back to article Things that cost the same as coffee with Tim Cook - and are way more fun

A coffee date with Tim Cook has sold for the whopping price of $610,000 to an anonymous bidder. The spendthrift Apple fan will get half an hour with the fruity firm's CEO, during which tête-à-tête he or she will no doubt want to ask Mr Cook why Cupertino charges 65 quid for a Macbook power charger or perhaps explore the …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Quite Cheap

    Given the price Apple charges for its products, $610,000 sounds quite cheap!

    1. LarsG

      Re: Quite Cheap

      Of course there will be extras involved........

      1. Darryl

        Re: Quite Cheap

        It'll be $810,000 if you want enough memory to actually recall the meeting

      2. I think so I am?

        Re: Quite Cheap

        Wonder if they will have to pay for the coffee

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Quite Cheap

      Will it come with a blow job or a bend over and reach around?

  2. jai

    "getting naked, beating each with leafy branches"

    each what???

    that sounds like it could be incredibly painful!!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      They forgot the vodka. Which I understand to be an important component of any successful sauna...

      1. Down not across Silver badge

        Actually usually beer. And sausage, cooked on the stones of the stove.

        1. Sweep

          And some beer sacrificed on the stones for lovely malty steam

  3. bettername

    Nah, it's probably a US congressman trying to get an audience with someone who wields new power... lobbying has changed!

  4. Charles Calthrop

    I'll bid £6.10 to have a beer with you, but you'll have to buy the pint

  5. BorkedAgain

    Isn't that about the going rate for an iBrunch?

  6. Turtle


    "So what else could you have bought? About 248,980 extra cups of coffee without Cook, according to the average price given in these stats. This works out to about two cups a day for 227 years."

    Or 20 cups a day for only 34 years.

    So not so very generous, really.

    1. Jediben

      Re: Or...

      Am I being thick here?

      248980/2 = 124490 days with coffee

      124490/365 = 341 years.

      Where does 227 come from?

      1. aawelj

        Re: Or...

        You're right. Either they mean 3 cups a day or, since it say it is 248,980 "extra" cups of coffee, perhaps you have to drink a couple of tankers' worth of coffee during the meeting.

      2. gazthejourno

        Re: Or...

        Whoops - our man meant 3 cups per day, not 2.

        At $2.45 for a cup of espresso (according to the stats link), we have:

        $610,000 / $2.45 = 248,979.59 cups of espresso. Call it 248,980 for ease of sums.

        248,980 / 3 = 82,993 (rounding up)

        82,993 / 365 = 227.37 ... so 3 cups of espresso per day for about 227 years.

        tl;dr - We cocked up, have fixed the text. Cheers.

        edit - bugger, where's my Reg staff badge gone?

        1. Don Jefe

          Re: Or...

          Maybe you were fired...

          I know people who found out they were let go when their dongle didn't open the office door anymore.

      3. csir-live

        Re: Or...

        248980/3/365.25 .. 227.22

        I guess it's buying someone who isn't Cook a coffee, and having 2 for yourself.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Or...

        I think the key is Extra cups of coffee

        Maths = @ approx. $2.45 per coffee (therefore 3 coffee a day)

        610000 /2.4 = 248979.59 cups of coffee

        divide by 3 per day = 82993 days

        divide by 365 days in a year = 227 years

        1. Jediben

          Re: Or...

          Ahhh an EXTRA 2 cups a day.

          This makes sense now. As I partake only of tea, in constant supply without breaks, the idea of a measured serving of beverage is quite alien to me!

        2. web_bod

          Re: Or...

          The price would round up - from $2.45 to $2.50, but you can only buy a full cup so, 610000/2.45 ≈ 248979

      5. sisk

        Re: Or...


        You only drink 2 cups of coffee a day? Good grief man, how have you not throttled your coworkers yet? Mine know to avoid me until I finish at least my third cup.

        1. Jediben

          Re: Or...

          No, I don't drink any coffee at all. Foul stuff.

          Tea for me, unlimited volumes!

  7. Bumpy Cat

    Browser history

    Let's hope no-one looks at the links I'm following from this article - they might get the wrong idea ...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I heard

    it was Larry Page that won it. Going to sit there laughing and pointing....

