    That is part of the plan! Hide in plain sight, you mug!

    To be fair though, we can debate the whats, the whys, the who, the wherefores etc... No point, they have the keys to the kingdom now (and have had for a long time)

    My question would be, what are they going to do with it?

  21. Tom 13

    Come on Zuck! You have a reputation for being a better bald faced liar than this:

    ...simply give the government much less data than it has requested.

    Nobody simply gives the government much less data than it requested. That's the quickest way to time in the pokey (big, small, or GITMO) there is. You have to have valid legal grounds to not provide the information when Big Sister comes knocking. Those valid legal grounds ought to be the 4th Amendment, but apparently that isn't working at the moment.

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