back to article Phoenix IT group's profits turn to smoking pile of ashes

Managers at the beleaguered Phoenix IT group haven't had much luck in fiscal '13, with personnel changes, accounting woes and the flatlining economy all weighing heavily on them. The meagre fruits of their labour were laid bare yesterday. Phoenix made an underlying profit from operations of £19m in the twelve months to 31 …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh heck!

    As an an ex IBMer that was tuped accross all I can say is heck!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      Run, run, as fast as you can, most of the rest of us have had our spikes on for the past couple of months.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Always Look on the Bright Side of Life?

    C: I wish to complain about this Phoenix what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

    O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Northampton Red...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

    C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

    O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

    C: Look, matey, I know a dead Phoenix when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

    O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Northampton Red, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

    C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

    O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

    C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

    (shouting at the cage)

    'Ello, Mister Polly Phoenix! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

    O: There, he moved!

    C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

    O: I never!!

    C: Yes, you did!

    O: I never, never did anything...

    C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!

    Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

    (Takes Phoenix out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

    C: Now that's what I call a dead Phoenix.

    Next week "Down Fall"..........

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It wasn't fraud

    It was 'cash management'

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