    1. ThomH

      Re: I heard

      "Haha, all our money comes from markets you don't compete in — but we hear Samsung are getting rich off phones"?

  9. micheal

    I'll put in a theory

    It was Ms Cook, so livid at never seeing her husband at breakfast since he joined Apple

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'll put in a theory


  10. Pen-y-gors

    Hmmm....I smell business opportunities

    Given how keen our government are to support small businesses so that we can save for our pensions etc, would someone (not me you underrstand) be able to get a bank loan and government export guarantees to buy a container-load of AK47s in the Niger Delta and ship them to Mexico? Even with the necessary bribes and employment of middlemen it looks like there could be a healthy profit there for someone.

    Or perhaps the City chums of our beloved leader have already got the market sewn up...

  11. Tom7

    Let's see

    44 au pair, 40 AK-47s and 2 SU-100s seems a reasonable start to a private army. With $5k to spare.

    1. hplasm

      Re: Let's see

      £5k- that could get you some iPhones for tactical comms...

      1. TomS_

        Re: Let's see

        So you want to buy tanks and guns, but no ammo?

        1. The First Dave

          Re: Let's see

          No tank in sight - a self-propelled gun is _not_ a tank.

    2. Dave Bell

      Re: Let's see

      I can think of a few examples of non-English eye-candy who would be quite comfortable with an SU-100. Those cracks about the skills of au pairs are a wee bit sexist.

      And don't forget the ammunition

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Let's see

      I think you need a crew of more than 2 for your SU-100. You will also want a backup truck with fuel, food and water, and some sort of air cover. And a few radio operators.

      Armies are, as Napoleon noted, more about logistics than guns. It's worth remembering the conversation that took place in OKH, around October 1941:

      "Heinz, the commanders are complaining that they have no cold weather uniforms."

      "Haven't they made it to Turkey yet?"

      "No, they appear to be attacking Moscow and Leningrad."


  12. Naughtyhorse

    Au-pair in a tank...

    Any mishap involving an au pair driving a tank is surely going to fall into the category of someone elses problem - to wit, to poor blokes who's cars she is trying to parallel park between.

    1. mr.K

      Re: Au-pair in a tank...

      If you paint it pink, yes.

      1. Dave Bell

        Re: Au-pair in a tank...

        A panzer that is positively pink?

        1. Sorry, "Sorry that handle is already taken" is already taken.

          Re: Au-pair in a tank...


          Well, here it is: The pink panzer.

          The rinky-dink panzer.

          And it's as plain as your nose..........

          That it's the one and only, truly original, panzer-pink-panzer from turret to track!!

          Hmm, I think I lost it a little toward the end there. :-/

          Still, I guess that's my earworm sorted for the day! :-D

  13. jason 7

    The lengths folks will go to... get their Mk1 iPod fixed!

  14. Fab De Marco

    Probably just going to gush for 30 minutes

    I doubt she will complain about the paying £65 for a charger. Anyone who has $610k to spend in half an hour probably wouldn't notice the cost of a charger.

    It's all for charity so we shouldn't really grumble. But I can't help but think Tim could have raise more if the prize was to push the button that would dunk him as a witch.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    $610K to punch someone in the face seems a bit much, but as long as they get some form of closure.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Dunno Jasp, why do HP charge £63 for theirs?

    1. Kubla Cant

      Re: Charger...

      Why does a dog lick his balls?

      Because he can.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Re: Charger...


  17. Fihart

    Coffee with Steve Jobs ?

    Of course the price would be higher -- and the temperature could be hotter.

    1. I think so I am?
      Thumb Up

      Re: Coffee with Steve Jobs ?

      How much, oh just your Soul and the souls of all your families first born from now until the end of time.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What about the tax deduction?

    This was a charity auction, and the value of the 30 with Cook is "nominal". So, basically, depending on the tax bracket and tax code of the buyer the real value of the charity contrib is likely quite a lot less than 600K. Say, maybe 400K.

    Still not a sneezable dab of cash.

