back to article At #guardiancoffee, we can now taste the future through a PRISM!

"Everything reactionary is the same; if you do not hit it, it will not fall. This is also like sweeping the floor; as a rule, where the broom does not reach, the dust will not vanish of itself. - Mao Tse Tung from "The Situation and Our Policy After the Victory in the War of Resistance Against Japan" (August 13, 1945), Selected …


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  1. Scott Broukell

    errrm .....

    ... does the author also contribute to The Onion ?

    1. Thecowking

      Re: errrm .....

      My dear boy, Steve Bong! is one of Britain's leading digital lights! To suggest otherwise is simply offensive.

    2. Tim Parker

      Re: errrm .....

      "... does the author also contribute to The Onion ?"

      Unless they suddenly want to hear a lot of blathering about Shoreditch, I doubt it..

    3. Hieronymus Howerd

      Re: errrm .....

      No, the Onion is funny.

    4. Not That Andrew

      Re: errrm .....

      Sadly, the only fictional thing in this article is Steve Bong #gruaniadcoffee is a real thing.

  2. Uncle Slacky

    Facts schmacts...

    You can use them to prove anything that's even remotely true!

  3. Dan Paul

    Hash tags?

    Just trying to understand but werent hash tags supposed to be persona non grata here at ElReg?

  4. adrianww

    On the one hand...

    ...the Bong! adventures do provoke the odd chuckle.

    On the other hand, they're also a bit cringe-worthy given that I've met real people who do seem to talk and think like this in all seriousness. Of course, that's always assuming that the word "think" isn't a misnomer for whatever process is going on in their vacant and echoing skulls.

    Anyway, I like to call them the "Techno Wizards And Talents". Usually abbreviated, of course...

  5. frank ly

    An interesting thing happened

    When I clicked the final link, to the review of the coffee shop, on my Asus Transformer, I managed to read the first two sentences before the browser shut down and I found myself back at the home screen. Is this an example of emergent intelligence tryng to protect me, or itself perhaps?

    1. cosymart

      Re: An interesting thing happened

      After the first 2 lines you have it all. I didn't know Asus had perfected Ai.

  6. Martin-R

    Surely someone at the Grauniad hit publish too early (late?!) on an April Fool article? This can't be for real, can it...?!

  7. bag o' spanners
    Black Helicopters

    Jemima Kiss was last seen gushing effusively and noddyshotting in the offices of Gubmint Digital Strategy/Service last week. In-depth reporting with the razor teeth of a Gummi Bear. When Francis Maude appears more likeable than the reporter, you know something's rotten in the dreamstate of Shoreditch.

  8. cortland


    How MANY quid pro quo? Where's my wallet? Oh! It's quite a few pounds lighter.

  9. Miek

    Oh dear, you seem to have improperly misspelled Grauniad!

  10. wolfmeister

    the guardian lol

    what a load of crap the guardian is. They posture all over the place about how they are the voice of educated reason, but their stasi moderators rabidly ban all but the most innocuous speech, while their rag seems to weekly evolve more and more into some cruddy 'womens-issues' nonsense as they desperatley scrabble for more daytime click-bait. The other hilarious thing about the guardian is they almost daily have some 'keen' young girl or bitter old hag, spewing forth about some injustice or other aimed at women, while if one analyses their writing team, the women ONLY get to write articles about womens health/fashion of feminist-related issues. lol

    I was banned from their rag for daring to criticise melanie phillips. I had the temerity to point out that her raving speech on QT last week consisted ironically of her forwarding the exact same deliberate mis-translation of the Iranian president's comments about israel as is used by the edl, bnp and all white power nazi groups to forward their hate agenda against Muslims.

    Oooh they didnt like that, lol.

    funniest of all to show what a bunch of sad so-and-so's they are? they published a rivetting 'article (yes, of course written by a female) on the topic of Female Wanking!! The reader comments of course ripped the article to shreds while delivering a slew of jokes, puns and double-entendres.

    apart from that there were tons of posts by people saying how much they also liked to have a good wank.

    So I commented (I thought humorously):

    "So the rumours are true then! Guardian readers ARE a bunch of wankers!"

    and this comment, posted into a discussion riddled with endless crude 'wanking' jokes... was banned, ha ha ha

    so anyways, HATRICK! I am now banned from the Guardian, Telegraph AND the Independent! lol

    time was people used to like a good joke *sigh*

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