    To top it off though (while we are talking money) obviously Cook is worth (before taxes) 600K+/30minutes, or over a mil per hour (rounding to cover perks you know). Or, for a year of this particular exec's time, working 10hr/day 6.5 days/week (you would too for this kind of cash!): over 3 billion per year. Please pay up fanbois. It is for the Cause.

  19. Anal Leakage

    The Reg's Apple Trolling was more effective when Anna was writing.

    1. Mr.Mischief

      "Anna"l Leakage? Is that you?

      Methinks a better nickname might help when tooting ones horn. :)

  20. gnufrontier

    Justice and human rights

    Will it be fair trade coffee ?

  21. Rusty 1

    New unit

    Is the "au-pair year" the new unit of currency?

    1. Danny 14

      Re: New unit

      IIf so then "au pair per tank" can be a unit of work done.

  22. Simon Harris


    will it be a cup of Nescafe instant...

    or that really expensive stuff that comes out of a civet's bum?

  23. Chuck Roast

    garson! coffee!

    i doubt it ends at coffee...prob get access to cook in the future (that is if nobody is murdered, as the bootnote implies) .e.g. in 2010, ted weschler paid a bunch of money ($2.6m) to eat food with warren buffett...he's now working as one of buffett's successors pulling down over $20m last year....

    1. Chuck Roast

      Re: garson! coffee!

      honestly, i didn't want to take the time to figure out the keystrokes required to generate the voiceless palatal fricative "ç" for the proper spelling of "garçon" and quite lazily, spelled it phonetically...but here i am, talking voiceless palatal fricatives...

  24. Fink-Nottle
    Paris Hilton

    If your au pairs cost $610,000

    ... then you're holding them wrong.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If your au pairs cost $610,000

      " then you're holding them wrong."

      If I had an au pair and was holding her wrong, the divorce settlement could easily end up costing $610000.

  25. asdf


    >A coffee date with Tim Cook

    Why? So you can say I sipped coffee once with a man who lasted almost 3 years as the Apple's CEO? You can say he was supposed to be the next Jobs but it turns out the only thing he shared with Jobs was the douchebaggery and not the talent.

  26. Dana W

    Don't get me wrong, I have three Macs. I love Apple. But no way, no way, not even if it was Steve Jobs back from the dead!

    Please tell me this was for a Charity............

  27. kain preacher

    For that much money I could spend 2 weeks in Vegas. :)

  28. gisabsr

    A Nissan Juke, even the 'fancy' limited edition, counts as a flash car?

    And yes, it is for charity. If I had the money and the will to spend it like this (which I don't, on both counts) I'd rather sit with someone like Tim Cook, Larry Page, Bill Gates or even Larry Ellison than some gormless footballer.

    Also, don't drink coffee. Do you reckon I'd get a discount if I asked for a nice cup of cocoa, with extra marshmallows?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Only 31 Au Pairs

    The arithmetic is off, which calls into question just how serious this article is.

  30. Magnus_Pym


    Why do these things have to be alternatives. The buyer probably has armoured au pairs, private S+M islands and as many Nissan Jukes as anyone could wish for*. Obviously what they really need is to buy some friends, even if it's only for half an hour at a time.

    * probably no more than one.

  31. Trustme

    Paying a hugely over-the top price for a half an hour in which they will struggle to find some level of compatibility due to an insufferably o'erweening arrogance.

    And when they've completed the purchase at the Apple store it's off to coffee with Cook...

  32. Ramazan

    SU-100 tanks

    SU-100 is not a tank, it's self-propelled artillery

    1. Dapprman

      Re: SU-100 tanks

      If you're going to be a pedant then get it right. it's a Self Propelled Gun, genus Tank Destroyer (and no not an assualt un - that's what the SU-122/ISU-122 was).


  33. Carlos Cruz
    Paris Hilton

    610.000 is quite a blow...

    Will it be called an iJob?

    Paris because she likes the i in the job.

  34. This post has been deleted by its author

  35. The Onymous Coward

    The Enzo article referenced in this piece was written by an utter moron. I quote: "The lower part of the dashboard is made in a way, so that the driver has space for his casual movements."

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